Learning to socialize
Sum-up: Leon is a withdrawn university student much more at ease with computers than with human beings. When he decides to meet in real life a man he had been speaking to for months on the Internet, Leon will have to decide whether he wants to stay alone all his life or leave the safety and loneliness of his shell. CloudXLeon, yaoi.
AN and warnings: This story will be... without much of a plot... I think we can call it a PWP really... it contains an explicit sex scene between men (Cloud seme), will be fluffy so OOC because we're talking about Cloud and Squall here, a little angtsy, because we're still talking about Squall here, contains a little mention of FF8 because I'm making a very abstract reminiscence of Squall's past using Ellone, and will probably only interest the CloudXLeon fans that are desperate to read another story about them. At least I hope it will interest them. This story had no been beta because I couldn't find one so if you're ever interested in correcting my awful english that I'm trying to improve, I would be extremely grateful ^^
I also have a current obsession for online romance. Whatever.
Fenrir says :
So... it's decided then? We're going to meet each other?
I have been talking to that guy (I suppose) for seven months already. I remember this because it was around Christmas. I had nothing else to do than go and play on some game online. That is how I met him (or her). Neither of us were regular players and instead of playing, we kept talking all night and kept in touch after that first meeting. We never gave any personal details about us during our conversations. Despite that, it was really nice talking to him. So easy even... I never spoke so much and so easily with anyone else.
Griever says :
Why not...
I was not sure if I really wanted to. Things in reality tended to be far more difficult to handle for me. He seemed to catch on my hesitation.
Fenrir says :
You don't seem convinced?
I shrugged in front of my computer, knowing he could not see me.
Griever says :
I don't know really. I kinda like what we have
Fenrir says :
But aren't u curious?
Yes. Yes I was. Really curious. I do not know how many times I let myself wonder what he was like. I suppose he was a he, even though I am pretty sure about it. The job, the personnality, the habits... I did not know about any of them.
Griever says :
Yes, I am. I'm really curious about what you're like irl.
Fenrir says :
Then I suggest we meet. How bad could that be? It's clear we appreciate each other, at least it's clear to me. Just imagine in real life, what we have could be so much more...
The smiley he inserted at the end was a smiley wiggling his eyebrows. I was kind of worried about that : liking someone romantically was not as easy as he makes it sound like, at least not for me. I have already a hard time making friends, just imagine a boyfriend !
The dumbass does not even know what I look like and unless he is bisexual, my gender might cause a problem. How could he express the desire for us to be 'something more' when he never saw me ? I do not know how he was imagining me but I feel like he is getting his hopes up. After all, our discussions were always nice but I am just me. Nothing like the ideal boyfriend.
Griever says :
We know nothing about each other
Fenrir says :
Let's begin now then?
I blinked at the screen.
Griever says :
You want to...
Fenrir says :
Give the personal details. The real details. We know a great deal of each other personality already, why stop now ?
I sighed deeply, reflecting on what he just said. It seemed logical to give real details of each other if we are going to meet but we just avoided those for so long...
Griever says :
Okay... begin
Fenrir says :
Even though I'm pretty sure about it...you're a nice girl with big tits working as a nurse? It would suit what I gathered about you until now anyway
The moron...
Griever says :
Go on like this and I'll be sure to meet you irl just to beat the crap out of you.
Fenrir says :
Hehe alright alright... name gender and age?
Griever says :
Leon, 18, male
Here. I said it. Damn...
Fenrir says :
Holy fuck! You sound so much more mature. You're just a wittle baby, aren't u?
Hmph...
Griever says :
You?
Fenrir says :
24, male and I'll tell you my name later.
Great... I already got pwned on this one. At least I only told him my nickname. Well take that anyway !
Griever says :
Funny, I would have given you 12
Fenrir says :
Jerk. I suppose you're a high school student then? Or first year at univeristy?
Griever says :
No. I'm in my second year of computer programming.
Fenrir says :
Already? I suppose you're pretty smart. You're gonna make websites and things like that?
Griever says :
Things like that I suppose...
Fenrir says :
Why did you choose that?
Why did I choose that professional path? Good question... I'm not really sure of the answer myself...
Griever says :
Because I had to choose something. Because programing is what I'm best at and also because it's much easier to deal with machines than human beings.
Fenrir says :
Wow, asocial much?
Griever says :
Very...
Fenrir says :
I'm not that social either. I wasn't at all before beginning work. After that, I had to meet all kind of people all the time. You get used to it after a while.
Griever says :
What's your job?
I was really wondering what he was doing and here the answer would come in a second. I was holding my breath, eyes staring at the place where the answer would pop out.
Fenrir says :
I'm a model.
O. Kaaay. I was waiting for everything but that.
Griever says :
Seriously? Like... those guys posing for a photoshoot of some magazines?
Fenrir says :
Yep.
Griever says :
Woah. What kind of photos?
Fenrir says :
My first one was an add for some perfume. After that, I kept getting shots for clothes and other things alike. It's not a field I'm fond of but it pays well.
Griever says :
So...you're some kind of really pretty boy?
Fenrir says :
Well... I suppose you could say that but I don't really like being called "pretty". I'm not the efeminate kind of guy. Not much...
Griever says :
Are you famous? Is there a high chance that I've seen you already?
Fenrir says :
Hmm... I'm not that famous but... kinda. There might be a chance that you saw me since one of my first campaign was quite widespread in Radiant Garden and I recently played in a movie.
Damn, he was either making fun of me or he was the perfect guy able to do all those kind of things that no human being could do. An actor, too?
Griever says :
So...you're telling me you made a professional first photoshoot that was such a great success that you were asked to do a lot more afterwards even though you were inexperienced and you also had a role in a movie?
Fenrir says :
Looks pretty good so far, huh?
Griever says :
You're messing with me...
Fenrir says :
No. But it doesn't matter if you don't believe me now. You might believe me later when we meet. And if you don't recognize me from anywhere it's even better. Celebrity is a pain sometimes.
I tried very hard to remember any kind of advertisement for perfume or anything but I did not know who to look for so I guess it was rather hard to find him. I never read those kind of magazines anyway...
Since I did not know if I should believe him or not, I decided to ask him about other things.
Griever says :
A 24-year-old male model kinda but not really famous recently turned actor. What's your hobbies then? Any huge project you have for later in life?
Fenrir says :
Since my job is kind of unstable because the popularity can just stop anyday, I keep money aside to build my own delivery service. My hobby? Mecanics
Interesting...
Griever says :
Why mecanics?
Fenrir says :
I have a bike. A real monster that I love. By the way, the pseudonym is her name.
Griever says :
You have a bike that you named Fenrir?
Fenrir says :
Yep. And I learnt to keep it in shape myself because I don't like the idea of someone else touching my baby.
Griever says :
Kinda like me and my computer then...
Fenrir says :
lol I suppose mister geek. What about u, Leon?
Griever says :
I don't have a special hobby... I work most of the time. When I have free time I'm just messing around...
It is pretty pathetic when I think about it but it is true : there is nothing I do in life with a particular pleasure. The way I see it, it is all a matter of obligations and duty. Work hard in order to be less miserable than those who do not. Work in order to gain some more little liberties. There is nothing thrilling about that life...
Fenrir says :
I think I'm learning a little more about you: you're the very serious teen, right?
Very serious... ?
Fenrir says :
It would explain why I thought you were so much older. You don't really know how to have fun, you're bored most of the time, you know no one that managed to catch your interest
I was frowning at my flat screen. I did not really like being analysed like that mostly if it were true. He was right and yet I never met him...
Griever says :
Okay Dr Freud, anything else you wish to add?
