Rated M for sex, violence, and cursing. You have been warned

Think of Me
Sequel to So I Thought
D Gray Man
Needs

One year...

It has been one year since I wrote in this journal last. One year of recovering, one year of staying with the Noahs. I know all their names now. I know all of their faces, their powers. I know which ones to avoid, which ones to fear. I know which ones will protect me and I know which ones will not. I find it hard to stay here though. Lavi, Lenalee, Komui...I miss my friends from the Order, but it's better if I remain here. I'm a traitor to the Order. I don't deserve those friends anymore.

Devit and Jasdero...

They're usually always around and I find myself spending the nights with Devit alone. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but lately I find myself being drained. I can barely work up a smile anymore. I usually just want to cry. I hate it here. I love Devit and Jasdero but I can't stay here. I'm scared and when they're gone, I'm horribly lonely.

I want out of this place. I wish Devit could get me out, but I doubt he can...I hope he and Jasdero return soon...

-Extract written on July 7th from Raina Fitzgerald's Journal

It was a dinner at the Noah's Manor. The Earl was absent, but he insisted on them having a family dinner again. LuluBell skipped out, again. Skin was already grumbling. Devit and Jasdero sat by each other. Jasdero was doodling on the table cloth with a pen. Devit was glaring at Skin. Road was doing her homework and trying to get Tyki and Fae to help her out with it. Tyki was grumbling about helping Road and Fae looked up from behind her straight silver-blonde hair, which now laid on her shoulders, to give him a mild glare. Then besides Devit sat Raina. She was looking at what Jasdero was doodling, past Devit and his glaring at Skin. Her eyes were less expressive than they used to be. She spoke less now. It worried Devit, but he never said anything to her about it.

"Jasdero what are you drawing?" she asked, her voice soft, it was almost always soft now. Her hair had grown back since her...accident. It was longer than it had been now, running down her back. She no longer wore bandages, though because she constantly wore long sleeves and gloves in effort to hide her horrible scars, one couldn't tell. Her gloves were fingerless though, so when she touched the table with her finger, smearing the pen, it turned the tip of her finger blue.

"Chickens!" Jasdero answered, a grin on his face. Devit stopped glaring to glance at Jasdero's drawings. He had drawn six chickens so far. Devit shook his head with a small smile. He looked at Raina, who looked at him through her long hair. Her hair was cut shorter in the front, Road had cut it for her, so her face could be seen. Her face flushed looking at him and her eyes turned back to the drawings. He let out a low chuckle.

"I can't believe this isn't sweet...It's supposed to be a fruit..." Rumbled Skin and Devit's eyes returned to the large Noah. He placed his hand on his drink, some kind of soda and then tilted it, 'accidentally' spilling it on Skin. Skin jumped up and cried out, in shock and Devit laughed. Jasdero looked up and giggled. Raina glanced over, a certain fire in her eyes that he rarely saw anymore.

"Oops" The sarcasm in Devit's voice was dripping.

"Devit you bastard!" Growled Skin and he grabbed a fruit and threw it at Devit. He ducked, Raina ducked and Jasdero ducked, all at the same time. The three of them were in sync most of the time, then again, when Jasdevi was not out on a mission they were spending their time with Raina. Raina just hung out with them too much in the end. Skin growled again and grabbed for something else to throw at older twin.

"You're a damn bore Skin! Always throw first – ask later" Devit said, with a grin. He didn't care that he was eighteen now, he was happy being slightly immature yet. It made his life interesting. He quickly picked up a cake and smashed it in Skin's face. He and Jasdero roared with laughter. Tyki snickered and Road looked amused. Fae looked rather annoyed and Raina was trying to hold back giggles. Her giggles cut off as Skin grabbed her by mistake. She cried out in pain as he grabbed her arm, hard. Even after her outcry, he didn't let her go.

Devit and Jasdero instantly aimed their guns at him. "Let her go" they said at the same time, turning serious and deadly in a moment. Ever since Raina had been hurt they had been overly-protective of her. Anyone so much as lifted a finger against her, they would shoot first, as care later. She always complained to them about this, but they brushed her complaints off. They didn't care, they wanted to protect her so they would.

