A/N: Holy fuuuuuudge monkies! Okay, so I've hardly updated in FOREVER and you have NO IDEA how much that pisses me off. I'm swamped with school (( AP Bio is just.;awoiehta;wo )) and not only that, but now I have a job working at IHOP (( the most fucking AMAZING PLACE EVAR )) and I can no longer stay up late/sleep in on the weekends. I'm in Robotics/Philosophy/German Club as well as Flag Corp. and Colour Guard for ROTC.

Somebody shoot me.

Why did I sign up for all of this.

Oh yeah…

Because I wanted to get more involved with school and stop being such a lazy gardening tool… OTL

Not only that, but I totaled my car after the FIRST DAY OF HAVING MY LICENSE. So…y'know…Now they're going to impound it and I have to start riding the bus/hitching a ride with my parents again…AAANNNDDD I have a loverly traffic ticket/court date to take care of. –ded—

My apologies for the crappyness of this story. I wrote it just to write something and I really don't know much about Descartes. Just that he existed and stuff. I'm more into Voltaire and those other seventeenth century hosers.

"Gilbert, may I ask a question?"

"What is it, Braginsky?"

"Why is it that you are what you are?"

Ruby eyes flicked up from the book in hand, staring at Ivan's imploring ones from across the room. He was silent, stoic and really rather reserved as he had been the past few years. A light frown creased the sides of his lips, eyebrows furrowing in a delicate manner as he processed the other man's question. Ivan, meanwhile, sat still in his chair, leaning forward slightly with his elbows on his knees and his fingers woven together. His expression was more curious than anything; eyebrows arched on his forehead, eyes wide, and his mouth pulled into a thin line with the edges slightly quirked upwards.

"What?" Gilbert shifted, placing his index finger in the book before closing it so he wouldn't lose his place.

"How come you are you?" Ivan said calmly. "What makes you Gilbert?"

Gilbert continued to sit quietly and confused, not really knowing how to respond.

"Think of it this way." Here, Ivan sat up a bit straighter, unweaving his hands so he could hold one up with his pointer finger extended. "I am me because I am Russia." He wagged the finger towards himself. "But what makes you you?" The finger suddenly flicked and faced Gilbert who flinched slightly in response. Something about being pointed at always peeved him…

"Are you mocking me?" He growled out, not at all liking where Ivan was going with this. He leaned back against the couch, crossing his legs and resting his book in his lap. "Because if you are, you can kindly shut the fuck u-"

"Nyet, nyet. I am being completely serious here, Comrade." Ivan raised his hands in an 'I Surrender' gesture, lips pulling up into a smile. "But think about it. There really is no reason for your existence."

"Technically, there's no reason for yours either." Gilbert mumbled, already opening the book in anticipation of ignoring Ivan.

"Hm?"

"I mean your fat ass is just taking up space." Gilbert spat, giving the Russian a rather icy glare before his gaze flickered down to the book in his hands. The soft laugh the met his ears only distracted him for a few moments, but he managed to push it to the back of his mind and focus on his story.

There was silence for a while. Ivan leaned forward again, propping an elbow on his knee as he rested his chin in his hand. He watched the albino closely as he turned the page, the paper rustling being the only sound in the room other than a soft ticking somewhere off in the house.

"You do bring up a point though…" Ivan said after several more minutes of the peaceful silence. "There really is no need for me to be here."

"Then leave." Gilbert mumbled, running a finger along the spine of the book.

"What I mean is, there is no need for any of us. You, me, your brother. Our existence is not necessary."

Gilbert sighed irately, snapping the book shut so he could glare at Ivan again. He didn't bother saving his page this time, knowing full well that he probably wouldn't be up to reading if the Russian kept going on with this tangent of his.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Gilbert tossed the book on the table, resting his arms on the back of the couch.

"I am merely asking questions." Ivan said with a curt nod.

"Why?"

"Because I thought you would be interested."

Gilbert arched a pale eyebrow, silently wondering where Ivan would get the idea. After a few moments, he turned his head so he could look at the book. The author's name was in large print, drowning out the actual title on the bland cover. "The basis of our existence…" He said slowly. "You want to know why we're here…?"

Ivan nodded, a light "da" falling off of his lips as he waited for Gilbert to continue.

"…that's probably the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Who cares?" Gilbert scowled, starting to push himself off the couch so he could wander off somewhere else. Ivan hastily reached out, grabbing his wrist in an iron grip. There was a moment wherein Gilbert looked as if he were about to lash out, an expression of pure rage crossing his features as he stared at Ivan's hand and then the man himself. But the Russian's face caught him off guard and his anger subsided if only slightly.

"What would history be like if we were not around?" Ivan asked. "Would it be any different? Or would it be the same?" After several moments, Gilbert sat back down again and Ivan released his hold and continued. "We are not in the history books, Gilbert. No one except our superiors knows of our existence, and even then, they do not really need us for anything."

"…" Gilbert's gaze flickered down to his knees.

"If we were gone…if we never existed…nothing would change." Ivan's voice softened. "So why is it that we exist if our purpose is null? What is our point in being?"

"Why the hell are you asking me of all people this?" Gilbert said after a few moments, an irritated look crossing his face as he returned his gaze to Ivan.

"Because I want to know what you think."

"Well hell if I know! Because we can, maybe?"

"…because we can…" The Russian echoed.

Gilbert waved a hand arbitrarily in front of him. "I mean, fuck, what else are we supposed to do? We're just here because we can be I guess."

"Because we can." Ivan repeated softly, his lips pulling up at the edges ever so slightly. "It is a rather skewed look on things, but I suppose that it works, da?" His violet eyes closed briefly as he smiled. They opened not seconds later, gazing at the book Gilbert had haphazardly tossed upon the table. "Would you mind answering another question?"

"Yes, actually. I would." Gilbert hissed. Ivan watched as Gilbert stood again, this time without a vice like grip from the Russian keeping him from going. The albino turned to leave, and the words abruptly left his mouth before he could think otherwise.

"Why is it that you did not die, Gilbert?"

The room lapsed into silence and Gilbert stiffened, his back towards Ivan. The Russian waited patiently as Gilbert stood stock still, hands fisting lightly by his sides. Gilbert tilted his head slightly, angling his torso just enough to where he could peer at Ivan through the corner of his eyes. He only looked away for a brief moment before the ruby gaze returned and he parted his lips.

"I didn't die because I didn't fuckin' want to." And with that, he sneered and then walked off, taking an abrupt left and clomping up the stairs.

Ivan was left in the living room alone, watching the stairwell even as Gilbert disappeared out of sight. "Because you did not want to…" he murmured, frowning ever so slightly. His violet gaze shifted down towards the book on the table. "We exist because we can and you live because you want to." Ivan hummed lightly as he processed Gilbert's words.

After several moments, Ivan stood, reaching out to pick up the book labeled "Descartes" from the table before he placed it back on the book shelf to the side of the room. A light laugh slipped past his lips as he did so. "Gilbert, you truly are a simple minded man." He said fondly, glancing over towards the stairwell.

However simple Gilbert's explanation was, Ivan did have to admit that even it was a sufficient answer for him.

"…and remarking this truth-I think, therefore I am-was so firm and so assured that all the most extravagant suppositions of the sceptics were unable to shake it, I judged that I could unhesitatingly accept it as the first principle of the philosophy I was seeking."

-René Descartes-