Fenrir says :
Yes, actually. You're angry that I managed to catch those little details about you because they're true and you're angry because you're a very private person. You're distant with your closest friends and I'm sure people see you as cold because you don't know how to deal with them. Most of the time it's because you don't even want to.
Griever says :
Are you sure you're not a shrink instead of a model?
Fenrir says :
I'm a man of many talents ^^
Griever says :
You do realize the one before the last question was rethorical?
Fenrir says :
What I don't want to aknowledge I just ignore. Was my diagnosis right?
Griever says :
Whatever...
Hell if I ever admit it.
Fenrir says :
Can I ask you a personal question?
Griever says :
That's what we were doing
I'm past caring...
Fenrir says :
Your sexual orientation?
Here we go...
Griever says :
Why would you want to know that?
Fenrir says :
Because I need to know. Just answer the question and don't lie.
He needs to know ? Whatever... Not that I care.
Griever says :
I'm gay...is that a problem?
Fenrir says :
Quite the contrary my dear
It was that smiley wiggling its eyebrows again.
Fenrir says :
Well then, I'm not working nowadays so state a place and date?
Ah yes... the real rendez-vous. I forgot...
Griever says :
I don't know...
Fenrir says :
Come on... I can barely wait. I really want to meet you. I'm curious to see how you look like.
Griever says :
Why is that?
Fenrir says :
*sigh*
He was sighing at me that bastard!
Fenrir says :
Okay. I'm not usually that straightforward or eager but let's lay our cards on the table. I have a feeling we could get on well together. As in... really well. I never talked with someone as long as I did with you. All your qualities and defauts I gathered about you appealed to me. You caught my interest like no one before. I even had to learn how to use a freaking computer just to talk to you.
Damn I never thought he would want a real relationship. A romantic one at that.
Griever says :
Don't you think you're running faster than your legs can carry you ? You only got to know a little part of me. Maybe after seeing me for an hour you'll get tired of me because of a detail you weren't able to notice until now. I'll tell you right away: I'm not into the easy relationships that don't mean a thing and which can break as easily as glass.
Fenrir says :
I wouldn't have thought otherwise from you. And you're right, I'm going too quickly but that's why I want to meet you. To see if it can actually become something real. I want the situation to change. I'm not the friendly kind of guy but it's been a while that I haven't been in a relationship and I want to see if it could be with you. One night stands aren't satisfying after a while...
That was really straightforward but at least he was being honest. I had to keep reminding myself that he might be messing with me, what with the model/actor thing and all. He did not even give me his name.
I would feel really stupid if that was the case but keeping a joke for seven months ? Why would someone do that ? Except for a crazy killer or something but they usually don't go for the cold and distant aloof kind of victims...
Griever says :
You shouldn't get your hopes up with me then. If you're really a model, you're out of my reach.
Fenrir says :
It doesn't mean anything. And I'm tired of only seeing the gorgeous guys. I thought it was important before but now... I feel like I don't really care what you would look like.
Is he lying or is this guy tired of his life as a celebrity ? He is just looking for an escape. That must be it.
Griever says :
You say that now, but when you'll be in front of me you'll think back to those gorgeous guys and after all you'll realise it did have a great importance
Fenrir says :
Do you think I'm that shallow?
Griever says :
I think you're a human being and it's only natural to want someone suitted to you.
Fenrir says :
It's my place to decide if you're suitted to me or not.
I did not say anything after that. Maybe it is up to him to decide but I know he will get disappointed when he sees me and disappointing people I care for is something I cannot stand.
Fenrir says :
How do you look like anyway ? Tell me some details !
Because deep down I know I wish that what we took so long to build up those seven last months...
Griever says :
The oh so boring and so widespread brown hair with some drab blue eyes and let's not forget the little detail of me being disfigured.
...would become something real, too.
Fenrir says :
Disfigured?
Griever says :
I have big ass scar between my eyes. That should be recognizable enough
Fenrir says :
I would be a real dumbass to let that kind of detail stop me from courting you
But it never works that way, does it ?
Griever says :
Courting? Who do you think I am ? A lady from Dr. Quinn ?
Fenrir says :
Lol. No. I'd rather you being a man, believe me ;)
Does it?
Fenrir says :
Second year of computer programming at Radient Garden, it means you're at that school near the Bailey. I'll wait for you on Friday at 8, at the Seventh Heaven. Don't be late, Leon.
I woke to the sound of the radio turning on. I let my eyes get used to the sun's rays filtering from the half open curtains. I rubbed my forehead and eyes to accelerate the process. After some seconds of my neurones connecting, I remembered that today was friday.
Finally.
The last time I talked to him was tuesday night. I did not log on after that because I was afraid he would cancel our first meeting. I really did not want that. That guy had managed to make me actually enjoy a conversation so much that I was looking forward to it almost everyday and he seemed to do it naturally too. He was not trying so hard, I had the feeling he was just being himself.
Leon...
Leon and his forwardness. He could hurt people without even knowing to by being that frank. Leon and his cynical sense of humour. That is one thing I love the most in him. Leon and his rather pessimistic view of life. I wonder if he had lived some hard moments in life or if he was just a smart teen thinking too much.
I was going to meet Leon in some hours and I was feeling quite thrilled at the idea. I know he will not look anything like Reno, Zack or Seph but it did not matter. His personality, his wits... I wanted to enjoy his company for him and I wanted that feeling to be mutual. He never knew I was famous until tuesday night which means he kept talking to me for me. It was a refreshing feeling.
I stood up, went to put on some dirty clothes stained with oil and all kind of indelible substance before grabbing something to eat quickly. I would work at Cid's for some time before I needed to get prepared. I would not be able to do anything else but mecanics until tonight. I was far too eager.
Even though I managed to think of nothing while fixing the motor engine of an old car, I kept glancing at the clock regularly to see the time flowing slowly but surely and after the long wait, it was time already.
"Hey Cid, I will finish that another time, okay? Have to go" I told the ex-pilote.
"Ya better put everything in place before getting the hell away punk!" he answered with affection.
I made sure to put every little screw in the right box before washing my hands and leaving. I went back to my flat where I dropped my clothes on the floor like a sloughed skin and I got directly under the first cold but then cool spray of water. I washed myself thoroughly, making sure to be extra clean for Leon and I left the shower, leaving myself to dry while choosing some clothes.
I might be modeling for the most famous dress designers but I never took very long in dressing when I went out. This time I thought a little more about it though. I was wondering what Leon would be like. Did he have a particular style ? Emo kind ? Rock kind ? Punk ? Gothic ? Skater like ? No, he was a geek so he was probably dressing like a loser. Hmph, not that I care for the clothes but I was still wondering what he would like to see on me.
I put an outfit I like and in which I felt comfortable in. A sleevless turtleneck that could be zipped up on the front and a pair of black pants that were fitting without being tight.
After I was dressed I dried my hair a little, rubbing it with a towel and I quickly brushed that indomitable mass of spikes. It took its natural form by itself and I was happy to see there were no tuft of hair anywhere.
I put on some cologne on my neck and behind my ears as a final touch. I put on my gloves, closed the door behind me and I jumped on Fenrir. I wore sunglasses to avoid being disturbed too much by some fans who could recognize me and then I was riding for the Seventh Heaven.
8:18...
And he told me not to be late.
The bastard.
I was sitting at the Seventh Heaven, a bar more or less well frequented but the... boss seemed to control everything with an iron hand. Her name tag indicated the simple name of Tifa. All sweet and smile until I saw her throwing two guys, one in each hand, out of the bar. No fight tonight, she had said.
There were times where I remember why I am gay.
