I own nothing.

Plz. REVIEW! That's the only way I know if you like it. Thanks! I own nothing.

Let me set it up for ya. This is five years after Shadow Kiss. Keep in mind that the Strigoi attack never happen. Lissa is living at the Royal Court as Rose for a Guardian.

Much love,

~~~Carmen

Training was the best way to deal with my emotions. I found that out the hard way. All this built up mental hostility was about to drive me over the edge. If it weren't for Lissa and Christian, and yeah, even Adrian, I would have went over the deep end by now. Living at Court really did have it's perks. Twenty-four hour gym was my only salvation at this point.

We, meaning Lissa, Christian, Eddie, and myself moved here after graduation. Tatiana offered Lissa a sweet deal; Lissa got to go to Lehigh in exchange for her to learn the politic's at the Royal Court. Eddie and I got to attend with her. Only because we are her Sanctioned Guardian's, of course.

Yep, you heard right, Eddie and I. It was suppose to be Dimitri and I. Ha! What a laugh. Everyday I run through the day that changed my fate the day an ice storm blew in to make my heart cold and frosty. No one could thaw it out. Believe me, they tried. Even with all of Adrian's charm -he finally gave up on trying, about three years ago. Him and Mia started dating and were now planning their wedding.

That day hardened my heart and made me a dangerous person to be around. You know, it's so hard to even find someone to even spar with anymore. Every now and again I get lucky with someone with a death wish. But after a few rounds they quit. They don't come back for more, either. I put all my pent up frustration about Dimitri and Tasha into my fighting. Even five years later. And oh, I have so much of that going on. No matter who I am fighting, I see either him or her.

Thank God I don't have to see neither one of them for real, though. When they come to court, Lissa makes it a point to where I can have off. I think she wants to keep her house in one piece. 'Cause if I had to stay around them for any period of time, I would kill one -or both- of them.

I still love him with all my heart. There will never be anyone for me again. Ever.

Running helps me clear my mind. So that's how I start off my day. Every morning, running a few miles after or before my sparring. I think about that day all the time. Lissa tried to talk to me about it- even Christian did too, but they gave up eventually too. It seems like everyone gives up on me.

****Flashback****

I was making my way to the gym for my morning training with Dimitri, still on the blissful cloud from yesterday. Dimitri and I were going to make this work. We made love the previous day, and oh did it feel so right. Like we were two halves of one whole. One couldn't function without the other.

Dimitri was waiting outside the gym for me. The look on his face was indistinguishable.

"Hey, you ready to get your butt kicked?" I teased.

He looked me in the eyes and my smile faltered. I knew something was going on. And that something wasn't good.

"Rose, we need to talk." His voice was deadly serious.

My heart froze. The look on his face told me all I needed to know.

"Don't you dare! It wasn't a mistake. I love you; you love me! How can that be a mistake?" I cried.

"Look Rose," he dropped his head trying to compose himself, when he looked back at me I could see the pain and something else….regret?

"Yes. Yes it was. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. I shouldn't have let it go this far. That's why I am leaving."

"Your what?" I demanded. Tears burned in my eyes. I couldn't move. I couldn't even breathe.

"I'm leaving. I have been assigned to someone else. I leave in an hour. I'm sorry. Sorry for everything." He turned and walked away. Just like that. No take care. No I'll be seeing you. Not even a kiss my ass.

Every day I suffer that loss. Like one time wasn't bad enough. Everyday, every damn day I suffer that loss.

I think my tear ducts are going dry. It takes a lot to make me cry nowadays. Not that I was much of a crier before. But when I lost him, I cried a lot. And often. Very, very often. I would rather think of him as dead, than rather him being with someone else. No one speaks of him in my presence. All my friends know what happen and they respect me enough not to talk about it. So I have just thrown myself into my work. When I'm on vacation I still work. Not that I take a lot of those. Only when they show up.

"Rose? Rose?"

"Oh hey. Sorry I was lost in thought. What's doing?" Ben was standing in front of me trying to get my attention -for a while now I suspect.