"You still chose a Exorcist girl over your own family" growled Skin and he shook his head before tossing Raina to Devit. He caught her in one arm, holding her securely against his chest. He kept the gun pointed at Skin. Raina was very still in his arms, almost stiff, afraid. "The Earl is surely just going to kill her anyway" Then Skin picked something else to eat and sat down.

Everyone else was silent and watching the twins, waiting to see what they'd do. First they put their guns away and Devit lead Raina away, Jasdero following close behind. Fae threw a bitter glare at Skin for threatening her sister again and an angry gust of wind flooded the dining hall but settled as she went back to helping Road with her homework. She wasn't as protective of the twins, but as Raina was her sister...she always let her wind do the complaining for her.

Devit took Raina back to the room she used as her own. As Jasdero shut the door calmly behind him, Devit was already pacing ranting, fingers tangled in his still messy black hair. It was slightly longer, but he liked to keep it short. Jasdero's was even longer, but had kept it about the same length as well. He no longer wore the stitching in his mouth but the make up was still something they both wore. Devit wore his coat yet, but his pants were whole and a little baggy. Same with Jasdero's pants. He still wore his vest but he also wore a white undershirt now.

"Devit I'm fine" she reassured him.

"No. No! One of these days he's going to really hurt you and I'm going to kill him Raina. I'll fucking kill that bastard"

"He's your family Devit"

"Still shouldn't hurt Raina" Jasdero huffed from by the door.

She looked at him, giving him the 'please-shut-the-fuck-up' look. "I'm fine" she said again, more force in her voice as if that would reassure them completely, her voice had the undertone it once had. That I-don't-care-what-you-think tone, the one that Devit missed but didn't know ow to get back. Devit stopped pacing and looked at her for a moment. He walked over to her and pushed the sleeve of her dress up, as Road and Fae only allowed her to wear dresses anymore, showing the scars that wrapped around her arm.

"How are your arms today? Does your chest hurt?" He asked, changing the topic instead of arguing with her. She looked even more annoyed than before.

"I'm healed Devit" her tone was biting, annoyed. She pulled her arm away from him. She didn't like to look at her own scars. Devit hated to look at them, but he had seen the whole of them plenty of times...just at night when he and Raina were alone to do as they pleased. Yes, they had tried all of that and every once in a while he would spend the night with her for a reason other than to just have her sleep in his arms.

"You still have trouble breathing sometimes and your arms hurt sometimes" he said, sounding like a stubborn child. "I wouldn't call that healed"

"We're worried Rai" Jasdero's voice was soft. Actually Devit had almost forgotten his twin was there. Raina was giving him that glare. The one that said she was really annoyed with him and it was one that always sent chills down his spine for some reason. Devit cleared his throat trying not to think of Raina in his arms, moaning his name...

I'm going to get myself in trouble one of these times because I'm thinking of the wrong fucking thing he thought, annoyance lacing his thoughts now. He pushed some of Raina's hair out of her face. "Look, sorry but Jasdero is right. We're worried about you"

"I know" she groaned and she paced away. She shook her head and then turned back to them, there was a certain look in her eye, one that he remembered all to well. He didn't allow the memory to make him smile. "Deviiit" When she said is name like that, she always wanted something. Usually something she wasn't supposed to have.

"Raina" he replied. Jasdero looked wary now too. She had asked for some things that not even Jasdero had approved of. Once she had asked to visit her friends in the Black Order. Of course they had to refuse that one. She had been really upset at them for that, mad at them for days. In the end she had just dealt with it and she hadn't asked to see them since.

She walked back over to him and wrapped her arms around her neck. She had to stand on her toes now, he was taller than he used to be. He had grown four and half inches in the past year, bringing him to a more average height. Jasdero had grown the same as him, they were twins after all. She pulled on his neck so he had to look down at her and she had those pleading eyes. He internally groaned. Whatever she wanted, she wanted bad.

