Disclaimer: I FINALLY own season 1 on DVD! :) But I still don't own the actual show, or its characters and I get no money from this

Author's Note: I dunno where I got these weird ideas from but its a different idea of who Red John could be

It always makes me laugh the names they give to serial killers, I mean Red John, where did those idiot losers make that up? The red part I can understand but why must a serial killer be a man? I never got a special name before I started drawing the smiley face, which is kind of stupid; I have killed so many people yet the official RJ count is like what only 17?

I am a woman and yes I am Red John, most people would have a problem with that, we live in such a sexist society. I only targeted women originally to eliminate my competition, you see I had this pig of a boyfriend that dared cheat on me so since then I have been kind enough to kill off the pretty ones I see as a threat to my relationships, that previous boyfriend did meet an untimely end also by the way, I can kill men too.

Of course, after the first few I realized I had a knack for it. Killing is so incredibly fun, so delightful to listen to those agonizing screams, it makes me giddy thinking about it! No one ever suspects me though, I suppose that is one advantage of the Red John persona, its assumed he's a man so women are overlooked.

My accomplices often take the fall anyway, bumbling idiots really. I only use them because they amuse me, then I get bored and make sure they meet their "unfortunate" demise. Pretending is so unbelievably easy and sucker after sucker falls for it, lying is so easy… that's why being a serial killer is such a good profession, ever so challenging and the ultimate joy of ending someone's pathetic life.

I realize that I come across as kind of a cold-hearted bitch, correct? Don't worry I won't kill you, I'm not as touchy as I appear. I am not psychotic as you assume, as I mentioned before if you were paying attention, I only got dubbed Red John after I started drawing those smiley faces at the scenes of my kills and the reason for that? The love of the life had married me.

Not such a monster you see? He is a great man, charming, witty, handsome, everything I deserve. I guess you could say I was addicted to killing by this point, but I drew the face in honor of him even if he had no idea whatsoever. We even had a child together, a beautiful little girl.

Anyway, I suppose I should explain why I reacted so badly to Patrick Jane and Kristina Frye's interviews with those corny talk show hosts. Patrick spoke so insultingly to me, like I was some common fiend, which is a horrible things to say about your own wife and Kristina was dating him! How dare that bitch try and steal my husband! She paid, I made her agony last longer than my usual victims and you know she so deserved it.

Yes, Patrick Jane is my husband, that's how I can read people so well, I learned from the best but when he humiliated me like that on national television no less, I had to make him suffer. I really did love my daughter but if I had to kill her to avenge my pride then so be it, I was merciful though, don't look at me like that! I made her death a nice quick, clean kill, not quite as fun as my usual work but still pretty enjoyable.

The tricky part was finding a look-alike to pretend to be me, obviously killing myself was out of question but Red John wouldn't kill the child and leave the wife, how unbelievably suspicious. So I found this random woman, killed her then took her back to the house and dressed her in my clothes etc. I even went as far as to cut myself for the smiley face he sleeps under, how precious is that?

I was impressed when I never got caught and when I saw how utterly devastated he was, I completely destroyed his world and left him as less than a shadow of his former self, perfect! He deserves every stab of guilt and pang of grief, he knows he does and so does everybody. No one talks about their wives like that, let alone a wife as perfect as me. It's so sweet isn't it? Patrick is so completely obsessed with me, he will do anything to find me.

My favorite accomplice thinks I should simply kill him and be done with it but I of course, know better. This dance we play, this game we have is so very amusing to me, faking my death and killing my daughter actually was a smart move in the long run, that accomplice is going to have to die soon methinks.

Sorry, I do tend to ramble on sometimes. I met Patrick once since my supposed death. I even saved his life, what kind of wife would I be if I just let him die? I was even kind enough to let that other guy live, I actually managed to resist a kill, impressive much? I was distracted by Patrick of course, how could I not be? I had not seen him face to face since the morning of my "death."

I had to be disguised of course, some cheapo Halloween mask and that generic coat, I even had to get a voice changer as I know Patrick would otherwise remember my voice. I tried not to say anything at first, I longed to just tear of my mask and kiss him, he is such a great kisser. But alas I did not as then my cover would have been blown and he would know my identity, he will find out eventually of course but that will be a dark day for us both as one of us has to die.

Patrick you see, adored his daughter and would never forgive me for killing her and while I doubt he would be able to muster the courage to murder his own wife he would certainly have me arrested and well, I could not have that could I? I'd rather die than go to jail and to avoid that, I would be forced to kill him.

I still have my wedding ring you know? I had Dumar dig up "my" corpse and retrieve it so I could wear it just as Patrick still does his, which is so sweet isn't it? I noticed it of course and then when we met he still wore the symbol of our love, I read him some poetry, my very favorite poem.

He probably taught Red John was just taunting him or that it was a mere coincidence. It is amusing how he confuses my favorite accomplice with myself, such as the whole Rosalind thing although it only further helps me evade detection.

I have chatted on long enough already, its getting late and I have a life to go end. Patrick will be ever so pleased don't you think? He gets ever so worked up over these Red John killings, too worked up to notice the blatantly obvious truth.

This is going to be fun... :)