I did exactly as I had promised.

And Kyouya Ootori had done exactly as he had promised.

It was just two months before finals and Kyouya Ootori had not paid me a single visit.

It also had been two months since the last time he came to visit me.

In those two months I woke up on time for school every weekday, maintained my grades and attended tutoring, bought groceries and ate a serving of vegetables at least once every three days…I even cut down my soda consumption.

And in those two months, I realized how lonely everything was. Kyouya was right after all. Of course he was. Kyouya was always right. Especially now on the Friday night of the beginning of Spring Break, as I lay on the couch in my living room with a fever of 101 degrees, I realized how right Kyouya had been. My fever started in the afternoon right after lunch but when I tried calling home to have one of my parents pick me up, neither of them answered. They didn't answer their landline, they didn't answer their cell phones…

So I stayed in school for the rest of the day and took the regular train home, hoping to see one of my parents home from work at that point—but no.

I had come home to an empty house and a few bills on the kitchen counter. So. One of my parents did come home a some point, decided to ignore the voicemail I left on the blinking answering machine, left some money, and then immediately left before I could even come home from school. Normally I'd be ecstatic because that meant I could kick my feet up and watch anime in the living room without anyone lecturing me to go do something more productive…

..but as I lay shivering and sweating at the same time on the couch in an empty home, I missed my mom. I missed my dad. I missed the out of a can chicken soup my mother would heat up for me whenever I was under the weather. I even missed my mother's nagging of how I "should've have worn a thicker coat" or "should've dried your hair instead of going outside in the cold with it still wet." Now that I had no one to take care of me when I needed it, I had realized how much I had missed it. I had also realized how much of my routine Kyouya had been.

I shouldn't have said anything.

I should have just been grateful.

Why did I have to go and open my big stupid mouth and demand an explanation for why he took care of me?

I was lonely.

After all the months of teenage angst and wanting to be left alone.

I was lonely.

I was alone, sick, with a fever, and with nobody to take care of me.

Suddenly, pretending like I was an adult didn't seem all that fun anymore.

"Senpai…it's spring break why are you—"

"AWWWWWW! DADDY MISSED HIS DARLING DAUGHTER WAY TOO MUCH!"

"…it's only Monday…technically the first day of spring break—"

"But daddy just missed his darling daughter Haruhi so much and he couldn't bear to be away another day!"

"Ah Tomo-kun, now now, already making trouble in a commoner's neighborhood…"

I was getting tired of this. I was beginning to find their antics tiresome.

Perhaps I really was getting old. I was the one of the older members of the Host Club after all.

There was one other person who seemed fed up with these antics as well, but just like me, he was hiding it, quietly sitting on the living room floor typing away into his laptop.

"Mommyyyyyy… Haruhi is being meannn…!"

"You did show up to her house uninvited at the start of her Spring Break." Kyouya Ootori said flatly without looking away from his laptop screen. Tamaki slumped with rejection and crawled to Haruhi in his usual goofy manner, looking up at her with sparkling and tear-filled eyes that did not move her for a single moment. I kept looking at Kyouya. He had been participating more in the after school Host Club activities the past couple of months, no longer randomly disappearing some afternoons for 'work business', but instead seeming to distract himself with the Host Club activities instead. He had made up some bullshit reasons about it being calendar year ends for business, hence why his business meetings were becoming less frequent.

Having noticed his lessened patience, his lack of focus, and the ever so slight drop in interest in everything around him…I knew something was going on. I knew Tamaki had picked up on it as well, but Kyouya had made up some lie to cover for himself. I could only guess what was at the root of it all.

Momoku.

She was the only one outside of the Host Club circle or of the Ootori family to have ever unnerved Kyouya Ootori. Something had happened.

"Takashi, doesn't Momo-chan live nearby?" Mitsukuni asked softly, taking care to say it quietly enough so that the others wouldn't hear. He had been learning how to become more sensible in these matters it seemed.

"Ah."

"Do you want to visit her Takashi?"

"Ah."

"Should we?"