"Devi" she called him by his nickname, her lower lip jutting out into a pout. "It's been a while and I know its near dark...I want to go watch the fireflies"

A look of shock passed over both the brothers' faces. They hadn't expected that. She hadn't watch the fireflies with them in a very long while and well...it would be nice to watch the tiny flashing bugs with her again. Devit looked to Jasdero and Jasdero smiled.

"Sure" Devit agreed and she made a happy sound and kissed him. He pushed her away after a moment. "If I knew going to watch some bugs made you this happy..." She smacked his arm and he chuckled darkly.

"I hate bugs" she grumbled, looking annoyed.

"You like fireflies though" Jasdero pointed out. She gave him a mild glare. He chuckled lightly but cut off when her glare increased.

"Are you taking me or not?" she asked, her voice sounding impatient. She sounded moody and both of them laughed. She frowned at them before laughing as well. Her laugh wasn't as carefree and sweet as it had been a year ago. It worried Devit some, that maybe she was losing herself a little bit. He constantly worried about her now though. He had to. She was just in that much of danger anymore. From his family, most of them at least despised her because she used to be an Exorcists, the Earl, who wanted to use her because she was once an Exorcist and the Exorcists themselves, if they found her again, they'd surely declare her a traitor. They would probably kill her or lock her up until she died. Devit would not allow that to happen.

"Alright, alright" Devit said, wrapping his arm around her waist and then moving it up her back a little. He ducked down fast and scooped her legs out from underneath her, catching her head before she could hit it off the ground. He held her in his arms, but she didn't really seem to mind. She looked slightly annoyed about how he had decided to grab her but didn't comment.

Then he and Jasdero dashed out the door and down the hall, faster than usual. Raina was not supposed to leave the manor, but they couldn't force themselves to coop her up there all the time. They took her out to see the fireflies every so often and besides that it made her happy. More than anything, they wanted to see her happy. They didn't run too far from the manor before they hit a field that reminded them of their childhood field. Devit carefully let Raina down, the skirt of her dress brushing against the high grass. She was pretty standing there at dusk, her long silver-blonde hair blowing in the light wind. She turned back to look at the twins and smile.

"It should be starting soon" Here her voice was warmer, more normal. It was more like how she used to talk, how she used to be. It made Devit happy. She walked further into the field before sitting down. She looked up at the sky, her arms wrapped around her legs as she stared at nothing. Devit and Jasdero went to her sides and sat down. This was familiar, this was something they were used to doing. This was something calming and they knew this.

They weren't supposed to take her out of the Manor because the Earl was scared she might run away or something like that. Devit knew that she would not run. She was aware that the Noah were stronger than her, that they could hurt her. He remembered the bruises that covered her scars for weeks after their first time. He had gripped her arms too hard, left bruises on her waist and she hadn't been able to walk very well for a day or two. He had felt terrible and what was worse, everyone knew the reason why she had those bruises, why she wouldn't walk. It had been embarrassing, especially since Tyki had teased him about it a little.

Now he was more careful with her. He was always careful with her. He had gotten stronger over the last year. His muscles were still thin and laid under his skinny arms but he was stronger. He huffed out a breath of air, pushing his bangs out of his face. Raina looked over at him, her violet eyes questioning. He smiled, pushing off the thoughts in his mind. She touched the side of his face, her fingers running across it. He took her hand and held it lightly in his. Her eyes looked away from him, back to the fireflies.

Jasdero held out his one hand, inviting a bug to land on him, which it did. Raina looked at it, looking warily at the bug. She thought they were pretty – from a distance. When they were close to her, she always locked up her body, ready to run from them. She had learned to run fast, or fairly fast for a human. Skin seemed to like to torment her. She always had to run from him if the twins weren't around. She had almost mastered getting away from him or finding her sister since.

Jasdero brought the firefly to his face and examined it. He held it out again and the bug flew off, joining the others in the natural light show. The three of them were silent and unmoving for a long time. They weren't quite sure how long because it was so easy to loose track of time. They knew that soon they had to head to the Manor again, before the Earl realized that they were gone. He'd be mad if he found out they had taken Raina from the Manor. He hadn't caught them yet. They didn't want him to catch them.

