Look at me.
Focus on me.
I'm perfect, I'll never let you down, so never turn your eyes away from me. I can handle it. I can handle it so just don't look at her.
Don't look at her and see your own mistakes, or see her innocence. Let her keep it. Look at me. Look at me and remember that I'm the perfect daughter, all you ever wanted. Stay happy. Stay happy and don't hit her.
Please don't ever hit her…
Look at me…don't ever turn your head away from me.
Dad.
Daddy….
Am I good enough now…?
Am I good girl Dad?
"Olga look what I did!"
Helga's high pitched voice woke Olga from her slumber as she shot her eyes open, gasp escaping her as she rubbed her eyes sleepily. Helga pulled at Olga's sweater, her face giddy as she started to giggle. Olga rubbed her head without moving her own, unable to move. She was so tired…
She had spent all night studying on the three different finals she had tomorrow, and none of it seemed to stick. She'd have to pull another all-nighter if she wanted to get straight A's again. Olga closed her eyes softly, her body giving into her fatigue. Maybe it would be ok to just go in and pass, B's weren't that big of a deal.
Helga giggled and tugged at Olga again making Olga sit up quickly. She stared down at the happy and free face that looked upon her. She knew nothing of pressure or limits; whatever she could think up was what she could do, if she wanted to fly then with a little pixie dust she would be off the ground. Olga rubbed her eyes. She had to get A's, she had to be perfect so that Helga didn't have to be.
"What'd you do sweetie?" Olga asked gently. Helga giggled happily and pulled harder at Olga's clothing. Olga stood rubbing her eyes for a few moments with a yawn as she followed the skipping girl down the hallway. She reached pushed open the door to her room with both hands and plopped down on the floor next to the wall.
"Oh no Helga!" Olga screeched out a her eyes found what Helga had been so proud of. On her wall was an elaborately coloured crayon painting on a small section of Helga's wall. Helga looked up in fear at Olga's odd reaction, her eyes darting between Olga and her painting.
"…you don't like it?" She asked shakily.
"Helga, you know that you're not supposed to draw on the walls!" Olga squeaked out. Helga raised a tiny brow as she tilted her head. Olga's heart raced in her chest, what would their father do if he found her wall like this? Olga flinched at the thought and started to shake quickly pacing back and forth in Helga's room. She'd need to get it off of her wall before he came home, she'd need soap- and water- and a scrub brush-
"Why?" She asked. Olga blinked for a few moments, unable to move her eyes from the now tainted wall.
"Well, because dad said so." Olga muttered quickly. A flash of anger crossed over her face at the mention of their father as she rebelliously took a crayon in her hand and continued to colour. Olga yelped and reached out to stop her.
"Helga don't! Daddy will get mad!" Olga yelled out. Helga pouted out her lip, her eyes brows pushed down hard on her eyes as she stared angrily at the wall. Only four years old and she had already gotten down the death stare.
"At least he notices me when I do bad things…" Helga mumbled. Olga blinked for a few moments at her statement. Helga pushed the crayon so harshly into the wall that it broke in two in her hands. She closed her eyes and sighed hanging her head in defeat.
"…at least when he's yelling he looks at me…"
Olga sighed and plopped down next to Helga. She held out her hand and with a small and innocent glance of curiosity Helga placed a crayon in her hand. Olga started to draw alongside her, her eyes fading as a soft breath left her lips.
"Being ignored is better than being watched Helga." Olga warned.
"You wouldn't understand….mom and dad love you." Helga commented moving herself over so that she could draw closer to Olga's hand. Olga bit the inside of her cheek, taking in a deep breath.
"Mom and dad love you too."
But she knew she was lying, and Helga knew it too. She stared at her masterpiece sadly as Olga wrapped an arm around her shoulder, her fingers playing with the small girl's hair as she sighed.
"…I love you Helga, I love you enough for the two of them combined." That was the truth, though Olga wasn't sure if Helga knew it.