To that I had no response. Should we? Since the beginning of the summer we had been dropping into that girl's life unwarranted and uninvited, changing her schools, her friendships and her routines without ever once consulting her. She had clearly wanted nothing to do with us and had said as much in the very beginning, yet we still insisted. We never listened.

So now that we had actually eased off of interrupting her life, did I have much right to just go barging right in?

It's not like she had ever reached out to me—

Bzzzzzzzzzzt!

I looked down at my cellphone, unused to receiving texts when I was in the same place with the Host Club. They were the only ones who ever texted me after all. I didn't recognize this number. I opened the text.

Please help me.

I stood up, attracting the attention of the others which had up until this point been mainly on Haruhi as usual.

"Ahhh Mori-senpai, what's the deal—"

"I have to take care of something. Mitsukuni, please tell my mother that I won't be home for dinner and not to worry."

"Mori-senpai, are you okay? Do you want me to come—" I reached out an patted Haruhi's head, stopping her from continuing before she involved the rest of the Host Club in another debacle.

"No. It's nothing serious. I have some obligations to tend to."

We were leaving finally, finally parting from Haruhi and her friend at the end of summer vacation. It was the first time in a week that I had stepped onto solid land. Tamaki was making a dramatic exit, shedding tears in abundance as he clasped his hands around Haruhi's.

While they were all distracted I looked down at the forlorn girl with unkempt hair. Her eyes were tired and unfocused, relieved to be over with her torturous summer. She looked sad, relieved, and jealous all at once.

I felt for her.

I took out the folded up envelope that I had been debating on whether or not to give to her and clenched it in my fist. Maybe this was just too forward, maybe this was just too presumptuous…Maybe this was none of my business. Maybe what I was about to give her was completely stupid.

But she sighed a long sigh. It was soft, genuine, and despondent. Whenever she got that look in her eyes, it…it hurt me.

I put a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump lightly at the sudden touch. She looked up at me with those watery brown eyes that were almost in a perpetual state tearfulness this entire trip. That look had cemented my decision.

I gently reached down and took her hand into mine, placing the folded envelope into it and curling her fingers over it.

Leaning down I whispered into her ear.

"If you are ever in trouble, if you ever need anything. Use this card. If you ever need help, use this number."

x

o

x

o

x

I woke up to feeling something cool on my forehead and a somewhat familiar smell coming from my right. Opening my eyes was difficult and somewhat painful as I adjusted to the light.

"You're awake."

"M..Mori-senpai..?"

"Ah."

"You came."

"You called."

He smiled at me, the warm ceiling light of the room shining behind him like a cheesy low budget movie halo and his skin glowing under the blurry vision of my eyes. There was that irritating side of me which was buried under ten layers of sarcasm which told me 'now isn't this so stupid and corny'; and then there was the other side that reveled in it in all my unashamed and mushy glory. I couldn't stop the goofy ass smile that spread across my feverish countenance, my face without makeup and my entire sweating profusely from this stupid fever.

And despite my disgusting face, he still smiled at me.

In this moment, there was nothing more beautiful to me than Takashi Morinozuka's smile. I couldn't stop myself from the cheesy ass smile on my face.

"You're smiling now."

"I'm so happy you're here Mori-senpai…I felt very alone…"

x

o

x

o

x

"I'm so happy you're here Mori-senpai…I felt very alone…"

And then with that, she promptly passed back out.

I reached over and picked up her cell phone which had been haphazardly discarded when she first texted me and the opened envelope I had given her months ago. I set them aside on her nightstand, noting the untouched credit card that was still in the envelope.

I had given her my personal cell number and a separate credit card just in case she had ever needed it. She had not used the credit card once. Not a single time. Not for a coffee, a donut, nothing. When she finally did use what was in the envelope, the only thing she used was the piece of paper with my phone number and it was only when she had a fever of 103 with nobody around to help her. Where were her parents?

So this is where Kyouya has been going to all those afternoons.

And where he stopped going two months ago. They must have had some sort of falling out for him to have stopped. I wrung out the second cold compress of the cold water and changed out the current one on her forehead. Her fever had dropped to 99 degrees since I had come here and since she had taken the medicine I brought—branded by the Ootori medical corporation. I moved the sweaty locks of hair off of her forehead to the side, taking care to dab all stray droplets of sweats that had formed on her skin and noting the faint traces of the giant smile she had worn on her face just moments ago.

