Hello peoples! This is my first Forgotten Realms fanfic, and this is surely not my last (You shall never be rid of me!). This was
originally a thing I did for a book report for my English Honors class, but my friend suggested that I should it up on FF.N as fic
so here it 'tis! BTW, throughout A.E.D's diary entries it mentions a bit of slash, a fondness for gore (Come on! It's a bloody
dagger!), and some wierdness, so if you have allergies to any of the said things, please click the back button. Now, please enjoy
this snippet of random insanity.
Dia presents to you..
~*The Diary of the Norma;, Everyday, Deadly, Vampyric, Life-Sucking Dagger*~
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
~*Entry 1*~
Yes, it 'tis I, Artemis Entreri's infamous dagger, which has stolen many a life during it's
25 year career as an assassin's dagger is writing in a DIARY!!! No, I am not doing it out
of indulgence in one's own feelings (like that pansy dark elf Drizzt Do'Urdan) by writing
them down, but I am only doing because my psychiatrist told me to and I'd get a free
polishing along with it. Anyway, I might as well introduce myself like all people do with
their first entry into their diary/journal ect. My name is..Artemis Entreri's dagger and I
am owned by Artemis Entreri (who, by the way, is the HOTTEST owner in the world)
who, to make me happy, at least kills one person/thing/animal a day and polishes my hilt
and sharpens my blade every night!!! Well, I must go, Master has an 'appointment' with
that pansy drow Drizzt (when will my blade finally deliver the final blow?).
Dream Darkly,
A.E.D
~*Entry 2*~
Haha! Master and I have finally did it! We have fought Drizzt for the last time because
we have finally sent him to Death's Door! I have finally mastered over the thing...that
my Master has...no HAD! (I have to keep reminding myself he has been disposed of) so
despised and opposed makes me as happy as any faithful dagger could be! I also showed
Drizzt's two scimitars (Icingdeath and Twinkle, and what sick individual would name a
scimitar TWINKLE?) that daggers are better than any scimitar and my beautiful ,skillful,
and intelligent Master is surely better than that horrid dark elf they had for a master!
Did you know those two always taunted me during our many skirmishes with each other?
They always teased me about my taste in masters and that I picked a weakling to fight
for, but LOOK WHO'S TALKING NOW!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Happily (and Insanely!) Yours,
A.E.D
~*Entry 3*~
It's been 3 months since I last wrote, and I'm not a happy dagger to deal with at the
moment . Master (and I of course!) went to see a slimy informant named Sha'lazzi Ozoule
within Calimport's wealthier market places. I thought the reason for our visit was to find
information about any other guild that was plotting against House Basadoni (which my
Master secretly owns!) and how they were plotting to infiltrate to possibly weaken us , but
to my surprise (and dismay), it wasn't! Master was seeking information on the infamous
sword called " Charon's Claw" which is probably the most powerful blade to ever grace
the Calimshan's sands. I was a bit offended by this, even though I understand why my
Master would want such a blade, but aren't I good enough. I mean, what happens to me
when he finally gets Charon's Claw (what Master wants, Master gets) ? Do I get
disowned and find myself later cluttering an already cluttered shelf in an armory room
some where? Or would I just be ignored!? I can't stand such thoughts! Master and I (or
at least Myself and my Master) have such a *deep* relationship!!!!! I even think I'm too
depressed to even cause someone a *parchment cut* at the moment. Oh, Woe is me!
Depressingly Yours,
A.E.D
~*Entry 4*~
Don't have time to write, but I have some things to vent. Kimmurial Oboldra and Rai-guy
( Master's Boss's lieutenants) are really getting to be bothersome with my Master's plans
and they have the gall to take stabs at my Master's dignity and pride by using him as a
mere messenger boy! I can't wait till Master and I have an opportunity to disconnect
their heads from their bodies!
Sincerely,
A.E.D
~*Entry 5*~
Master has finally convinced Jarlaxle Baenre (his boss) into attacking the Dallabad
Oasis with drow warriors, so Master can sneak in and retrieve the Charon's Claw (which
Jarlaxle doesn't know is Master's true reason). As usual, Master performed beautifully
(along with me!) and deceived Soulez (then current owner of the Charon's Claw) by
having him think that he (Soulez) was wearing the *right* gauntlet and had him pick the
sword with the actual wrong gauntlet which burned the flesh right off Soulez's bones (Ha
ha!) because the bloody idiot kept hanging on to Charon's hilt! Master is such a genius
at these type of things! Anyway, I can already tell that he likes Charon better than I
because he has polished Charon's Claw hilt 3 times already when he only polished mine
once! I already feel so neglected (I'm spoiled!) I can't stand to think what will come!!