Helga nodded and crawled into her sister's lap as Olga kissed the top of her head. She smiled taking Helga's hand in her own as Helga guided her sister's arm to draw. Even at such a young age she was already making pictures much grander and more spectacular than her older sibling.
"You're going to do great things Helga." Olga whispered to her. Helga tilted her head up towards her sister, bright blue eyes shining as Olga's tears hit her soft face. Tenderly she reached out and wiped them away, a small smile on her face as she giggled.
"I love you Olga." She whispered happily.
"..I love you too Helga…so much."
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
"Olga do you wanna play dollies?" Helga asked cheerfully as Olga pushed her hair back nervously, biting her lip as she erased something on her paper. She took a moment before re-writing it and erasing again. Olga groaned lowly and hit her head against her palm roughly.
"Stupid, stupid! Of course the answer isn't five, what are you a dunce?" Olga asked herself harshly. Helga saw that her sister hadn't heard her small words and quickly moved into her room. Olga didn't notice this either, fear rushed over her as Helga quickly checked over herself. Had it finally happened? Had she turned invisible?
"Olga?" Helga asked desperately. Olga twitched and sighed writing even faster.
"What is it Helga?" She asked, annoyance apparent in her voice. Helga tenderly walked over to her older sibling and pulled at her nightgown as she pointed to her room.
"I asked if you wanted to play dollies. We can reenact Macbeth, it'll be fun." Helga piped out cheerfully. Olga sighed and shook her head, swatting Helga's hand away as she went back to her paper, her eyes not even giving the girl so much as a glance. Helga stood bewildered as she stared down at her hands while Olga spoke.
"I'm really busy right now Helga, can you go ask mom to play with you or something?" Olga asked rubbing her temple. She'd had a killer headache for almost three days now and even the slightest noise or flash of light was enough to send her into tears from the pain. Helga was most defiantly not helping.
"She's drinking her smoothies, she's no fun to play with when she's drinking them…" Helga whispered sadly. Olga groaned before throwing down her pencil. Helga jumped back for a moment, staring at her sister in shock. Olga shook her head, taking in a deep breath to calm down.
"Have you asked Dad?" She snapped.
"….asked daddy?" Helga asked in surprise. Olga nodded pushing her bangs up.
"Yea, have you asked him?"
Helga looked cautiously at the door.
"…I…I don't really want to play with him." She stuttered out. Olga took no notice and quickly turned back to her work.
"Then play by yourself Helga, I've REALLY got to get back to these entrance exams so, if you don't mind." Olga pointed to the doorway but Helga was caught in a single thought in her mind. She suddenly smiled before looking up at Olga hopefully.
"You really think Dad will play with me?" She asked, excitement in her voice.
"HELGA!" Olga snapped hitting her desk. Helga twitched quickly looking down at the ground as she covered her head. Olga turned and sat horrified as she looked at the quivering girl. Olga sighed heavily and shook her head, her shoulders drooping as she closed her eyes.
"Look Helga I'm sorr-"
Olga opened her eyes as she heard the door slam shut. Olga bit her lip and rolled her head to look at the ceiling.
"…great."
Olga felt blackness overtaking her vision as she ran in P.E, her least favorite class. Since when did the world start spinning so quickly? Her pace slowed as she started to fall behind. Her body felt limp but she pressed on, she couldn't lose. Pataki's done lose. Something started to build up in her throat and it felt like a fire had been set to her stomach.
Olga doubled over, gripping it in pain as she choked back tears.
Not again.
Olga suddenly coughed, speckles of red lining the grass she stood upon as she gagged, throwing her hands over her mouth. Blood seeped through her fingers as her eyes widened. The girls behind her screamed as Olga stared in agony at the mess she had made. She fell to her knees and tried to wash it away.
Wash it away before he sees.
"OLGA!" She heard her teacher scream as she fell into the grass.
"So what's wrong with her doc?"
"It's Dr. Hall…" He corrected.
They didn't seem to care.
