A/N: Hurrr, so...Earlier, I was working on a rather angsty ByaRen fic, and after about an hour I just said to myself, 'well screw this, this is bloody depressing'. So I took a break and wrote this instead. It was cathartic. Isn't it a bit odd that written humour helps me write better angst?

Anyways, this is unbeta'd, so I apologize in advance for anything I may have missed. Also, I have no clue what hotels would be named like in Japan so I made a wild guess.

Summary: A series of drabbles following Byakuya and Renji's experiences while on 'vacation' in the world of the living. ByaRen, established relationship. Some crack and some fluff.

Disclaimer: All rights to Bleach belong to Kubo Tite, Shonen Jump, Viz media and...various others, I suppose, but none of which include me. I'm just borrowing them for a bit.

On Holdiay (or Byakuya Refuses to Admit Defeat in the Face of Modern Life)

"I am not comfortable with this, Renji."

"Don't be so uptight, taichou. This is gonna be a vacation. Just relax a bit, it'll be fun."

Byakuya did not look convinced. "I am not uptight." He scowled darkly at his fukutaichou, then eyed the opening senkaimon. "I do not need a vacation. I am perfectly happy with my duties." The gate was getting wider.

Renji smirked and shook his head, reaching down and grabbing the older shinigami's hand, pulling him forward. "Well, I'm most certainly not gonna work my whole death away, and neither should you. Let's go."

As Byakuya was tugged through the gate, he found himself wondering what had become of his sanity.

"No."

"But, but I just-"

"No."

Renji grumbled under his breath. "Well then where do we go? This is the designated apartment the soutaichou told me was available to us. It's fine. A little dark...a little damp. I've had worse!"

Byakuya looked at him, the steel in his gaze sending shivers down the other shinigami's spine. "This is entirely unacceptable." He paused, trying very hard not to breath through his nose while he was still inside the dingy little room. "If this is to be a...vacation, then let us treat it like one. I refuse to stay in this hovel."

At that, he turned on his heel and marched straight out the door.

The Hoteru Nakamura was much more to Byakuya's liking. The large spacious room opened up onto a private garden and, much to the man's delight, a well tended koi pond. He liked koi. Despite the ever-present sensation of the city around them, this small section of earth and water made the shinigami feel more at home.

When a pair of strong, tattooed arms slipped around his waist, he prided himself on not jerking away in surprise. "The bed's nice, yeah?" The rough voice was close to his ear, and he could feel Renji's breath fluctuate against his neck. "Wanna try it out?"

Whatever dry comment Byakuya was about to make was swallowed by his fukutaichou's mouth against his own. Yes, he thought, it is a nice bed.

"Renji."

The redhead turned and saw the other man standing on the opposite side of the doors.

"What's wrong?"

Byakuya looked at him aghast. "Those doors just moved on their own." If he had been anyone other than a shinigami, he would have started crying ghost! ghost!, but he knew better than that. "I do not sense an earthbound spirit anywhere nearby."

Renji blinked owlishly at his taichou, then chuckled softly at the scowl etched on his face. "Ahhh...sorry, Byakuya. Should'a explained this before we got here, eh? These doors are automatic." At the blank look he received, he continued. "S'machine, sorta thing. Got this motion sensor on it, so it knows when you're comin', and the doors open. Hands free, very popular."

Byakuya was not impressed. "Are you saying that the doors are watching me?"

People were beginning to stare.

"Er, no, that's not it. S'not like they're...sentient, or anything. It's all got to do with electricity. Humans found some funny ways to use it. But, like I said, there's no cameras or nothin', just this thing that picks up movement." He walked back through the doors and grasped Byakuya's arm, pulling him through. "C'mon, you're kinda making a scene."

Though he would never admit it, Byakuya did not fully understand Renji's explanation, and as he walked through the doors and into the store, he could not help the uncomfortable feeling of being watched.

"I promised we'd have dinner with 'em."

"No. I do not like them."

"Ah, c'mon! Ichigo will be there, you like him!"

"There will be children there. And Yoruichi. I do not like children, and I certainly do not like Yoruichi."

"Well, there's always Urahara. I'm sure you can find somethin' to talk to him about. Besides, we should get our gigais checked up on anyways."