When I first came in, I was looking around for a super pretty boy somewhere, a face I might recognize but nothing in sight. Let's say there was a lot of people too and I was not used to the crowd. That Tifa girl asked what I wanted to drink and even tried to chat with me a little. She did not know my face and most of her customers were regulars. I told her I was waiting for someone and the conversation stopped there.
Absently I was watching her walking behind her bar, directly towards someone hidden in a corner. I saw the guy raising his head a little to hear her but I could not see his face, just some spikes of blond hair.
I looked back at my limonade and took a sip before hearing the jingle of the door, the bells shaking violently. My head turned so quickly I surprised myself : was I so eager to meet him ? Well duh...
The guy who entered was nothing like a model and had a girl on his arm so I suppose it was not him...
I hung my head low. I was feeling disappointed : he was not coming. It had all been a joke after all. Maybe the so-called model was here and looking at me while making fun of me. Maybe it was the guy at the table with all his friends laughing like crazy at seemingly nothing in particular. I do not know what came over me, I should never have trusted a human being.
"Waiting for someone ?" a calm and deep voice on my right said.
I looked up to see who talked to me and then I just stared because I did not know what to think.
Standing next to me was a young man so incredibly handsome I could not believe I had missed him before. His hair was very spiky and if I was not mistaken, it was natural. Weird. His face was just the perfect picture of the pretty boy and his body from what I could gather was simply hot. His naked arms were showing hard muscles and I could see a bit of his collarbone, the turtleneck not zipped completely on the top. He had an earing on his left ear representing a wolf's head, I do not know really why but I thought it suitted him.
The thing that put my brain on zero activity though was his eyes. They were blue but not the typical blue eyes. There should be a special name for that type of blue. It was a blue so pure and just so blue it seemed like they were glowing.
I do not know how long I had been staring but when I snapped out of it I was thinking for something to say and I just did not know what. I would have said his name, as a half-question, to make sure it was him but I did not even know his name.
He seemed to have been analysing me too anyway since he did not show any sign of impatience and his incredibly blue eyes just pierced through my entire body. I had put on some black pants, neither really baggy nor tight-fitting, just a really comfortable pair and a short sleeved jacket on top of my white wife-beater. It was hot after all but I just did not like to go out in a simple t-shirt.
I was beginning to feel uneasy. That was the moment I did not want to happen. I was happy to have seen him, his eyes, his half-smirk, his sexy voice but I wish he could not see me. I was far from being a model after all.
He seemed to be finished with just looking at me when he slowly put a gloved hand under my chin, thumb caressing my cheek. I think I was too dumbstruck to react. Hello ? Personal space ?
"So... that's what you call... disfigured, Leon ?" he brushed some bangs from my eyes with his other hand, the one under my chin keeping my head up.
So that was really him. Fenrir. Or whatever his name is. It was time for me to really snap out of it and to get my speech back, as limited as it ever was.
I frowned at him, staring at his eyes unwaveringly. "You're late." I told him seriously.
He threw his head back and laughed sincerely, blue eyes sparkling, his hands left my face and he sat on the high stool next to me.
"In fact, I was here early. I just wanted to see you first and watch you for a while" he gave a smile as a thanks when Tifa brought his beer in front of him. "but I didn't see you so I thought you wouldn't come." he looked back at me with a teasing smile. "You know... since the only sign of reconnaissance I had was 'the big ass scar between my eyes' as you said, hunging your head low with your hair covering your face didn't really help me."
Whatever...
"Luckily, Tifa was here to help. I was looking for either a larva kind of guy with his laptop or a fat teen dressed with jeans. That's why, when I saw that hot young man dressed in leather coming in, I didn't give more attention than that." he took a gulp of his beer and I found myself watching his lips reddening at the contact of the liquid. I could taste the moisture on them. He was looking at me from the corner of his beautiful eyes, an air in them telling me he could read my thoughts.
I quickly looked back at my glass, bubbles going up, ice cubes swinging gently. Like I would lose control like that ! I suddenly rememembered something that could lead to another topic of conversation.
"Advent Children ?" I asked softly, not wanting to create a riot or anything.
He laughed again, that short and sincere laugh that could make me smile.
"Yeah, you saw it then ? How did you find it ?"
Hell, yeah I saw it. That movie was really great. I watched a lot of movies in my free time. I can be lazy sometimes and I actually like to relax in front of a good movie. Of course, there are not a lot of movies I will find really good. There are the suck arse types of movies that I avoid as much as possible, there are the enjoyable enough just to pass time that you see once in your life and the very good ones that I sometimes buy because I like to see them several times. Advent Children was one of them.
"It was good. You play the emo guy perfectly well by the way" I told him, teasing.
He chuckled. "It wasn't really an act at the time. People said I used to look depressed or angry most of the time. I suppose it's the natural expression of my face."
I turned my head discreetely, looking at his face more closely. He seemed relaxed right now, and I heard him laugh thrice. I could not imagine his face in an angry scowl right now.
"I think your face looks just fine like that..."
I wondered why the fuck I felt compelled to actually tell him that but I did and even though I whispered, he heard.
He put his beer back on the table and smiled at me, a different smile than earlier. This one was rather seductive, I think...
"Why... thanks"
I could not look up at him but I could feel his eyes on me. I squeezed the glass of lemonade between my hands more tightly and I kept my head low. I really, really, needed more experience in the social field.
"How about... I take you somewhere else ?" He asked with an innocent air.
It, of course, made me raise my head up in suspicion.
"Where ?"
"A nice place. Unless you have somewhere in mind you want to go to ?"
Except for my place and my school... I had no place I really knew enough to want to go to.
"No..."
"Then let's go" he said while standing up. I put out some pieces from my pocket to pay for the drink but he quickly put his hand over mine.
"It's on me." he whispered, really close to my ear. "Hey Tifa ! On my tab !"
"Got it !" Tifa answered, shaking a drink.
I felt his arm loosingly wrap itself around my waist to lead me towards the exit. He probably thought I could not walk on my own or something.
"Meet my baby. Be polite and say hi" he said once we were outside at the car park. We were standing in front of a huge bike, all sleek and silver. A real beauty.
"Hello Fenrir. Nice meeting you" I told the bike. I saw Cloud grinning at me and sat himself on his bike, glasses around his neck.
"Come on, behind me." he made a sign with his head behind him and I came nearer. I was kind of weary about riding a bike. I never rid one before.
He started the engine when I sat on Fenrir, trying to put myself as comfortably as I could and then they were my hands. I sighed mentally. It meant human contact...
I heard blondie chuckle. "Like that" he said while taking my left hand and putting it around his waist himself. I kept my right hand behind though. I had something I wanted to know first.
"You still didn't tell me your name..."
He turned his head towards me and I saw his perfect profile, his cute little nose and fine straight jaw.
He was a real piece of art.
"It's Cloud. Cloud Strife."
Cloud Strife...
"Nice meeting you, too" I told him while offering my right hand over his left shoulder.
The idea was him shaking it, while responding with a "likewise" or "the pleasure is mine" or any other prepared etiquette sentences but that dumbass did not take my hand for a shaking.
No.
He wrapped his hand around my fingers except for the thumb and brought my hand to his mouth where he landed a fluttering kiss.
It never happened before but my mouth was actually open at the stupid affection display. He just smirked at me.
"I'm supposed to court you, remember."
I jerked my hand back and hit him behind the head. That would teach him !
Cloud laughed, a laugh I realized with even more anger I was quickly growing fond of and then he took off, the speed surprising me and I squeezed my arms tighter.
I knew he was smiling.