Emotionally Confused, but yours anyway,
A.E.D
~*Entry 6*~
I can't believe what just happened today! Charon's Claw has been *attempting* to take
over my Master's mind as it had done with Soulez (and succeeded). Master is fighting
against temptation, but he still seems to like it more than he does me! I mean, I may not
have the devastating power of Charon's Claw, but I never even *attempted* to take over
Master's mind! Anyway, other than the fact that he polishes Charon's Claw 3 times a day
while I'm at a measly 1, HE USES HER IN COMBAT MORE OFTEN THAN HE DOES
ME NOWADAYS!!! Master and his associates were facing off against the wererats guild
within Calimport's sewers, and it had gotten to the point that Master needed weapons to
convince them of something. I mean I always enjoy a good douce of spilt wererat blood,
BUT HE USED CHARON'S CLAW TO KILL THEM!!!! BAH! Sooner or later, Charon
and I are going to have a little chat...and I swear that if Charon's Claw touches Master
in *any* way*, it's going to be facing one ticked off dagger.
Angrily,
A.E.D
~*Entry 7*~
Well, Master and Charon got into a bit of a fight tonight . Luckily for me, Master ended
up winning (It was a typical sword-trying-to-take-over-your-mind fight, nothing major),
but one thing happened that set me off my edge and that happened when Charon and I
had our little 'chat'. Surprisingly, Charon isn't what I thought he'd be. I always thought
him to be a sword cloaked in mystery and stoicism, a sword that lurked in the shadows as
an enigma, but I was wrong. He is an absolute braggart and pervert, the worst I have
ever met! Throughout the entire time I talked to him he kept mentioning how many
powerful warlords fell to his powerful whims, the 'fact' that he could court any pretty
scimitar within Faerun, and that I was 'cute' and 'adorable' for a dagger. I don't think
that deadly, life-sucking daggers are SUPPOSED to be CUTE and ADORABLE!! Also,
to add insult to injury, he kept trying to snuggle with me while master was asleep. I mean,
can't he just stay in his own sheath? Well, I gotta' go to sleep or Charon may wake up
and we don't want that!
Sincerely,
A.E.D
~*Entry 8*~
I'm starting to get really worried about Master because he is really stressin' out over
Jarlaxle severe change in plans. Master suspects it is the doing of the crenshinibon, the
crystal shard. Master is also worried for his and Jarlaxle welfare because Kimmurial and
Rai-guy are plotting to overthrow, maybe even kill, Jarlaxle tomorrow night. If they
succeed, Master shall surely die even with the power of the Claw on his side (along with
me!). Master is planning on going on to see Jarlaxle at the same time to steal the
crenshinibon from Jarlaxle and to take Jarlaxle with him to the Spirit Soaring ( a
cathedral dedicated to Denier) to see foolish Priest Cadderly about destroying the
shard.
Sincerely,
A.E.D
~*Entry 9*~
Master and Jarlaxle escaped successfully, crenshinibon was stolen successfully, and
we're all sleeping in a tent that puts us into another dimension (the tent with us in it) so
we can avoid be tracked by Kimmurial, Rai-Guy, and Co. Well, Master and Jarlaxle are
sleeping peacefully, but not I. I have *other* problems to deal with. First of all,
Jarlaxle's purple, plumed hat keeps flirting with me. Now, I understand why Jarlaxle is
so flamboyant, he must take after his hat! (or his hat takes after him, whatever). Any way,
his hat had the absolute gull to smack me on my hilt!! I mean, what a lewd and lascivious
thing to do!?!? Another thing is that Jarlaxle's magical throwing daggers keep leering at
me and saying rude things like, "I wanna' see myself in your sheath" and "I wanna'
piece of yo' blade ". Magical throwing daggers!? In my opinion, that aren't *true*
daggers since they are thrown and are powered by magic. At this moment, I do truly hope
that Jarlaxle isn't going to be like this to Artemis because it is hellish and, by Bane, I
want to get some sleep!!
Tiredly,
A.E.D
~*Entry 10*~
Well, Master and I are on the road again, along with Jarlaxle, his magical throwing
daggers, his plumed hat, and Charon's Claw. Our road is heading toward the
Mountains where Cadderly dwells, and that is where we must go to find out how the
crenshinibon can be disposed of. I sense that a group of orcs aren't too far away, which
means we are destined for a fight! My blade quivers in excitement at the chance to slay.
Even though I love traveling, it has it's bad side...I may not get polished in a long time!!! (a
long time being 3 days).
Truly Yours,
A.E.D
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Well, I hoped that you enjoyed this and if I get enough positive responces I may write another part to it!!! I own absolutely
nothing! R.A Salvatore owns everything, INCLUDING Jarlaxle's horny daggers and the flirtacious Charon's Claw.. The only I
own is the few pennies that you may get if you sue me!! Anyways, Ta ta!!
