Title: Hidden Thoughts

Pen Name: Nisa Cullen

Rating: M

Disclaimer: *Checks bank account* yep, I'm still not Stephanie Meyer. Not to mention I'm pretty sure she'd gasp at what I have her characters doing!

Warning: This story contains graphic hetro and slash sexual content. If you don't like, don't read no problem!

A/N: Big hugs and love to my beta mama23keiki who is awesome and works with me despite my apparent allergy to proper punctuation. This story has been bouncing around in my head for a while so its nice to get this chapter out. See you at the bottom!

It really started simply enough. My girlfriend, Alice, had insisted we go to dinner with her friend, Bella, and her "man of the moment" - that's what I have taken to calling them. Every couple of months we had to go to a sit down dinner and a make small talk while she fawned over her latest Mr. Right. I really just wanted to skip the whole thing and even asked Alice if I could just wait and meet the next dude on the next go around; but of course, Alice said no.

"I have a great feeling about this guy. He seems different, special somehow, and I just think you two will get along well." Alice said in her all knowing way.

I wanted to point out to her that she had a good feeling about Paul, Marcus, and the king of all douches, Jacob; but that would be inviting a fight that I had no desire to take part in.

"Ok Ali, I'm in. What time should I pick you up and where are we meeting them?" I said with a defeated sigh.

"Pick me up at 7, we are meeting them at 8 at Carpe Diem." she said followed by a quick hang up. I smiled at the phone. I loved Alice and I knew, just like she did, that she would get her way.

So this is how I found myself sitting at an overly trendy restaurant with Bella, Alice, and my usual Jack and Coke, awaiting the latest Mr. Right Now.

"He'll be here soon, something came up at work and he said he'd be running a little late." Bella said with her brown eyes shining at the mere mention of Mr. Right Now.

"So Bells, tell us about Mr. McDreamy, is he awesome and fantastic?" I said with a high pitched voice, fluttering my eyelashes in exaggeration.

"Actually Jazz, he is. I've never met anyone like him. He's so kind, witty, and funny. I think you're gonna like him." she said with a hopeful smile. Not likely I thought to myself but I gave a small nod.

"Oh Bella, I hope we all hit it off. If so, we can drive up together for the art festival next month and make a weekend out of it." Alice said with her usual exuberance.

Leave it to Alice to go off the deep end. I haven't even met this guy yet and he most likely won't make it through his 90 day Bella trial period, and she's already got us going off on a couple's trip which I am certain I'll hate because dude will inevitably be a douche. I said nothing but drained my Jack and Coke and signaled to the waiter for another one.

A few minutes later when I heard steps approaching the table, I turned to congratulate the waiter on his quick return with my much needed alcohol, but I was frozen dead in my tracks as my eyes landed on the man I would venture to guess is the guest of honor.

He is - for a lack of a better term – beautiful. This thought in itself is troubling because he is man. But I cannot deny it. He is gorgeous, standing before me in a tailored suit with a stark white shirt underneath that highlights his broad shoulders; his waist is narrow; and his long sinewy build just highlights his overall beauty. His hair is in complete disarray as if someone's hands have been in it all day, tugging and pulling in pleasure; his lips are full and pouty and looked as if he had just finished eating raspberries; and his eyes were green - no green is far too generic a term to describe these pale green eyes - it reminded me of spring for some reason. And those beautiful green eyes are staring at me and smiling; and those luscious pouty lips are speaking and I am…

What the fuck am I doing? I know I am looking like an ass because I have no idea what the hell he is saying. I snap myself out of what can only be described as a lust induced haze in time to catch the end of something he's saying.

"…waiting too long but dinners on me, It's the least I can do for being so late." he said, reaching out to shake my hand.

"No problem…" I said, and then I freeze as I realize that this beautiful man standing before me, who I am sure has a name, but I have no clue what it is since I have been so busy focusing on how much I did not want to be here. Remembering I am mid-sentence, I quickly blurt out, "We all have a boss to report to and we do what we have to."

I reach out to shake his hand, and I immediately feel something as our skin touch. I don't know what the fuck it was, but I know I felt something - a shock - when his hand met mine. Maybe it's static from the carpet, I thought; a definite tingle ran up through my forearm as I quickly dropped his hand and returned my full attention to my drink which has thankfully appeared out of nowhere.

He sat down across from me and leaned over, giving Bella a kiss on the cheek.

