. Most of these are not mine. I only own 1, 2, 22 through 29. The rest are not mine, and neither is anything recognizable.

1. I am not allowed to ask Remus Lupin if he wants to watch the full moon with me.

2. I am not allowed to ask Remus Lupin what he enjoys doing on full moons.

3. I may no use the words 'Pimp cane' in front of Lucious Malfoy.

4. Nor may I call him my 'Pimp'.

5. I may not sing the song 'Dirty Little Secrets' in front of the Marauders.

6. Nor may I change the words to 'Furry Little Secrets'.

7, Sirius Black does not want to get in touch with his 'feminine side'.

8. And does not appreciate it when I suggest he do so.

9. Pink hair does not look good on James Potter.

10. Remus Lupin does not need nor want a flea collar, and I should not offer him one.

11. …Even for free

12. I must not run through the hallways screaming, "The muggles are coming, the muggles are coming!" during class.

13. …Or before class.

14. Or after…

15. I must not put Hagrid's baby blast-ended skrewts in the Gryffindor's Quidditch robes.

16. I must not make fun of Filch for being a squib.

18. Telling first-years that they need to have the "witch-burning test" done to them upon entering Hogwarts is not funny.

19. I must not convince first-years that if you take Astronomy you will be abducted by aliens.

20. I must not dunk my owl's feet in ink and have it walk over parchment before selling it to students as a "cheat sheet" for Ancient Runes.

21 …Even though Crabbe and Goyle fall for it every time.

22. Remus Lupin does not want to crystal gaze with me.

23. Gryffindors do not enjoy watching the 'Mufasa's Death' scene from the muggle movie 'Lion King'

24. I may not sing 'Hungry Like the Wolf' in front of Remus Lupin.

25. In fact, I may not speak to Remus Lupin at all.

26. …Ever.

27. The Gryffindor Lion is not Aslan.

28. Nor is he Rumbleror.

29. Sirius Black does not know who Stubby Boardman is.

30. I may not test my potions or new spells on Peter Pettigrew.

31. I am not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

32. I am not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

33. I am not allowed to add "In accordance with the prophecy" to the end of answers I give to a question a professor asks me.

34. I May not call the Marauders immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.

35. I Must not taunt the First years any more.

36. I must never ask Prefects if they've been smoking crack.

37. Must not other students that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.

38. I am Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

39. I am not allowed to chew gum in class, unless I brought enough for everybody.

40. I am not allowed to chew gum in class even if I did bring enough for everybody.

41. I Should not taunt members of the Marauders, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and Gryffindors.

42. Crucifying mice – bad idea.

43. I cannot arrest first years for breathing too loud.

44. I should not teach other students to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

45. I'm drunk" is a bad answer to any question asked by my teachers.

46. I should not threaten suicide with Fizzing Whizbees and Butterbeer.

47. My name is not a killing word.

48. I am not the Emperor of anything.

49. I must not dare Gryffinndors to eat bugs. They will always do it.

50. The proper response to a Professor is not "That's what you think".

51. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.