After all this time, I decided I needed to write Edward's POV as well, because I think he would have thought a lot about his family (especially Carlisle and Esme) while traveling to Volterra to die, and their reunion is something I wish we got more of.

.:Edward:.

Forks was a city I never planned to step foot in again. The memories would be too much, simultaneously too light and too dark to bear. And yet, after I resurfaced from the darkest days of my existence, here I was. Despite the agonizing loneliness I threw myself into, the debilitating depression my mind had succumbed to, and the weakness I had shown that clearly did not deserve a reprieve for my selfishness in love, I was here once again, with the angel that lit my destructive heart on fire, with her warm hand in mine as she slept soundly, safely. I vowed to always make sure she was safe. Even if she didn't take me back after this - a thought that pained me in the depths of my immortal bones - I would be her guardian angel for the rest of her life. Although, 'angle' was a loose term here.

I was anything but an angel, especially now, for what I put her through, for what I put Charlie through, for what I put my family through. Closing my eyes, I tried not to think of how my absence must have affected them, and failed. I knew I couldn't wait anymore. Bella, as beautiful as she always was, was lost in a deep, well-deserved sleep, and though I never wished to leave her side again, there were others who I loved that I wanted to see, to apologize to. And to also never leave behind again.

Sighing heavily, I slipped out of Bella's warm grasp and out her window.

Running usually gave me a sense of relief, but tonight it was grueling. Even with my speed, I couldn't arrive home fast enough.

Home.

My family's faces flashed through my mind in a firelight glow, filling me with a warmth I had been avoiding for so long, feelings I hadn't felt that I deserved. I probably deserved them less now, but I knew at this moment I wanted nothing more than to be back with them. As long as they allowed me.

Why wouldn't they, though? Carlisle and Esme had embraced many of my returns before with arms they couldn't open wide enough. Even if a strong part of me wondered if this was the mistake that would push these two lovely people to the breaking point, the one that would have them sending me away for good, I knew their thoughts at our small airport reunion countered that fear a million times over.

Emmett was all too willing to accept me back, easygoing as he was. Rosalie had her own reparations to make. As I gathered from her troubled thoughts in the car ride back to Forks, my cavalier sister was anything but. Between her mind and Emmett's memories of the past 24 hours, I felt I couldn't blame Rosalie for a mistake that was all mine.

Jasper was the one I was most concerned about. Not only had I put myself and Bella on the line; I put him and Alice there, too. Would he trust me again after that? I was afraid to find out.

The thick pines began to disperse as I hit the boundaries of our old house, reveling in the familiar scents. A bombardment of intimate thoughts finally reached me, and less than a second later I was in all of them. Excitement, relief, impatience, love - the anticipation of waiting for me to finally walk back through these doors. Even knowing why I had to leave them, the guilt bit ferociously into me.

Alice was the one waiting for me through the front door. I caught her as she threw her arms around me, hair flattened against my chest like midnight waves. Her summery scent - a mixture of gardenias and what can only be described as the sweet smell of fresh rain - eased some of the tension I had built up on the run here.

"Didn't we just spend the last twenty-four hours together, Alice?" I said, trying to keep a light mood. The conversations coming would be much darker.

"But I didn't get to hug you," she said as she pulled away. "And I really, really wanted to."

She and I had finalized our amends on the plane ride home. The fact I had put her in a situation to confront the Volturi still made my stomach queasy. Even though she forgave me, I could never.

Jasper stepped into the foyer then. Instantly, I was back to wondering if he was as forgiving as his mate.

My brother had an intensity in his liquid-gold eyes as he read my emotions and I tried to gauge his.

There was anger there, riled and frustrated. His outrage, his slanders, his How dare you's, his hurt - all rapidly converging on my conscious. I took it all, knowing he was right. I let him down. I let Alice down. I let everyone down. And then, just as I was quite ready to get on my knees and plead for absolution, his mood released itself from its garnered strain with:

But you are a close brother, Edward, and I will forgive you.

"Jasper-" I started, but he held his palm up to stop me. He stepped forward, placing an affectionate hand on my shoulder and squeezing.

"It's nice to have you back, Edward," he said. The sincerity in his words shocked me as much as it contented me.

Next to him, Alice hugged his arm with a smile that was blinding. "We missed you."