I could not believe what a fine piece of arse I just dug up for myself but damn what a treasure ! Leon was definitely not your average teenager, physically speaking anyway. On the very first glance, he looks older than 18. All tough with the black clothes and the 'fuck off' aura he emits. After a while of intense analysing though, I could see his features for what they really were : still soft and a little undefined. Very youthful. They would harden with age. For now his long chocolate bangs were covering his pretty blue eyes and that strange scar. I was wondering where he got it. It was a cut wound and I asked myself if it was an accident or if someone did it ?
If it was intentional, I hoped he get the bastard back.
I drove carefully, remembering that he did not have any helmet and I relished in the feeling of his arms tightly wrapped around my waist.
We arrived around twenty minutes later at my favourite nightclub. People knew me there and I could have the VIP room for myself.
I parked Fenrir just behind the nightclub and told one of the security guard on patrol to keep an eye on it. It was not the best frequented area.
I looked back at Leon to see him looking around. His head was raised up and the luminous pink neon was coloring his face nicely. It was like the old proverb that said the filthiest the swamp, the prettiest the lotus, or something like that. Leon, even in the middle of that dirty exterior and filthy light looked delectable.
"Follow me" I told him softly. He seemed to snap out of his thought about the place and looked back at me. I went to the front door, not bothering to wait in line of course and the bouncer nodded at me in greetings.
"Hey Rude, how are ya ?" I asked him with a smile. He always were a man few words.
"That's Leon, a friend of mine." I told him while gesturing to the gorgeous teen behind me. I was lucky Leon seemed a little more than his age at first glance, though Rude had a creepy sense of observation. Even though, he would let me bring him in. I am me after all.
Rude nodded again and put himself on the side to let us pass with respect. I liked that feeling. I feel all superior now and I could show off in front of Leon. Being a model can be a real chore sometimes but I definitely like the privileges.
We walked across a seedy corridor with dirty green paint peeling off the walls. The music was muffled by the walls but we could still hear it clearly. I could not help but glance at Leon to see the expression on his face. I wanted to know if he were used to that kind of place. He had none at first glance but I could feel that he was not feeling particularly at ease. He was not used to getting out, I supposed it included clubbing. He did not have that guarded expression like in the Seventh Heaven where he looked more bored and passive than here.
Still he was following me silently, his steps in mine, trusting me. I smiled at that thought.
Instead of going inside to join the ever growing mass of bodies that were quickly filling in the nightclub, I turned left across a small and darker corridor that lead to a door, guarded by another security guard. He seemed restless, smoking a cigarette with his knee bouncing in rythm with the music.
"Hello Reno"
Said Reno looked up and the only thing preventing him from grinning too much was the cigarette trapped between his lips.
"Hey, Cloud ! It's been a while yo !" He told me joyously. He half-patted half-punched by shoulder in greetings. He must have been bored out of his mind to stay alone on guard duty in front of a barely used door.
"Staying here for long ?" I asked him. If they let Reno here too long he will just make a hole in the wall or burst from the inside from lack of movement.
"Naah, Rufus is doing his little business up there but he's not here for long. 'Has a business appointment later on."
"I see... would you tell him I'm coming up ? So that he might get himself decent..." I half smirked : it's not like Rufus was ashamed of anything. Neither was I.
"Sure thing" Reno took his phone out.
"Hey Boss, Strife is here."
After some seconds Reno hung up and after taking another drag from his cigarette, he seemed to notice Leon's silent presence.
"Who's your friend ?"
I put myself on the side a little. I wonder if Leon made it on purpose to stay just behind me in order to hide ?
"That's Leon. A student in computer programming."
"Hmm..." Reno took a step closer and stared at Leon's face. Leon frowned slightly at the obvious analysing of his face by that stranger and stared back. His behaviour was like one of a wild animal. Always wary of any physical intrusion. He was like, as weird as it sounded, a female protecting her babies. He tried to look scary to hide his fragility.
"You take them young now, yo ?"
I chuckled at Reno's comment. "Can you blame me ?" I asked him.
"Yeah well, the hottie and yourself can get your arses up there now."
"Thanks Reno, see ya around." I opened the door and I heard Leon following behind me. We climbed up the spiral staircase until coming up to another door. I knocked on it and was right away opened.
We came inside a luxurious room. It was the VIP room of the nightclub. It had a deep red carpeted floor with the walls a shade darker, huge photos of erotic art and other decorative items I barely took notice of. A full size mirror covered half a side wall. There were a gigantic window with a view of the dancefloor, brightly colored lights moving everywhere with numerous bodies dancing on the same beat. The window was tinted so that people outside could not see the interior of that room. There were also a bar, elegant vernished mahogany wood with a large choice of different beverage. In the middle of the room was a thing I did o't know the name of. It was a mix between a couch and a bed. The back was there but your legs could stretch since the surface were you usually sat on was so long. I liked that thing : it was so much easier to have sex on it.
There was also a regular couch in front of it, where Rufus was currently seated, a nearly naked woman on his side, another one doing a strip-tease on the low table.
Good old Rufus...
I noticed the one that opened the door had been Tseng, just posted behind the door and Elena on the other side. Loyal bodyguards of the director of the nightclub, Rufus.
"Good evening, Director" I told him.
"Cloud, it's been a while since you came here. How have you been?" He asked me pleasantly.
"Nowhere really, quite busy with work" I told him vaguely.
"I see you made a new friend."
I turned back to look at Leon who kept his face guarded and seemed a little miffed. I wonder if he was tired of everyone talking about him as if he were not here. I also noticed that he avoided looking at the girl currently making more than suggestive motions on that low table. I could smile at that. I bet he is shy as hell.
"Yes, that's Leon, I wanted to bring him to a nice place to spend the evening." and the night, I added mentally.
"Of course. You'll have the room for yourself. I'm afraid I have to go now. Business, you know..." he told me while standing and caressing the naked back of the strip-teaser.
"I'm sure..." I answered simply. Will they go already? I could feel Leon getting very uneasy and I did not need that.
"Well Cloud, see ya around. Enjoy your night" he said smirking as he left, bringing with him his two whores and bodyguards.
When the door closed, I locked it. There should not be any people coming up with Rufus gone but I'm not taking any risk.
"Make yourself comfortable Leon. We're alone now." I walked towards the bar and prepared myself something to drink. I made something for Leon of course, a little alcohol to make him loosen up would not hurt.
I watched him seating on the thing that looked like half unfolded couch-made-bed and he was trying not to put his shoes on it. I could not help but laugh. He looked up at me and almost glared.
"What ?" he asked, his voice clipped. He was not at ease here. Was not at all.
"You're so well-mannered Leon. Just take your shoes off." I was smiling at him. He makes me smile so easily. So often in my bed with my laptop on, I would smile at his electronic answers.
Leon did as I said, he took off his shoes and put himself on the sofa, testing the softness as if he were afraid the thing would fold on him to trap him. I left the bar with two drinks, giving one to him and putting mine on the low table. I took off my shoes too and sat myself while taking much more space than Leon did. I kept myself very near him though and he could not put more space between us or else he would fall from the couch.
I made a light contact with our glasses and I began to drink slowly. I saw Leon sniffing the drink first, wondering what it was probably, and taking a sip wearily. I smiled again when I saw him crunching his nose in distate when he muttered like a child "It's not good..."
I chuckled while he stretched his arm and let his drink on the low table, not going to drink it at all.
"You want something else? What would you like?"
"A soda" he told me simply.
"You don't drink?" I lift my eyebrow a little. Was Leon a man with high morals ?
"I don't really like alcohol." he answered. He was not looking at me. His face was always slightly bent down and his long locks were covering most of his face. It made me want to see his eyes so much more.