Bella…oh shit Bella! Yes, Bella. He is Bella's date and I am here with Alice. Alice… oh shit Alice! Of course, Alice. I love Alice…yes, I do. And she is a woman - a beautiful woman; the type of woman you spend the rest of your life with and settle down and have kids with.

What the fuck Whitlock? What the fuck was that and why are you even thinking like this? You. Are. Not. Fucking. Gay! So why the hell are you still staring at this beautiful man in front of you?

Fuck! Did I just think "beautiful"? Yes, I did. Now what the hell am I suppose to do with these thoughts. Ok…ok, let's take this rationally. He's a good looking dude and you can recognize him as such without it meaning anything. You were just sizing him up like you would any dude. That's all. Now calm the fuck down and let it go! Damn Whitlock!

I release a sigh and tune back into the conversation as Alice begins her not so subtle interrogation. Through her rapid fire questioning I learn his name is Edward, he's a year younger than me, originally from Chicago, has an older brother, has no pets, loves music and art, and works in publishing. He and Bella met at the library she works at during a new author showcase he attended. I calm down, feeling that whatever the fuck happened when he first arrived had passed - for the most part. I mean, I couldn't help but focus on how his mouth moved as he spoke rather than what he was actually saying and occasionally, I felt his eyes on me as the conversation flowed, but I tried to ignore it.

Get a grip Whitlock! Of course his eyes are on you, you're talking dumb ass! It's not like his eyes are "on you". Jeez, I can't even remember the last time I had to give myself this many pep talks; not to mention, I'm kinda being a dick to myself right now.

"So Jasper," Edward's velvety voice rings out, temporarily bringing me out of my thoughts, "Bella tells me you work at the University as a History professor."

Fuck.

Me.

Now.

The way my name rolls off his tongue immediately brings a host of thoughts to my mind.

What would it sound like for him to scream my name in pleasure as I am fucking his brains out, sliding deep within his…

WHOA! His what? What the fuck Whitlock, you need to get a grip. I don't know where this shit is coming from but its go to stop now.

"Yes, Adjunct professor. I teach civil war and the history of the reconstruction mainly. This is only my second year, but I enjoy the work." I say with a smile, glad that my mental capacity has returned.

We had ordered and are now being served our meals. While the conversation continues flowing between the three of them, I proceed to try to keep my eyes on either my plate, Alice, or my seemingly bottomless glass of Jack and Coke. I am doing everything I can to keep my eyes off him and my thoughts hidden. I'm afraid of what will happen if he looks me in the eyes again.

By the time the waiter comes back with dessert I think I've downed four cocktails but who the hell is counting? Alice and Bella get up from the table, excusing themselves to go to the ladies room. I wonder why they do that…always in pairs. Chicks make no sense sometimes.

"So…."

I am brought out of inner musings to realize that I am now alone…at the table…with him.

Fuck, now I'm gonna have to look at him and make conversation.

"So…" I repeat, rubbing the back of my neck in a nervous habit.

I then look at him because honestly, it would be pretty fucking rude not to. And when I do, our eyes meet, and I am lost. He is looking at me with an intensity I have never felt before. His pale green eyes darken considerably. He was staring in my eyes as if he was searching for something, but what he's searching for I have no idea. His beautiful green orbs stared into my blue eyes, and I could do nothing but stare back as if I was in a trance. His brows furrowed as if he was trying to figure something out. I wish I could read his mind. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Did he feel this too? This weird pull? And what the fuck did it mean?

"Did you miss me?" Alice said while giving me a peck on the cheek, essentially breaking our stare-off.

"Of course, Ali" I said and I turned my attention to her, giving her my signature smile.

"I can tell," she whispered, leaning over and running her hand up my thigh, "feels like you are missing me a lot!" she whispered seductively while running her soft fingertips over my prominent erection.

Fuck, when did that happen? Surely…surely, I did not just get a fucking hard-on from a look with a man. No, of course not. This is because of Alice, her hands on my thighs always get me hard ever since that first time she jacked me off the night of our first date. I always get hard at that memory. Whew, yeah, it's Alice and the half a bottle of Jack I've probably had by now and not Edward that's got me hard. Because if it was Edward…that would mean….well ok, I don't know what the fuck that would mean but it's not because of him so it doesn't matter.

We made it through dessert and on occasion while I chance a glance in his direction, he doesn't look at me again. I start to wonder why but decide it's for the best and I try to focus on the small talk around the table. I thought I was paying attention until I hear Alice say, "Of course, we'd love to. We have no plans for Saturday, right baby?"