It was cute when she smiled. Her smiles had always been rare and very few and far between whenever I had seen her. Her little pink lips curled ever so slightly at the ends, her nose wrinkled slightly to the left, and her brows slanted slightly at the ends. She was cute. She was so young and surprisingly all alone during a fever.

You will be okay Momoku. You are strong.

Looking around her room, her notes were incredibly organized, by Kyouya's hand no doubt, her homework that had been assigned for over spring break already completed and piled into a neat corner to the left of her desk. Her giant wall calendar was meticulously marked with upcoming assignments, due dates, and other important dates—another habit that I knew had been ingrained into her by Kyouya. There were no stray clothes laying on the ground, no dirty dishes or leftover snack wrappers strewn on the floor. All I saw were a few candy wrappers in her little trash can in the corner. She was taking care of herself and taking care of herself very well. Regardless of Kyouya's lack of sensitivity, he had clearly cared enough for her to get on track, knowing that she was mostly on her own at this point.

I got up and moved to her kitchen, opening the fridge to find a pretty paltry selection, but still well balanced: a package of chicken thighs, ketchup, cheese, 2 onions, 1 garlic bulb, a bag of baby carrots, orange juice, and a few cans of coca cola. I shut the fridge door and opened the freezer. It was mildly worse in the freezer: 1 box of eggo waffles, 1 bag of edamame beans, 4 packages of hot pockets, 2 bags of pepperoni pizza rolls, and 1 bag of frozen premade dumplings. I smiled and started putting on the apron I saw hanging on the door handle of the oven.

She should have some homemade soup.

I started choppin up the onions while I waited for the water to boil, picking up the post-it that had been stuck to the fridge door.

Momoku, we'll be gone until Sunday morning. Mom and Dad some business in Otaru. I left you money for the week in the drawer. Love, Mom.

Some kind of mother she was.

It irked me, how flagrantly unworried they were about their one and only daughter.

X

O

X

O

X

O

I think I was waking up.

I couldn't tell.

It was pitch black.

How long have been asleep?

Takashi Morinozuka.

I jerked upright into a sitting position, feeling around my bed for my phone to get some temporary light into my room. I couldn't find it and cursed silently, pulling my knees up to my chest and leaning my forehead against them.

I had dreamt that he was here. I dreamt that he had come to take care of me. I dreamt that he smiled at me.

But of course that had been all it was. Merely a dream. Of course he hadn't come here to help me. Why would someone like Takashi waste his time on someone like me? What a stupid thought to think that had all been real.

I was so happy to see him.

I felt my eyes well up but I didn't care, it's not like anyone was around to see anyway. I got up slowly out of bed, my hands fumbling against the wall for my room light switch. I flipped it on and slowly turned around to view my room just so I could confirm the emptiness of it. My phone was on the night stand next to the crumpled up piece of paper with Takashi's number on it. I knew I never actually texted him. What a stupid dream that was.

But I was so happy.

I slowly opened the door, shuffling out to the living room while wiping some of the pathetically nonsensical tears rolling down my face, wondering if it had been me who left the tv on and passed out in my room.

Well, unless a robber decided to break into your house and watch some television midway—

"You're awake."

No.

"You're…you're here." I stared dumbfounded at the living statue that sat on my couch, his face tired and his body slumped slightly. He stood up and took a few steps towards me, tilting his head in curiosity and leaning down slightly to look at my face.

"You're crying."

"You're really here. I can't believe it! You're really here! Mori-senpai!" And without thinking I closed the gap between us, throwing my body into his as I wrapped my arms around his waist. His body was warm and his cologne was the best smelling thing I had ever smelled. I was clearly still feverish because I would never have done this on any other day. I would never have been so forward to just go and hug somebody like Takashi Morinozuka. But I was just so happy.

"I'm so happy you're here. I'm just so happy."

