If you've read this before and you're reading it again, well, thank you; but also, I fixed the paragraphs and stuff because they'd been bothering me for, like two years.
Wake Up, Usako
Eileen Blazer
February 2002
Disclaimer: Naoko Takeuchi does such a beautiful job with Sailor Moon. I'm glad Sailor Moon belongs to her. And those other people who I'm not nearly as attached to.
Have you ever been arrested? It's not as bad as you might think. And I know your question before you can ask it: isn't jail only for criminals and the scourge of society? Well, the answer is no. Jail is a very, very pleasant experience. Granted, it starts off a little rough if you resist being handcuffed and shoved in the back of the police car. But the men in blue are just doing their job and things quickly improve.First, they hold a recital, right there and then. It's actually a charming little patriotic poem about my rights. I loved it. Then, they give your very own section in the car. It's like a poor man's limo. Next, they take you down to their workplace, and photograph you -for free! If that's not pure generosity, I don't know what is.
And finally they set you up in a quaint room with several fascinating people. I met Mick first, a mountain of a man with large scars across his face. I learned he had a shoe fetish and couldn't help but donate my own to his collection. Jasper, an older man wearing a crumpled suit, was (I fear) slightly drunk. But that didn't interfere with his people skills. He was so concerned with my well-being. He offered to take me away and teach me to... well, that's not all that important. Though I do seem to remember him from Mr. Tsukino's firm.
Anyways, Cale was there too. Cale huddled in the corner, extremely worried. He kept saying something about giant snails attacking from the sky view with pistols and water guns. I happen to know it was the effect of a little liquid sunshine, which of course served as a constant reminder of my dearest Usako, the girl who got me into this whole wonderful situation in the first place.
I can picture it all now, like a cheesy cartoon flashback....
I didn't want to see the movie. I really, really didn't want to see the movie. What self respecting 18 year old male DID want to watch anything titled 'Adventures of Baby Bunny'!?! But my girlfriend, love of my life, was dying to go. She showed up at my doorstep, hair flowing, eyes twinkling, and wearing the most attractive outfit. It later occurred to me that this was deliberate. Knowing me so well, Usako no doubt anticipated my reluctance. But at the time I was suffering from a one-track mind that couldn't move past her long slender legs. Usako brushed past me, and walked over to the counter, where I always keep the newpaper.
"Mamo-chan, we should do something today."
I nodded, somewhat numbly. "Sure. Whatever you want."
She sauntered towards me, batting those lashes. Taking my hand and holding it tight, she smiled. "You really mean it? Whatever I want? Anything?"
By this time, I was suffering from Usako withdrawl. I pulled her close, and kissed the top of her head, noting the smell of cherry shampoo. "Of course. Just tell what you want to do and we'll do it."
"Thanks Mamo-chan. I knew I could count on you." She pulled away, and pranced over to the phone. "Just wait till I tell Mina. Her boyfriend wouldn't take her to go see Adventures of Baby Bunny. I'm so lucky I have you." Usako blew me a kiss and giggled.
If you've ever wondered how long it'll take to snap out of a dream-like state, the answer is 0.02 seconds flat. It felt like someone had just dropped a large, heavy anvil on my head (or was it on my masculinity?). I, suave and clever Darien, had just been duped. By my sixteen year old soul mate. In a matter of hours, I'd be enduring the dorkiest film known to man.
But wasn't there some hope? Couldn't I be romantic and cute right back and convince her that a late night picnic was much more fun? That I'd buy her a bunny at the store and together we'd discover our own adventures? Hell, if it got me out of the movie, I'd sew the damn bunny together from scratch. I turned, intent on carrying out my ingenious plans, when I saw her walking towards the door.
"Bye Mamo-chan. I'll see you tonight okay? The movie starts at eight, so pick me up at seven thirty." She ran back over to me and placed a small kiss on my lips. "I love you Mamo-chan....Oh, and don't get Daddy angry. He's still upset about the whole ice skating incident."
And then there was one.
I'd hoped I could find the courage to tell Usako the truth. After all, this is a two-way relationship and if she could assert her opinion, couldn't I do the same?
But as I drove along, it occurred to me that I wanted to be the sweet boyfriend. When all the girls gathered together, I wanted Usako to be able to brag. If no one else would go with their girlfriends, I would be the exception. And if anyone dared to mock me, I'd just show them my award of excellence: The love of the most wonderful girl in the universe.