Bob and Miriam stood outside of Olga's hospital door as the doctor looked down at his chart, his fingers pressing up his glasses as he shook his head with a sigh. He placed the chart down and motioned for her two parents to take a seat. They begrudgingly complied, Bob's eyes moving back to the hospital room quickly.
"I'm afraid that Olga has an ulcer…a bleeding one to be more specific. Now, it's not deadly and it can be cured, however the fact that she has managed one of this level at such a young age worries me…" The doctor leaned against his desk, glancing over the parents quickly.
"Has Olga been having any trouble at school lately? Or at home?" He added, raising a brow.
"No!" Bob yelled out quickly, the pride coming up in him. Miriam groaned and shook her head, rubbing her temple as she let out a low breath.
"No…Olga's our perfect baby girl, she doesn't have trouble doing anything." The last of her words slurred. For the sake of keeping both of the adults on topic Dr. Hall chose not to bring it up. He coughed before placing his glasses on the desk, crossing one foot over the other.
"I've been Olga's doctor for a long time now Mr. and Mrs. Pataki, and sometimes I feel like I'm watching her wither away. She's a growing girl and she hasn't gained any weight since she turned twelve…speaking of which, I haven't even seen your youngest since she was born- I assume that she's a bouncing healthy baby girl?" The doctor asked, some edge in his voice.
Bob looked back from the hospital room.
"Who the girl? Yea she's fine, let's get back to Olga, now what the heck is this ulcer thing."
The doctor bit his lip and turned, rolling his eyes as he grabbed some pamphlets.
"I'm going to be brutally honest, Olga's pushing herself too hard. She's not eating enough and she's not getting enough sleep. I think she's so stressed about keeping herself perfect for you she's dug herself a hole that's devouring her body." The doctor snapped.
"AND, while we're at it, I would really like to see Helga before she starts pre-school, she's already missed all her vaccinations and with this latest discovery in Olga I'd like to make sure she's doing alright."
"Oh my poor baby girl…" Miriam whispered.
"Is she in a lot of pain?" Bob asked. Dr. Hall twitched.
"So when shall I set the date?"
"For what?" Bob asked.
"For Helga's visist…." The doctor looked about ready to snap the pen he was holding in two.
"Oh…do we have to?" He asked raising a brow. Dr. Hall sighed and nodded. Bob rolled his eyes muttering something about the system before taking the doctors schedule.
"I don't know, Friday. Now what can we do about OLGA?" He snapped. Dr. Hall sighed before placing his glasses back on.
"Keep her relaxed, cut back on the high acid foods- but be sure to keep her eating, and please for the love of God, just let her be like a normal high schooler for once…I'm sure that'll do loads more than any medicine I prescribe could…"
That night Olga had been ordered to the living room couch, a soft and pillow like blanket around her, her favorite meal cooked up fresh by her mother. For once she stayed sober, if only to watch over Olga to make sure she wasn't sick again.
She smiled gently to herself, a warm feeling wrapping around her as her father came and sat beside her.
"Now Olga you listen to me ok, the girl will be starting pre-school in a few weeks so I don't want you coming home to baby sit anymore. You just take it easy and build up your health and get back to being the you I know and love." Olga flinched. Why didn't he just love her as she was now?
Maybe she was looking too much into it…
"Olga, you said you were going to help me pick out my preschool outfit…"
Olga's eyes moved quickly to the small girl standing in front of the couch. How long had she been there?
"That's right- I'm sorry Helga, just gimmee a second and I'll-" Olga started to move the blanket off of her but her father moved his hand down quickly, keeping it pressed. She watched with tension as he moved his hands to shoo away his daughter, much like one would a stray animal on the street.
"Don't bother your sister right now, she's sick, go play in your room or something." Bob demanded. Helga blinked before looking up at Olga.
