Chris closed his eyes as he leaned back on the uncomfortable bench, resting against the wall. The chattering and occasional yelling around him in the ROH locker room was nice, particularly given that the TNA locker rooms tended to be a little more subdued these days, but he was content to let it continue without his participation.

As much as Chris liked working ROH shows when the opportunity arose, he felt like an outsider there. Not an unwelcome outsider, but an outsider nonetheless. It hadn't been like that when he'd first started working there; the company was still young, and there wasn't really a strong feeling in the locker room that one person was a Ring of Honor wrestler, while another was a visiting worker. His first brief stint with the company had seen him doing shows more frequently too, so he was as much a part of the locker room as most of the other guys.

When he'd returned for Showdown in Motown and Weekend of Champions he was a visitor, but when he turned up for All-Star Extravaganza III with Alex, things were different. These were Alex's people; Alex had been a regular part of the ROH roster for so long, the locker room parted like the Red Sea to welcome him back into their ranks. Chris had been accepted along with him, but he may as well have been wearing a label that said 'I'm with the band'. He was never one of them.

Now, he was definitely an outsider again. Alex had fallen back into the fold just the same way he had at Supercard of Honor V, revelling gratefully in their friendship while Chris kept to himself. Chris didn't mind.

"Hey, dude."

Chris opened his eyes to find Kevin Steen sitting on the bench next to him, and he smiled. "Hey. Been a while, huh?"

"Yeah." Kevin proffered his water bottle, but Chris shook his head. "How's things?"

"Good. Same old, same old, really." Out of the corner of his eye, Chris could see Alex chattering animatedly with Hero and Castagnoli. As usual, Alex had positioned himself so that he could watch Chris. "You?"

"Same. Started using a new detergent. That's about it."

"How's the wife?"

Kevin smiled wryly. "Not entirely happy with me since she discovered I've had sex with more men than women."

"Ah. Me too."

"Really? I always wondered about you."

Chris frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kevin held up his hands in surrender. "Nothing, man, I didn't mean..."

Chris waved a hand dismissively, cutting him off. "Don't worry about it, I'm just kinda defensive lately. Sorry." At least now Alex had looked away. "So are you and your other half working it out?"

"I don't know. Probably not." Kevin stood up and cracked his back. "Anyway, I have to go hit people. Are you coming out with us later?"

"Oh, I doubt it." Chris glanced over at Alex, whose little group was rapidly expanding. "Gonna have a quiet night in the hotel, I think."

"Shame. Okay, see you later."

Kevin wandered away, and Chris settled back against the wall again under Alex's watchful eye.

Chris lounged on his hotel bed in his T-shirt and jeans, his sneakers and socks already having been lobbed lazily across the room, staring at the ceiling. Everything was too quiet; the rooms on either side were also occupied by wrestlers and they were all out harassing Philadelphia, and Alex was out there with them.

He cast a nostalgic glance at Alex's bed. If this show had happened a year ago, he'd have been out drinking with Alex and the boys, laughing and messing around. He would largely have entertained himself on the outskirts of the group while Alex held court at the centre of it, his eyes constantly seeking Chris out despite their separate conversations. Afterwards, they would have come back here and made love, each lavishing attention on the bumps and scrapes the other had acquired during their match, Alex's breath hot in his ear while he whispered words Chris was too lost in desire to hear. But that was a year ago.

Chris sighed, turning onto his side and staring at the curtains pulled across the window instead. He didn't regret his decision to end things with Alex, but there were some days when he missed the comfort of Alex's touch more than anything in the world. It was hard to be strong on those days, because he knew that if he went to Alex, Alex would take him back without a second thought.

He hadn't always made the best choices with his relationships, Chris thought. Before Alex there had been Sonjay, and that had been great while it was just sex, but when Chris had developed feelings for him, Sonjay had run a mile. After that, Alex had seemed like a great option. Chris suspected the initial draw had been solely down to the fact that he already knew Alex was in love with him, and had been for a couple of years, but whatever the reason, Chris had fallen for him hard, and they had been happy.

He was startled by a knock at the door, and he pulled himself up from the bed languidly. He couldn't think of anyone it could be; it sure as hell wasn't Alex. Alex never came back to a room they were sharing when he'd been out drinking. He'd made that mistake once, and while Chris had been too kind to ever mention the humiliating scene that ensued as Alex begged him for another chance, Alex would never put himself in a situation where he was in danger of acting that way again. He treasured what was left of his pride.

Swinging the door open, Chris was met by the sight of Kevin holding a pair of six packs. He grinned. "What are you doing here?"

"What, I can't drop in on my old pal Tweek?" Kevin shoved past him into the room and put the beer on the small table.

"Of course you can." Chris closed the door and went to sit on the end of his bed, while Kevin pulled up the wooden chair next to the table. "But I haven't looked like Tweek in a long time."

Kevin shrugged. "You'll always be Tweek to me. That was a good time, huh? Tweek and Cartman?" He pulled a can from the pack, tossing it to Chris and taking out another for himself.

