Jay's POV

Look, I'm telling you, he's avoiding me!

Maybe you're just imagining things.

I'm not imagining this.

Well, why would L try to avoid you?

That's what I'm trying to figure out!

Olivia and I strolled through the corridors of Whammy's house, deep in intense telepathic conversation. Several groups of laughing kids raced by us, desperately trying to beat each other outside. Snow floated softly past the darkening sky in the long, arched windows to our right, casting vague shadows on the carpeted floor. I huffed through my nose, frustrated that Olivia didn't understand my problem.

Let me try to explain this one more time. First off, L doesn't even look at me anymore, let alone talk to me. And, when I try to corner him to ask what the problem is, he always slips away before I can catch him!

Well, I don't think it's you that's causing the problem. I mean, hasn't he been a little bit reclusive in general lately? Maybe that's what you're picking up on.

True, but at least he actually acknowledges your existence! I mean, when I'm there, it's like I'm invisible or something.

I paused, glancing out the window musingly. I don't know what happened. I thought…I thought we could be friends, at least, but now…I don't know. If he's going to keep on acting like this, then what's the point? I know he's just going to ignore me if I try to approach him.

Don't think like that! Olivia admonished. Maybe he just doesn't like Christmas, or something. It is coming up in a few days…

Who doesn't like Christmas? Especially L, with all of the sweets that he's going to get! No, I think there's something else that's bothering him.

Well, if you really want to get inside his head, I shouldn't be the one you talk to. Go see Watari or something.

I bit my lip, sensing disinterest in Olivia's tone. Yeah, you're right. I just thought you might have something to say…you know, since you're my best friend and all…

Without warning, Olivia spun to face me, wrapping her arms around me in a bear hug.

Jay, it's not that I don't care about this, it's just that I'm not the person who'll give you the best advice.

I breathed a heavy sigh, returning the hug. I know…it's just that you seem to not want to spend time with me anymore, now that you and Near are together.

Olivia snorted, stepping back. Jay, I would never abandon you for a boy. Got that? Now, go talk to Watari, and I'll see you at dinner.

Right.

With a passing smile, Olivia turned back the way we had come, her hair twisting in the air behind her like a flame. I shrugged, hopping down a narrow flight of stairs to the first floor. Turning the corner, I warily eyed the imposing pair of wooden doors on my left before knocking.

"Enter," a familiar voice called. My mouth twitched as I turned the handle, pushing the door inwards. Watari looked up from a newspaper he was reading, a flicker of surprise apparent in his eyes.

"Ah, Jay! Please, have a seat." He motioned to an empty chair in front of his desk as he folded his newspaper across the desk. I closed the door behind me and crossed the room, sinking into the plushy seat.

"Now, what can I do for you?"

"Well…" I gulped. Watari had a far more imposing presence when he was seated behind a monstrous desk like the one before me. "I'm sort of…worried about Ryuzaki."

Watari raised an eyebrow. "Worried? Why?"

"Well, he seems to be avoiding everyone lately, and I couldn't help wondering if something had happened. But, whenever I decide to try to talk to him about it, I can never find him."

Watari nodded slowly, his gaze growing unfocused as he pondered my words. I screwed up my courage, and blurted out, "Do you know why he's doing this?"

Watari's eyes shot up to meet mine. "Ryuzaki is in the midst of solving a very important case; it's understandable that he would want some time to himself to help him think."

I blinked. "I'm sorry…I didn't know. But, that still doesn't explain…" I trailed off.

"Explain what?"

I shifted in my seat. "It's just…he doesn't even acknowledge my existence anymore. I mean, he doesn't look me in the eyes, he doesn't talk to me, and he won't stick around if I'm in the same place that he is." I began to talk faster, my worries pouring out of me in a flood of words. "I don't know what happened. One day, he just stopped… I just…"

I paused, my throat threatening to close up on me. I fought it furiously. I will not start sobbing like a lovesick schoolgirl! I told myself, taking an even breath.