"But-"
"GO!" Bob growled out. Helga flinched, a gasp escaping her as she backed away. Olga opened her mouth but coughs overcame her words. Bob turned back to her, quickly grabbing some tea for her to drink. Olga closed her eyes, only for a moment, but when she opened them Helga was gone…
oooooooooooooooooooooo
First day of senior year. All she had to do was get through one more year, one more 'perfect' year and she would be out of this house and it's suffocating walls for good. Olga looked at herself in the mirror, twisting and turning to make sure that every little thing was in place.
Today was going to be perfect, she would make sure of it.
Olga grabbed her backpack, throwing it over her shoulder as she started down the stairs, she counted the steps, one, two, three, four-
"OLGA!"
Olga stopped in her tracks, her head turning quickly to her father who was sitting rather happily with her mother on the couch. Her heart brightened, it was the first time they'd been seen together in weeks. She quickly rushed down to them wondering what the occasion was. They smiled happily and wrapped their arms around her in a tight hug.
"Ahh that's my girl! You ready for your big day?" Bob asked joyfully. Olga smiled and nodded as he beamed down happily at her. Was this a dream? Miriam laughed happily before dabbing her eyes.
"My baby's getting so big…look at how beautiful she is Bob." She whispered. Bob smiled and nodded wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Olga was practically glowing.
"Why don't you play us a little tune before you leave sweet heart? Ah what's that one you were practicing yesterday? The one minute waltz or something." Bob stated. Olga smiled nodding quickly, she knew the one. She sat down at the piano, her mother and father moving by her sides like a shield of protection.
She smiled and put her fingers to the keys, her eyes closing gently as she started to play.
Whenever she played something magical happened, her body and mind were lifted away from one another, and while her fingers play across keys her imagination ran wild. The high notes and the lows, they all told a beautiful story of love and betrayal and coming home again.
In this particular fantasy she was rushing across the moon, jumping and dancing like a ballerina while her prince caught her in midair. It all came crashing down however as she heard the door slam.
Olga's eyes shot open as she looked around her, her mother and father were still beside her, clapping and praising her. She felt fulfilled, but a little part of her, hidden away, was screaming for her to wake up- to notice that this wasn't the family portrait she had painted in her mind's eye so long ago.
Something was missing…
"…isn't it Helga's first day of preschool today?" Olga whispered suddenly.
"Who?" Bob asked quickly.
Olga's heart stopped as she heard her father utter those words.
"…helga…your daughter…" Olga whimpered. Bob nodded.
"Oh, yea, I think she left already." He stated. Olga gasped and stood up quickly.
"She's only five! You were supposed to drive her!" Olga yelled. Bob's happy face slowly slipped away and Olga flinched looking down at the ground. Don't yell, don't speak out of turn. Perfect daughters don't speak unless spoken to.
"I'm sure she'll be fine…now you'd be hurry if you don't want to be late for school." Bob warned. Olga nodded heading out of the front door quickly. She rushed into her car, starting the engine quickly as the rain outside started to pour down harshly.
Where was Helga's school again?
Olga cruised down the street, her heart beating rapidly as she shot her head from side to side, looking for the small girl. Where could she be? Olga's foot twitched against the gas pedal as she tried to keep herself calm. Maybe she just sat somewhere waiting for her?
She drove for twenty minutes and skipped her first period looking but Helga had been nowhere in sight. When she gave up and checked in at the pre-school they had informed her Helga had arrived but she wasn't allowed inside.
What had started out as a way to protect Helga had grown into something more, something far more dangerous. She was craving the attention, she needed it to survive. If her parents didn't notice her, didn't compliment and accept her it was like her world didn't exist at all.
She was perfect or nothing.
And by doing this she was hurting the person she wanted to protect.
Olga rubbed her eyes and shook her head, no, everything was fine, she just needed some sleep was all. She was just tired, that's why she didn't see Helga leave this morning, that's why she got so nervous when her hand missed a key, it was just because she needed to sleep.
She needed…
"Olga are you alright?"
The kind and young voice of her teacher interjected into her thoughts. She looked up quickly at her noticing that the picture of her face was much blurrier than normal.