Emmett appeared behind them, then, agreeing. "We really did! Who knew you could be such an idiot?"

Before I could stop him, Emmett had me off the floor in hug that had my bones on the edge of cracking.

"Ahh, Emmett!" I struggled, futile as it was to combat his monstrous strength. It was a good thing I didn't have to breathe with his massive arms crushing my rib cage like this.

He laughed, giving me another tight squeeze before dropping me and ruffling my hair. I refrained from swatting him away, but I still glowered at him. It was hard, though; his heart was so light, his relief so potent. I'd never seen his eyes that alleviated. How upset must he have been to bask in his own relief this strongly?

Emmett reached around Jasper and Alice, and tugged his wife forward from the quiet corner she was hoping she'd disappear into. Rosalie's dark lashes made soft shadows across her cheeks as she gazed at her heeled feet, and then at me. There was nothing snide coming from her head, playful or otherwise, as Emmett and Jasper had been, respectively. There was that same relief in her as the others, yet when she looked at me she felt overwhelming fear. I realized that, although she had freely given me honest explanations through her memories on the car ride earlier, something cuttingly difficult for my sister to ever do, I had yet to utter a word or offer a glance toward her.

When Emmett and Jasper looked from Rosalie to me, their worry mirrored the other's. I would always forgive my sister, but the way they all feared I wouldn't was slightly discouraging.

My siblings stood before me in an arch, and my guilt was instantly renewed. They saw me as their younger brother, one to care for and to protect, and I had hurt them all.

"Listen," I said, the shame I felt choking the strength of my voice. Clearing my throat, I looked at each of them individually, hoping to convey the depths of my regret. "Em, Jazz, Rose... I want to apologize for what I put you through. It wasn't fair of me."

Although the three pairs of eyes that stared back at me were soft, a hard edge of thoughts suddenly interrupted the relief in the air. A breeze swept down from the top of the stairs where Esme appeared. The look on her face was anything but happy.

"What you put them through?" She whispered, vehement, eyes sparking like a fuse. A knot formed in my chest, as chaotic as Esme's thoughts. Uncharacteristically enraged, my mother for all intents and purposes glared down at me, petite hands balled into hard fists at her side. "Do you have any idea what we went through? Any idea at all?"

I balked. "I- I'm-"

"Exactly," she all but growled, unsettling the room further. This was not the Esme I expected to come back to. This was not the Esme at the airport, and although I had sensed the anger brewing in her then, among the disappointment and the relief, no part of me predicted the face of the woman boring down on me now.

Carlisle came, quietly putting a hand on her shoulder, but nobody dared utter a sound.

"How well can you possibly understand without knowing," she continued. "The things we said to each other, the things we did, the things we felt? Horrible, awful things. None of it can be taken back."

A glistening sheen coated Esme's suddenly sad gaze. An agonizing suffering rolled through her, and it hit the others in a way I couldn't describe. Suddenly, the room was filled with a blur of pictures, of memories. Dark, shattering, heavy memories. I realized they had been trying not to think of it. They didn't want to, never wanted to again. But Esme... Esme released them all from what they were holding back.

And I saw it all.

All the desperation:

Rosalie, what is it?-

-We have to stop him.

It was never supposed to turn out this way.-

-I wish I was stronger.

Jasper, what's wrong?-

-Why would he leave his phone?

This can't be happening.-

All the fear:

Something's happened.-

-The damage is already done.

Emmett, I'm scared.-

-It's too late.

He's headed for Italy.-

-The odds aren't good.

All the anger:

What? Are we supposed to just let Edward die?!-

-So you have come to accuse me!

There is no way to know this time, Carlisle!-

-How it's not what!? Not fair? Not right? How true I know that is... But really, you should worry more about your own well-being, Rosalie, you haven't seemed to be doing much of that lately.

Goddamn it! We're not going to lose ANYBODY!

-How could he leave without saying goodbye?

All the doubt:

I should have done more for my son.-

-How many more people could I ruin in less than twenty-four hours?

To think there was a limit of what I could do for her.-

-I was his brother. I should have helped him when he needed it.

-How would we live without our son?
-Pray we never find out.

All the pain thereafter:

-He was going to die. I would lose him forever.