Love,luck, and Lollipops,
Dia
originally a thing I did for a book report for my English Honors class, but my friend suggested that I should it up on FF.N as fic
so here it 'tis! BTW, throughout A.E.D's diary entries it mentions a bit of slash, a fondness for gore (Come on! It's a bloody
dagger!), and some wierdness, so if you have allergies to any of the said things, please click the back button. Now, please enjoy
this snippet of random insanity.
Dia presents to you..
~*The Diary of the Norma;, Everyday, Deadly, Vampyric, Life-Sucking Dagger*~
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
~*Entry 1*~
Yes, it 'tis I, Artemis Entreri's infamous dagger, which has stolen many a life during it's
25 year career as an assassin's dagger is writing in a DIARY!!! No, I am not doing it out
of indulgence in one's own feelings (like that pansy dark elf Drizzt Do'Urdan) by writing
them down, but I am only doing because my psychiatrist told me to and I'd get a free
polishing along with it. Anyway, I might as well introduce myself like all people do with
their first entry into their diary/journal ect. My name is..Artemis Entreri's dagger and I
am owned by Artemis Entreri (who, by the way, is the HOTTEST owner in the world)
who, to make me happy, at least kills one person/thing/animal a day and polishes my hilt
and sharpens my blade every night!!! Well, I must go, Master has an 'appointment' with
that pansy drow Drizzt (when will my blade finally deliver the final blow?).
Dream Darkly,
A.E.D
~*Entry 2*~
Haha! Master and I have finally did it! We have fought Drizzt for the last time because
we have finally sent him to Death's Door! I have finally mastered over the thing...that
my Master has...no HAD! (I have to keep reminding myself he has been disposed of) so
despised and opposed makes me as happy as any faithful dagger could be! I also showed
Drizzt's two scimitars (Icingdeath and Twinkle, and what sick individual would name a
scimitar TWINKLE?) that daggers are better than any scimitar and my beautiful ,skillful,
and intelligent Master is surely better than that horrid dark elf they had for a master!
Did you know those two always taunted me during our many skirmishes with each other?
They always teased me about my taste in masters and that I picked a weakling to fight
for, but LOOK WHO'S TALKING NOW!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Happily (and Insanely!) Yours,
A.E.D
~*Entry 3*~
It's been 3 months since I last wrote, and I'm not a happy dagger to deal with at the
moment . Master (and I of course!) went to see a slimy informant named Sha'lazzi Ozoule
within Calimport's wealthier market places. I thought the reason for our visit was to find
information about any other guild that was plotting against House Basadoni (which my
Master secretly owns!) and how they were plotting to infiltrate to possibly weaken us , but
to my surprise (and dismay), it wasn't! Master was seeking information on the infamous
sword called " Charon's Claw" which is probably the most powerful blade to ever grace
the Calimshan's sands. I was a bit offended by this, even though I understand why my
Master would want such a blade, but aren't I good enough. I mean, what happens to me
when he finally gets Charon's Claw (what Master wants, Master gets) ? Do I get
disowned and find myself later cluttering an already cluttered shelf in an armory room
some where? Or would I just be ignored!? I can't stand such thoughts! Master and I (or
at least Myself and my Master) have such a *deep* relationship!!!!! I even think I'm too
depressed to even cause someone a *parchment cut* at the moment. Oh, Woe is me!
Depressingly Yours,
A.E.D
~*Entry 4*~
Don't have time to write, but I have some things to vent. Kimmurial Oboldra and Rai-guy
( Master's Boss's lieutenants) are really getting to be bothersome with my Master's plans
and they have the gall to take stabs at my Master's dignity and pride by using him as a
mere messenger boy! I can't wait till Master and I have an opportunity to disconnect
their heads from their bodies!
Sincerely,
A.E.D
~*Entry 5*~
Master has finally convinced Jarlaxle Baenre (his boss) into attacking the Dallabad
Oasis with drow warriors, so Master can sneak in and retrieve the Charon's Claw (which
Jarlaxle doesn't know is Master's true reason). As usual, Master performed beautifully
(along with me!) and deceived Soulez (then current owner of the Charon's Claw) by
having him think that he (Soulez) was wearing the *right* gauntlet and had him pick the
sword with the actual wrong gauntlet which burned the flesh right off Soulez's bones (Ha
ha!) because the bloody idiot kept hanging on to Charon's hilt! Master is such a genius
at these type of things! Anyway, I can already tell that he likes Charon better than I
because he has polished Charon's Claw hilt 3 times already when he only polished mine
once! I already feel so neglected (I'm spoiled!) I can't stand to think what will come!!