"You sure you don't mind filling in for me? I don't want to leave Lord Ozera with just anyone. I shouldn't be gone long. Just a few days. You know for the funeral." He asked.

Ben was Christian's guardian. His mom passed away and he had to take care of the funeral arrangements and all of her affairs. So he asked if I could guard Christian while he was away. Not that anything spectacular happened here at court. But nevertheless, he wanted his charge guarded. I couldn't blame him; I would've been the same way.

"No, not at all. Eddie said he can watch Lissa. So he don't need me. Unless she leaves court. And she said she wasn't. The baby's not due for another month, but the doctor wants her to take it easy," I told him.

Ben smiled. He had a nice smile. Every now and then I would try to picture Dimitri there. And every time I succeeded it hurt like hell. Lissa had tried to set me up with Ben when he was first sanctioned to Christian. But it's like I told her. 'Liss, I'm not just broken, I'm ruined. Do you know what that means? Broken can be fixed. There is no hope for ruined.' She didn't believe that at first. But after a few years of trying, she finally stopped. I think she realized I truly meant that. I cant picture my self with some one other than Dimitri. I didn't want to, either.

I gave him sort of a half smile back. I think he liked me, but at the same time he knew nothing was going to happen between us. Ever.

"Okay then, I am going now to catch my flight. I should only be gone a couple of day's. A week at the most," he said.

"Take care. Take your time, too. Your family needs you right now," I added.

"You too. See ya." He turned and headed for the flight strip.

I finished picking up the gym equipment and headed for the door. I was making my way back to Lissa and Christian's when I got a wierd hum coming from Lissa. Eddie, Ben, and I lived across the hall from them in an apartment the three of us shared. I could feel Lissa's nervousness radiating through the bond. I promptly dismissed it, due to the fact she was almost due. She was in her last trimester and I could see why she would be having these jumbled up feelings. I would be nervous too. I made my way to their apartment and walked in the door without knocking.

That was the thing: I was always welcome at their home like it was my own; there was no need for knocking. Although, this one time I wished I would've, because I walked in on some action between them when they had gotton some new funiture this one time. I thought it would scorch my eyes out.

"Liss, I'm ho-" I shouted. Then I Froze.

What I found when I got inside made me shudder.

Dimitri was sitting in the living room on the couch reading a novel. I had to take a second look to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. Nope. They weren't. All six foot seven of him was sitting there. When I had walked in the room, his eyes lifted off the page and came to rest on me. They widened big as saucers. Mine were probably the same size as his were. I was in shock.

He didn't tell me who his charge was. I found out a week later from Lissa. Tasha had told Christian who in turn told Lissa. I didn't think Christian wanted to tell me. Maybe he thought he would get hit if he did. So Lissa was the messenger. I will never forget that for as long as I live. It broke my heart.

Neither one of us said anything when we saw each other. I was in shock, he on the other hand look dumbfounded. We had managed to stay away from each other for five years.

And why Lissa didn't tell me they were here?

I could feel she was in the nursery setting up the baby's room. I nodded my head at Dimitri, 'cause I didn't trust my voice. He nodded back and gave me a small smile. And me? I bolted for the nursery. I was going in there fully steamed up and was going to demand some answer's.

That's when I heard her. I was halfway down the hall. And I heard her laugh. It gave me the creepy crawlies down my spine. No, I was not going in there. I definitely was not going to see her.

I bit my lip and tried to think of a way out. Dimitri was in the living room and Tasha was in the nursery. I was hemmed up in between them in the hallway.

I thought about just going back through the living room and make my escape before they knew I was here. That looked like my best option.

Yes, that's what I would do.

I made my way back to the door -without looking at him. I made it as far as opening it when I heard that voice.

Thanks for reading. Please review.

xoxoxoxoxox

Much love,

~~~Carmen