"Miss Jay, I think that the person you should be speaking to about this is Ryuzaki."

I looked up in shock. "What? But, how am I supposed to do that if he's avoiding me?"

"Let me handle that," Watari stated, a glimmer of humor in his eye. "Just go up to his room in about ten minutes; he should be there."

My shoulders slumped forward in relief. "Thank you so much," I grinned, standing up to leave.

"Not at all, my dear. It was my pleasure."

I turned to go, my hand on the door handle. A sudden thought hit me, and I paused, turning back. "Um…where exactly is Ryuzaki's room?"

"If you go out of your room, and take a right…two doors down," Watari smiled, reaching for a phone on his desk.

I nodded in thanks, stumbling out of the office. All this time, and he was two doors down?

My stomach began to churn as I scaled the stairs, returning to the second floor once more. Why am I so nervous? I asked myself, a vein in my head keeping time with my heart. It's just L…right?

Glancing out the window, I noticed that the sky was now completely black, the snow clouds blocking out the stars. My feet traced the now-familiar path to my room; I barely was aware of making the turns in the hallways. All too soon, I was standing before the second door on the right, my fingers twitching of their own accord. Taking a deep breath, I raised my trembling hand, rapping on the door with the back of my hand.

"Come in," L's voice called. I released a shaky breath, then turned the door knob, letting it swing silently inwards. The bedroom was simply furnished, with plush carpeting and dark curtains draping over the arched windows. L was crouched on a swivel chair, facing away from me and typing away franticly at a laptop computer. As I allowed the door to swing shut again, L closed the laptop, then turned to face me. His eyes flickered up to mine, a small flicker of surprise registering in his features.

"I see…" He muttered to himself, averting his eyes to the floor. "Can I help you?"

"Bloody hell," I swore, my temper flaring to life. "L, seriously! What is your problem? For your information, you have been avoiding me for at least five days now! You won't talk to me, you won't even look at me…heck, I don't think we've even been in the same room for more than fifteen seconds at a time! Now, I know that you've been working on a case, and I can understand why you might want some time to yourself. But, for god's sake, that doesn't give you the right to pretend like your friend doesn't even exist! Especially a friend who just saved your life not too long ago! And you have the nerve to say, 'can I help you?'"

I paused for a reply, fuming. When I received none, I began to get worried, my anger dissipating. "Okay…Now I know something's wrong. Can you at least give me a hint as to what it is? Because, I really can't understand your thought process right now…"

L blinked, keeping his eyes averted from my face. I let out a deep breath. "So, right now the message that I'm getting is that you want nothing to do with me from now on. Well, I'm here to tell you that…" I gulped. "If you want to end this friendship, the least you can do is tell me what happened to make you want to abandon me! I don't know what I did wrong! Did I offend you in some way? Did I fail some secret test that you give to every newcomer?"

I paused, forcing myself to calm down. "I just don't know what made you hate me."

This got a reaction. L's eyes immediately locked with mine, and he jumped from his seat to the floor, his bare feet leaving imprints in the deep carpet.

"You think…I hate you?"

I laughed weakly. "You were avoiding me; what else was I supposed to think?" This is good, I thought. He's actually talking to me, now.

L slowly approached me, his feet making no noise as they crushed the carpet beneath them. "I do not hate you, Jay-chan. Rather, quite the opposite…"

He stopped a few inches shy of bumping into me, resting his hands on my shoulders. I froze at the contact, a bizarre sensation racing through my chest.

What is this…? The feeling came from the very core of my being, a primal urge that I fought to ignore. My very soul was screaming at me to run, to hide from the man before me. It took every fiber of my being to keep from pulling away from the contact. Finally controlling myself, I looked up to meet L's gaze, my glasses briefly reflecting a red light from the laptop into his eyes.

"Jay-chan, if I were to be called away on another case, one that required my presence in another country, what would you do?"

"I…" I stuttered before composing myself. "I'd probably want to come with you…"

"Of course you would. And you'd use any means necessary to ensure that I'd agree to your proposal, wouldn't you?"