X

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X

O

X

She really must have been awfully lonely. I held her as she hugged me. Her grip was tight as if she were afraid I'd disappear at any moment or if she were just checking to make sure that I actually was there. I continued holding her as I waited for her to loosen her grip. She eventually did let go.

Her face bright red and full of embarrassment she pulled away, wiping away the remainder of the tears that had been on her face. She glanced at the stains her face made in my shirt and looked down at her shoes, suddenly hit by the overdue shyness and embarrassment that had been delayed just moments before.

"I'm so sorry Mori-senpai—"

"I am happy that I'm here too."

"But…." She glanced over at the oven clock which read a very late 2:30AM on its LED screen. "Why…why did you stay up so late? Aren't you tired?"

"I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"But…but you stayed up so late…"

It was late. I was incredibly tired. Exhausted in fact. I pushed her towards the couch, the fatigue that she pointed out now starting to catch up with me. She sat down and I sat down next to her, suddenly feeling incredibly tired as I sat back down. It was as if my body decided to call it quits now that I had seen her awake again. Her warmth was comforting.

"Ah Mori-senpai what—"

I had put my arm around her waist and pulled her to me, effectively spooning her on the couch as I buried my face into the back of her head, the scent of the morning's shampoo still faint in her hair. I knew that my actions weren't particularly kosher but I was really enjoying having her in my arms.

"Is this okay?" I asked, not wanting to force the girl to be held on the couch as a captive victim. I felt her hand reach up to my forearm which laid around her waist and her fingers squeeze lightly.

"…yes."

"Then lay here for just a little bit with me."

"Senpai…."

"Ah?"

"You really are a bit strange when you're tired."

I smiled into her hair and pulled her a little tighter to me. Before I knew it, I was falling asleep.

X

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X

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X

He was so warm. His hands were calloused from all his martial arts but his touch was still somehow very soft. He pulled me closer to him, the beat of his heart thudding gently against my back as he held me.

He smelled faintly of cologne, a very nice and expensive one without a doubt, his musky scent enveloping me in a cloud as my cheeks flushed.

Suddenly, the entire mood shifted as I felt his hand tracing my neck and shoulders. His fingers raked along my side until it reached my hipbone. There my blood rushed and my heart pounded. His hand, ever so slowly, went along the path of my hipbone, going closer and closer to me—

"Momoku…" He whispered in my ear, and I felt his lips press against the side of my neck—

And then I woke up.

I gasped and shot up in bed, with my face flushed and my forehead coated in a layer of sweat. Needless to say, nothing that had just occurred in my dream actually occurred. Last night had been a shocker without a doubt. Takashi Morinozuka had indeed pulled me to him on the couch but that had been it. No groping, no kissing, nothing sexual in the least bit. In fact, I barely even remembered anything occurring after he had pulled me to him on the couch. As I had still been in a state of recovery from my fever, I had passed out into unconsciousness pretty quickly after he pulled me to him.

But there was one thing that my subconscious remembered correctly.

His smell.

And again my face flushed.

I wiped away the cold sweat on my forehead, embarrassed at myself for having such…such…dirty thoughts about Takashi Morinozuka.

That's how I was supposed to feel right? Embarrassed? Everyone always made it seem like only sluts thought about…about…things like that.

Maybe I'm a slut.

A virgin slut.

Is that possible?

No. I wasn't a slut. Girls were allowed to have dirty thoughts right? Right?

I wish there were a manual for this. A manual titled "What is expected of girls in society and how much they should or should not hate themselves"

Knock knok.

I jumped at the sudden knocking. I thought I was alone? Had Takashi stayed over…on my couch…?

"Are you awake?"

"H-h-hai…." I managed to stammer out. Oh god my breath was awful.

"I made breakfast."

"A…uh…okay…just…just a minute." I nearly catapulted myself out of bed, scrambling to the little bathroom that was connected to my bedroom to exorcise the demon inside of me which went by the name of 'morning breath'.

"Oh my god my hair." I mumbled to myself with a mouth half full of toothpaste foam. In the mirror stared back a horrific witch. A witch with a tangled mess of hair that bushed together to the right, eye boogers crusted along the corners of her eyes, face puffy on the left side from sleep….