"No. I never agreed to this. I do not like them."

"You like me, don't you?"

"...Yes."

"Then that settles it, let's go!"

He would win this. Yes, in this he could not be defeated. He would triumph. He would prevail. His neck would not cramp. Byakuya was confident, a small smirk forming around the corners of his lips, his stare cool and controlled. He would finally defeat her.

Ten more minutes passed. A heavy silence had fallen over the room, disturbed only by the soft clinking of tea cups. Five more minutes. Someone tried very hard to muffle a cough with their hand. Then...

"Oh for the love of—Fine! You win! Clearly, you are the most boring man in existence!"

Byakuya frowned at the dark-skinned woman. "That was not the purpose of this exercise."

Ichigo snorted loudly, Urahara smiled behind is hand, and Yoruichi fumed. "Are you retarded?" The shunpō master was not enthused. With a huff, she lifted herself from the the floor and grabbed Ichigo by the collar. "Let's train." Despite the human's vehement protests, the two quickly disappeared through the trap door to the training grounds.

Byakuya turned to Renji, nonplussed. "I do not understand. I have won this battle, yes?"

Renji patted him on the shoulder, a soft smile of affection tugging at his lips. "It was just a staring contest, Byakuya. It's meant for fun."

The taichou stared at the table top. "...How illogical."

Sweat rolled down the small of his back, stomach muscles rippling. His arms stretched high above his head, pulled taut. With slow, practised movements, he shifted and lowered his torso, his outstretched arms reaching down to touch his toes. As he rolled his neck, he twisted his body back into a straight line, bringing his arms behind him and pushing out his chest.

At the sound of shuffling feet behind him, he turned and saw Renji watching him. He was standing inside the doorway to the private garden, clad only in shorts. The fukutaichou quirked his head, smiling. "I love to watch you stretch in the mornings."

Byakuya looked away, dismayed to find himself feeling somewhat embarrassed. "If I do not, this gigai becomes much too stiff." He straightened out, allowing his arms to rest gently at his side.

Renji moved towards him, hands ghosting down the older shinigami's sides. " I love you, ya know?" He nuzzled the sweat-dampened hair that was for once without the customary kenseikan. Renji had said they were not acceptable dress for the living world.

There was a long silence wherein Byakuya said nothing, a frown on his face. Finally, he allowed himself to lean back against the man behind him.

"...I...find that I also have...feelings of affection towards you."

"...What exactly is this, Renji?"

The redheaded shinigami took great pride in the fact that here, in the world of the living, he was the authority, not his taichou. Not that he would ever tell the prideful man such a thing. "It's a type of drink they've got here. Rukia showed me once. S'called juice."

"..." Byakuya was turning the little rectangular box around and around in his hands, noticing the writing on one side. He looked at Renji in surprise. "This is...banana flavoured?"

Renji shook his head. "Nope, better than that. It's made with real bananas."

The taichou stared at the box, amazed. "Humans can make a liquid out of bananas?"

There was a soft chuckle. "Not just bananas, taichou. They can make it out of all kinds of fruits, and even vegetables. That's what juice is."

"Remarkable. I was not aware that humans were so advanced."

Renji said nothing, trying very hard to hide the smirk on his face as he watched Byakuya turn it around once more, a look of confusion beginning to form on his face. He coughed. "Here, there's a kind of trick ta get it open, see?" He took the little carton from him and popped off the straw. "See this little circle here? You take this straw thing and stab it in there, then you drink through it."

Byakuya took it back, eyeing it warily before taking an experimental sip. The way his eyes widened, a sincere smile forming around the tiny straw, was almost comical. As he drew his mouth away, he offered the box to Renji.

"I believe you were correct. Real bananas. Fascinating."

"Renji, what exactly is a 'zoo'?"

"It's this place where they got a bunch of animals and stuff and people come and look at them and buy plastic shit and balloons to take home."

"...how do they feed the animals?"

"Well, not with people if that's what you're thinkin'. I don't really know. I guess they just...throw shit in."

"That sounds highly unsophisticated and barbaric."

"Yeah, I guess it kinda is."

"..."

"Taichou?"

"...I would like to go."