"Of course Mrs. Pierce why?" She asked her voice cracking.
"Why Olga, you're crying…" the woman whispered to her. Olga blinked for a few moments feeling the wetness under her eyes. She placed her fingertips to her cheek, feeling the hot burn of tear stained skin as another fell over her hand.
And once she felt that one tear another came, and another and another until Olga was quivering like a small child thrown from its mothers arms. Her classmates all turned, their burning eyes upon her as she started to hiccup. Olga held back a whimper in her throat as she quickly shut her eyes, biting on the inside of her cheek. She was a high school senior for God's sake, she couldn't be seen crying in class!
But they wouldn't stop, and they just kept pouring faster and faster until sobs made their way out of Olga's unwilling body.
"Olga?" Her teacher asked in surprise. Olga winced and rubbed her eyes quickly as she sobbed harder.
"Don't tell my dad…please…please…"
oooooooooooooooooooooo
"And as your valedictorian, let my closing words to this year's class be this- congratulations and good luck, I expect great things out of all of you!" There was a roar from the audience and her fellow classmates and Olga giggled, standing proud in her ceremonial graduation robe, adorned with medals and ropes. Tears strolled down on her gleaming cheeks as she giggled, covering her mouth.
This was the day she had been waiting for, all that hard work, it had all finally started to pay off and here she was, diploma in hand with a roar of followers behind her. She could hardly hear the principal declare them official graduates, her mind was too caught up in dreams of things soon to come.
Everyone threw their caps into the air and she giggled doing the same.
This was the happiest day of her life.
"Ohh honey! We're so proud of you!" Miriam choked out through sobs as she threw her skinny arms around Olga. Olga laughed and hugged her mother back tightly as Bob took pictures from the sidelines. He stepped in, grabbing Olga in his large arms before lifting her off the ground in a large bear hug.
"Daddy!" Olga giggled out as he placed her back down.
"You did good sweet heart, I still can't believe you've graduated…your mom and I were talking about it all morning, these years with you have just gone by so fast…" He whispered kissing her forehead. Olga smiled and scrunched up her face, giggling again.
"OH! That reminds me, how was Helga's graduation, was it cute, did anyone cry?" Olga asked quickly. Bob and Miriam blinked for a minute before looking at each other. Olga flinched. They didn't…
"Oh, that was today wasn't it…" Miriam stuttered.
They did.
Olga sighed and rubbed her temple, she'd have to make it up to her tonight. She looked around noticing the lack of little sister next to her parents. She bent down, trying to see if she might have gotten lost in the crowd. Olga stood, clenching her hands as she bit her lip.
"Where is…Helga?" She asked slowly.
Miriam thought for a few moments before snapping her head up.
"Oh I think she's at home…" Miriam whispered scratching her ear nervously. Olga took in a deep breath, trying to keep her anger under control. She had practice all day in the hot sun, then the ceremony, all they had to do was watch Helga until she could get home.
That was all.
They just had to pay attention to her for one hour, that's all she needed.
Olga rolled her eyes and pushed past her parents, not turning back even as they called her name. While the kids celebrated on the foot ball field of their school Olga slammed her car door, heading home.
It didn't take long, she was home before she even knew it, the street lights seemed to pass by like a flash and soon she was standing outside of her front door. Olga, still in her robes, fetched her key out of her purse and placed it into the lock.
At least Helga had learned to lock the door behind her parents.
She slowly pressed the door open, the light from the moon light outside filling the dark hallway. Olga stepped in and closed the door behind her, turning on the hall light. Olga gasped as she saw Helga sitting on one of the stair steps, staring blankly at the ground.
In her hands she held a tiny graduation cap, her fingers still squeezing onto it tightly.
"Helga…" Olga called out. Helga didn't budge, her nearly grey eyes stared lifelessly ahead of her. Olga sighed and wrapped her arms around the young girls shoulders, hugging her tightly.