"Well, not any means…I do have a conscience, you know…" I managed to say.

L cocked his head to one side. "Regardless, you would somehow convince me to let you come; I have no doubt of that. But, once you had convinced me that first time, it would be no trouble for you to convince me again when the next case came up. Pretty soon, it would be routine for you to accompany me on my cases, as Watari does. Then, one day…a situation will arise where I may have to reveal myself to a criminal in order to capture him, as I did in the Kira investigation. And, of course, you would convince me to let you stay…"

"Okay, so suddenly I'm the world's best convincer?" I grinned in spite of myself.

"Hmm…Yes. Now please, let me continue," L stated, complete honesty in his voice. I was too stunned to reply, so L launched into his monologue once again.

"As I was saying…You would convince me to let you stay, thereby forcing me to put your own life in danger in order to capture the criminal. And then, when the day came to reveal the criminal, you would be there in the room. Of course you would be there; you'd be far too suspicious by then to let me trick you into leaving. And, of course, the criminal would panic, and try to escape through any means, even if it meant taking a hostage. And, even if the criminal has a brain the size of a fly, he will choose a hostage who looks as if she could not fight him off, who seems to have importance to the detective who is trying to capture him, someone who he knows the detective will not let die…"

L trailed off, looking at me expectantly.

"Me." I whispered, my eyes growing wide.

"You. And, even if I do give in and allow him to escape, there is no guarantee that he will not kill you just to spite me….about a thirty-four percent chance, one that I am not willing to live with."

"So…you were avoiding me so that our friendship would break apart, so that I wouldn't go with you on your cases, and I wouldn't ever have to put myself in danger, and I wouldn't ever get killed by a criminal that you're trying to capture…Right?"

"Yes, that's the gist of it."

"Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place? Geez, you had me thinking that I broke some taboo law or something…" I shook my head softly, laughing at myself. "How about this…If the time comes when you do need to reveal yourself to a criminal…I'll stay behind. Okay?"

L's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You'd agree to it that easily?"

"If it means keeping our friendship…Yes."

L's lips twitched upwards in a smile.

"But," I held up a finger, "that doesn't stop me from coming along any other time, all right? I'm not gonna miss all the fun."

L sighed gruffly. "I suppose that's…acceptable. For now."

I rolled my eyes. "What do you mean, for now?"

Our conversation was interrupted by a loud gong echoing through the corridor.

"That'll be the dinner bell," I said, stepping back so that L's hands slid off my shoulders and breathing an inward sigh of relief. "I gotta go eat…You coming?"

"I…can't. I still have some work to do on this case…"

"Okay," I nodded. "I'll see you later, then…?"

I held my breath as L slowly blinked…then nodded. "Later."

I forced a grin onto my face as I stepped into the hallway, leaving L alone in his room.

As soon as the door closed behind me, the smile fell from my face, replaced by an expressionless mask. I started the long walk down to the mess hall, my mind buzzing frantically. This is wrong, I thought to myself. This is very, very wrong. Why am I feeling this way? The last time I checked, my feelings toward L were the complete opposite of revulsion! What the heck happened? Did my feelings for him just…die, or something?

Ah, a little voice in the back of my head whispered, so now you're willing to admit that you really did have feelings for him? That's pathetic…you aren't even willing to acknowledge the feelings until you've lost them.

No! I shouted at it. I haven't lost them! They're still there! They have to be! You can't just stop loving someone…can you?

Author's Note: Phew! Sorry 'bout the long wait on that one, guys! Sheesh…how long has it been? Anyways, I've got some 'family issues' happening, so…yeah. Kinda working through that. Buuuuuttt…It's up! Yayz! Got some momentum back! Don't forget to Review and tell me what you think…just don't yell at me for being gone so long, 'kay? I hate reading Reviews where people yell at me…it kills the light in my soul. XD (And, no…not the 'Light' in my soul…I am not a serial killer! ;D)