Love Calculator

Disclaimer: Just a hundred moments of Toy story, some of them may be cheesy and sweet, some may be about anger and revenge etc...But you'll just have to wait and see. Just so you know I do not own Toy Story.

Hamm was currently engaging in one of his usual daily routines. When Bonnie and her mum, Mrs Anderson, were off at the daycare and Bonnie's dad had left for work, he would usually be Internet surfing for hours on end. That was how he knew so much about anything and everything.

But today, he had just so happened to come across a site that he thought was pretty neat and he just had to show the others.

It was a damn good thing that he had managed to get to the computer before Rex and Trixie did that day, otherwise he wouldn't even know of this site in the slightest.

But before he told the others, he tested it again to make sure it satisfied his expectations. Oh boy how it did.

Turning around on Bonnie's computer desk, Hamm scanned the room in search for the first one of Bonneie's toys his eyes would come across. It was rather ironic actually that the first toy he saw turned out to be no other than the advanced 'Buzz Lightyear', who was currently pacing aimlessly across a vast stretch of Bonnie's room.

"Hey Buzz. Gather everyone up." Hamm instructed, almost instantly receiving the immediate attention from the extremely bored Space Ranger. "I've got something cool to show you."

"What is it?" Buzz asked mainly out of curiosity. God he was so bored. And the worst thing was he had no idea where the others were.

"You'll see in a minute. But it's something everyone will enjoy." Hamm stated, feeling proud of himself for the discovery he had made. "Gather everyone up." Hamm said again and Buzz obeyed.

"Sure thing." Buzz said and Hamm smiled at the way Buzz would almost to anything someone asked of him, as long as it was reasonable...and mostly safe.

Buzz scanned the of the room, wondering where on Earth the others could be, before he then made his way over to Bonnie's bed. Once he had done so, he lifted the bed covers over his head to check under the bed, in hope that he might actually spot someone under there; nothing.

Groaning, he waited for a little while loner and after several moments there was still no answer, so Buzz automatically presumed he wasn't going to get one.

Buzz was about to turn around when he felt a hand on his shoulder, of which caused him to nearly jump out of his suit. He turned around to look at the toy who had gave him the terrible fright, expecting it to be Woody trying to tug at his strings again. But it wasn't Woody.

"J-Jessie," He managed to stutter, the shock of her abrupt appearance attracting his sudden severe lack of speech. After a few moments, he straightened and sighed. "Please don't scare me like that again."

For a brief moment he suddenly found himself lost in Jessie's alluring eyes. Her lovely bottle green eyes...

'Snap out of it Buzz!' He mentally yelled at himself, considering whether or not to mentally slap himself in the process.

"Shhhh." Jessie hushed quietly. Buzz even managed to find himself lost the shortest words she uttered from those lips.

"What are you doing under here?" Buzz asked.

"All of the toys are playing hide n' seek." Jessie answered, her words seemingly wrapping around Buzz like an extremely warm blanket, almost causing him to want to tuck himself in and drift off into dreamland. Dreaming about Jessie...

He mentally slapped himself this time.

"Well, we need to get all of the toys gathered. Hamm says he got something interesting to show us." Buzz told her, with a voice of high authority.

"Sure thing Buzz." The Cowgirl answered enthusiastically.

"But how are we supposed to get all of the toys gathered?"

"I've got an idea." Jessie said excitedly, before she ran out from under the bed and into the centre of Bonnie's room, Buzz could only stare at her and admire the way she ran.

When Jessie wasn't looking, he literally slapped himself in the face this time.

"Snap out of it you idiot!" He hissed quietly to himself, before quickly following Jessie.

She then yodelled as loud as she could, receiving the attention of everyone in the room.

"Okay. They're yours now Buzz."

Wow. She really was amazing.

Another mental slap for the Space Ranger.

"Um...I believe Hamm wants us to gather around the computer?" Buzz began slowly. "So if we can all gather around the computer in an orderally fashion, then things will work out best for the all of us."

Within moments, the toys were all gathered around Bonnie's computer screen.

"What is it?" Rex asked in a sense of keen interest. He had never seen anything like it.

"It's a love calculator." Hamm answered, a sense of pride in his voice.

"What does it do?" Slinky asked, staring at the screen in awe.

"You type in two people's names and you'll see." Hamm told them breifly. "Here I'll demonstrate." Hamm said and he began typing away. After he was finished the toys saw two of their names on the screen.

What they saw was the name Woody Pride and Buzz Lightyear on the page with a scarlet red love heart pasted between their names. Under their names was a number and a symbol that read: 98%

It didn't take long before the toys were buried deep within a fit of contagious laughter. If it was possible, then Jessie would've had tears in her eyes at that moment. However, the only ones left out of the laughter were Buzz and Woody; the victims of the joke.

But everyone else understood the joke; even Buzz.

Woody, as per usual, was the one left out.

"Hey Woody, I never knew you were a Queer." Hamm said before snorting out of laughter. God was this hilarious.

"What?" Woody asked still completely oblivious to the situation, seeming much like a four-year-old who didn't understand the facts of life.. "Why are you all laughing?"

Woody was slightly disappointed when he never got an answer, but it wasn't long before someone else volunteered.

"Ooh, ooh." Rex urged. "I have an idea."

Rex then slowly began to type, moving every time he had to press another key because his arms were too God-damn short!

"Hurry!" Hamm yelled impatiently.

"But look at my little arms." Rex said holding his arms in the air, as if to prove his point. "I can't reach."

He then finished and after a few moments another result appeared on the screen.

'Mr Pricklepants & Jessie Jane = 17%'

Rex could only frown because of the fact the result turned out negative. But Jessie certainly didn't mope over the result.

"Well thats what ya get for typing such a horrible pairing." Jessie said and Mr Pricklepants looked somewhat offended be he didn't let it show as he wanted to stay 'in character' as he called it.

He guessed it just wasn't meant to be...

"I've got one." Buzz said as he took Rex's place by the keyboard and he then began to hurriedly enter the pairing on the computer.

Rex & Mrs Potato-head = 89%

"Aww looks like a critters' in looove." Jessie said whilst grinning at the result and making kissing motions with her lips.

But Mr Potato-head did not find this to be a laughing matter. In fact, he was furious.

Utter anger boiled through Mr Potato-head causing his fingers to curl up to form a fist as the overwhelming anger threatened to exceed its possible limit.

"You better keep your hands of my sweet potato." Mr Potato exclaimed towards Rex as he stabbed his index finger in Rex's chest, causing the green dinosaur to jerk away out of pain, hollowing in the process.

"Hey you two, stop it!" Buzz ordered, trying to retain the peace between the toys. "Let's not resort to violence. It was me who typed it in the first place and it was only meant as a harmless joke." Buzz raised both hands in front of him as if to prove that the joke was harmless, nonetheless Mr Potato-head would have none of it.

But Mr Potato-head still hesitantly stepped away, but not before he shot a death glare at Buzz. Oh boy how he was going to make him pay...

"Fine," Mr Potato-head spat through gritted teeth. If it was possible, the hairs on the back of Rex's next would have stood up. "I've got one."

His fingers stabbed at the keys like daggers hitting the surface after just falling from the top of the Earths atmosphere. Within another minute another result appeared on the screen. The names leaving an ominous print at the back of Buzz's mind.

Woody Pride & Jessie Jane = 96%

Buzz's felt his breath catch in his throat as his lips fell into a frown. He could only state at the result in a sense of pure horror. His hopes had faded down into nothing more than a speck of dust that had been swept away by a duster, only to be long lost within rushing winds.

His weak spot was attacked.

Jessie would never be his after all.