Chapter Four

There was no shouting or yelling coming from the medical ward, but that wasn't necessarily a good sign. Naruto skidded around the corner and into the room a hair's breath before Orochimaru and Sasuke.

The bed that Kakashi had been lying in was empty, its sheets strewn halfway over one side. Kabuto and Itachi had their hands up in placating gestures, and Kabuto was giving his best shot at speaking in a soothing voice.

Kakashi was crouched with his back pressed hard into the corner. His right eye was wide, but even from this distance, Naruto could tell that it wasn't focusing and tracking properly. Without his hitai-ite, his closed, scarred left eye was left exposed and silver bangs splayed across his face, giving him an almost feral appearance. He was all but growling. Actually, no – he was growling, just very softly. His teeth were bared in a snarl. And… Naruto stepped forward in shock. Kakashi was shaking ever so slightly. The kunai clutched in his hand was trembling. Naruto had never seen his teacher lose his calm so completely. It was understandable, though, what with the head injury, alternate universe, unconsciousness, and… waking up… with Kabuto and Itachi… standing… over… him…. And Orochimaru had just walked in. Ah, shit.

"You," Naruto pointed at Orochimaru and then the door, "out."

"What?" Orochimaru's eyes widened.

"We can discuss what a creepy bastard alternate you is later. For now, out!"

Orochimaru slunk out the door, his lower lip protruding in a pout.

"You two!" Itachi and Kabuto glanced at him while both still keeping one eye on Kakashi. "Yes, both of you – please, back off. Both alternate versions of yourselves were not particularly nice people either. So back off before he gets it together and goes ANBU on you and sticks that kunai in your skulls. He will do it. I've seen him do it." Itachi and Kabuto both slowly and obediently backpedaled. Naruto was incredibly impressed with how well he was handling this situation. All this calm levelheadedness – must be Hinata's good influence finally rubbing off on him. He crouched down in front of his disoriented teacher. "Kakashi-sensei. Hey, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto waited for the one hazy gray eye to focus on him. "It's me, Naruto. We're safe. These guys aren't exactly who you think they are. They haven't so much as harmed a hair on my head." The sound of Naruto's voice seemed to be getting through to him. His teeth were no longer bared and – Hold on a minute, teeth bared? Kakashi's mask was down! Naruto was actually looking at Kakashi's face! He just barely suppressed the urge to pump his fist in the air and shout in triumph. Now was really not the opportune moment. Both Sakura and Hinata would have been impressed by his restraint. "They haven't even damaged your pervy book." Naruto reached over to where Kakashi's jounin vest lay crumpled on the ground and slowly eased the brightly colored book out of its pocket. "See? Even your porn is safe. If you want to be doubly sure, just take a quick look with your other eye."

Kakashi stared at his copy of Icha Icha Violence in Naruto's hand for a moment, the closed his right eye and opened his left. The red iris of the sharingan took in the room and its occupants.

"What?" That sounded like Itachi.

"Holy shit!" Definitely Sasuke.

"Fascinating…." Kabuto, and very unhelpful.

Kakashi's muscles finally relaxed, and his shoulders slumped forward as he slid the last few inches to the floor. He leaned back against the wall, both eyes closed.

"This is all an incredibly messed up dream, right? Any second now, I'm going to wake up with a really nasty concussion and Tsunade glaring at me, preparing to launch into a tirade about what an idiot I am and how I really need to take better care of myself."

Naruto laughed awkwardly.

"Uh, nope – this isn't a dream. I already thought of that. We're in an alternate universe!"

Kakashi opened his right eye half way and gave Naruto his best blank-but-definitely-not-impressed look.

"An alternate universe," he repeated flatly.

"Yup! In this world, the Akatsuki are the good guys, Konoha is well on its way to becoming an evil empire under the rule of Iruka-sensei, the psychotic Rokudaime Hokage, you're dead, and it sounds like I turned out like pre-chuunin-exams-Gaara two point oh."

Kakashi blinked and stared at Naruto for a moment, his mouth hanging open slightly.

"You know what? I think I believe you. Nobody's imagination is that good."

"I find that rather insulting," stated Itachi mildly. "And where did you get that eye?"

"Huh?"

"That sharingan. You're not an Uchiha. You weren't born with it. Where did you get it?"

Kakashi eyed Itachi for a long moment before replying.

"It was a parting gift. From a teammate."

"Nobody's ever successfully transplanted a sharingan before," muttered Kabuto, scribbling furiously on his ever present clipboard, pausing occasionally to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"Who transplanted a sharingan?" Orochimaru asked, popping his head back around the doorframe. "Ah! Kashi-kun! You aren't growling anymore!" Before anyone could so much as blink, Orochimaru was across the room with his arms around Kakashi and his cheek planted against the top of his silver hair. "Maaa, Kashi-kun! I've missed you and Bito-kun and RinRin-chan so much! I've even missed Bito-kun stealing my socks! It's so nice to know that you're still alive and all grown up in an alternate reality!"

Kakashi had frozen stiff the instant contact was first made, his right eye wide and staring straight ahead.

"Uh, Rochi-san?" Itachi finally put in after a few awkward minutes.

"Hmm?" Orochimaru was rubbing his cheek against a thoroughly traumatized looking Kakashi's hair.

"Maybe you should let go now."

"Why?"

"Remember Naruto's initial reaction to you?"

"You mean with the red eyes and the screaming?"

"Yes. I don't think you were a very nice person in their reality, so I don't think that you hugging him is that pleasant of an experience."

Orochimaru's arms sprang open, and he quickly retreated several steps. He flapped his hands up and down.