"You mean Laser Bomb Thunder Driver Team Air Force One?" Chris asked with a smile as he opened his beer.

"Yeah, see, nobody could chant that." Opening his own can, Kevin raised it in a mock toast. "To Tweek and Cartman."

"Laser Bomb Thunder Driver Team Air Force One," Chris said, knocking his drink gently against Kevin's.

"So, this new haircut..."

Chris rolled his eyes, having already had this conversation many times over the past month. "You don't like it, right?"

Kevin opened his mouth to speak, paused in thought, and then went on. "Well, no, I think it's stupid, but that's not the point."

"How can you not like it? It's practically the same as yours!" Chris gestured at Kevin's hair accusingly.

"Exactly. Would you really want to look like this?"

Chris smiled at Kevin's self-deprecating humour. "What were you going to say about it?"

"Someone told me you change your hairstyle when you break up with somebody."

"Well, someone's got a big fucking mouth."

"We're wrestlers. We hang around with other wrestlers. They've ALL got big mouths."

Chris spent a quiet moment drinking before he responded to the implied question. "Yeah, I guess I do. This one's just been kinda delayed."

"Alex?"

Chris nodded. "Six months ago now. It hasn't been a bundle of laughs, but at least we're still friends."

"Ouch." Kevin winced. "Is there anything worse than being friends with someone you wish was still your boyfriend?"

The pang of guilt that shot through Chris' chest was so sharp, for a second he couldn't breathe. "You'd have to ask Alex about that."

Kevin looked surprised. "Really? Well, if he's the one who's all torn up, how come you're the one hiding under a rock?"

Chris scowled. "This conversation sucks. Let's talk about your failed relationships instead."

"Alright," Kevin agreed amiably. "So, my wife's divorcing me because I like to fuck men. Unfortunately, I have a snowball's chance in hell of scoring the men I'm interested in, so the fact that I like to fuck men doesn't mean I'm actually doing it. My cock is going to rot away through lack of use and I'm going to end my days self-flagellating in a monastery."

Chris stared for a moment. "Okay, let's talk about Alex again."

"If you insist."

Chris toyed with the rim of the can, watching his fingers so that he didn't have to make eye contact. "It's easier for him when I'm not around. He can't relax when I'm there. He's always watching me, wondering if the guy I'm talking to is the one I'm going to replace him with... if I'm here alone, he doesn't have to think about it or wonder who I'm with."

Kevin looked disgusted. "You're fucking shitting me. That's ridiculous. I never would have guessed Alex was such an asshole, or that you'd sit there and take it."

"No, dude," Chris said with a smile, "he'd never ask me not to do anything. Fuck, I could screw half of ROH right in front of him, and he wouldn't say a damn word. I just..." He groped for the right words. "I've hurt him so much already. I don't want to add to it."

"So instead you're going to lock yourself away and make sure you can't possibly have any fun? That's stupid."

"Come on, man, what am I really missing? A few pointless, drunken hook-ups that I won't remember properly the next day anyway? Yet another argument in a club about who was looking at whose girlfriend, and some jackass turning aggressive because they can't hold their liquor, then someone pitching a fit because they left their phone in the club we were in three hours ago on the other side of town, followed by some quality vomiting?" Chris wrinkled his nose. "In all honesty, I don't feel like giving that up is a huge sacrifice."

"Well, when you put it like that, this sounds like the better option, even if you do have to put up with my company." Kevin peered into his can, trying to gauge how much was left.

"You're great company, and you know it, moron." Chris reached over to punch Kevin's arm. "So who are these men you're interested in?"

"Hot ones," Kevin deadpanned. "Sadly, they're all busy fucking other hot guys, leaving me at a bit of a loose end. I don't stand a chance. My best hope would be to get them shitfaced and do them while they're too drunk to care, but while that would get me laid, it doesn't really lead to lasting relationships."

Chris grinned. "Is that why you showed up here with beer?"

Kevin snorted with laughter. "I think it'd take more than a couple of beers for me to get you in the sack. Maybe a couple of roofies."

"Dude, that's Roddy's gimmick," Chris said, and he and Kevin briefly descended into distinctly unmanly sniggering.

"Roddy would have you flat on your back by now," Kevin said between giggles, "and you wouldn't know anything about it till it showed up on YouTube."

"You're liking this scenario way more than I'm comfortable with," Chris said, but he still couldn't stop laughing.

"You're okay, I wouldn't know where to get roofies from anyway." Kevin held out another can with a disarming smile. "More beer?"

Chris' laughter intensified, and Kevin grinned while Chris hugged helplessly at his ribs with his free arm.

"It's nice to see you laughing properly again," Kevin said as Chris began to regain control of himself, putting the unopened can back on the table.

"It's nice to be doing it," Chris said when he had enough breath. "Thank you."