Emotionally Confused, but yours anyway,
A.E.D
~*Entry 6*~
I can't believe what just happened today! Charon's Claw has been *attempting* to take
over my Master's mind as it had done with Soulez (and succeeded). Master is fighting
against temptation, but he still seems to like it more than he does me! I mean, I may not
have the devastating power of Charon's Claw, but I never even *attempted* to take over
Master's mind! Anyway, other than the fact that he polishes Charon's Claw 3 times a day
while I'm at a measly 1, HE USES HER IN COMBAT MORE OFTEN THAN HE DOES
ME NOWADAYS!!! Master and his associates were facing off against the wererats guild
within Calimport's sewers, and it had gotten to the point that Master needed weapons to
convince them of something. I mean I always enjoy a good douce of spilt wererat blood,
BUT HE USED CHARON'S CLAW TO KILL THEM!!!! BAH! Sooner or later, Charon
and I are going to have a little chat...and I swear that if Charon's Claw touches Master
in *any* way*, it's going to be facing one ticked off dagger.
Angrily,
A.E.D
~*Entry 7*~
Well, Master and Charon got into a bit of a fight tonight . Luckily for me, Master ended
up winning (It was a typical sword-trying-to-take-over-your-mind fight, nothing major),
but one thing happened that set me off my edge and that happened when Charon and I
had our little 'chat'. Surprisingly, Charon isn't what I thought he'd be. I always thought
him to be a sword cloaked in mystery and stoicism, a sword that lurked in the shadows as
an enigma, but I was wrong. He is an absolute braggart and pervert, the worst I have
ever met! Throughout the entire time I talked to him he kept mentioning how many
powerful warlords fell to his powerful whims, the 'fact' that he could court any pretty
scimitar within Faerun, and that I was 'cute' and 'adorable' for a dagger. I don't think
that deadly, life-sucking daggers are SUPPOSED to be CUTE and ADORABLE!! Also,
to add insult to injury, he kept trying to snuggle with me while master was asleep. I mean,
can't he just stay in his own sheath? Well, I gotta' go to sleep or Charon may wake up
and we don't want that!
Sincerely,
A.E.D
~*Entry 8*~
I'm starting to get really worried about Master because he is really stressin' out over
Jarlaxle severe change in plans. Master suspects it is the doing of the crenshinibon, the
crystal shard. Master is also worried for his and Jarlaxle welfare because Kimmurial and
Rai-guy are plotting to overthrow, maybe even kill, Jarlaxle tomorrow night. If they
succeed, Master shall surely die even with the power of the Claw on his side (along with
me!). Master is planning on going on to see Jarlaxle at the same time to steal the
crenshinibon from Jarlaxle and to take Jarlaxle with him to the Spirit Soaring ( a
cathedral dedicated to Denier) to see foolish Priest Cadderly about destroying the
shard.
Sincerely,
A.E.D
~*Entry 9*~
Master and Jarlaxle escaped successfully, crenshinibon was stolen successfully, and
we're all sleeping in a tent that puts us into another dimension (the tent with us in it) so
we can avoid be tracked by Kimmurial, Rai-Guy, and Co. Well, Master and Jarlaxle are
sleeping peacefully, but not I. I have *other* problems to deal with. First of all,
Jarlaxle's purple, plumed hat keeps flirting with me. Now, I understand why Jarlaxle is
so flamboyant, he must take after his hat! (or his hat takes after him, whatever). Any way,
his hat had the absolute gull to smack me on my hilt!! I mean, what a lewd and lascivious
thing to do!?!? Another thing is that Jarlaxle's magical throwing daggers keep leering at
me and saying rude things like, "I wanna' see myself in your sheath" and "I wanna'
piece of yo' blade ". Magical throwing daggers!? In my opinion, that aren't *true*
daggers since they are thrown and are powered by magic. At this moment, I do truly hope
that Jarlaxle isn't going to be like this to Artemis because it is hellish and, by Bane, I
want to get some sleep!!
Tiredly,
A.E.D
~*Entry 10*~
Well, Master and I are on the road again, along with Jarlaxle, his magical throwing
daggers, his plumed hat, and Charon's Claw. Our road is heading toward the
Mountains where Cadderly dwells, and that is where we must go to find out how the
crenshinibon can be disposed of. I sense that a group of orcs aren't too far away, which
means we are destined for a fight! My blade quivers in excitement at the chance to slay.
Even though I love traveling, it has it's bad side...I may not get polished in a long time!!! (a
long time being 3 days).
Truly Yours,
A.E.D
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Well, I hoped that you enjoyed this and if I get enough positive responces I may write another part to it!!! I own absolutely
nothing! R.A Salvatore owns everything, INCLUDING Jarlaxle's horny daggers and the flirtacious Charon's Claw.. The only I
own is the few pennies that you may get if you sue me!! Anyways, Ta ta!!
Love,luck, and Lollipops,
Dia