"Helga I'm so sorry…" She whispered.
Helga suddenly pushed her sister away, not even looking at her as she dropped her cap to the ground.
"Why do you not want them to love me…" Helga muttered. "You just keep stealing them…why…why are you doing this to me…"
Olga leaned back as if she had been slapped across the face, her eyes watering all the same. Helga didn't notice and merely turned away, her hands following limply along the rails. She slowly stopped, her foot hitting against a step as her soft voice carried throughout the house.
"I hate you…"
oooooooooooooooooooooo
"Come on Helga, you're almost there, just push a little harder!"
Olga wiped the sweat off of Helga's forehead as she suddenly leaned back into her pillow, her eyes rolling into the back of her head, her chest rising and falling quickly as she started to go into shock. She had never seen her sister in so much pain before. Helga moaned, suddenly yelling at the top of her lungs as she clung onto the bed for dear life.
Olga heard a small mutter escape the doctor's lips as he called a nurse over to him.
"We've got a breech birth, Helga, you're going to need to get this baby out fast." The doctor called out to her. Helga's head snapped up, rather angrily as she stared at him with her wild eyes.
"You think I'm not trying?" Helga growled. Helga grabbed Olga by her shirt and pulled her in, gasp leaving her lips as she gulped.
"What's wrong with my baby?"
Olga gulped for a moment before placing her hand on top of Helga's in an attempt to uncurl her fingers. It didn't work.
"He's coming out the wrong way…he might not get enough oxygen if he's not born fast enough." Olga explained. Under the influence of such a strong epidural Helga could only knit her brows together in confusion as she shook his head.
"What like he'll be really uncomfortable or-"
"Helga he could die." Olga said quickly. Helga's eyes shot open as she thrust herself back into the bed. This didn't last long however for pain over took the terror of having her child be born dead. Helga's lips suddenly started to quiver as she cried out, thrusting her body upwards.
"AH! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!" Helga screamed, her voice going high as tears of agonizing pain rained down her cheeks. Olga flinched as Helga yelled out filling the room with her screams of pain. Olga ran her fingers through her sweaty blonde hair whispering words of encouragement.
"You're doing great Helga, come on baby sister, just a little more."
"THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID TWO HOURS AGO!" Helga screamed out at Olga. She moaned throwing her head back as she started to cry a bit harder, her breath becoming fast and shallow. Helga suddenly clutched her chest her vitals going off the chart.
"Helga you need to calm down." The doctor warned as he heard the machine beep more rapidly.
"Doctor! She's hyperventilating!" The nurse called out. The doctor nodded and pinched Helga's leg to try and get her attention.
"We don't have any choice, if we give her any more morphine she wouldn't be able to deliver."
Olga's eyes shot up toward her vitals as Helga gasped for breath. Helga held onto her throat her mind split between the soul tearing pain she was enduring and her lack of breath. Olga's eyes darted around before she stood over Helga.
"Helga you need to focus!" Olga yelled out. Helga was too far gone, her eyes started to gloss as she shook her head.
"I need Arnold, I need Arnold, where is he, I need him." Helga sobbed out.
The hospital room fell silent as a loud and echoing slap was heard. Helga, now with her face pushed against the pillow with a large red mark upon her cheek, slowly fixed her eyes upon the teary eyed girl with her hand extended.
"Helga!" Olga yelled. "You are going to be a MOTHER! Now shut the hell up and FOCUS!"
"O-…ok…." Helga whispered. She nodded her confidence building; Olga noted her strong breathing as Helga scrunched up her face groaning in pain.
"GET OUT YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
oooooooooooooooooooooo
Olga stared at her ceiling, all of the things around her packed. Boxes lined the walls. This place didn't even feel like home anymore. She kneaded her fingers into her clothing, nervously glancing around her. Tomorrow she would leave for college and with it, she would leave this room, her parents, and most importantly…
She would leave Helga.