Our family was incomplete. I just wanted it back. I just wanted it back!-

I cannot bear it, Carlisle. I cannot.-

-Esme already lost one son. Would fate be so cruel as to take another?

And the final, desperate reach for hope, when that was all they had left:

Edward will come home - he always does.

The memories rained around me like a blizzard-turned-avalanche, burying me alive. I staggered back until I was pressed against a wall. My breath came in strangled. It was one thing to suffer through my own pain, but to read through theirs, to feel it all, to see it all knowing it was my doing, that I had hurt so many people I only ever intended to love was heart-rending. There was an overwhelming urge to cry or scream or pound the wall with my fists or to simply crumble on the ground, to look as pathetic as I felt. How were they forgiving me for all of that? It made no sense. I was a monster.

"Edward." Carlisle and Esme, voice gentler now, together tried to recapture my attention. I couldn't focus. Thoughts were shifting back to the present, but I was already stuck on the past. I was ready for my siblings to take back their apologies, some irrational part of my brain convinced their memories would remind them why I didn't deserve their concern, let alone absolution.

Again moving as one, I felt Carlisle and Esme's presence closer than before. The door was right behind me. They could tell me to leave. They could shove me out and I wouldn't have the right to stop them, nor the energy. The venomous flow in my veins quickened at the thought, as the fear of being sent away from the two people whose forgiveness mattered most surfaced again.

"Look at us, Edward," Carlisle softly urged.

The visions in my head collided all around me. I hadn't realized I had tried to shut them out by closing my eyes until Carlisle told me to open them. I took a deep, shuddering breath before obeying. My parents' concern was etched on every corner of their ivory faces. Beside my anxiety, seeing them overwhelmed me with how much I had actually missed them.

Esme lifted a hand gingerly. She hesitated before caressing my face in her warm palm. Her eyes glazed over again with collected tears. "I am sorry for how that came out, Edward," she said.

I struggled to find my voice. "You were hardly in the wrong. I hurt you. I hurt everyone."

Rather than placate me, she quietly asked, "Why did you do it?"

"I...wasn't thinking straight, Esme," I answered, searching for the truth in my own head. Why had I done it? I knew the uncomplicated, clear answers - the agony of not only losing Bella forever, but believing I had killed her... However, the entire journey was hazy at best. "Honestly, Esme, I can't remember much of my thought process over the past few months. It was all very...dark." My mother's face scrunched from concern to pain. "I don't mean to make you sad, Esme, please. You shouldn't feel bad for me."

"There is nothing wrong with a mother being concerned about her son's mental health," Esme said. Then more accusatory: "I almost lost you because of it."

Sighing, I regretted that she was right - we were going to have to get through the wound before it could heal. The least I could give her was the truth, however hard it was to say, to admit.

"I wasn't in the right mindset when I made the decision to go to Italy," I said. "Well, I hadn't been in the right mind for what felt like a long time. There were many weeks I found myself without the will to move at all. Eventually, the will to care about anything vanished. I couldn't remember what was important anymore. It was like my personality, the whole essence of who I am faded into a shell, leaving me as nothing but a shadow. So I stayed there, in the shadows, because there was no way I was bringing them home to devour you, too."

Esme choked on a sob, echoed by the tender heartache of the rest of my family. It was bewildering. After all these decades, how had I missed the solid entity I was in their hearts? Alice's confidante. Emmett's best friend. Jasper's brother. Rosalie's family. Everything they were to me was reflected back. And all I had been able to think about at the time was Bella. I spared them no second thought, because I was sure that they would survive. Maybe they would have; but, I see now, my death nevertheless would have been cataclysmic to the family bond.

Jasper would have had no choice about the weight of mourning he would feel.

Rosalie would have blamed herself for the rest of eternity. Like she had my blood on her hands.

Emmett and Alice would have lost a part of their bright spirit, and would have had to console their mates on my behalf.

Esme and Carlisle... For them I had spare a second thought. Thinking of them, though - their kind faces, their loving hearts, their beautiful minds - I knew I had to refrain from ever thinking of them again if I was going to do what I had to.

And Carlisle... With the added fear that if he did not lose me to death, that he would lose me to Aro anyway.

"I'm sorry," I said again, whispering. "I'm still unsure that the best course of action would have been to bring my dark cloud home to rain here, but I hoped... I hoped to have at least spared you from anymore of my destruction. In hindsight, I can't quite come to the same conclusion without regrets; but at the time, I truly felt I had to die."

