Edward Elric woke up to the smell of bacon. Ed likey the bacon. He sat up almost immediately, and straight up, glad that his brother was cooking something exceptionally good this morning, and walked towards and out of the bedroom door.

Wait. Bedroom door? Since when did he own an apartment?

For a moment, he spaced out a bit and a thought filled his head in a very mechanical manner. It doesn't freaking matter you have an apartment or that it is in Central or that you have no reason whatsoever to have an apartment or at least not a very well explained one. Deal. This answer satisfied him and he started walking towards what he assumed to be the kitchen. However, Ed's forehead met with a flying wrench before he could go five steps.

"Edo-kun! Back in the room!" growled Winry's voice. "Get back in bed! NOW."

Ed got back into bed without even asking why Winry was calling him 'Edo-kun'.

"Now pretend you just woke up!" Winry shouted. This time she was in the hall, walking towards Edward's aforementioned bedroom-he-shouldn't-own.

There was a soft clanging of some metal and glass and what sounded to be like a china glass falling onto hardwood and shattering, accompanied by what sounded to be like a teenage girl shouted "hot hot hot" and giving a yelp. Ed couldn't be too sure though—he was too busy fearing for his life and trying to pretend like he was sleeping and about to wake up.

There was a moment of silence before what sounded to be like a teenage girl mumbling something about 'damned china cups'. Edward resisted the urge to get up and see what the hell was going on. This ended the moment that Winry entered the bedroom door.

"Morning sleepyhead!" she sang, a far cry from her previous bitchy attitude. "I made you breakfast in bed!"

Ed wasn't sure how to act so he sat up and leaned on his elbows. "G-good morning, Winry... What the hell are you doing?"

"Edo-kun, don't swear!" Winry gave him a slight glare and he noticed the wrench in her pocket.

"Right... G-good morning, Winry," he repeated, "What the heck are you doing?"

"Silly! I just thought I'd bring you breakfast in bed!" She set down the tray of food on a dresser that shouldn't be in the room that shouldn't belong to Edward Elric and sat down on the bed next to Ed. There was an awkward moment of silence, in which Edward sat up all the way and stared at Winry with a look of confusion.

"Baka! Why aren't you saying 'arigato'?" Winry asked, pulling the wrench out of her pocket and holding it with a clenched fist.

"Because I don't know what that word means!" Ed exclaimed. "What the he-" he stopped, catching himself. There was no way that he was getting hit again. "Heck. What the heck. Are you saying?"

"Baka!" she said again. "Edo-kun, you are such a baka sometimes!"

"What is a baka?"

"Idiot. Baka. You." Winry pouted. "You didn't even thank me for the beautiful meal I prepared for you."

"Winry..." Ed started, trying to pick his words carefully.

"-chan," Winry said. "You're supposed to say my name with the proper suffix."

"Winry-chan," he repeated, as instructed, through gritted teeth. "Where the heck is Alphonse?"

Winry smiled, seemingly happy. This girl was getting more bipolar than Ed could remember. "Aru-kun? I told him if he left us alone then he could keep the first neko he found. He asked what a 'neko' was but left any way."

Ed decided to not ask for the definition as a neko—it was probably synonymous with 'kitty' any way—and gulped. "Why did you want us to be left alone?" he inquired, despite not wanting to know the answer.

Winry's innocent smile turned itself into a smirk and her eyes changed from the happy-go-lucky girl she stole them from to seductive mechanic.

"Edo-kun," she breathed. Edward's face turned bright red as she laid herself on top of him. She stared directly into his eyes, her face only inches from his own. He gulped again. "I only thought you'd want some time alone with me... I am your mechanic you know... Auto-mail attachment is very intimate, don't you think?" Winry put her head on his chest and started to draw a little circle on his shirt with her finger.

"W-Winry... Er... Winry-cha

edwardelric_bby2543 [3:46 PM]: ya so im stopin mi fic

kawaii-neko-gurl80 [3:46 PM]: o rly? u no it was rly good

kawaii-neko-gurl80 [3:46 PM]: but y u stop riten it?

edwardelric_bby2543 [3:47 PM]: idk writers block mayb it just seems lyk no 1 lyks it ne more

edwardelric_bby2543 [3:48 PM]: im gonna rite a new 1 tho, dont wrry :)

kawaii-neko-gurl80 [3:48 PM]: yayy! im lookin froward 2 it, gurl! :]

kawaii-neko-gurl80 [3:48 PM]: wuts it gunna b about den?

edwardelric_bby2543 [3:49 PM]: lol idk. defintly edwin tho. im thinkin au mayb

kawaii-neko-gurl80 [3:50 PM]: lol wuts au?

edwardelric_bby2543 [3:59 PM]: lol idk ithikn its lyk a dif place n time w/ th same charries

edwardelric_bby2543 [4:00 PM]: dun wrry tho cuz ive got big plans 4 dis 1! BIG PLANS!11!1

kawaii-neko-gurl80 [4:00 PM]: lol ok cant wait ;]

Meanwhile, the bacon-filled breakfast sat on the dresser in the bedroom Edward Elric didn't own, cold and uneaten.