"No problem." Kevin lounged back, balancing the chair precariously on two legs, and Chris knew it was only a matter of time before he ended up on his ass. "What's next for you now? Are you going to go for the same kind of guy, or something different? Or a woman, are you into women too?"

"Oh yeah, I'm definitely a fan of women," Chris said enthusiastically. "I mean, they have so many places to put things, and tits are awesome. I just prefer guys. If I had to pick one gender to stick with forever, I'd choose men."

"I know what you mean. There's something great about waking up in the morning and having someone else's cock to play with as well as your own."

Chris grinned slyly. "Assuming they haven't sobered up yet."

"Well, obviously. I wouldn't expect anyone to stick around with me if they were fully compos mentis." Although Kevin was smiling, Chris was convinced he saw a bitter truth clouding his eyes. It was only there for the briefest of moments, and then he could see nothing but Kevin's usual jocularity.

"Kev, are you lonely?"

"What, me?" Kevin replied, too quickly and too brightly. "How could I be lonely when there's so much beer in the world?"

One of Chris' eyebrows rose questioningly, and it was evident that Chris wasn't buying it. Kevin relented.

"Maybe a little, but that's just how it is, and I'm okay with it. I'm not really the kind of guy people tend to see as great boyfriend material."

Chris scowled. "That's bullshit, man, seriously. You're relaxing and fun to be around, and I figure you for low-maintenance. I'd say you're pretty good boyfriend material." He smiled playfully. "In fact, what are you doing for the next couple of years?"

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Pfft, I'm well aware the Chris Sabins of this world are miles out of my league. I set my sights somewhere more realistic, like Grizzly or Necro."

The way Kevin answered the tongue-in-cheek question while completely avoiding it was far too neat. "Are you attracted to me?" Chris asked curiously.

"Oh please, everyone's attracted to you. 'Not attracted to Chris Sabin' is another way of saying 'blind'." Kevin grabbed urgently at the table as the chair nearly went over, but once he'd regained his balance he still kept the chair on two legs, tempting fate. "Anyway, never mind me, let's talk about you some more, and what you're looking for next."

Chris sighed. "I don't know. I'm not sure I know what's good for me anymore. For that matter, I'm not sure if I'm good for anyone else. I think it might be best for everyone, myself included, if I stayed single for a while."

"I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you don't seem to be enjoying the single life much."

"Yes, because you're so renowned for your need to be polite." Chris shot Kevin a mock glare, and then he softened. "If I'm honest, I don't like it a lot. I miss having another warm body in my bed, I miss the for-no-reason touches, when my other half puts an arm around my waist or a hand on my shoulder while we're talking. I miss the absent-minded kisses in passing that neither one of us is really concentrating on, you know?" His eyes skittered guiltily back to Alex's bed. "Of course, Alex has to deal with all that too, as well as the fact that he's still in love with me."

Kevin drained the last of his beer and placed the empty can on the table. "Do you think maybe it's time you forgave yourself?"

Chris rose an eyebrow again. "For what?"

"I'm not sure... not being in love with him anymore?"

Chris was silent for a moment, staring blindly at the can in his hands while he turned Kevin's words over in his head. "Maybe," he said finally.

"You're a great guy, Chris, you should cut yourself a break and straighten yourself out. Develop some forward motion instead of letting this hold you back. There's no reason not to let yourself be happy. You should get out there and find someone to give you those little things you miss."

Chris grinned. "Are you volunteering?"

Kevin smiled wryly. "I'm not that deluded. I'm just here for a drink with a friend." He reached out to take another beer, and as he moved the chair began to overbalance. Chris clutched at his outstretched hand out of instinct, but Kevin had the weight advantage and ended up taking Chris with him as he tumbled to the floor, sliding from the chair as he went.

Chris found himself pressed against Kevin's chest, the remains of his beer spilling from the can in his hand and into the carpet. His thigh was caught between Kevin's, and even through the thick denim encasing his leg, the body heat felt so good. He hadn't been this close to anyone outside a wrestling ring since he and Alex had broken up, and the tight grip he kept on his need for affection crumbled. His face was close enough to Kevin's that he could feel his breath, and he knew he should move but he couldn't bear to break the contact.

"Sorry dude," Kevin said with a grin, and when Chris didn't respond he added, "At this point, it's traditional to get up."

Chris licked his lips unconsciously, putting the can down on the floor next to Kevin's head. "Yeah." He closed his eyes, but Kevin was still there when he opened them, looking confused and wary. "You know, Alex won't be back tonight."

Kevin's eyes widened. "You're not serious?"

Rather than answer, Chris dipped his head, letting his lips brush gently against Kevin's and allowing his tongue to lick across them suggestively. "Unless you have something better to do."

Swallowing his surprise, Kevin rolled them over, his forearms supporting his weight while he bent to trail kisses down Chris' throat. "You can do a hell of a lot better than me, you know," he muttered.

Chris grinned, his arms winding around Kevin's waist. "But Cartman was always my favourite South Park character."