Or maybe I was just scared.
Whatever the reason, I showed up at Usako's house exactly when she wanted me to. I rang her doorbell and her mother answered. She gave me a stern look -Mr. Tsukino wasn't the only one who hadn't forgotten the ice skating incident- but welcomed me in.
"It's nice to be here, Mrs. Tsukino." I took a seat on her living room couch, and politely accepted the cookies she offered. Anything to get back on her good side.
The 'Ice skating Incident', as we all like to call it, had seriously endangered the peaceful relationship I shared with my love's parents. Usako and I had been skating at the local rink, when she thought it would be fun to perform a show. Only someone with her skill could have pulled it off, but soon Usako had an audience. She twirled and jumped like a pro. But then, she decided she wanted a partner. I still remember the pink nail polish on the delicate hand that reached for me. The next thing I knew, I was matching her jump for jump.
It was great for a while, with all the adrenaline pumping, the people cheering, the vibrant smile on her face.
That's when the memories started. I believe we saw the visions simultaneously. We saw the moon, in all it's glory, and the pond we skated on in the winter. Somehow, we started kissing. Not the sweet I'll-see-you-tomorrow sort of thing that we usually share but the I-may-never-see-you-again kind of exchange. The crowd around cheered louder and then...I saw Mr. Tsukino. I broke it off instantly, but with one irate father, a disapproving mom, and a smirking little brother, it was too late.
Mrs. Tsukino sat across from, holding a cup of coffee. "Usagi tells me you're taking her to the drive in."
"Yes, she really wanted to see that bunny movie." That's it Mamoru, put the emphasis on the 'bunny'. Nice, innocent, and completely harmless. I heard the patter of feet and realized with relief that Usako was on her way down. Daring another glance at her mom, I found Mrs. Tsukino watching the stairway as well.
"I want her home on time today. No later than ten." I nodded. I had no intention of keeping her out on some late night escapade. But her mother was not satisfied. Her stare returned to me. "I mean it. Kenji was furious when he found out you were still in the picture at all. I expect you to be a gentleman and bring her home when she's supposed to be or else I can't be responsible for what happens."If that was a threat, it worked. I vowed to have Usako home early.
Ah, but the best laid plans of mice and men...
This is the part in my story where I must acknowledge that I did have some role in getting me to my cell (or, multi-person suite, as I like to think of it). I pulled into the drive-in; half wishing a giant meteor would crash into the whole complex, rendering every screen useless and half thanking god for little moments like these. In an oversized blue sweater, Usako was absolutely radiant.
As we settled in, I began planning new ways to escape the slow torture I would soon endure. My first idea was to romance her; a starry-eyed Usako wouldn't mind spending a little bit of quality time with her boyfriend. Plus, two hours was plenty of time to sweet talk her, offer to go somewhere with more sentimental meaning, and then get her home with time to spare.
"Usako," I whispered in her ear. "You look wonderful tonight." She blushed a little, snuggled closer, and sighed with pleasure.
"Thanks, Eric Clapton." This was a good start. Encouraged, I tilted my head up so that I could see the sky. "Aren't the stars amazing? It makes me think of the Moon ever time I see them twinkling in the sky. The stars are just like you Usako. Bright and breathtaking."
"You're so sweet." Her hand cupped my face. God, sometimes I forget just how incredible it feels to touch her. "But look the movie is starting."
In horror I turned to the screen. Sure enough, the opening credits had begun to roll. I...well, there's no good way to say it. I panicked. With a sense of urgency, I pulled her to face me, roughly. Before she could react, I kissed her. Ha, Usako, take that. Just try to resist my earth-shattering kiss. She melted in my arms and for a moment, I tasted victory.
And then I felt the sting.
Somehow, Usako had pulled away and slapped (yes, SLAPPED) me across the face. "Ow." But as I met her gaze, I realized the slap was the least of my worries. Usako was fuming.
"I can't believe it!" She cried. "HOW DARE YOU."
Feigning innocence, I gapsed. "And don't you dare try to act innocent."
Darn. I'd been caught. "All this time," she continued. "I thought you were actually going to see the movie with me. But...you didn't really want to watch it with me. You're trying to persuade me to leave early, before the show even started, aren't you." Her words dissolved into tears.
Was she psychic or what?
Or maybe tricking a soul mate was just unusually hard. For me, anyway.
