The First Fart

by

Paizley

DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Ok? There, I said it.

All relationships have their firsts. The first date, the first kiss, the first fight but what about the most important first? The first that could make or break the relationship? The first fart?

Rin grinned as she eagerly ran towards her door in her silk Hello Kitty pajamas, nearly tripping over herself as she made a stop in front of the decorative mirror she kept by the doorway. She quickly inspected herself, smoothing her hair out with her palms and checking her teeth for the millionth time for any piece of auspicious food that might have camped between her two front teeth, despite the fact that she had already brushed said teeth twelve times already.

Another light knock on the door.

Rin cursed, right, she should probably open the door. She let out a deep breath and unlocked the deadbolt, allowing him entrance to her humble abode.

"Hi!" She greeted, throwing herself up to embrace him.

"Hello," he replied with a chuckle, setting her down on the ground with a kiss to her forehead.

"Um, welcome to Casa Rin," she took his hand, bringing him inside and to the living room.

"Your place is lovely," he said, taking in the utter abundance of colour and patterns inside the house, all whilst standing next to the floral couch. The walls of the living room were decorated in an orange and pink floral wall paper, the walls of the kitchen were a bright blue and the hallways were a light shade of purple. All around were various nicknacks, large bright abstract paintings and baskets full of dog toys.

"Thanks," she nervously stood beside him, "Um, care for some wine?"

"Of course."

"All right, be back in a second." Rin nearly ran towards her kitchen, throwing open the cabinets in search of a bottle of wine. She sighed, cursing herself once again as she realized that she didn't have any wine in her house, let alone any other alcoholic beverages.

She groaned, "Just goes to show you how bloody incompatible we are," she grumbled, kicking the fridge in frustration.

Sesshomaru raised a brow in amusement. "Do you often abuse your kitchen appliances?"

Rin looked up in shock, "Sesshomaru!" Right, there weren't actually any walls between the kitchen and the living room. She looked to him, dressed to the nines in a three-piece Armani, leaning against the kitchen island.

"You startled me," she mumbled, opening her fridge and pulled out a carton of grape juice. She chided herself silently, men like that don't date girls like me. She pinched herself, making sure that she was awake and that this wasn't another one of those dreams she's been having ever since she ran into him a month ago.

"My apologies."

"Apology taken." She took out two wine glasses, "I don't actually have wine but I have this," she held up the carton.

Sesshomaru chuckled, "It's fine."

"Good." She handed him his glass, "Cheers."

"Cheers," Sesshomaru took an elegant sip, "So what are our plans for this evening?"

"Oh, um, I did offer a movie night so I rented the new De Niro." She held up the DVD, "Or we could just chill and stuff..."

"And stuff." He walked to her, plucking the DVD from her hand, "This looks good enough. Shall we convene in the living room then?"

"Yeah," her voice was strained, just noticing how unbelievably delicious he smelled. He pulled away to take a sip of the juice.

She couldn't help but stare as he set down his drink and began to unknot his tie. He set it upon the island along with his suit jacket. She gulped, dirty thoughts flooding her mind, all involving him and her doing the naughty. "I'm a virgin!" Her cheeks turned red as she realized what she had just said, "I... I mean... shit..." Fuck, I did not mean to say that out loud.

Sesshomaru coughed, he had just taken another sip, sending the grape juice all over the front of his crisp white shirt and the floor. "Excuse me?"

"I..." she groaned, beginning to hit her forehead repeatedly against the fridge. "This has got to be the worst nightmare ever. Wake up Rin. Wake up."

Sesshomaru simply stared, still in shock over her statement. Once he overcame the initial shock he walked toward her, placing a hand onto the fridge, allowing her forehead to come in contact with his hand.

"You really dislike this fridge."

Rin looked up to him, meeting her chocolate eyes with his gold ones. "You exist?"

"I exist."

Rin made an odd noise, "I'm not dreaming?"

"You're not dreaming."

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous I guess, I wanted tonight to be perfect and here I am, ruining everything..." Rin however didn't get to finish as Sesshomaru silenced her with a kiss. They broke apart minutes later once the lack of oxygen became noticeable.

Rin blushed as she caught his gaze, him reaching out to tuck a lock behind her ear. She looked down, taking in his stained shirt. "Oh, your shirt," without thinking she nimbly began to unbutton the garment, only stopping once Sesshomaru used his hand to capture hers.

"Enough," he was breathless, using his other hand to clench the countertop. Restrain yourself Sesshomaru. He looked into those large doe eyes, chiding himself as he realized that he had a death grip around her wrists. Damn it, she's making me lose control. He gently let her hands go, stepping away from her. She was a virgin he told himself repeatedly. He needed to take control over this situation.

"Do you have an extra shirt?"

Rin nodded, running to her bedroom to get a grey t-shirt, his t-shirt to be more exact.

"It's yours anyways, from last week." She told him as she handed it over, "I washed it."

Sesshomaru smirked, peeling off the white shirt and replacing it with the grey t-shirt. Yes, he thought to himself as he fingered the cotton material. He remembered that night. She had gotten her purse stolen at the carnival they had attended for their fifth date, leaving her temporarily homeless for the night as her keys were in the purse. So she had stayed the night, without any copulation because he was a gentleman, and a true gentleman never takes advantage of a lady's situation. "Thank you."

Rin smiled, "You're welcome."

"So, De Niro?"

"De Niro."

