Reno fisted the sheets in front of him, biting his lip to keep from screaming with pleasure as Rude slammed inside of him. He could hear his own muffled noises echoing around the room with Rude's, the wonderful symphony of slapping flesh and muffled groans ringing through his ears and making the pleasure in his body even greater. Reno could feel Rude's hot breath on the back of his neck and he drank the sensation in as he struggled to keep his voice low. Things between them were complicated enough without him screaming how much he loved Rude during sex. He wasn't supposed to love him and he wasn't even sure he did, but the way Rude moved inside him made him lose any doubt that he loved the man.

Reno gasped and threw his head back as Rude's teeth gripped his neck, the pain only making his pleasure greater. He shook as he released, biting through his own lip to keep back his scream of pure bliss. Reno could feel Rude's body shaking on top of him, his simultaneous orgasm draining the strength from his well-muscled frame. Reno couldn't help but cry, just a tear or two, as Rude pulled out of him and rolled away. It wasn't pain that made him teary eyed, he was far too used to pain for it to draw tears from him anymore, it was the loss of warmth and fullness inside him. Even though his body was completely sated and drained of energy he wanted to feel Rude inside him. It wasn't something he could explain, usually he didn't mind when his partners pulled away. It was something he was used to, but with Rude it was different.

Reno collapsed onto the sheets in front of him, landing in a messy puddle of his own fluids. He could hear Rude panting beside him and resisted the urge to curl up next to the man, his mind always looking for safe and unable to be rejected actions. He looked to the side, trying to veil his emotions as he watched Rude recover from the physical exertion he had put him through. Reno tried not to think about what he had been mere seconds away from telling Rude. He tried so hard not to think about it. If he thought about it, he would consider saying it, and if he considered saying it anymore then eventually, he would say it. If he said it things would change and he didn't know how. He didn't want things to stay the way they were, but he couldn't deny his enjoyment of the routine. The desire to keep the routine made him feel like a coward, but he was such a sated coward.

Reno waited for the feeling to come back to his legs before he rolled out of the bed, doing his best not to brush against Rude as he did so. A hand shot out and grabbed his upper arm as he rolled, the warm touch sending electricity through his body. He looked at Rude hesitantly, very aware of the fact that he was trembling violently with exhaustion and the aftermath of his orgasm.

Rude held Reno lightly; very aware of how the routine was supposed to go and unsure if he wanted it to stop. It was obvious that Reno wanted to leave and the pained look on his face was almost enough to make Rude release him. Part of Rude wanted to roll over and pretend he had never touched Reno, pretend that he hadn't seen the tears. Something had compelled him to reach out and grab the shaking arm in his hand as it brushed past him, and that something did not like being ignored. Rude could see Reno's discomfort as the seconds ticked by, the words he was supposed to have said dying in his throat as he watched emotion flicker across Reno's face.

Reno could feel his face burning, with shame, anger, want, love, and selfish need. He didn't want to be there anymore, couldn't Rude see that? Hadn't the unspoken rule been that every Friday they would have sex and he would leave quietly to avoid any awkward conversation? Rude seemed intent on having the conversation they had both so studiously avoided, but when Reno tugged on his arm it was gently released. The way Rude's hand ghosted away made Reno wonder if it had ever been there at all or if he had just imagined that Rude was about to ask the long awaited question.

Rude tried to cover his slip by wiping off a few small droplets of blood from Reno's puffy lips where they had been bitten through. "You're bleeding."

Reno tried not to lean into Rude's touch, instead bringing his own hand up to examine the damage he had done himself. He could feel warm wetness under his fingers and even in the darkness of Rude's bedroom he could see the red tingeing his fingertips. He blushed harder at the proof of his desire to keep quiet and hoped his face didn't shine the way the blood seemed to. "Oh…right."

Rude sighed as Reno staggered out of the bed to clean himself up, his dark red hair swinging freely with each unsteady step. He had to force himself not to follow; remembering the look on Reno's face was enough to keep him firmly planted in the bed. No matter how badly he wanted to follow Reno into the shower he knew it would be a stupid idea. If he took things any farther than they had already gone Reno would pull away, just like he had only seconds ago.

Their first time had been an accident. Every time since then had simply been an unspoken agreement to be fuck-buddies because the accident had been an enjoyable one. No matter how pained Reno's face got Rude couldn't bring himself to think that what they were doing was a mistake.