For nineteen years she had convinced herself that getting good grades and winning would solve any little problem that their family had. But…thinking that way just made her more insane each day, it made her feel like her father…
This was one of the many reasons she'd chosen a college half way around the country. She couldn't stand to be in this place anymore, just being around her family made her want to choke a small animal until it turned blue.
It was selfish and she knew it, but Olga was running away.
It was a socially acceptable way of running away, but she couldn't pretend that it was anything different.
Olga moved her hands over her eyes as she took in a shaky breath. It wasn't wrong to want to be good at things, and she knew that this wasn't a habit that she could kill over night. She'd settle for getting a B on a test and not feeling like the worst scum on the Earth. Or even to study for a test for five hours and no longer. Hell, she'd even be content if she didn't feel like her life was measured in grades and test.
Maybe though, just maybe someday she'd learn to see the world through Helga's eyes- from eyes that could look at a blank piece of paper and not stumble for instructions. For eyes that would take that blank canvas and paint something beautiful; something that no one had ever seen before…
Olga would give anything to have the mind of that little poet. To be so free, without restrictions….
Olga flinched and shook her head, who was she kidding? Of course Helga didn't have any restrictions on her mind; there was no one there to even place them for her. Olga groaned and dug her head into her pillow. She had tried so hard to keep her parents from hurting Helga that she in turn punished the girl in the worst way possible.
To her parents Helga was a fly on the wall, invisible until they got in her way, and when she did-
Olga flinched at the imagery. This set her mind in motion of what else could go wrong.
Olga silently worried if Miriam would remember to feed her, or if Bob would drive her to school like he promised. Olga bit down on her lip harshly as hot tears started to pour down her face. This was her fault…it was all her fault. She had horrible parents, but at least they were her own. At least she had moments of true love and care.
Helga…Helga didn't have any of that. Olga had stolen it from her, even if it was in good will.
Helga wouldn't remember the times she protected her or the long nights of playing dolls while their parents fought. She'd never know how many nights she stayed awake trying to better herself so that Helga didn't have to. She'd never remember any of those things because she would grow older, and new memories would replace them.
Memories of parents fighting, forgetting her name, hurting her mentally, hurting her physically, being ignored, being forgotten. Those are the things she would remember. And once every year a stranger calling herself her sibling would appear and talk as though they were still close, as though she was still loved unconditionally, as though she was still her 'big sister'.
Olga stifled her sobs as she heard a small voice coming from the wall. Raising her head she wiped her eyes quickly. Helga? What was she doing up this late. Olga slowly tip toed out of her room, crossing to Helga's door. She pressed her ear against the frame, hearing Helga's small voice protruding the silence.
"When to the sessions of sweet silent thought, I summon up remembrance of things past. I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,"
"And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste…" Olga finished her eyes watering again. As a baby she would read those words to her over and over again until she fell asleep. It was one of her favorite lines, one that she wanted to share.
Olga slowly creaked open Helga's door, staring in through the small slit as her sister pranced around with one of her sheets thrown over her like a Greek princess. With a loud call Helga moved her hand into the air, reaching towards the moon as she continued.
"Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow. For precious friends hid in death's dateless night" Helga called out dramatically, thrusting her hand down to her chest.
"Ow." Helga whispered moving her hand quickly.
"And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe. And moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight"
Helga sat down on her bed, kicking her feet until the sheets moved off of her ankles. Once her small toes were free she continued dramatically.
"Then can I grieve at grievances foregone. And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er" Helga threw out her arms, pretending to fly across the carpet as she giggled, throwing the sheet up so that it followed her like a cape. Olga smiled softly to herself.
"The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan. Which I knew pay as if not paid before!" Helga suddenly stopped her playing and looked at her dresser, a soft and serious expression overcoming her. Her lips opened in turn with Olga's as they whispered the same line.
"But if the while I think on thee, dear friend… all losses are restored and sorrows end." Helga suddenly swooned before falling back down on her bed holding a paper valentine in her hand. She giggled and tossed and turned before kissing it.
