Title: Plant-envy (Will You Leave that Goddamned Plant Alone)
Rating: pg, for Kuro-pon's bad language
Spoilers: Errr… whole series? Set post-series Nihon (assuming that they settle there after their journey with Syaoran).
Summary: Kurogane gives Fay a present and it backfires on him. Sort of. Words: 388
A/N: Warnings for unbeta-ed OOC-ness, abuse of punctuation and unadulterated stream-of-consciousness. Also, I deny all responsibility for the apoptosis of neurons induced by this fic.
Disclaimer: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle and its characters (Fay D. Flourite and Kurogane) belong to CLAMP, Del Rey Ballantine Books, Random House Inc., Kodansha Ltd., and Funimation. This work is for entertainment only, no copyright infringement is intended, and the author reaps no profit except perhaps giggling fits at questionable humour. Only Kuro-bonsai belongs to me.

Plant-envy (Will You Leave that Goddamned Plant Alone)

Normally, Kurogane would have been thrilled not to have Fay pestering him every few seconds—especially when he is in the middle of terrorising the new recruits and showing who's boss (Hyuu~~~! Kuro-wan is my boss! Puuuurrrrrr)—but this is getting ridiculous.

Really, if the wizard has to coo over, spend so much time on, and devote such tender, loving care to something, it should be him. Not some, some goddamned houseplant! Even if said bonsai was a ploy on Kurogane's part to partly keep Fay from the training grounds as far as possible, but mostly to be something that doesn't wither under the magician's slender hands. The idiot still has moments of insecurity and self-doubt when it comes to his inauspicious past.

So, it was good to see the small Japanese white pine flourish lush needles and elegantly curl its limbs under Fay's careful ministrations. It was even better, Kurogane muses, to watch Fay's adorable focussed frown as he prunes it just a little bit here, trims that tuft over there, waters it twice a day, shifts it outside for some sunlight then back in again with much shuffling about, getting too lazy to do that so he just opens (so the cursed sunlight blinds Kurogane) and closes the shoji (too late in the evening that the draught makes the hair on the ninja's arm stand on end), coos baby-nonsense to it, and finally, dubs the stupid plant "Kuro-plant"! Augh!

Which brings Kurogane back to his current (self-inflicted) predicament as he watches the mage hum obnoxiously while stroking (stroking!) his new favourite object of affection. His irate monologue and mulling over the best way to violently dispose of the green pestilence was interrupted as he tuned into what the blond was faux-whispering to the shrub—

"Ne, Kuro-plant, I think Kuro-wanwan is jeeeealous of yoooouuu~~~!" Sly eyes, dancing with mirth, slid to the ninja's shadowy figure by the door.

That's it. That was the proverbial last straw. And in three livid stomps, Kurogane had crossed their room and was bearing menacingly down on Fay and the little bonsai.

"Uwah! Don't worry Kuro-plant, I'll protect you from the big, mean and jealous pupp—mmmph!"

And Kurogane made sure that Fay promptly proceeded to forget all about Kuro-plant and, perhaps, the bonsai can remain unshredded for a few hours longer.

~end.

NB: No plants were harmed in the writing of this fic. And no, Kurogane did not kill Kuro-bonsai; we all know how much of a big softy he secretly is.