Reno staggered into the bathroom and turned the light on, kicking the door shut behind him. He blinked as the soft fluorescent bulbs blinded him, the ache in his body and soul seemingly intensified by the gentle rays of cold light. Reno gripped the sink for support as he looked his face over, the blood dribbling down his chin bringing him equal amounts of pleasure and anguish. He had kept his tongue under control for one more pleasure-filled night with Rude and that brought pleasure and pain with it. He wanted to tell Rude that he was sick of simply fucking, that he wanted more, but he was so terrified of the inevitable rejection he saw waiting for him that he shrank from the idea. Everyone left him, no matter how good things started out in the beginning everyone always left him. It was part of the reason why Reno had ended up in Rude's apartment that first night and it was the reason he didn't leave. Even if the happiness he felt in Rude's presence was only a sham, it was better than nothing.

Reno shakily staggered to the tub, sinking to the floor beside it gracelessly and turning on the water. He showered at Rude's so often he had his own soaps and towels. He could feel his entire body trembling with the remains of the pleasure he hadn't allowed himself to bask in and he moaned softly, the entire evening flashing behind his eyes in a blur of lustful passion. The steam from the water brought him back to his senses and he dragged himself into the tub, turning on the shower and immediately getting drenched in scalding water. He hissed as the water turned his already flushed skin a dark red, the heat and pain pushing the last of the pleasure from his body and ushering in the realities of post-sex soreness.

Reno leaned back against the wall of the tub and let the water burn and sting against his still sensitive skin. His head was suddenly clear of the distracting pleasure Rude had given him, but it was still so full of pain and confusion that he couldn't manage to arrange his thoughts in a sensible manner. He was so conflicted when it came to Rude, so damned conflicted.

Reno stretched out cramped muscles and started cleaning himself, still slumped on the floor of the tub. He hadn't managed to convince his legs to pick him up yet. He could feel the bite on his neck throbbing as it bruised and he felt a distinct smugness as he ran soap over it. Each time he left Rude's apartment he wore a new mark, a new bite where Rude hadn't held back with him. To Reno it felt like those bites were signs of Rude's otherwise unannounced ownership of him, but he didn't think Rude saw them that way. At the moment he didn't care how Rude saw the bites, he knew what he thought of them and he was somehow proud of the fact that he had them.

Reno finished washing and managed to get on his feet long enough to turn off the water and pull himself out of the tub. He snatched his towel off of the rack and dried off, reluctant to return to Rude's room to locate his crumpled clothes. He wrapped the towel around his waist and braced himself as he pushed the door open, resisting the urge to bite his lip.

Rude watched silently as Reno gathered up his clothes, not feigning sleep, but not making any attempt to prove he was awake. He knew that Reno would pull up the slipping towel if he knew he was awake and the small bruises he had left along Reno's hips as he gripped him tightly would be hidden from view. There were dark purple marks all around Reno's neck and shoulders, testaments to Rude's knowledge of how to make the other man moan with pleasure. Rude knew Reno's body inside and out; it held no secrets for him anymore. He knew where the scars were and which ones needed to be avoided because they still hurt him. If Reno would only give Rude the permission he would have eagerly worshipped every bit of the man with his lips, but Reno was still far too guarded to let him do so. Rude didn't know how he was going to break through whatever barrier Reno had created between them and, truth be told, he wasn't sure he wanted to.

Reno dressed quickly, having some difficulty distinguishing his clothes from Rude's in the darkness of the room. His lip had stopped bleeding but he could still taste the blood and he tried to ignore how much better the bitterness of his blood made the lingering taste of Rude seem. He slipped out as quietly as he could; his shoes tied together and flung over one shoulder because he couldn't find his socks.

Rude listened to his door shut with a sad sigh, rolling to his side and doing his best to ignore the cold, empty feeling the something he had ignored sent through his heart. It would've been easier if he didn't have the lingering warmth of Reno's body keeping the sheets beside him warm.

Reno wobbled to his apartment, feeling like he was some kind of criminal as he hastily opened his door and slipped inside. He tossed his shoes to the floor and shed his clothes at the door, flopping onto his couch so he wouldn't have to think about the fact that half of his bed was to remain empty and cold.

Author's Note: So much angst, so little time….. I dunno why but Rude's been whispering this story at me for a while and he kept releasing my plot bunnies so I had to write it to stop the madness *shakes fish* curse you Rude! I have other things to write!