"I'll get you a soda then"
I made my way back to the bar and brought him a sprite. He had scooted a little more over the middle of the couch, probably weary of being at the edge of it. I sat down again and I let him drink a little, letting the silence fall comfortably around us. I wanted him to get used to being in his private bubble again, with me inside of course.
I saw him looking outside the window, music still blaring outside the room. I felt him relax a little on the couch, my presence almost forgotten. I would not stay forgotten for long...
I should have known that kind of job lead to that kind of acquaintances and ways to have fun. I mean, I never saw a real strip-teaser in that kind of context. Damn it was so cliché to see those scenes in a movie but me ? Living it ? No... I would have laughed at the guy telling me I would.
I felt better now that it was just Cloud and I. I still felt out of place here. Luckily we were in a VIP room because I would not have stand it being there. I drank my sprite with spirit, I had been quite thirsty and I finished it quickly. After a while of being lost in my thoughts I looked back up to Cloud, finally feeling his gaze on me.
Huh... had he been staring at me that whole time ?
I stared back at him, not knowing what to say at first and then forgetting to actually say something when I saw the look in his eyes. A heavy look, meaningful of something but I did not know what.
"What with that look?" I only realized after pronouncing the words that I had actually said them aloud.
"I'm jealous of that bottle. Your lips were around it."
The fact that he said it with a smirk but still looking serious and sincere was disturbing. What am I supposed to answer to that? It was the kind of statements where you had nothing to say back that made the conversation stop and that was annoying as hell. People have to make an effort if they wanted to talk to me. If they said that kind of stupid sentences, I would feel dumb, not answer and then the conversation would be over and I was not one to begin conversations.
What was even more stupid is that I did not dare drinking off the bottle anymore.
I had been staring at the bottle, frowning at it when he chuckled lowly. The noise was oddly reassuring, like I could trust him with a laugh that honest.
"Don't feel uncomfortable, Leon." He told me while putting his glass on the low table next to us. The action made him bent over me a little, his arm encircling my middle for some seconds. I stared at his arm, well muscled, following with my eyes a long vein that was standing out slightly, flowing down the path and joining others to the back of his hand that wasn't wearing a glove anymore. His skin had a very slight tan, a golden hue that made me want to bite it. I tried not to show outwardly that I was disturbed by my own thoughts.
I waited patiently, because I really could not do anything else really, for him to put his arm back but the movement allowed him to move closer to me still. Now, I could clearly feel his body almost glued to my side. It was not glued, really, but it was touching and for me that was bad enough.
"Do I make you uncomfortable ?" He asked again, tone of voice void of worry, just curious. He smelled of cologne and the arm I had been staring at some seconds earlier had not retracted completely : his hand was now loosely hanging over my side, near my bellybutton, which was something no one was allowed to touch because, I still do not know why, I go crazy when someone touches my bellybutton.
So yes, yes I was kinda uncomfortable but I was not about to admit that. No pretty boy will ever break my amazing attitude.
"No. Why would I feel like that ?" I shot back. I was annoyed when I heard my own voice. It seemed weak, like I did not want to make too much noise.
"Oh, for no reason..." he trailed off and bent himself even closer to me, if it were possible. Unconsciously, I realized that I was bending myself on the other side to escape him. It would be laughable if I were not the one avoiding a man my age like a flustered virgin on her wedding night. I just stopped thinking when I heard him inhale my hair. He was not even trying to do it discreetely.
"What are you doing ?" I tried to sound a little indignant, attempting as much as I could to make him stand back a little. My back was beginning to get sore, bending like that.
Of course, my attempt were not really successful...
"You smell slightly like... orange blossom..." Once again, Cloud said it with a disarming honesty.
Hmm... orange blossom. It was in my opinion more culinary than anything else, for a smell. So is it supposed to be feminine, masculine or a mixt kind of smell on someone ? Here it goes, another stupid statement that I cannot respond to.
"Huh... if you say so..."
"It makes me want... to eat you.."
Hugh... Does this guy have no shame at all ?
I could not move as I felt his nose beginning to smell my face and neck and then his mouth began to trail kisses over me. I let him do it, I am not sure why. I did not know if I wanted this either. I think, if I were true to myself, that I did not want it to happen like that, in a place like that (though I did not really care about the place) I think I wanted to know more about him at first. What kind of guy he was in reality. To talk... a bit more... I felt rather used like that. Like a stupid girl getting cheated by a horny boy and feeling like a girl did not really help my virility at the moment. It was... pretty obvious who would be on top.
The question was : why, if I feel that way, am I letting him do this ? I was confident enough to say no if I wanted to so what was stopping me ? I could not say no and I did not even know why. There were high chances that he was only looking to get laid and that I would get soon discarded. No matter what he told me last time on the Internet, I really had my doubts about a serious relationship beginning like that. Moreover, I was still a virgin. He will get disappointed and probably will not even try to do it again seeing that I will suck and not literally.
Despite my trail of thoughts, his kisses were beginning to warm me up. I felt the need to take off my vest but I would not do it. I would look eager or willing. I was curious to see, since I was not responding, if he would stop and ask me if I wanted that.
In some point in time, his hands began to explore too, still touching the clothes and not directly the skin, they were caressing the upper part of my body, sometimes stopping at a place, holding and squeezing. I felt like I was held firmly in place with no possibility of changing my position and strangely, I liked the feeling.
Truth be told, I was scared. Scared of being taken in something I was not ready for, something I would regret and scared of discovering things about me that I was never aware of. His strong hands on me and his demanding kisses were a real turn on. I never felt like that towards anyone. I only knew I was attracted to boys as soon as I hit puberty and the subject was brought up by the youth around me but I would have never guessed that I would love to feel dominated that way. Most of the time, I like taking my own decisions, I am annoyed at obeying some authority I do not necessarily approve of, I even sometimes do the contrary of what someone told me just to spite them. I do not take shit from anyone and I am independant and free spirited.
Obviously, I am not at all like my normal self when it comes to sex.
The lips that were both light and hot were replaced by something wet and even hotter. Cloud was sucking on my neck now and it was driving me crazy. I always thought those kind of kisses would annoy me. Obviously not.
My breathing had increased and my hands were holding Cloud's turtleneck. I needed to hold on something. I was feeling so out of control it was both exciting and frightening.
"Leon..."
The way he had been breathing in my ear made me lose all previous thoughts about me doing it right here or not. I would take what I could get and that would be it. I would regret that funny guy I had talked to for months on end. I would regret the probably bitter feeling of being used like that even though I knew it would happen that way. I would regret it happening but I know I would regret it if I stopped it right here. Everything is lost now anyway. A model like him would not take rejection well from a geek like me. I will stop thinking now and feel that amazing feeling a little more. At least it would give me some experience sexually speaking. Yuffie will be happy...
"Leon" he called me again. I tried to focus on his angel-like face and what he was trying to tell me. He was so beautiful it was almost hurting. I am sure I could stare at him for hours without getting tired of his face. I only realized then that he had pushed me on my back and that he had straddled me. He was keeping his weight on his knees so I did not feel any weight on me.
He was looking at me intensely, blue eyes staring straight at me, seeing through everything. I only stared back, mesmerized. At that point (and I really should have felt panicked at that thought) he could have done anything he wanted to me.
"You have to tell me now if you want this. If you don't, I suggest you get out of that place running because I don't think I can hold myself back."
His voice seemed contained, breathless. I saw his chest heaving clearly and I did not even answer his question when I saw his pulse, beating regularly and strongly on his neck, faster than his heaving chest. I stared hypnotized by the living pulsation when I heard Cloud ask again.
"Do you want to?"
There was hope, I think, in his lovely voice, and I could not say no anymore. I did not realized that it was too late, as soon as I had put my feet in this place, I would not have been able to turn back.