Shit, what are they talking about? I look up and notice everyone is waiting on me to say something. "No baby, Saturday's fine." I unknowingly agreed.

"Great, so Saturday, we'll meet at the theatre. Bells, I'll call you tomorrow and we can set up the details."

Shit, I agreed to go on another date with him. I mean, with them again? Why the fuck am I not paying more attention? Oh yeah, that would be the mix of the drinks and the complete loss of focus.

Dinner has ended and we are now outside of the restaurant, saying our goodbyes. I give Bella a brief hug and then reach to shake Edward's hand again. There it is again, that shock, like a current is flowing between us. This time somehow I find the strength to continue to shake his hand and look at him in the face. "Jasper, it was a pleasure." he says with a little smirk.

What the fuck, does he feel it too?

"Edward…I agree. See ya later." I manage to get out before quickly dropping his hand and turning around signaling for a cab.

Once we are in the backseat of the cab, I couldn't keep my hand off Alice. She comments on how "someone's turned on" and I tell her I can't wait to get her home while I pull out all the stops - nibbling on her ear and kissing her on that spot on her neck that I know drives her crazy. After what feels like an eternity, but is only 15 minutes, we arrive at our destination. I hastily throw money at the cab driver and scoop Alice up in my arms and run inside the house. I couldn't wait. I had to have her and have her now. I have to feel what I always feel with Alice when we are intimate.

As soon as the door closes behind us, I rip off our coats and set her on the edge of the couch. I dive in hard, crushing her lips to mine in hungry urgent kisses. I relish her moans and when it feels like my lungs are burning from the lack of oxygen, I start placing open mouth kisses all over her as I slowly release the straps of her dress. She slides off the arm of the couch and turns around where I quickly unzip her dress, kissing every inch of creamy flesh that becomes visible. When her dress pools to the floor, she quickly steps out of it and is standing before me in nothing but a pale pink bra and panty set.

So feminine… so beautiful… so Alice.

She is a vision in the moonlight streaming through the room. The moon being the only light visible for I was too in a rush to turn on the table lamp. I quickly pull down her panties, kissing the back of her thighs, relishing in her soft whispers. Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. I push her forward and drop to my knees and dive between her legs with my tongue, relishing the feel of her slick folds. I grasp her ass cheeks with my hands, pulling her legs wider while I taste her essence.

"Jasper" she wails over and over again, vocalizing the pleasure I am giving her. I quickly stand up and unzip my pants, unable to take the time to take them all the way off. I know I need to be inside of her. I quickly position my hardness at her entrance, thrusting into her in one fluid motion. I lift my shirt and tuck it under my chin so I can see where we are joined. I continue to thrust into her, loving her moans and increasing my desire by watching my glistening cock slide in and out of her. She begins bucking back against me, seeking more friction.

"Harder, fuck me harder" she yells, and I can do nothing but comply. I pick up my pace and feeling her there with me. I reach around and begin flicking her clit to bring her off the edge with me. "I'm about to come, Jasper…oh Jasper!" Suddenly, out of nowhere, thoughts of Edward saying my name invade my mind. As Alice says my name, I can do nothing but think of him saying it too from earlier tonight at dinner. Picking up my pace again, I frantically pound into Alice. I feel her inner muscles clamp down on me as she orgasms and with three quick thrusts and a flurry of images in my mind, I come forcefully and loudly deep within her.

When I come back to earth, I look down, seeing that I've collapsed on Alice's tiny frame. She reaches her hand back and awkwardly pats my back. I slowly remove myself from her and try to catch my breath.

"Wow!" she says in a breathless whisper.

"I know." is my only reply.

She stands up and takes off the heels she is still wearing and with a kiss on my lips as a thank you, she giggles. "Are you ok?" I say with concern because I was anything but gentle. "You've got to be kidding me. That was hot. I can still feel you in me." she says with a smirk as she heads to the bathroom.

I pull my boxers up and sink into the couch. I'm glad I didn't hurt her but there's a problem - a really big fucking problem – one that I don't even want to think about. When I was buried deep in Alice, nearing climax, the only thought on my mind was him. Those pouty raspberry lips and what they would feel like on mine.

I

Am

So

Fucked

.

.

.

A/N2: Reviews are better than Edward in a tailored suit! Please press the little button!