I washed my face after I brushed my teeth, simultaneously wrangling out the sad state of affairs my hair was in. Wetting it down as best I could, I tied it into a bun which made me look at least somewhat presentable.

Breath check.

I breathed into my hand and sniffed. Minty fresh. Good.

Face check.

I looked into the mirror. At least there weren't any eye boogers and at least I looked somewhat refreshed.

Eh. Whatcha gonna do about it?

I looked down at my clothes. Wrinkled PJs and a tanktop.

Throw a hoodie on and you're golden.

I at least attempted to pick out one of my cuter hoodies.

X

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X

O

X

"Morning." I tried to make small talk in attempts to come off as more friendly. Again, Kasanoda's stinging words of me being the…scary but approachable figure had not quite left me. Momoku glanced up at me and quickly diverted her gaze to the floor, shuffling into her seat at the dining table with a mumble that sounded somewhat like actual words.

That failed.

I placed the plate in front of her as I sat down in front of my own plate. I was nervous to be honest. I was incredibly nervous.

I had never made breakfast for a girl before.

I barely ever made breakfast for myself now that I thought about it.

I had made a cheese and bacon omelette with a side of buttered crescent rolls. I had no clue what I was doing and was going off of the recommendations of the lady who worked the small grocery store down the street. I stared at her until she lifted a fork full of food to her mouth.

Does she like it? Does she like it? Does she—

She smiled.

And I let out the breath I didn't know I had been holding in.

She looked up at me in confusion and tucked away a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She seemed nervous all of a sudden.

"Mori-senpai, you're staring at me." Her hands fidgeted with the sleeves of her hoodie.

"Takashi."

"Huh?"

"Please call me Takashi."

"Are…are you sure…? I mean…you're older than me….you're definitely my senior…what if everyone thinks I'm being disrespectful…what if—"

"It will be okay. Call me Takashi." Without thinking I had reached over and placed my hand over hers. Again, her face grew bright red and she snatched her hand away from me while standing up from her chair at the same time. The sudden movement caused her chair to fall to the floor in a clatter, making her flinch as she stared intently at the floor.

I was horrified.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean…"

"No…it's..it's me…you didn't do anything bad…I just.." She stammered and stumbled over her words while her face grew redder and redder. I felt…I felt scared. Did I just..had I just taken advantage of her? I showed up and stayed the night. I pulled her to me on the couch and even though she had snuggled up against me, maybe I had just been imagining that. Maybe she had felt pressured to play the part. She was a small girl all on her own and I was at least twice the size of her easily. Perhaps I had made her feel threatened. I put my hands to my face, suddenly feeling terrible and guilty.

You asshole. You goddamn asshole. She was sick with fever and needed to be taken care of and all you did was take advantage of her.

I didn't mean to, I swear. I swear to god I never meant to. I cared about her.

I dropped to my knees and put my forehead to the ground, bowing to her in the most groveling way possible.

"I'm sorry Momoku. I didn't mean to…I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable—"

I felt her hand cup my face and the other place itself over my own. She gripped my hand and gently pushed my face up so that I straightened up to a kneeling position. She looked perplexed as she cupped my cheek, bringing the other hand up to my face as well. Without thinking, I gently nuzzled one of her hands. Her hands were soft and gentle.

"Mori—Takashi…why are you so upset?" She asked in a tone full of genuine concern. I looked her in the eyes, trying to search for fear or apprehension. I saw none.

"I thought I had made you uncomfortable. I thought maybe I had taken advantage of you—"

And at that she cut me off with howling laughter. She snorted and giggled, going back and forth between laughing loudly and snickering to herself while she shook her head.

"Hahahaha…you…Takashi Morinozuka…hahaha…you…take advantage…hahahaha…of…me? Hahahaha…" She really thought it was a ludicrous thought. I started to feel a little awkward.

"You were alone and I stayed overnight…"

"Takashi…don't be ridiculous. I would…I would never think that of you. Why would a boy like you ever even think about…things like that with…with a girl like me? Don't be ridiculous. Don't be upset—"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would it be so ridiculous?"

