He marched through the hallways of the SOLDIER barracks, his boots clomping heavily on the clean tile, heading towards the place he needed to go to, his mind betraying him and his eyes burning. It was a short hallway, there weren't many First Class SOLDIERs, and he didn't think he would ever forget where Zack's room was.

His ear hurt again.

He had searched everywhere, every floor, and every corridor that he could be in. He checked if he had a mission, the training room, the briefing room and the materia room, but he wasn't there. He then decided to check out Zack's apartment.

No matter how much he didn't want to.

He walked faster, huffing lightly under his breath, clenching his fists against his thighs as he made his way throughout the long hallway. He reached the door and paused. He was terrified, scared, angry, and confused. He wasn't sure if he wanted to do this. He wanted to know what would happen.

He didn't want it to happen again.

Shaking his head and taking a deep breath he looked up at the door with a serious look on his face. He was going to do this; he wasn't going to let his fear take over. Reaching up, he knocked hard and loud on the door. It opened a short while later.

He looked up into a face of shock and disbelief.

"Cloud?" the man stammered, almost weakly it seemed, voice airy and shocked.

Without a word he moved closer slowly, wrapping his arms around that strong waist and resting his head on his lean chest, listening to his quickening heartbeat.

"What…what are you doing here?" Zack said, not moving, relishing in the touch of the boy he had destroyed.

"I hate you." Cloud mumbled against the fabric of his shirt. "That's why I'm here, because I hate you so much." He pulled him tighter against his body, tears threatening to spill over.

Zack dared to put his hands lightly against the boys back, gently holding him there. "You should."

"You hurt me, so much, you never even stopped, you, almost killed me." His voice was faltering.

His ear was throbbing.

"There's no point in apologizing." Zack mumbled rubbing Cloud back lightly, leaning down resting his face in the coarse golden locks. "It won't change anything."

"Nothing at all." His voice was rough, harsh, and demanding as Cloud responded, hugging the man even tighter.

"Nothing." Zack repeated, wrapping his arms slightly tighter around the younger man below him.

"But…I understand." Cloud mumbled.

Zack stopped his motions, almost freezing in place.

"I understand why you did it," Cloud kept explaining, "Although I hate the reason." He pulled back looking up into amethyst eyes almost angrily. "You wanted me to feel pain; you wanted me to understand why you were so angry, why you were so upset and misunderstood." He glared. "Why though? Why the fuck did you do that?"

Zack didn't have an answer.

The tears were falling freely now.

Zack reached up going to brush the tears away, but at soon as his hand touched Clouds cheek he turned his head violently away.

It was a violent whisper, harsh and demanding, "Don't touch me."

Zack pulled his hand away, leaving it at his side.

Cloud wasn't scared of him anymore.

Looking up at the man again he glared, pulling away, letting his arms drop from around him. Zack looked down at him, obviously lost in thought. Cloud glared more, his eyes burning and his face flustered, before slapping him across the face. It was a loud clapping sound, enough to leave a mark, he almost broke his cheekbone.

He was hurt enough.

Cloud panted, getting over his emotionally racked body, standing stiffly there in the doorway. Zack's head slowly came back to face him, his cheek already red and burning, looking down at him with sad apologetic eyes.

Cloud hated that look.

Hardly thinking he reached up and gripped the SOLDIER's cheeks tightly, pulling him down and kissing his lips lightly. The tears fell once more relishing at the feel of them, being gentle and slow, Zack was scared for him to stop. Cloud started to move his lips then, gliding gently over the elders, and pulling him closer, moving his hands to his neck.

Zack slowly wrapped his arms around the broken boy's waist, not pulling, just resting there; he would do anything for this moment to last. Cloud pushed harder into the kiss, his lips quivering and his fingers gripping tightly. It hurt.

He wouldn't dare complain.

Zack risked opening his mouth and slowly gliding his tongue along the blonde's shaky lips, and it was surprisingly well received. Cloud moved his tongue to mix with Zack's, moving even closer to the man, standing on his tip-toes and pressing flush against him.

It had been months.