A wave of emotions washed over the room. My shame, my embarrassment mixed with the sadness, the protectiveness, the hurt. Then alloyed with the understanding, the compassion, of all things. I grimaced, meeting Carlisle's eyes. A moment passed between us, our hearts and head syncing in a way it always had, silent and strong and urgent.

Finally, it was his turn to voice his thoughts.

"Edward. Depression is nothing to be embarrassed about." I dropped my gaze as he confirmed out loud what I already knew about my mental health. "It's something that cannot be helped, only coped with. Not only that, but that kind of mental state warps one's judgments, one's perceptions, one's emotions. And for us - we feel emotions much stronger than humans. Where theirs might be pushing their own limits, ours would cross that line. I should have realized this earlier-"

"Please don't! Please. Don't blame yourself for my decisions. I'm a grown man. You have nothing to do with me."

"I have everything to do with you."

The intensity of his rich voice took me aback. He held my gaze again, with that same weighted energy.

"Edward, you are my greatest friend. You are part of my family. You are my son. You were my first companion, the first to secure a place in my three-hundred-year-old heart, so you will listen to me. Listen, because we all make choices. And you, Edward, are constantly mentally persuading yourself that, for whatever reason, your mistakes hold more power than any of ours. In everything you do, you try to do right by people, no matter the cost to you, and that's something admirable. It pains me to see you berate yourself every time it doesn't go as planned. You did what you genuinely thought was the right thing.

"Of course, you also have the right to regret those decisions.

"However, Bella's actions were her own. Alice's actions were hers. Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett - all had their own choices to make. They had to trust Alice when she told them not to get on a plane to Italy. What if they hadn't listened? They held no obligation to adhere to her suggestions, but they believed that staying out of the way was the right thing to do. Imagine, though, if it had not been. If it had all ended badly, would you have told them their belief had been wasted, that they were immoral, that they were monsters for 'letting' you die?"

"Of course not," I answered, repulsed by such a thought.

"Well, my son, your pedestal is no higher than theirs."

I shook my head wildly. "But- I-"

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at my inarticulate display. The minds of the others agreed with his assessment. I tried to corral my own thoughts. Was I truly so narcissistic that I put myself on a higher pedestal, not because I thought I was better, but because I expected me to be better, to do right by them? It was a heavy question, one I didn't have the answer to right now.

"Still," I insisted. "The current situation, and the choices they were forced to make regarding it, was because of me, Carlisle. You can't argue with that."

His lips quirked down, eyes saddening. "It's quite easy to assume that in hindsight. But let me remind you that we all chose to let Bella in our lives, did we not? We all chose to get close to her. We all chose to have a birthday party for her. We all chose to leave. No matter how inconsequential things may have seemed at the time, we all had to choose. And then, well, we all chose to let you leave."

And there it was again, behind my father's frustratingly indisputable logic, he still blamed himself. Like always, the pot calling the kettle black. Carlisle could see I saw through to this, too, and sighed.

"Behind your strangulating 'I'm fine's, you were dealing with the devastation of a lost heart," he said, him and Esme sharing a knowing glance. There was never a moment they didn't doubt that letting me be alone was a bad decision, and now I had prompted their fears to life. "At first, I hoped traveling would help you, not unlike the way exercise helps humans with their depression... After awhile, however, I knew it wasn't working for you. I wanted to find you, to bring you home so we could get through it together - that's what you needed. I shouldn't have hesitated, though. I should have acted as if the time filling our glasses was finite, rather than inevitable. Don't get me wrong, Edward - I am not blaming myself for your personal choices; I am blaming me for mine. When we make decisions regarding people we love, sometimes we fail them.

"So, do not ever think you're alone in that."

He was right. Of course he was right. I wanted to argue, though. How could I compare all that's happened to anything Carlisle has done? I couldn't! He had to see that, right?

Running my fingers through my hair, I groaned at the growing frustration. The hell if I knew right from wrong anymore.

His movement was so fast I hardly caught the thought process behind it as Carlisle cupped the back of my hand as it rested behind my neck. He pulled me forward, our foreheads pressed together. The intimacy was embarrassing with an audience, but I couldn't break the contact I suddenly realized I was starved for. My eyes glistened without my consent. Inwardly, I cursed myself. I had to cry in front of everybody, too?

