Butt's in My Face!

~Tamelin

A/N: Hey everyone! Just a spur-of-the-moment idea I got one evening. Please forgive in advance any spelling mistakes, grammatical errors or the use of words that don't exist. English isn't my first language, you see. Reviews and criticism are more than welcome.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy: Dissidia or any of its characters.

Having rich celebrities consisting of, but not limited to, an emperor, a Soldier First-Class, a Blitzball star and Garland (Who could travel through time and make accurate predictions regarding the stock-market) meant that team Chaos could afford a tent for each of their warriors. Heck, they could afford individual cottages.

However the same couldn't be said for Cosmos' warriors, who were struggling just to get by. It didn't help that they were just plucked from their worlds and dropped here; meaning more than half of them had left their wallets behind. Good job, Cosmos.

Still, the warriors had to make do with what they had. After many long, arduous battles with mannequins and an occasional arch nemesis, they had collected enough money to buy at least three tents. If Terra took a tent, that left two to be shared between nine young men (Ten if you counted Cloud's Buster Sword). It would be a tad bit uncomfortable, but after spending so many nights on bare ground, the Warriors of Light found this to be the epitome of comfort.

But oh, the dilemma. All but one tent remained in the store.

"Ack…move…no…Butt's in my face!"

Zidane's cries were muffled as something soft pushed hard against his cheek. Bartz snored on obliviously while Zidane tried frantically to gasp for air and push the brunette's backside away. Squall, ticked off as Zidane's flailing arms hit into his face more than once, grabbed the little thief and pulled him out with one smooth jerk.

Zidane's gratitude was clear in the heavy breaths of fresh air he took.

Tidus was having a very unpleasant night.

Usually he'd wear himself out so much that come nightfall, he'd be out like a light, snoring and scratching while talking in his dreams. But here he was, in the most uncomfortable position. On one side, Warrior of Light's stupid horned helmet poked at his waist. On the other side, Cloud's stupid horned hair threatened to stab him in the neck.

"Oye," Tidus groaned in a hushed whisper, lifting his head slightly to see Warrior of Light's face. "You mind taking off that helmet of yours?"

"I cannot," came the reply almost instantly.

"Why the heck not? You're sleeping man, you don't need it!"

"One can never be sure when Chaos and his warriors will strike"

Tidus stared dumbfounded at his leader, who finally, in a small show of consideration, shuffled about in his spot so the protruding horns from his helmet weren't in direct contact with Tidus' side.

Feeling proud of his most noble deed, the Warrior of Light spoke. "There, are you hap—"

BANG.

"…"

"…Tidus, what was that?"

"…My Blitzball! YOU SON OF A B****!"

Terra moved around a little. Rather uncomfortably, she shrugged around some more. But no matter how she positioned herself, her situation was pitiful. Trapped between a pile of sleeping men wasn't how she imagined the night. And though she didn't blame them for it, she wasn't the least bit pleased with how their hands unconsciously found their way to rather…sensitive parts of her body.

"Something wrong, Terra?" Her Onion Knight in shining armor asked worriedly. Her squirming and shifting was ruining his sleep too, after all.

"I-It's nothing," she mumbled miserably, arching her back as a half-asleep Squall rubbed his hand against her. "It's just…it's a little cramped, that's all"

Lupo lifted himself up and scanned the bodies surrounding Terra. His little mind grasped the situation in a matter of seconds. "Say no more, Terra. I totally understand. Don't worry; I'll stop them if they get too…uh…touchy"

"Will you really?" She cried, the joy evident in her sparkling eyes.

"Uh…sure," he replied sheepishly, thankful the midnight darkness was masking his blush.

…

Terra's eyes widened and her face began heating up, her voice reduced to a mere whimper. "S-someone's holding my—"

"Don't worry Terra, it's just me. Bartz' elbow was reaching for it so I thought I'd hold it first so he wouldn't be able to touch it"

"…"

"…What?"

"…"

"…Oh"

Slowly, and very awkwardly, Lupo's little hand let go of her butt.

Something kept tickling Firion.

In the darkness he couldn't clearly make out exactly who it belonged to, but it was without a doubt the feeling of strands of hair stroking gently across his cheek. Lying perfectly still he could smell the locks of hair, looking ever-so-light in the pale moonlight that peeked through the small crevices in the tent.

The scent of it was fruity and effeminate, pulling him in. Such a change of scent from the usual grime and sweat his fellow warriors were drenched in. As if plucking a rose to take a whiff of it, Firion squeezed his hand through the sleeping bodies around him to bring a lock of the hair closer to his lips. No doubt something this beautiful could only belong to sweet, innocent Terra…

"…Firion?" Cecil said almost sternly as his comrade tugged at his hair. "What are you doing?"

Having had his head pushed aside by Tidus, Cloud's hairstyle was now a threat to Zidane's life as it came dangerously close to the genome's stomach. Zidane, fast asleep on his side, hadn't the slightest idea that the smallest move could result in a severe laceration of his lower abdomen.

Cloud, grunting as he slept through his nightmare, began violently moving his head around. "No…Sephiroth…stop…not…interested…"

Zidane felt something poke him. Still in the zone between sleep and wakefulness, Zidane slapped it away from his stomach and turned over. Cloud's groaning slowly intensified.

"Stop…no…ugh…ahh…I won…I won…"

Zidane's eyes shot open as something stabbed him painfully in the back. Unable to suppress a yelp, Zidane opened his mouth and yelled hard, straight in Squall's ear. The trained mercenary, suddenly awakened from of his sleep, instinctively lashed his arm out and hit Bartz right in the gut.

Poor Bartz kicked out, wrapping his arms around himself and cooing. Someone beside him yelled out in pain. It was Firion, whose ear was now red from where Bartz's heel had hit him. With Cecil's hair still in his clenched fist, Firion unconsciously tugged at it – hard. The Paladin squealed and swung his hand around in the dark, aiming for Firion's hand but accidentally landing a slap straight on Tidus' jaw.

The Blitzball star, jolted awake after feeling a strange tingling sensation in his cheek, blamed Warrior of Light's horns. With a vengeance, he kicked hard at his leader's helmet, sending it flying off his head and towards Terra and Onion Knight. The brave hero that he was, Lupo immediately grabbed onto Terra's bottom in hopes of using his own hands as shields.

The helmet was flung across the tent and out through the open canvas flapper, luckily injuring no one in its path.

Terra blinked, her face turning an interesting shade of red. "…"

"What now?" Lupo asked frantically.

"…"

"…Oh"

A/N: Done! Wow, how dumb. Sorry for everyone being so OOC. And I really didn't intend for it to get so…perverted with the Terra and Onion Knight scenes but…oh well. Thanks for reading!