I nodded slowly, completely out of it and it was only when I saw Cloud freezing and blinking at me in surprise that I realized I had talked.
"I will miss you"
Too out it and far too honest to feel as embarrassed as I should be feeling right now, I thought Cloud would just ignore the comment and go for it now that I said yes but he surprised me.
"You're not losing me, Leon." He was frowning cutely, worry and uncomprehension on the delicate crease of his eyebrows.
"Don't take me for a fool" I whispered back. I was talking without thinking clearly. As corny as it can sound, I think it was my heart talking. Looks like I have one after all...
"Whether or not you believe it yet, I'm not letting go of you now."
Despite knowing it might be a lie, I felt relieved at hearing his words and then I told myself to keep one thing in mind : it is just for one night. Someone like him cannot possibly get attached to someone like me. I had to remember it tonight, enjoy the moment and move on afterwards.
I held up my arms slowly and I encirled Cloud's neck tenderly, gently pushing him down on me to taste his lips that had tempted me since he drank from the bottle at the Seventh Heaven.
He did not resist, meeting me willingly and I could taste my first kiss. It was warm and humid. I took the fleshy muscle between my own lips, testing how soft and full they were, after sucking his upper lip and feeling Cloud's tongue lapping my lower one. I let go of his lip to use my own tongue and I touched his curiously. I never really thought about what a kiss would taste like. I never thought it could be really good but I was mistaken, again. It really was not bad, on the contrary, I honestly felt, while turning my tongue around Cloud's, my body responding and I had the urge to glue it against his and to grind against him like a dog in heat. That kiss made me that horny.
He stopped it far too soon and I frowned. He saw my expression after opening his eyes and he chuckled.
"I need to know... if it's your first time." He asked with a smile. His expression was really tender. I do not know why I was touched by it. I never cared if people were hard with me. I was always used to it. The few people that showed tenderness to me were only deceiving : I learnt to be wary.
"Why does it matter ?" I could have simply said yes but I felt a little embarrassed about it. I was curious too, why would he want to know that ?
"A first time is always an important experience in a man's life. It needs to be dealt with with care. So ?"
"...it is..." I answered him finally. My eyes had left his to settle on his deliciously jutting out collarbone.
"You know how it's done ?" he asked curiously. I got a bit miffed at that. He was talking as if I were a child.
"I'm inexperienced, not ignorant." I glared at him which I found weird since my arms were still around him and him laying on me. The position and situation constrasted greatly with the gesture so I was not surprised when my dark look did not have the kind of effect it ususally has. He only smiled.
"You understand in what position you will be, right ?" I do not know which one manage to attain my muddy brain first : his words or the hand that swiftly lowered below the waist to go between my arse in a soft grope.
If I were not so excited by the idea, my pride would really be wounded. I think it was a little nonetheless.
Embarrassed by the situation but not willing to stop anytime, I just nodded shyly and I guess my cheeks had reddened a little when Cloud caressed my cheekbone with a gentle finger, still smiling. Soon after, he kissed me again. Slow, languid and simply delicious. I never knew I would love kissing so much. I followed his pace, imitating him, enjoying the kiss but still hearing a nagging voice telling me to be careful and not screw up.
Cloud's hands were touching me now and it seemed he judged my clothes troublesome because he lost no time in interrupting the kiss to remove my vest and shirt before rejoining our lips. It allowed me to breathe, at least. It seemed I did not have the presence of mind to breathe through my nose while my lips were busy. Cloud seemed used to it since he was not breathless one bit.
The room was pleasantly warm and Cloud's hands incredibly hot (mine were always so cold) but despite that, I felt my arms hairs stand on end. Cloud must have felt it because he caressed my arms up and down with his warm hands.
He had sat up to remove my shirt and because I wanted to kiss him again, I sat up to reach him. This time, his hands were on my belts, skillfully removing them. I never thought it would have been that easy for someone else to take them off, above all with his eyes closed and focused on something else. It made me realize that Cloud must really have a good amount of experience. I only felt more awkward after thinking that. I did not show it and decided to go with the flow, praying that I would not screw up at one point or another.
The kiss was getting rather desperate. If it were on my part or his I do not know. Maybe he was getting impatient and I, for sure, was getting anxious and even more excited at the same time. I do not recall being as hard as I am now. It was interesting knowing my pants could stretch that much...
The belts were thrown on the floor and now Cloud was firmly and with more force than necessary opening my pants to get them off. I tried to open my eyes briefly during our kiss to confirm that, yes, I would be very soon completely naked and he had still all of his clothes on. I did not dare try and get his off though, even though I felt very uncomfortable knowing I was for now the only one in that state.
The kiss broke a second time when Cloud pushed me back on the... sort of bed and lifted my hips far too easily for my taste to get my pants off. I did not realize though that he would take my underpants with them.
True, it was logical taking both off but I was not prepared for it and my eyes widen when I saw the terribly white skin of my legs and the proof of my arousal standing up obscenely. I had the urge to hide but it would have seemed foolish and I restrained myself. I could not bear the view of my lower-half naked with Cloud looking at me. I looked sideways, working on regulating my breathing (how could I be so breathless ?) getting myself under control and I tried to break out of my damn insecurities.
"Leon, look at me"
His voice... a siren could not be more bewitching. It was firm and soft and a command I could not disobey. I looked up, my hair covering some parts of my disfigured face.
"Don't be embarrassed, you're amazing."
His voice was whispering, reassuring, hypnotizing. I was staring at Cloud's beautiful eyes and he was staring back, locking me in place. His hand was caressing my chest and neck, smoothly sliding over my skin, giving me goose bumps once again.
And here goes nothing. His hand went downwards and he began to touch me expertly. His hand gave strong pressures while sliding up and down slowly. He did it with focus, like he was working towards a precise goal in mind. As soon as he began touching me, my hips tried to follow his movements, too slow for my taste, my poor virgin taste. How impatient. I suppose I really could not do anything about it. I already thought I would come any second from now. It will not be funny for him.
I squeezed my eyes shut : looking at him touching me was not helping in getting some form of control over my body. I felt his other hand, so hot compared to my skin's temperature, putting pressure on my thigh to prevent my legs from closing. I had a hard time keeping myself from moving too much.
Luckily, he stopped stroking me and left me to take a breath. It was almost painful to stop at that point but at least it was not over yet. I stared at the ceiling without seeing it, my eyes not completely opened, until I gathered my thought and I looked at Cloud, still dressed by the way, staring at me intensely and for my pleasure, I saw he was, if just a little, out of breath.
It seemed he realized he was still dressed and he took care of that under my eyes. He quickly undid the zipper of his turtleneck followed by his socks, to finally standing up and taking off his pants and underpants.
Did he call me amazing ? That man was sculpted by the angels. The muscles, the tone of his skin, the proportions... all was perfect in my eyes. He did not feel embarrassed or ill at ease at being naked standing in front of me (why would he ?) and I gathered enough courage to look at his manliness openly. As far as I was gone, there was no need to feel anymore embarrassed in my state. Damn... even down there, there was nothing to be ashamed of...
I saw Cloud taking something from a pocket of his vest and I understood afterwards that it was a condom. Well... I was glad he was going to use one because I did not know how I would have brought the subject.
"Turn around Leon" Cloud told me softly with his enchanting voice. I did not think about it and did as I was told. I was a real puppet, obeying any command. I turned around, eyes staring at the red sheets of the bed and my hands went under my face. I waited, tensed but trusting, for Cloud to act.
