My Summer Vacation, Or: Brittany, Queen of the Sewers

Time in the sewers: 1 hour

Brittany was confused. She was in a dark, damp, smelly place, and she couldn't entirely remember how she got there. She was walking to Santana's house to surprise her, but then she saw a blue bunny rabbit. She started following the rabbit, then she began to wonder what blue tasted like, then she was underground. She had no idea what a bunny rabbit was doing going into a sewer.

Time in the sewers: 5 hours

Brittany was lost. She had believed she would easily be able to leave. She had tried tracing her steps, but she had never been a very good artist.

Time in the sewers: 24 hours

Brittany was hungry. She hadn't had anything to eat before getting lost, and now the hunger pains were overwhelming. She grasped firmly the brick she had found, and she eyed the rat she had been stalking for ten minutes, readying the killing blow.

Time in the sewers: 1 week

There was more than one way to kill a rat. Brittany had found five so far. She'd also learned how to build a fire. Brittany didn't understand why there was so much sewer for such a small town.

Time in the sewers: 2 weeks

Alligators! Brittany had been hunting rats when she discovered a nest of the ferocious reptiles to the north of her usual camp. As her rat roasted, Brittany stared into the fire and contemplated her next move.

Time in the sewers: 2 weeks, 2 days

Brittany: 1, Alligators: 0.

Time in the sewers: 1 months

After wrestling and killing her second alligator, she told the rest of them to head into the west. Brittany had felt sorry for them (they were kind of cute, actually). That didn't stop her from wearing a necklace made from the teeth of the alligators she had vanquished, however, or fashioning a chair from their skulls.

Time in the sewers: 6 weeks

She wasn't technically in the sewers, anymore, she didn't think. In the Southwest, she had found a door and a stairwell. Through the door she had found another world. While she had never been cramped in the sewers proper, this new complex had ceilings that towered over her head and tunnels that seemed to go on forever. It had been a week since she had begun exploring. She missed her alligator chair.

Time in the sewers: 2 months

It had just over a week since she was captured by the mole people. At first she was afraid that they were going to kill her, and consoled herself with the explanation that the only reason they didn't like her was because they were blind and couldn't see how hot she was. Eventually she was able to negotiate her release, and was granted an audience with the King. The next day he proposed, of course, but Brittany had told him that she wasn't sure about getting married at such a young age. Brittany frowned. She missed Santana.

Time in the sewers: 2 months, 2 weeks.

When the minions of the Spider Queen attacked, Brittany had defended the King ferociously. Her sword (the King had made her a sword!) blurred as she attacked in frenzy, and her blade had fed off of the screams and blood of the enemies of the Court. But one of them managed to break her necklace. Brittany swore revenge against the Spider Queen and all her servants. With tokens of martial might and magical ability bestowed upon her by the King and the priests, she set out.

Time in the sewers: 3 months

She could see the light at the end of the tunnel. She was almost out.

After a two day hike through the Bleeding Hills, she had come upon the fortress of the Spider Queen. It had taken three days to quietly sneak and kill her way into the building, and the resulting battle with the primordial Spider lasted another three. Finally the bitch lay dead, and she trudged back to the mole people. The King declared that she was to be rewarded with any boon she could imagine; Brittany responded that she simply wished for one of his subjects to lead her out of the sewers. When asked if she were sure, Brittany had declared, "School will be starting up soon. And Santana will worry if I'm not there."

Time out of the sewers: 1 hour

She knocked on Santana's door. She had showered, stowed her sword and various alligator-related trinkets in the closet at her home, traded her rags for some real clothes, and immediately headed for Santana's house. Santana opened the door, smiling brightly, and exclaimed, "Brit, you're back!"

Brittany smiled in return, a feeling of warmth suffusing her body, and replied, "Yup. Let me tell you, I had a crazy…" Brittany trailed off, and cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Did you get a boob job?"

The End