Carlisle's smile gentled with his eyes, as if sensing the inner war between my childish chagrin and my sated longing.

You are everything to us, Edward, he thought.

And then I was seeing it all from my family's heads again. The memories, the emotions, the protectiveness, the adoration, the pride, the love - blending throughout their thoughts like a canvas of battling watercolors. All the things we've always known and, yet, in all these years, never really openly shared.

I swallowed, relaxing in Carlisle's embrace.

"I wouldn't have left you, you know," I shared suddenly.

Carlisle stiffened slightly, his smile falling a millimeter.

"I'd never join Aro," I clarified, needing him to know that. Realization dawned on him, his haunting fear voiced aloud.

"And... And I couldn't say goodbye," I added, quieter now. "Even for Bella, I wouldn't have been able to go through with my choice had I heard your voice. I also didn't want our last conversation together to be that one, had I still done it..." I grimaced, shaking the dread from the situation before continuing. "In any case, you've been my father a long time... I plan for it to stay that way forever. Or for as long as you'll have me. Whichever comes first."

Carlisle's smile was back tenfold. His thoughts so filled with love and adoration I was glad it was too much for him to articulate out loud for everyone to hear. I had shared enough affection for the both of us for the next two decades, at least.

"Now you've done it," I heard Jasper mutter to me, amused, moments before Esme broke her silence.

"Oh, Edward!" The high in her emotions were overbearing as she wrapped her arms tightly around me, pulling me close to her in a firm embrace. "I am never letting you go," she decided.

I chuckled, hugging back just as tightly. "One of us will have to hunt some time."

"No," was her immediate, stubborn response. I laughed freely this time along with the others. Esme's elation doubled.

Alice shimmied her way into the hug, and before I knew it the three of us were lifted off the ground, wrapped in Emmett's giant arms.

"I wish you would stop doing this," I grunted, getting a mouthful of Alice's spiky hair. Still, I couldn't contain my smile. It had been a long time since I smiled, or heard the laughter of my family. In a way, it was cathartic.

"You know you love it," Emmett bellowed, Carlisle and Jasper sharing a look of amusement as they, too, joined in the laughter. Behind them, Rosalie smiled fondly at her husband, then, hesitantly, at me. I distinguished her nerves as fast as I could and smiled back at her, giving a slight nod.

Yeah, I forgive you.

The relief was my blonde sister's own form of guilt-cleansing. She automatically moved closer to the family circle as the sentiment spread through her. It was a nice look on her, that tenderness she showed only for her family. Jasper felt it, offering her his arm with a courtly smile, which she graciously wrapped in her own. It was hard not to be smiling when the darkest of the conversations were over and the true relief and comfort we sought couldn't be found in the public space of the airport or around the negative energy of Charlie Swan.

Remembering Charlie's hostile demeanor had me slumping again. What I felt here, in this foyer, back with my family, was good. And maybe Carlisle was right, that I shouldn't shoulder all this blame. I wasn't sure if I could help it any more than he could, but his wisdom was always noted for future analysis. In any case, there were still repercussions to handle...as well as Bella herself. The mystery of her thoughts in all this.

Esme broke me out of my reverie. "Go on then."

"Huh?" I blinked, as Esme turned me toward the door and gently pushed. Everyone was still smiling at each other, then all at me.

"Go to her," Esme said.

Realization hit, and I kissed her cheek. "Thanks, Mom."

She sighed contentedly. "I missed that."

"I'll do it every day from here on out," I promised, only partly joking. She laughed.

With one foot out the threshold, I paused. I saw my back in the refection of six different minds - a picture that gave me de'ja'vu. Their thoughts were exceedingly happier than the last time they watched me walk out the front door, though. I looked over my shoulder at them - at Alice, and Emmett, and Rosalie, and Jasper, and Carlisle and Esme - at the faces of the people who I loved dearly.

"Thank you. All of you. For being my family."

And then, before dashing into the night, I told them what I should have all those months ago.

"I'll be back."

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Edward in Terminator's voice: "I'll be back."

LOL Please don't remember him this way. Oh man.

Anyway, I hope it lived up to the other chapters, and I hope you liked it!