"If it's the first time you're touched there, it might feel weird. Just trust me, okay ?" Cloud told me while putting a hand on my buttocks, squeezing gently. I was hiding my face in my arms. I was feeling shameful for a moment, realizing the position we were in and what we were about to do. I heard Cloud opening the condom and waited for a while.
I soon felt something invading an intimate part of my body. Confused at first, I realized it was only his finger with the condom around it that was probably lubricated. I suppose it was a good thing. Makes the passage easier, right ?
Cloud cautiously pushed his finger inside and I swear I felt my cheeks (the one on my face !) getting extremely hot. If I were not so stubborn, I would have pushed him away and left right away. It was not painful but the action was so embarrassing, I wished I would suffer physically rather than feel that strange emotion that made me feel bad at the moment.
I automatically clenched my muscles, maybe to get his finger out and I wiggled on the bed, utterly uncomfortable.
"Sshh... stay calm Leon. Relax okay? Trust me." Cloud told me again. Once again, I did as he said, obedient, and tried to relax. I felt him searching my cavity, wiggling his finger around. I decided to bite my arm because I felt the need to hold onto something.
After a little while, I felt his finger leaving but to be joined by another. Ouch. That time, it was more painful. I felt my opening stretching more than it should but Cloud was gentle and did not force too much. He stuck his fingers little by little, making small back and forth movements until he deemed myself enough prepared.
After he took off his fingers, I knew the preliminaries were over. I took a deep breath, the air did not come easily in that position and I waited. To be honest, I was scared. My male pride was the only thing keeping me from stopping the ordeal and running away like a headless goose but seeing the position I was in, there was not much left of my so-called male pride.
Then I felt it, the tip of something hot and slightly wet between my buttocks. Hard and heavy at the same time, I think I whimpered at the contact. Damn me. Cloud directed his virility where it should be and pushed.
I was really grateful that he did not do it like a brute. I was biting my arm really hard now waiting for the pain to pass. The head of his appendage was thick and it was what hurt the most but when he kept pushing in, slowly but unrelenting, it became bearable.
"Leon... please... let me hear you..."
I felt his warm hand on my arm, taking it away from my teeth. I saw the marks I gave myself near my wrist, teethmarks punctuated by little dots of blood. He slid his hand towards mine and entertwined our fingers together. He squeezed my fingers tightly as he pushed inside of me for the second time, with more force than the first intrusion, beginning his steady pace. I could not stop little cries from leaving my mouth. There was no way I could describe the sensation I was under. It was unique, a feeling so strong and overwhelming, preventing me from any logical thinking. I was unable to say if I wanted it to stop or to keep going forever...
"Aah... ! AAaah ! Aaah !"
I absently thought about all the partners I had in my life and for as long as I can remember, Leon was the first virgin I had the pleasure to taint. I never knew it could be so great to fuck one. Sure, he'll probably not last long but his body was so sensitive. Each caress, no matter where, brought a response from his body.
His body... how I loved it. It was developping, hard and lean muscles, giving sensuous angles to his slender silhouette. His gauzy skin was so very soft for a man, I could not stop myself from sliding my hands everywhere on him and his voice... for a quiet man in real life, he was quite vocal in bed. He was not loud but each time I thrust myself inside of him he would cry out softly, helplessly. I loved it. Knowing I had an effect on the normally stoic boy was extremely gratifying.
Preparing him had been sweet and such a torture at the same time : I willed myself to stay calm, not to rush anything, to give him an experience he would not forget anytime soon. Despite my determination, I could not restrain myself at this point : I was finally penetrating him, feeling the hotness inside of him, his muscles contracting around me each time I would touch his back, which I discovered was very sensitive. I did not use another condom this time. I did not want to. I needed to feel him with nothing separating us. I had nothing to fear seeing as it was his first time and I know I was clean for I did a test recently.
I increased the pace, using more force than I would like but I could not help it. Leon was helpless under me, clutching the material covering the strange sofa, his head hidden in it. The cries he tried to keep for himself were freed by my forceful thrusts.
His erection had diminished with the initial pain of our act but he was little by little enjoying it more. I needed to increase our rythm even more if I wanted us to climax around the same time. If I kept going like this, I could enjoy it all night but I had to think of Leon. I believe he would be upset if I did not come with him.
Deciding it was time to finish, I took Leon's hips between my hands, enjoying the contrast between our skin colors, and I began a powerful and rapid pace. Leon, who had managed to keep a little more quiet, almost screamed at the change. He squirmed under my onslaught, even more desperate than before in his helplessness, and I bit my lip at the sight. I felt torn between two feelings at the moment : guilty in knowing I was too forecful for Leon but at the same time, loving every single second of it.
"C-Cloud... aah !"
Keep moaning like that, love... I had only my pleasure in mind right now. I take pride in knowing I am quite good in the sack but tonight felt like the very first times all over again. The need to attain the ever blindingly pleasurable completion without thinking of anything else. I felt the skin of my thighs clapping with Leon's buttocks. I could see myself invading him, again and again, keeping him in place despite his tries to escape the infernal rythm.
I felt my own end arriving, thrusting with more force each time I entered him. Leon had raised his head a little, putting his weight on his forearms, his cries more helpless than before, his back was arching enticingly.
He was about to climax. I took his penis between my hand, squeezing and caressing violently up and down until I felt the first spurts of his essence. He let out a long cry as I felt him contracting his muscles around me with an amazing force. I stilled myself, buried as deeply as I could, feeling him gripping me as I let out my own essence pouring inside of him.
After some seconds of tense stillness, I completely collapsed on Leon's back who of course collapsed under me. I was breathing hard, I barely had the force to raise my hips to extract myself from Leon. He let out an uncomfortable moan before I let myself fall again on him. I could have landed next to him, as not to crush him completely but I wanted to feel his body under me which was weird because I usually did not like to feel anyone's skin against mine just after climaxing.
Breathing next to Leon's face, I realized, with just the feeling that I should feel guilty, that I had been really selfish tonight. I had let myself loose inside Leon which I knew was not a very nice feeling, I refrained from using the condom I should have used and now I was crushing him and I did not want to move.
Less breathless, I willed to raise myself and I stared at Leon. His breathing was still heavy. I contemplated with a drowsy satisfaction the thick white liquid dripping from him and scattered on his thighs.
I smiled, so very content despite my lack of consideration, and I laid myself next to him, putting my weight on the bed but still covering him with a leg and an arm. I caressed his back, sensing him coming back from the experience and reacting. He moved slowly, turning his head towards me with much hesitation. I saw just an eye, the rest of his face hidden on the bed. His pretty blue eye opened, thick eyelashes blinking rapidly. I took weight on my elbow, head resting on my hand and I kept caressing Leon's back while smiling at him.
"Feel alright?"
The eye blinked a few times more and Leon decided to show his face at last. His pale face had taken some colors. He was so handsome to look at.
"Hm" he nodded absently. I left his back to caress his hair and take some heavy locks off his face.
"I'm sorry for coming inside of you. I couldn't help it..." I told him, half smirking. I saw his face redening even more and he answered with a hushed voice, as if afraid of making too much noise.
"It's okay... I don't mind..."
He changed his position, curling himself up and I felt he would have liked something to cover him at the moment. I didn't have any cover but I put myself against him, embracing him with my arms and legs, keeping him warm and protected. I kissed his forehead and face several times, letting the still going music relaxed us for a little while.
I felt Leon's hand caress my collarbone absently, from the very tip of his fingers, before he snuggled against me and closed his eyes. I observed his face for a while. He did not seem overly satisfied or content, nor did he seem in pain or sad. He looked calm, unthinking. I decided to keep quiet for now, Leon probably did not know what to think about what happened, and I closed my own eyes eventually, relishing in the feelling of Leon's body against mine, his hand in the crook of my neck, his knee between my legs.