They knew it was time to go when Raina drooped and leaned her head against Devit, looking tired. Devit carefully scooped her up into his arms and Jasdero snickered. "Is Rai tired tonight?" His eyes glanced up at his brother teasing. If Devit hadn't had Raina in his arms, he probably would have punched him in the shoulder. He felt his face burn slightly. Of course Jasdero knew what the two of them did in their spare time too. Not many Noahs didn't know. Devit didn't like that all of them knew Devit's personal life.

"Shut up" he settled for, glaring at his brother. Raina looked at Jasdero, her stare tired and unamused.

"Be nice" But her tone was directed at the both of them. Devit looked at her, shifted his hold on her and bolted away, running towards the manor. Jadero followed after him. They ran quickly, but not quick enough. When they entered and walked past the living room, the Earl was waiting for them. Devit saw him first and cursed under his breath, setting Raina on her feet. Jasdero and him stepped in front of her, in case the Earl was mad and tied to take it out on her. She was only human after all. He could hurt her plenty of he tried to. He could kill her easily. She ducked her head down, going submissive. He hated that she did that. Before she would have hit them both and made them move out of the way.

Not that he preferred that. He just missed who she used to be. She had changed so much in the last year. She wasn't the same girl he had fallen in love with. He didn't care though. He would protect her. He would protect her because he still loved her.

"You two took the girl out of the Manor" The Earl was knitting. He wasn't even looking at them. They just waited for him to get to the point. "I suspected that you had done this before, but I never had any proof, nor had I ever caught you before this pointed" He checked his knitting before continuing. "You know I forbid you from taking her out of the Manor"

"She's not going to run and being inside all the time has made her look sickly" pointed out Devit. Raina had gotten paler since she had been staying in the manor. He hadn't really minded it. He knew it was unhealthy though and that did bother him.

"She needs to go outside sometimes, get fresh air" Interjected Jasdero.

"I understand the two of you care about her...but rules are rules boys" They tensed. The Earl did not get up. "If you break another rule I have set in place, I will have her taken away from you" That struck a cord within the twins.

"You can't!" Devit said, keeping his anger in check but only barely.

"I can. Skin?"

Raina suddenly cried out and she was pulled away from the twins. They turned fast to look up at Skin who was holding Raina by both her arms and off the floor. She struggled, kicking but she could do no damage to Skin without her destroyed Innocence. The sleeves of her dress rolled up, showing the scars that marred her skin.

"Remember I can easily have her removed." the Earl spoke from behind them. "Tell me...How is she doing by the way? Is she recovering well? I hope she is. I think soon...Well we'll talk about that later now won't we? Skin?" She was tossed back to Devit. She took two stumbling steps and fell into his chest. She had her eyes closed and she was trembling. Her arms hurt.

Devit took Raina and hurried to her room. Jasdero came in as well and Raina went to her bed. Her arms were trembling. They sometimes did if some squeezed them to hard or hit them too hard. Sometimes if she took a bad fall they'd tremble and cause he pain too. Devit went and sat next to her, rubbing her leg, for he didn't want her back to start to hurt to, in a comforting manor. Jasdero gently hugged her, careful not to inflict more pain on his best friend.

"Are you going to be alright?" asked Jasdero softly. She nodded. She always nodded. She didn't speak, didn't say "of course" like they wished she would...wished she could. She was silent anymore. She was so much quieter, she had lost so much of herself. "Dero is going to bed" he said softly. "Devi are you staying with Raina tonight?"

"Yeah, probably" he answered, looking up at his brother.

"Okay, good night Devi" He kissed Raina's forehead. "Night Rai" and with that, he wandered out the door, closing it behind him. Devit watched his brother go and then sighed, rubbing Raina's leg again, trying to be soothing. She let her trembling arms drop into her lap. She watched them, waiting for the pain and trembling to stop probably.