"Sorry! Sorry, Kashi-kun! It's just, I haven't seen you in so long, and last time I did you were dead, and it was very, very sad, and now you're here, and you're alive, and I just got excited!" Orochimaru babbled, his arms locking around Kabuto who ignored him and kept on scribbling on his clipboard. He rested his chin on the medic's shoulder.

Kakashi's right eye twitched.

"Yeah, that was about my reaction, too, once he started talking," Naruto nodded in sympathy.

Kakashi sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with one hand. He froze again as his fingers met with skin instead of the material of his mask. In one deft but hasty movement, he yanked the mask back up into place. Kabuto paused in his scribbling and glanced up.

"I apologize for the invasion of privacy, but it was impeding your breathing."

Kakashi sighed again and Naruto thought that he practically drooped. He eyed Itachi, who stared back impassively, his arms folded, then Kabuto, who had gone back to industriously scribbling notes, and then Orochimaru, who was wrapped around Kabuto like a scarf with personal space issues.

"This is going to take some getting used to," he muttered. Then he noticed the final person in the room. "Sasuke? What are you doing here?"

Naruto had almost forgotten about Sasuke's presence. He glanced over at him. Just looking at the alternate version of his best friend all not psychotic and vengeance seeking and curse-marked made him feel a little glow of warmth inside his stomach.

"Uh, I live here. I've been with Akatsuki ever since Aniki got disowned and took me with him when he ran away from Konoha and Kisame and Zabuza found us."

"Disowned?" Naruto asked.

Itachi nodded.

"I was a little too… open about my opinion of the newly appointed Rokudaime, and the Uchiha clan feared the punishment they might receive for being associated with me. So they disowned me. I couldn't very well leave my little brother behind in a place like that, so I took him with me when I escaped."

Sasuke grinned.

"Aniki's the best like that."

Kabuto stopped scribbling notes and slid his pen back into the breast pocket of his lab coat.

"Rochi-jiji, please let go – I need to check Kakashi-san's eyes and vitals now that he's awake and calmed down."

"Maa! So cute and so formal! How could I say no?" Orochimaru let go and ruffled Kabuto's hair. Naruto could tell that Kakashi was forcing himself not to make a break for it as Kabuto knelt down in front of him and pulled out a penlight.

"I need to check your pupil reaction and make sure that neither of them is blown out. You had a rather nasty head wound and were unconscious for a fairly long time, though that's probably due to the fact that your chakra is low. Please do not attempt to attack me this time." Kakashi sat obediently still as Kabuto shone the light in his right eye and then, after some prodding and reluctance, in his left. His reflexes almost got the better of him, though, when Kabuto brought hands glowing with green chakra up to check his head. "A few good nights' rest and some food and you'll be fine. Though it'd go even faster if you turned that sharingan off. Even when it's not in active use, it seems to be depleting a significant portion of your chakra."

"It doesn't turn off."

"Interesting," muttered Kabuto as he headed back in the direction of the blood tests Naruto had seen him working on earlier. So far the equipment in the medical ward was the most advanced Naruto had seen anywhere on the base.

"Have you seen Tobi-tan recently?" Orochimaru asked, turning to Sasuke.

"It's vacuuming day," stated Sasuke as if this explained everything. Apparently, it did. Orochimaru's eyes lit up.

"Oh, yeah! Wait – it's Vacuuming Day again already?"

Sasuke shrugged.

"Time flies when you're fighting a revolution."

"Wow! I thought it wasn't at least for another two days!" Orochimaru was starting to bounce with excess energy again. "Come on, Fishcake-kun! You need to meet Tobi-tan!"

Naruto was giving Kakashi a hand to his feet. He handed over the brightly colored Icha Icha book that he'd been holding. Kakashi took the book and then followed as Orochimaru dragged Naruto out of the medical ward, snagging his jounin vest from the ground and putting it back on. Sasuke and Itachi trailed after them as well, leaving Kabuto to his blood tests.

"What're you reading?" asked Sasuke, leaning over and trying to get a better look at the cover of Kakashi's book. Kakashi had started reading as he walked almost as soon as he'd gotten his jounin vest back on. Naruto supposed it was his strange sensei's way of dealing with the shock and stress of the unexpected twist events of the past few hours had taken. There was comfort in the known.

Kakashi closed the volume, leaving his finger in to mark his place, and held it up so that Sasuke could see the front. His eyes curved into cheerful arcs.

"A very good book."

Sasuke tilted his head to one side.

"That's Jiraiya-sama's penname! But I don't recognize the title…."

Naruto could practically see Orochimaru's ears prick up.

"One of Jirairai's books?" He let go of Naruto's wrist and back peddled to take a better look. "Eh? 'Icha Icha Violence'? He wrote another one in your reality, did he?"

"Another one?" Naruto asked. "Those pervy things are the only thing that Ero-sennin writes!"

Orochimaru blinked.

"What – no 'Warrior's Heart' series?" he asked.

"The what in the who now?"

"The Warrior's Heart series," Orochimaru repeated. "Originally, Jirairai was going to call the first one 'The Tale of the Gutsy Ninja' but then we had a chat about what constitutes a good title and he changed it to 'The Warrior's Heart.' It was an overnight best seller. He did write one book called 'Icha Icha Paradise,' but almost nobody bought it. I got to edit it, though," he grinned. "Tsunade-chan was so mad when she found out… she punched us both through a wall!" Orochimaru smiled reminiscently. "Ah, good times – it was worth it."

A/N: Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you thought!

I'm sorry there was such a long gap in between chapters this time. I have tendonitis in my right wrist and forearm (aka my dominant hand and arm) which makes writing and typing at times painful, and sadly for the moment essays and papers out prioritize my own personal writing (a very frustrating thing indeed). But do not fear! Even if updates are slow in coming, they are coming! I have a fair amount of this story written out by hand already – I just need to have the time and energy to type it! Thanks again for reading!