They both wanted it. But as Zack's hands dared to slide up his sides, Cloud bit down on his tongue, hard. It drew blood, and the blonde boys lips were stained with is as he pulled away, looking up at the elder man, cheeks flushed, eyes red and glinting with hate.

"I said don't touch me."

Zack stepped away, holding his hands up to his sides admitting his wrongdoing, eyes looking at Cloud's with understanding and sadness. Cloud licked the blood off his lips, turning his head away.

It was metallic tasting, the blood.

It reminded him of all the blood that was forced from his body that night, the earring that was so harshly ripped out of his ear, and all the pain that he had endured. Turning his head back to the man in front of him, he glanced at the man's ears. Both had piercings. He growled deep in his throat, moving closer and pressing his body flush against Zack's once more. Zack didn't move, only sighed at the feeling. Cloud reached up and breathed lightly onto the ear that belonged to the man. He gently kissed the lobe, tongue twirling over the metal stub.

"Cloud," It was almost a warning.

Teeth enclosed over the metal, and cloud mumbled, "That was taking it too far Zack, the rest I might have forgiven."

Zack sighed shakily, tensing up and getting ready for what was to happen.

"You need to know the difference between physical pain and mental pain." His teeth slowly tugged on the metal, earning an almost shocked gasp from the older man. He wanted to rip out the earring slowly, putting him through all the pain that he had gone through that night, all concentrated into one spot. Then he would rip out the other earring, quickly and painfully as all the emotional terror he had gone through over the last few months.

But it wouldn't have been enough.

"I will always hate you for that." He gave the earring one sharper tug before pulling back and walking out.

Zack grabbed his hand, not pulling; he just stopped him from walking out. Zack moved towards him holding his hand tightly to his own. He bent down over the back of the blonde and whispered into his ear.

"I will always love you." Zack said, letting go of his hand.

"How can you say that?" Cloud whipped around angrier than ever, "How am I supposed to believe you when you've done all of that? How the hell can you even think that, after what you've don't to me, that you can even express that?" He glared clenching his teeth and looking up angrily into the SOLDIERS eyes. "You have no right." This time he didn't run away, Cloud stayed put, seething with anger.

"But it's the truth-"

"Shut the hell up." Cloud cut him off, still not turning to face him, his voice was shaky. His shoulders were shaking, his eyes clenched tight. He wasn't going to cry again.

Too late.

The tears slipped past his eyes and as he felt it running down his cheek he turned around and slammed into the older mans chest wrapping his arms around his waist tightly and sobbing into his chest. Zack wrapped his arms tightly around the man, careful not to cause the man to feel trapped.

Cloud cried for a long time. He cried because he was confused, because he was sad, cried because Zack was holding him so gently, yet so lovingly, and he cried because even after all that this man in front of him had put him through, he knew he still loved him. He could say 'I hate you' a hundred times, and nothing would change. His feelings were glued to the heart of this man, and he pulled himself closer, clutching at the broad back and pressing himself as close as he possibly could.

Fuck.

Zack held him there until the sobs quieted and the shoulders stopped shaking, he picked up the fragile boy and carried him tenderly to the couch, sitting the blonde on his lap and holding him close. He ran his fingers slowly through the blonde mess of spikes and his eyes sparkled as he realized that Cloud was letting him touch. Cloud leaned in closer to him, pressing his forehead into his warm soft neck and closed his eyes, letting the warmth was over him and hold him close.

Damnit.

Cloud felt his eyes drooping, the exhaustion of the day overwhelming him, as well as the lack of sleep from the past few months. His head went limp against Zack's chest and he closed his eyes letting sleep slowly overtake him.

Just as he drifted off, he felt a shifting of clothes and a softly breath against his cheek. He leaned his head against Zack's, and sighed softly, as he felt warm lips press against his ear once more. He missed this feeling, of complete belonging and understanding. He would never trust Zack again, and he would always be scared of him in those pinned up situations. He had changed, for the worst, and there was no going back. But Cloud still loved him, and that was all that mattered, his paranoia wasn't going to get the best of him this time. Right before his body fully succumbed to sleep Zack muttered one thing into his ear.

"I'm sorry."

End of the story

Hope you liked!

Please be kind in your reviews...:D

~Ailahy