I slept a little after our... strenous activity, despite the fact that I did not have anything to cover me while sleeping. I could not sleep very well without some kind of sheet or comforter covering me during sleep but I used Cloud as a coverture. He snuggled against me tightly and I felt secure enough in his embrace.
I woke up feeling Cloud caressing my cheek. Judging by the people outside, it was just a little before close-time. Cloud wiped any suspicious substance off my thighs using a tissue box oh so innocently available under the low table.
We left the nightclub in silence. It was not heavy but it did not feel comfortable either. I guess we were just tired (I know I was) and maybe, now that what is done is done, Cloud did not have anything else to say.
Would it end like that ? That thought made me feel a bit morose though I was not feeling completely depressed yet. Maybe that would come later but for now, I felt strangely numb, like every feeling was temperate, diffused, like it did not hold much importance. Even my hold around Cloud's waist was not as tight as it had been earlier that day. I was feeling too tired to give anything much importance, under the almost full moon, I looked at the white lines of the road passing rapidly under us, I heard the engine's roar much quieter and less impressive than the last ride, I barely felt the wind that made my locks slapping my face and the terrible pain in my arse while sitting on the bike. I felt so out of it, like I was disconnected from the world.
Squall! You're retracting inside you shell again!
What do you expect me to do? It is a self-preserving instinct to avoid getting hurt further. When you feel the first spark of pain, get quickly inside and protect yourself. There is no need leaving yourself vulnerable to exterior attacks, is there ?
Why don't you just say what you feel ?
It never solved anything. If it did, you would be with me now, Sis.
Leon did not say anything on our way back but I did not really expect him to talk. I felt a little worried by the state he seemed to have plunged in though. He seemed very detached, absent. I asked him where he lived but he did not respond. I decided to give him time and to just drive back to the Seventh Heaven.
When we arrived, I stopped on the side of the road and waited a little to see if Leon would react. The engine was still turning, regular, powerful in the silence of the night. I straightened up, putting my hand on Leon's that was still around my waist. I whispered his name softly, hoping for a reaction. I was really getting worried. Did tonight was a mistake ?
"Oh. Thanks for the ride" Leon muttered while standing up and as I felt his hand sliding from under mine, I quickly took it back to prevent him from walking away.
"Leon. You didn't answer me when I asked you where you lived."
I was looking at him, trying to read his face that was without emotion. It was not the guarded face from earlier, it was really as if he did not have any feeling and yet, I know there was a bubble somewhere inside that waited to burst.
"Oh..."
He gave me the indications and sat back. I squeezed his hand before riding again. It was a short ride, seeing as no one was on the streets at that hour, and I left Fenrir in front of Leon's flat. I walked him to the front door, the silence still the same since we left the nightclub.
Stopping in front of the electronic door, Leon waited. Probably for me to say something. He clearly had nothing to say.
"Wash yourself well and take a painkiller. You'll probably be in a little pain tomorrow."
He only nodded slowly, eyes downcast. I sighed. The night had been so wonderful, I could not let it finish like that.
"Leon, talk to me." I told him softly.
He fidgetted a little, his gaze on the side, fighting to find something to say, what is supposed to be said right now but he had no idea what.
"Huh... it was..." he swallowed, glanced for half a second my way before lowering his gaze again. "It was great" he finished in a whisper. I almost did not hear the words.
"Do you really think so ?" I was standing near him, not trying to be intimidating but here and close.
He nodded quickly as an answer, reassuring, honest. I was relieved to know he really liked it.
"Then, we will see each other soon ?"
I did not try to hide the hope from my voice and I think he seemed surprised by my question. He looked up this time, searching for something in my eyes. He was afraid I would just leave to never see him again. Ha ! From the taste of him I had tonight I was going to be more of a stalker than anything else. After some seconds of probing my eyes, he nodded, slowly this time, a little unsure but with some eagerness reflecting in the pale blue of his pretty eyes.
I smiled, feeling reassured to see Leon was back in our world again, and I bent over slowly to kiss his forehead and eyes. I took a step closer, the only one separating me from that magical creature who put me under his spell today, and I kissed him good-night like the dutiful boyfriend I was.
I was just pressing my lips to his, not wanting to pressure him into anything else tonight and when it was over I stayed very close to his face.
"Give me your number, Leon" I told him while smiling. Damn if my cheeks were not going to hurt.
With my phone in one hand, I quickly save Leon's number and diverted my attention back to my new lover.
"I'll call you tomorrow." I kissed his temple before leaving, only turning back when I had started Fenrir.
He was still there, immobile, staring at me like I was a mythical illusion full of beauty. With a final wave of my hand, I left in the night that was with a myriad of undefinable colors, making its way to dawn.
I wanted to feel elated, reassured and just giddy like the stupid inexperienced young adult I was. A little more and I could sing under the freaking shower. He erased my doubts tonight. He said he wanted to see me again. Cloud wanted to see me again. He looked so convincing, so honest and beautiful, smiling like that, kissing me like that...
... but still. He was the one having my number, not the other way around. There was still that voice in the back of my head nagging me, telling me 'what if he never calls?'. I did tell myself that I was prepared for that to happen but who was I kidding? It was not in my nature to lie to myself, I was not prepared at all to face that blow that was irreparably going to land on my heart. The heart I tried so hard to deny its existence. Whatever.
I looked at my hand, residue of Cloud's essence was sparkling in the bright bathroom light. I stared at it for some seconds, closing my fingers over the substance to feel it better. He did not use a condom after all, only for the... preliminaries. I wondered what went through his head at the time.
After having washed myself thouroughly, I got into a pair of boxers and a large t-shirt before searching for a painkiller somewhere in my house. I did not have a lot of medicine at home, I rarely fell sick and when I am hurt, I usually decide that I can handle it. I do not have S/M tendencies but I do not like the idea of a drug in my body if I can prevent it. This time I did not think about whether the pain was too much or not. I just took the painkiller, because Cloud said so.
Damn, I am so screwed.
I slowly lied down on my bed, my backside killing me, really, and I was about to switch off the light when I spotted my mobile phone on the night table. I opened it, the thing indicating that I had four messages, from an unknown number, written some minutes ago.
I don't regret 2night, it was amazing. I'm sorry if I pressured you into sthg u weren't yet ready for. I know u think we don't know much of each other but we're not strangers, Leon. You're not that different from the Leon I talked to on the Internet. You can only know a person as much as they're willing to let you, even in real life. Maybe u don't trust me yet but we have all the time to know each other better. We'll go out and talk, and have fun, and avoid nightclubs if you don't like them and then maybe you'll be willing to believe that I want you by my side, not for a week or a month but for much longer. Sleep well my love. See you tomorrow.
"Cloud..."
His name escaped my lips, the name of the one who managed to get inside my shell so easily. There was no nagging voice anymore. I wanted to trust him. This time, I wanted to leave myself vulnerable. It was worth it. Because if Cloud was really sincere, I know I was going to be the happiest man alive on this earth. So... even though the pain of him leaving would yet leave another painful scar, the joy of him staying with me is enough for me to take the risk.
If you don't try to open up Squall, you will pass next to wonderful things in life !
I will not. Not anymore. I lost you, Sis, with no hope of ever finding you again. I will not lose him.
Definitely not.
The End :)
I really hope you didn't think you lost your time reading it. I would love to know what you thought about it. I need some exterior opinion ^^
Was it too long? Too boring? Never thought I would write a sex scene between two guys one day O_o how was it ? ^^
The truth, as painful as it can be, is what I'm looking for :)
Have a nice day (or night) =^^=