Title: The Tallest Man In Hobbiton
Summary: The Gate accidentally deposits Edward in the wrong world. Ed is thrilled. Crack.
Notes: 2003 anime canon, of course.

Edward Elric opened his eyes.

The first thing he saw was hills, miles and miles of rolling land and clear sky and green grass. A breeze danced around him, whipping his hair this way and that, sending goosebumps down his still flesh arm and leg. He looked down at them, unable to believe what he was seeing. He was alive. And he was somewhere else, somewhere unknown.

He could see people moving around the hills, made small by the distance between him and them. Taking a few unsteady steps forward, he walked toward them, as his brain tried to process what was going on. He moved as if in a daze, until a startling fact made itself known to his mind.

The people weren't getting any bigger. In fact, he reached them in less than a few minutes, and they hadn't gotten any larger. The tops of their heads barely reached his chest, even though they were perfectly proportioned (though they did seem to have rather large hands and feet). They looked at him curiously as he looked at them in shock, until one of the diminutive people spoke up.

"You in any trouble, sir?" he asked.

Edward blinked. He could understand them. Good.

"I'm sorry," he said, "but what are you?"

The small person frowned at the rude question. "We're hobbits," he replied.

"Hobbits," Ed repeated wonderingly. "Are all hobbits as small as you?"

The hobbit who had spoken wasn't the only one frowning. "Yes," answered the first speaker.

A wide grin stole across Ed's face. "Really? That's amazing."

"What?" chorused more than one hobbit.

"I think it's great," Edward said, enthusiasm warming his voice. "Really, really great." He took in his surroundings with eager eyes. If the Gate had not killed him and had instead dumped him in the other world, then it had picked the most perfect place for him to be. "Are there a lot of you hobbits around here?"

The first hobbit nodded. "The Shire is our country. Sir, are you lost?"

He was taller than everyone in the entire country. Edward nodded happily. "Totally, completely lost. You know of any good places to stay?"

The Gate was miffed.

Damn those interdimensional pathways. The Edward boy had ended up where the Gate had not intended, without even paying the toll. Perhaps it was because the pathways were so rarely used nowadays, but the Gate was irritated with itself for even allowing such a mistake to happen.

Heaving the otherworldly equivalent of a human sigh, the Gate extracted Edward out of Hobbiton (it was difficult; the boy was already in love with the place) and dumped him in Germany, where everyone was unreasonably, painfully tall.