It did stop, fairly quickly. A small smile touched her face.

"It's getting better" she said. He smiled softly back. He was happy. A few months ago she had cried and said "It's never going to get better". He was glad she was getting better. He wanted her to be better sooner. She turned to him and smiled. Then she crawled onto his lap and kissed him, her hands on his shoulders. He kissed her back, his hands on her hips.

"Raina...We shouldn't...not tonight" he said softly against her pressing lips. Her lips got more desperate, her body pressed against him. He didn't push her away though, he didn't want to hurt her. "Raina...We shouldn't...Did you hear me?"

"I heard you but...Devi..." Her voice was desperate too. Desperate to feel something she liked after the pain. She pulled away from him and her fingers pushed his jacket off and then his shirt. She ran her cold fingers down his warm chest, making him jump and move underneath her. "Come on Devi..." She whispered. Her fingers were on the edge of his pants, following the line they created around his waist. He shivered again.

"Raina..." he grabbed his fingers. "Stop" his protest was weak though and even he heard how weak it was. He wasn't going to convince her to stop with a voice that weak. He was caving and she'd hear it in his voice. It wasn't often that he refused her. She knew what to do so he couldn't refuse her now. She had figured it out after trying somethings on him. He couldn't say he regretted her figuring it out, he knew he should but he truly couldn't.

He felt his entire body shiver, and not from her cold hands, as her fingers wandered down lower, brushing against him through his pants. It was just a rough feel but he knew what she was doing, she was tempting him. She was winning too.

He grabbed her waist, holding her closer and pressing his lips roughly against her's. She gasped and he flipped her so she was laying on the bed on her back. He was over her in a moment, kissing her again, she felt his tongue trace against her bottom lip, his fingers digging into her hips, he was probably going to bruise her again, and then her fingers were in his hair, pulling on the dark strands. His golden eyes opened in shock at her pulling him away slightly. He looked down at her, she knew her lips would bruise as well, but it barely mattered.

"You shouldn't tempt me" he whispered at her. His teeth snapped near her neck, she shivered, her fingers running down his chest, to his pants. She started to unbutton them but he moved her fingers away, kept them from unbuttoning them. He couldn't have that yet. He reached for the hem of the dress, pulling it up over her head.

"Ah!" she gasped as the cold air hit her, making her shiver. He kissed her lips, her cheeks her neck.

"I love you Raina" He whispered.

"I know" her whisper was rough, her eyes shut and she pulled him close, kissing him again. This was what she wanted after all. She wanted to stay with him forever. This was one of the few things that kept her sane. She needed this, needed him, like a drug. She new this was dangerously close to using him but she loved him. She loved him and she didn't want to use him. It just came out like that. She hated herself for it. She hated that she needed him like this, hated that she had to use his like this. She felt his fingers tease her in ways that made her gasp and make her arch towards him, hoping for more. His lips teased her again. He was gentle with her. He was always gentle, always so gentle up until the end. Ever since that first time and that he had bruised her and made it hard to walk. He never wanted that to happen again.

His fingers were touching even more sensitive places making her groan. "Please Devit..." she moaned. "Don't make me wait"

He smiled, his golden eyes glittering. "You started this and now you have to wait" he said, his voice teasing. He kissed her again, fingers sliding over skin that was sensitive again. She gasped in his mouth. This was how some of their nights were. Sometimes they just wanted to sleep next to each other and if that was the case Jasdero would sometimes stay with them. He liked to be close to Raina too.

He knew Raina's state of mind though. They both did. They knew she was fading fast, that this place was taking a horrible toll on her. Devit understood her needs and tried to fulfill them...He also understood that this was doing nothing to save the girl he loved.

The long-awaited sequel. This first one is a little short, just to give you a taste of what it's like. Don't expect speedy updates for this one because I am busy, but I hope you enjoyed it. And before anyone asks, yes, there will be some lemons in this one. No, I didn't do one in this chapter because its the first chapter. Next chapter maybe but either way hope you enjoyed the chapter.