Standing in the middle of the zoo, Byakuya was staring at the cages, watching the animals roam restlessly in their small paddocks. Renji was trying in vain to get his attention.

"C'mon, try this. You like spicy shit right? Look, wasabi ice cream. I mean, it looks fucking disgusting, but I'm sure you'll love it."

Byakuya didn't even bother to scold him for his language. He was frowning at a large tiger pacing along the edge of it's cage. "I do not like this, Renji."

The redhead stopped in mid-sentence, looking at him strangely. "What? You mean all the kids running around? It's always like thi-"

"No, that's not what I was referring to." He looked like he was struggling with something, and Renji found himself worrying. Seeing his taichou as conflicted as this was a rare occurrence.

"Bya, what's wrong?"

Byakuya turned at the use of the irritating nickname but said nothing. He walked a little closer to the cage. "This animal...This is a proud warrior. He should be in his own lands, with his own kin. He is a predator. Predators do not belong in cages." The was an awkward pause. "I find that he...reminds me of you. I do not like the thought of you in a cage."

Renji gaped at him, feeling his heart swell so fast he thought it might burst. Unable to find words, he settled for taking his lover's hand, and gently lead him out of the zoo.

Determined not to let the afternoon be ruined, Renji opted instead to try their luck at an amusement park. Renji loved amusement parks, and seeing the joy written across his face, Byakuya couldn't help but feel a small thrill of excitement himself.

Once they entered the park however, that feeling quickly began to fade. "Renji," he said sternly, "It smells...odd here."

"Oh yeah, you get used to it."

Byakuya couldn't see how that was possible.

"So what do you want to?" The redhead looked around curiously. "There's the Ferris wheel."

"What is that?"

"It's this giant wheel that you sit in and it spins around. You get to go really high up and you can see for-"

"Absolutely not."

"W-what? Why not?"

Byakuya shifted his feet uncomfortably. "I am...mildy inconvenienced by being high above ground."

"...you are scared of heights ?"

"I said mildly inconvenienced!"

"Renji."

"M-mmh-what?" He quickly swallowed the cotton candy he had been dissolving in his mouth.

"I have over come the obstacles at that seedy looking booth over there, and have won for you this lumpy soft rat-like object."

"Uh, that's...That's a kangaroo, taichou. I mean, it's a stuffed animal, made to look like a kangaroo. Kangaroos are real. They're from Australia."

"What is this 'australia'?"

"S'country. Continent. It's a continent country."

"...I see." Byakuya tried his best not to appear confused. "May I try some of that...thing you are eating?"

"Wha-oh, yeah sure."

The noble took a small bite. "...Rukia would love this."

That night, they lay in bed together, Renji curled around the older shinigami's back. The doors to the garden were open, and a cool breeze was carrying the sweet scent of sakura petals in to the room.

"We have to go home tomorrow, taichou."

Byakuya nodded his head slightly, already drifting towards sleep.

"I just want—that is..." Renji sighed and carted his fingers through the noble's ebony hair, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. "Thank you for coming with me. It was everythin' I'd wanted." He let more soft kisses trail down the other shinigami's neck, brushing his hair aside. "You're everythin' I ever wanted."

It the stillness, Byakuya said nothing, and in time they fell asleep.

"Thanks for everythin', Urahara-taichou."

The blond man waved his fan at him, smiling jovially. "It was nothing, Renji-kun!" He dipped his hat lightly at them. "You come again anytime, okay? And Kuchiki-taichou too, of course."

Byakuya scowled at the man's retreating back.

Renji shifted uneasily. "Alright, you ready, Byakuya?" He looked very uncomfortable. "I uh...I'm sorry I dragged ya along on this, yeah? I just thought it would be good to get some time alone together. I know how busy you've been and I, well...Yeah." He seemed to run out of steam. Turning a shade of red that rivalled his hair, he turned, shihakushō swirling about his legs. Before he could reach the senkaimon however, he felt a strong grip encircle around his upper arm. Stunned, he turned and saw Byakuya looking at him awkwardly.

"I should like to...do this again sometime." To his mortification, Byakuya blushed.

Renji just smiled, took his hand, and led him through the gate.

END.

A/N: Well, that's that. Thank you for reading, and if I made you smile at least once, let me know in a review. =D