"Usako, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I heard the title and I overwhelmed by some stupid macho desire to escape. I should have been thinking about the wonderful time I was going to share with the love of my life." I heard a sniffle, but the crying was dying down.
"Do you mean it, Mamo-chan?" I nodded.
"Let me prove it, I'll go buy you some candy." And off I ran.
Maybe I should have just surrendered there and then. I could have easily bought the candy, walked back to Usako, and put up two hours of stupidity for her. For a while, that was my intention. But then I saw the candy. It was sitting on the shelf so quietly; there were tons and tons of it. Usako couldn't eat THAT much junk.
She'd become hyper.
Hmmm.
"Mamo-chan!" Usako squealed when she saw my arms weighed down by a very large box of various candies. "Did you buy me all of that?"
"Of course." As soon as I put it down, she reached inside and began inhaling down the contents of that oh so heavy box.
Four Minutes Later...
"Bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny!" She started jumping in her seat, chanting. "Chocolate, bunny, bunny, chocolate..." She laughed wildly. "I want more chocolate, Mamo-chan." I handed her a bar.
Thirty Seconds Later...
"I love the wind, look I'm the wind. Wind, Wind...." Usako twirled in circles just outside my car. I grinned and took a bite of a candy.
Thirty More Seconds Later...
"I'm soooo tired," Usako yawned, burying her head in my jacket. "I just want to sleep." I embraced, her, careful to knock the speaker out of my vehicle.
"Shh, just rest." Inwardly, I was rejoicing. My plan had worked! She was asleep. Now, I had only to wait a while longer, then take her home. She'd love me because I will have had to put up with watching a movie I never wanted to see just to please her and then she didn't even watch it, and her folks will be glad I brought her home so promptly.
Nothing could possibly go wrong. With a smile, I polished off my sixth candy bar. The only question now was, what to do until it was time to take her home.
Until you've heard the thumping of a crazed man beating his hand against you're car window in the middle of the night, you've never been scared. I jumped, instantly awake, and my eyes grew wide as I saw someone hovering near the car. My grip on Usako immediately tightened, though she never stirred.
"Hey, get up in there." Someone yelled. I caught a flash of blue from his apparel and slowly, things began falling into place. I realized several facts.
1. I'd fallen asleep, probably from the same candies that I'd given Usako.
2. It was late. Very late.
3. The man outside my door was a policeman.
4. It was VERY, VERY LATE.
I shook Usako desperately. "Wake up, Usako, wake up." But my sleeping beauty remained just that. With a sigh, I opened my door and stepped out. The officer shone his flashlight at me.
"Are you aware that it is four in the morning and that that girl's parents have been looking for her all night? Now, I find her here with you. How old are you, Mr. Chiba?"
I considered lying to save myself and prevent the obvious train of thought his mind was taking; the orphanage always mixed up files anyway, but reconsidered when the officer took an intimidating step closer. "Eighteen, sir."
"Eighteen, eh? And out with a fifteen year old girl?" I glanced back at Usako, still desperately, but she was still out like a light. Good going, Mamoru. NOW her parents will love you. "I have a little daughter, Chiba, and it sickens me to know there are people like you walking around, unrestrained. Well, at least I can take one bum off the street." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his handcuffs.
I think you know the rest.
I sit here now, contemplating whole ordeal. Really, jail is nice. Absolutely fabulous. But perhaps you wonder why I choose to be so optimistic? I'm just trying to enjoy my last few hours of life.
You see, Mr. Tsukino waits for me on the other side of this cell.
In a few hours, he will be waiting when I am released. Waiting. For me. Ready to do who knows what, while his daughter continues dozing.
Wake up, Usako.
Wake up, little Susie, wake up
We've both been sound asleep
Wake up, little Susie, and weep
the movie's over
It's four o'clock
And we're in trouble deep
Wake up little Susie, well
Whatta we gonna tell your mama
Whatta we gonna tell your pa
Whatta we gonna tell our friends when they say "ooh-la-la"
Wake up little Susie
Wake up little Susie, well
I told your mama that you'd be in by ten
Well Susie baby looks like we goofed again
Wake up little Susie
Wake up little Susie
we gotta go home
The movie wasn't so hot, it didn't have much of a plot
We fell asleep, our goose is cooked, our reputation is shot
Wake up little Susie
We gotta go home