Edward Elric woke up, this time, on a couch. The first thing he saw was a box of light, with people moving around inside of it. "What the hell?" he asked, furrowing his brow and staring at it intently. Thoughts crossed his head, but he couldn't think of any reason for this box working, or even what it was there for. Luckily, something came by and distracted him.

"Haha! Morning, Ed." This was Alphonse's voice. Thank God! Edward thought. Besides that box, everything seems normal. "Fell asleep watching TV again, huh?"

"T...V?"

"Television. Jeez you're out of it." Al chuckled again and he heard the shuffling of what sounded like a bookbag on a table. "I made you a pop tart. You're gonna have to eat it on the way to school though. We're running late."

"Pop tart?"

Alphonse shook his head, slung the backpack over his shoulder, and grabbed the pop tart. He walked over to his older brother, still sitting on the couch and offered the pop tart to him. "Pop tart," Al repeated with a smile and a 'what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-you-today' look in his eyes.

This time Edward got a good look at his little brother. Same blonde, cropped hair and golden eyes that Ed remembered. But that was what was wrong (besides the fact that he was dressed in skinny jeans and a hoodie).

"Al...! Y-you... How did... When did we get your body back?" Ed asked, mouth agape. His little brother back in the flesh—what could be better?

"I never lost it in the first place...?" Al replied. "C'mon we have to go, Winry's-"

Alphonse was interrupted by a doorbell. He just threw the pop tart at his brother and walked off. "Grab your backpack, Brother. Winry's already waiting for us."

Ed stood up, gave a menacing glare to the television, and grabbed the bag he supposed was his. It was a lot heavier than he ever remembered school bags being. But what the hell did he know? His brother was back in the flesh, even though they didn't have to go to school any more they obviously were and... What the hell? His right arm was back as well! For a moment, Ed contemplated what other pleasant surprises might be in store but gave up all hope when he found Winry's hair straight and flat and depressing.

"Oh hi Winry," he started. "Erm... Your hair..." Edward took a moment to blush silently, to keep the awkward adorableness you've come to expect from EdWin.

"What about it, Ed?" Winry asked innocently. "You like? I straightened it this morning. Granny said she doesn't understand the appeal of it but..." She let her sentence trail off, to keep the awkward adorableness from going away.

"Yeah I... It looks... Nice." Ed had an enormous amount of trouble lying to Winry, so he changed the subject fast. "Where's Al running off to?"

Al was running off, waving to Winry and Edward, shouting "See you later, guys!" Ed wanted to know how he could manage to run off with a backpack as heavy as his own—if indeed it was as heavy.

"You haven't noticed?" Winry laughed, "He's got a major crush on that exchange student from China."

"Mei Chang?" Ed couldn't help but asking. Now that he noticed it, when everything was normal, Alphonse did seem to have the hots for that pipsqueak.

Winry grabbed onto Ed's right arm and started hugging it. It felt like she was gonna tear it off. "That was why he was learning Chinese, idiot!"

"He's learning Chinese?" Edward knew of no such thing.

Winry didn't answer his question because for all intents and purposes they had made it to the school in record time despite Ed finding it terribly hard to walk with a 5,000 pound backpack and Winry attempting to rip his arm off. They made it to their class—which they shared for the sole reason because they are uber-cute together (squee)-the same moment the bell rang because that is like the only way to make it into class.

The teacher took attendance by calling out every one's name so the reader could be reminded who Ed and Winry are, along with the handful of side characters only true fans would recognize who would probably share a class with Edward and Winry.

"What? Colonel Bastard? What the hell are you doing here!" Edward shouted incredulously, between bites of pop tart. He still wasn't sure what a pop tart was but he had to admit that it wasn't that bad.

Winry shot Ed a meaningful glare. "Ed! What are you doing!" she whispered. "He's the teacher!"

"I don't care if he's a teacher—wait! Why the hell would the Colonel be a teacher!" Edward shouted, totally disregarding the fact that Roy was within earshot and still of a higher authority than Ed.

"Edward," came the smooth voice of Roy Mustang. "Am I going to have to write you up? It's bad enough I can never read your homework... If you ever turn it in, that is."

The whole of the class started laughing. Ed growled at Roy. Even as a teacher, the man always had a hold on Ed and seemed to know everything that was going on. There was still no way in hell that Ed would consider calling him 'Mr. Mustang'.

"I know you have quite the imagination, Ed, but calling me 'Colonel' is a new one." The same smirk played on Roy's face as he wrote down attendance from the podium at the front of the classroom. The very smirk that had gotten on Ed's nerves so many times before. "I understand you have a short attention span but I always thought belittling others was below you..."

"What did you just call me, Colonel Bastard?"

"Detention," Roy said, rather happily in fact. "Too bad you won't be able to see your girlfriend after class today."

Winry shot him a harsh glare. He had, after all, just ruined their plans for tonight that Edward had no idea were even in place. Edward finished his pop tart in silence with a angry gaze at nothing in particular. Roy started the lesson after that, but because no one really cares about that—or anything that happened after that—it was avoided easily and Ed was in detention drawing transmutation circles on a desk.

During this, Alphonse and Mei had some adorable couple times together but nobody noticed because this fanfic is purely EdWin.

A/N: This is something I've wanted to start for awhile. Something purely crack that makes fun of the fact of all the crazy FMA pairings out there. Things will get crazier the more it goes on, I promise. Hope you like!