A half-hour later the twosome were cuddled up on her couch, munching on a large bag of popcorn Rin had managed to find in her cupboards.

"Is it me or does this movie... kinda suck?

Sesshomaru chuckled, "I agree. I usually enjoy his movies but this... is shit."

Rin bit her lip and pulled away, grabbing the remote to press stop. Gah, he's so much hotter when he swears. "So..."

Sesshomaru raised a brow, "Hn?"

Rin looked down at her hands, "Are you hungry?"

"Not at the moment, no."

"Oh. Um," Rin was once again interrupted by Sesshomaru's lips, man can he kiss. Rin blushed once more as he pulled away, "That was nice."

"Indeed. You're nervous," he murmured, stroking her cheek with his fingers.

"Yeah, you kinda make me nervous."

"Your heart has yet to slow down," he teased, pressing butterfly on the nape of her neck. She closed her eyes, just enjoying the moment.

"Oh..." Rin felt her stomach twinge, then grumble, her eyes fluttered open as she knew what was coming next so quickly she clenched together, praying for the moment to pass. Thankfully it did but she shifted away just in case. "Care for some more juice?"

Sesshomaru nodded, "Sure."

"Alright, be right back." She grabbed the cups, but in an afterthought of boldness she leaned down and pressed a kiss onto his lips. "Don't miss me too much," she whispered against his ear.

Sesshomaru smirked, leaning back against the couch.

In the kitchen Rin opened the freezer door, grabbing the tray of ice cubes and proceeded to smash the tray against the kitchen island, trying to free the ice. Inadvertently, she was making a lot of noise, which gave her a little ah-ha moment. Alrighty Rin, now would be a perfect time to let one loose. And so she unclenched, and nothing happened. Rin frowned, setting down the tray and fished out the ice. Maybe the moment passed? She quickly poured the juice, pushing the tray back into the freezer and returned to the living room, snuggling up against him.

Sesshomaru threw an arm over her shoulders, pressing a kiss onto her forehead.

"Hey, wanna play Mario Kart?"

Sesshomaru threw her a questionable glance, "Mario Kart?"

Rin nodded, "What? Are you too scared?" She asked with a giggle.

Sesshomaru scoffed, "Me? Scared? Of your Wii abilities?"

Rin nodded, "Knew it. You're a chicken."

Sesshomaru shook his head, grabbing the Wiimote that lay on the coffee table. "You forget that I have an obnoxious nephew with an innate fondness for this game."

"And you lose to him too?" She asked innocently, getting the console ready. When she returned to the couch she looked over to him, "Let's make a bet."

"A bet?" Interesting.

"Yeah," Rin paused in concentration, "Winner gets a..."

A list of things were running through Sesshomaru's mind, most... or rather all of them involving Rin and the naughty. Lap dance, blow job, hand job, strip tease? "A kiss..." Sesshomaru smirked, "Anywhere."

Rin was caught off guard at the last bit but nodded, "Alright pretty boy. You're on." She leaned forward, her elbows resting on her lap, her dainty tongue moistening her lower lip.

Turned on? Sesshomaru shook his head, No, I must win. Time to concentrate.

Two hours later it was Rin that proved victor.

"YES!" Rin jumped up from the couch, fist pumping to the bouncy tune that declared Princess Peach 1st place of their twelfth Grand Prix round.

Sesshomaru sighed, he just lost to a girl; eleven times. "I let you win," he told her as she came down from her winning high.

"Sure you did," she grinned, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Don't worry, it was close."

Close? Sesshomaru shook his head, she had beat him all except one time, where he had to repeatedly block her view of the TV.

"So, guess that means I get a kiss." She leaned close, her grape juice breath on his cheek.

"Indeed. And where would you like said kiss?"

Rin paused in Rodin's the Thinker position. "Well... there's a lot of places on a body where you could kiss me."

"Indeed." Sesshomaru moved towards her, his face mere centimetres away from hers.

"And, I think I'd like a kiss on my..." Rin's train of speech was cut off however, by something squeaky and stinky, emitting from one of the two's bottom.

Rin burst out in laughter, convinced that this was perhaps the single most, perhaps even awkwardest, hilarious situation she had ever been in.

Sesshomaru however was coughing furiously, hoping that perhaps his coughs would provide enough wind to blow away the smell.

"You, you farted!" She pointed accusingly, falling on the hardwood floor as her laughing fit continued.

Sesshomaru groaned, fuck, this is embarrassing. "My apologies."

Rin stumbled up from the floor, collapsing beside him, despite the smell. She continued to giggle however, grabbing his collar and pressed her lips to his. "I think sir, that this proves that you are human."

Sesshomaru however was slowly turning red.

Rin shook her head, "Flatulence is completely and utterly normal. No need for apologies. Now," she whispered something into Sesshomaru's ear, which caused a certain little Sesshomaru to perk up.

"Oh?"

"Oh." Rin grinned and ran up the stairs, leaving Sesshomaru to follow her.

And that is how one little fart turned this little date from the worst date ever, to the best date ever, well, in little Sesshomaru's opinion anyways.

Heys folks!

Inspiration has finally struck, though some of you may argue for the wrong story. Sorry! *Ducks under covers* I'll update that asap but so far, no inspiration, and I don't want to write a "filler" chapter, you folks deserve better.

So I hope you loved it, and if so, you should tell me in a review. Because, according to the laws of algebra, reviews = love. And you can have a cookie with a fake moustache made of icing if you do!

xoxo