"Oh Arnold, Arnold I love you!"
Olga laughed under her breath before shaking her head, her fingers gently closing Helga's door. Olga peeked into her room, the boxes suddenly seeming less ominous now.
"You know what…I think you're going to be just fine without me Helga…" Olga whispered through the door though she knew her sister couldn't hear her. With a sigh of content she went back into her room and laid down, finally at peace with herself.
oooooooooooooooooooooo
Olga sat on the bed cradling her sister's head as Helga stared down upon the beautiful baby boy lying in her arms. He moved his gums in what looked like a smile as he reached out his hands, feeling blindly around. Helga's lip quivered as she moved one finger down his cheek.
"…he's so small…" Helga whispered in disbelief. Helga laughed gently and poked his nose, he made an odd high pitched sound of joy and attempted to grab onto her finger. Helga sniffed holding back tears as his small hands traced down her in comparison huge thumb. Olga stroked her sister's hair, still sweaty and frizzed.
"What are you going to call him?" She asked in the softest of voices.
"Phillip." Helga whispered with a small crack in her voice. "Phil Shortman."
"Helga…may I ask you something?"
"Is it something dumb?"
"Probably."
"I guess if I can't stop you…"
"Why'd you call me?"
"Uhhh doi, it's because I thought you might want to know I was preggers."
"…do mom and dad know?"
"…no."
"Are you going to let them see him?"
"I don't know…I lost contact with Bob a long time ago, so who knows where he is…as for Miriam, she can come visit after she's done with her program…"
"She's doing really well this time…" Olga noted.
"I think having Bob out of the house made it a lot easier. Do you still talk to him?"
"Sometimes…mostly through email…but the messages are never that long."
"…I know that I never asked…but…did he hit you?"
"Once or twice, I can't remember. What about you…did he stop when I left?" Four times, she could tell you the days off of the top of her head.
"I guess so, he judst did it when I did something really bad." Like forget to wash the dishes, or got a b on her report card.
Both girls sat in silence, watching as Phil twisted and squirmed underneath Helga's grip.
"Do you want to hold him…?"
"Ohgodyes" Olga whispered quickly as she grabbed Phil out of Helga's hands and into her arms. For the first time that night Helga laughed and leaned back into her pillow. Olga cooed at the young baby, rubbing her nose against his own. She smiled and played with the tuff of hair on top of his head.
"Did you know it was going to be a boy?" Olga asked quietly.
"No…Arnold and I wanted it to be a surprise- where the hell is that impregnating son of a bitch anyways?"
"Really? What were you going to name him if he was a she?" That was a weird sentence to say. Helga muttered something under her breath quickly that Olga didn't quite catch. She looked up from playing with the baby and tilted her head.
"Come again baby sister?"
"We were gonna call her that- name" Helga stuttered out "You know the one, the other way of saying Helga." She muttered quickly looking away from her sister with a bright blush upon her cheeks. Olga blinked for a few moments before giggling.
"…you mean 'Olga'?" She whispered.
"Is that what it is?" Helga asked shaking her head "Oh well never mind then, forget it."
Phil suddenly squealed out, giggling as he grabbed onto a lock of Olga's hair, pulling her down so that he could play with her face again.
"Nnph, he's got your grip." Olga laughed out. Helga smirked and whispered 'good boy' under her breath.
"You're going to be a wonderful mother Helga…" Olga whispered as she started to sniff, tears building up again. Helga smiled and kissed Phil's nose, making him giggle out quickly. She grinned, her own eyes watering as she nodded, tossing him up and down with the hilt of her arm.
"I know…I learned from the best…" Helga shot Olga a glance, so quick and faint that Olga thought that she might have been imagining it. And cautiously, Olga hugged her sister to her, her voice dropping to the softest level.
"…I love you Helga…"
There was a pause, and for a moment Olga was ready to accept Helga's silence. Then, like a baby's whisper Helga stuttered out-
"…I love you too…."