"Because you're you and I'm me. Come on, let's get up and finish breakfast. It's delicious—"

"No."

"No what?" Now she was beginning to look concerned. She had started to get up but I had put my hands over hers again, cradling them within mine and holding them in my lap.

"You're wrong." I said as I looked at the girl who was kneeling across from me. She was blushing.

I liked the little spatter of freckles on her face. I liked her chocolate brown eyes and her messy brown hair. I liked the way her smile was occasionally crooked when she was nervous. I liked that she made mistakes and admitted to them. I liked that she tried very hard for the things she had.

I liked the way she looked at me. She always looked at me with relief. She always seemed happy when she looked at me. Her body was always less tense and her smile more natural.

I liked the way she made me feel. I liked the warmth in my stomach and the fluttering in my chest when I interacted with her.

"W-what?"

"I like you."

"Wha…what do you mean…..like you…like you like me or you like me like me? You like like me..?" She word vomited at me, her face turning 3 shades lighter. I'd be lying if I said I understood what she had just said. I hadn't really understood a word.

"I like you. I didn't just come here because you were in trouble…I came here…because I like you."

"Are…are you sure? Me?"

"Yes." Why was she questioning it so much? Her eyes were starting to get teary. Oh god, I had done something wrong again.

"Do you mean that? You really mean that Takashi? That you…you…you like me?"

"Yes."

And for the first time ever, she was the one who really caught me off guard.

She had leaned forwards and pressed her lips against mine.

I snaked a hand to the back of her neck and pulled her towards me, deepening the kiss as I held her to me.

I like you Momoku. I like you very much.

X

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X

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X

"Achoo!"

"I told you that you should've stayed away from me.. Now you're sick." I teased him as he sat on my couch with a very small case of sniffles. Unlike me, he didn't get very sick. A few sneezes through the day was about all that let me know Takashi Morinozuka was sick at all. He pulled the blanket that covered us a little tighter, making our bodies trapped inside of it like a gigantic burrito.

"I wanted to be with you." He said simply and again I blushed. I was never going to get used to this.

"Yeah but now you're sick too…"

"I'm fine."

"But you're sick. You should've stayed home until you felt better. Why'd you come back here when you're sick?"

"Because I feel better next to you." He mumbled and leaned his head against mine. I smiled, my hear thudding loudly inside my chest. The past couple of days had felt like a dream. It felt like an incredible dream.

And yet even in this dream, I still was such a mess. I had so many questions and so many conflicting feelings. What did it all mean? When someone says they like you, what does that mean? When…when you kiss somebody and they kiss you back….what does that mean? When they show up again and give you a kiss when they enter and then snuggle you on the couch, what does that mean?

Were we boyfriend and girlfriend?

Were we dating?

Technically we had yet to go on a single date…

But if kissing someone means you're dating someone, then you're cheating on—

Oh god.

Kyouya.

Kyouya Ootori. The Shadow King.

What did this mean?

Oh my god I really am a slut.

"Are you alright?" I jumped slightly at his voice, wondering how much of my facial expressions had shown what was going on in my head. I smiled and shook my head, waving my hand at him as if that would wave away the thoughts I had.

"Yeah, I just…I just zoned out." I tried to play it off coolly, snuggling up against him as the next episode of X-Files came on. His arm that had been around me pulled me to him in a reassuring squeeze and I suddenly felt unworthy and dirty of this arm. I cringed slightly, trying to nonchalantly shuffle away.

"Tea! I'll make some tea. Tea is good." I nearly shouted as I jumped up from the couch. I got so far as one step before I felt a warm hand that more or less spanned my entire forearm yank me back. I fell into a heap on top of Mori and let out an ungraceful yelp.

"Ah! Senpai—"

"Something is bothering you." He stated it. He most certainly didn't ask it.

I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the fact that his arms were around me. Maybe it was the leftover delirium from the fever I had. Maybe it was his cologne that I wanted to obsessively inhale all day and night.

But my mouth start vomiting words that could have been phrased way better.

"I KISSED KYOUYA OOTORI. MORE THAN ONCE. WELL ACTUALLY HE KISSED ME BUT I DIDN'T STOP IT. WE'RE NOT DATING BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW WAIT ARE WE DATING—"

He shut me up by putting a hand over my mouth and leaning down to kiss my forehead. I wanted to kick myself for the way I started shouting all of that like a crazy person. I relaxed my body as he lifted me, readjusting me onto his lap as he held me, his lips still pressed against my forehead. It was insane how calm he made me. With just his presence…his touch, I would immediately calm down.

"I know." He said.

Well, that's a goddamn surprise to me.

"You knew?"

"Ah."

"And you…and you still, like me?"

"Ah."

"But doesn't that make me a slut—"

"Don't…say things like that." His voice had a surprising harshness to it. It was a tone I had never heard from him before. He squeezed me in his arms and planted another kiss on my forehead, causing my face to heat up again in embarrassment.

This much attention from Takashi Morinozuka was really just too much to handle.

"But…but you knew that he kissed me. Why didn't you say anything? Why are…why are you here? I thought you were friends…and…"

"Is there still something going on between you two?" He asked and I shook my head vigorously.

"No! No of course not. There never was! We weren't…um…we weren't together like that…or…uh.."

What exactly did Kyouya and I have together? Randomly in a fit of something, he'd kiss me (and I would…always return the kiss, but nobody really had to know that…) and then somehow things would just normalize afterwards as if it never happened. I looked up at Mori, his face an unreadable stone.

"Takashi…"

"Yes?"

"What is going on between us?" I asked the question I had been terrified of asking before. The look on his face wasn't very encouraging.

"I mean never mind I shouldn't have asked I wasn't—"

"I don't know. I like you. "

I don't know what I expected or was hoping for…but I know for damn sure I wasn't expecting 'I don't know' to be coming out of Mori's mouth.

"You don't like that answer."

"Ah..no..I mean, it's fine. It's okay."

It's not okay.

Mori was kinder, wiser, more affectionate and all around much…just nicer than Kyouya Ootori…but he was doing the same exact thing. The same exact thing that made me so angry at Kyouya, and here Mori was doing it too.

What was I expecting? Relationships and dating weren't like in the movies. I guess people didn't just ask people on dates and then become boyfriend and girlfriend. There seemed to be a lot of steps in between nobody informed me about.

Like this current step. What was this step called? Kiss Momoku and leave her in a drowning pit of ambiguity and self-insecurity? Kiss her after one of your closest friends kisses her and then don't do anything better than what he did about the whole "what the fuck is going on here" situation? Of course I wanted more. I wanted more than "I don't know" and any other similar bullshit. Every novel, every television show, every movie, there was such a clear point of "hey I like you so we're dating, we're boyfriend and girlfriend, we're in a relationship" and none of this "let me kiss you and then leave you in the dark for a couple weeks" shit. So why wasn't it happening for me? Was it just me? Everybody else seemed to be wooed correctly. Why am I the person who gets this crap? Was I not pretty enough to deserve the girlfriend title? Was I not good enough to be in a relationship? Was I the practice run? The side girl? The plaything before you readied to settle down for the real wife material woman?

And why was I so terrified of saying any of this?

I was too scared.

I wasn't going to say anything.

I wasn't able to.

Because what if…

What if that scared him away?

"Momoku? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Nothing.

Nothing.

I was nothing.

I was so scared of losing the attention I got from someone who was so much better than me in every way. He was handsome, he was rich, he was athletic, he was kind, he was smart—

-he was perfect.

And I knew. I knew it deep down inside my heart. My stupid, wretched heart. I knew that there would never be another time that someone like Takashi Morinozuka would show attention to me. I was lucky just to have what I did. I was lucky just to have him on my couch.

And so I said nothing.

I swallowed my self-worth and buried it somewhere within the purgatory of my soul. I remembered who I was, where I came from…I remembered that nobody had shown me this kind of attention before.

And I was so scared.

I was so scared of losing it. Losing this little bit. This scrap of something I'd never had before.

If burying this hurt meant that I could keep this, just for one more moment…

I would do it.

Please don't leave me.