Disclaimer: I'm not afraid of Paramount any longer. They never cared about these characters when the show was still on air. I honestly doubt they've since changed their minds. Besides, I'm chronically broke. And insane. Combined, these two facts of my life make for one hell of a great defense in court.

Author's note: KimK prompted me to write Neelix and Janeway, forced to pretend that he's the master and she's the slave. Extra points for using the words "stairway", "monocle", and "tiny, tiny tulips." I think I've earned those extra points and then some.

Also, much thanks go out to my beta readers and sounding boards extraordinaire, Ymwelwr and quantumsilver. They're made of awesome. Any remaining mistakes are entirely my fault.

Rated: PG-13

Extraordinary Lengths

By Caff

"Keep your head down, slave."

Kathryn had to clamp down hard on the impulse to smack her Morale Officer in the back of the head as every single cell in her body bristled at his command. Nothing annoyed her as much as being ordered about, at least by someone who didn't outrank her, and the fact that this charade had been her own brilliant idea made it even more galling. Still, she lowered her head in what she hoped would pass for demureness, as in accordance with local custom.

She had been in similar situations before, blending in with the local population of a planet to acquire something they needed, and this time was no different. She could do this. All she had to do was to focus on the task at hand and try not to kill Neelix in the process. Although, to be fair, it really wasn't his fault. As a native to this quadrant and someone who was intimately familiar with this hellhole in particular, he was simply the best man for the job. They could count themselves lucky to have him.

Kathryn might even have been able to accept this reasoning if she wasn't the one being paraded through the brightly lit streets with barely enough fabric on her body to qualify as being dressed. And what little fabric there was to cover her kept being entangled between her legs, nearly tripping her. To make matters worse, the shawl covering her hair kept sliding down to obscure her vision. Sadly, it was more substantial than the rest of her clothing combined.

Tugging the gossamer material of her dress into place for what felt like the tenth time in as many minutes, she wondered how anyone could walk gracefully in these garments.

"You must remember your place, Captain, if this is going to work," Neelix hissed at her through clenched teeth, the apologetic look in his eyes at odds with his harsh voice. "We're drawing too much attention already."

Slanting a glance at the crowded marketplace from beneath her lashes, Kathryn became acutely aware of the curious looks they were attracting. Damn, but he was right. Several local traders had raised their monocles, a status symbol among these people as far as she could tell, to watch their every movement. Gritting her teeth, she gave up straightening her clothes and made a conscious effort to exude as much submission as she was capable of.

Which, granted, wasn't a hell of a lot.

Kathryn Janeway didn't submit easily, or gracefully; it simply wasn't in her nature to do so. And it galled her to be walking, at a snail's pace no less, behind her swaggering Morale Officer of all people. He might be the best man for the job, but that didn't mean she had to like it, or her place in this little act of theirs.

Neelix, for his part, had taken to his temporary role like undercooked leola root to stomach lining. She wouldn't have thought the normally-cheerful Talaxian capable of such an excellent act of overbearing arrogance if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. Thankfully, he hadn't insisted on collaring her, too, as was common, if not mandatory, for slaves on this planet. She would have had to kill him for that, or severely maim him at the very least, and where would she be then?

Possibly stuck in the same situation but with less chance of success, Kathryn acknowledged silently, and sighed.

Neelix must have taken her sigh for a sign of impatience. "We're almost there," he assured her. "The meeting place is just down that alley, last house to the left."

Her eyes followed his line of vision into a dimly lit back alley, which was distinctly at odds with the bustling parts of town. "Of course it is." These places always were. "Couldn't you have agreed on anywhere a little less conspicuous?"

"Believe me, I tried. But my contact insisted that we meet there or the trade would be off."

Kathryn didn't like that one bit, but what choice did they have? They needed those neural fibers to replenish their gel-packs if they didn't want Voyager falling apart at the seams. Already, secondary ship's systems were failing due to malfunctioning bio-neural circuitry. It was only a matter of time before primary systems would be affected. There was simply no telling whether the transporters would still be operational by the time they completed their mission. As a precaution, Chakotay had flown them down to the planet, setting the Delta Flyer down a couple of kilometers outside town where he was awaiting their return.

"Alright then," she said at last. "Lead on."

Neelix stood his ground. "One last word of advice, Captain."

Kathryn could tell by the way his yellow eyes were darting left and right that she wouldn't like whatever he felt the need to warn her about. But then, with the way her day was going, it just figured. "I'm listening," she said.

"Tae'k is rather ... odd."

She waited a beat, but he didn't seem prepared to elaborate. "He's odd? That's it? I hate to break this to you, Neelix, but I've yet to encounter anyone in this quadrant who doesn't in some way qualify as strange."

"What I mean to say is that he's odd, even by our relaxed standards."

Kathryn frowned. "What does that mean?"

"Well, he's very vain about his appearance," Neelix explained. "Whatever you do, don't comment on his lack of hair. He's very sensitive about it. Genetic defect or some such. He has been known to call off deals because someone so much as glanced at his bald head the wrong way."

She raised a brow. "I think I can manage to keep my thoughts on that to myself."

He drew in a bracing breath. "Of course it would be best if you didn't say anything at all."

Forgetting her place, her head jerked towards him. "Excuse me?"

"Please keep your head down," he reminded her, wincing.

"I'm rapidly getting sick of that phrase," she muttered under her breath, but did as she was told and lowered her head. It cost her greatly though, and her voice took a dive towards arctic. "Walk and talk. I need to get off this planet before I strangle someone. And right now, you're the closest someone at hand."

He gulped, not at all in keeping with his role, and hurried to get a move on. She noticed how he carefully kept just out of her reach, too. Smart man that he occasionally was. Trudging along behind, she impatiently waited for him to explain.

"Tae'k knows you're accompanying me, but I'm not sure he believed me when I told him that you're the Captain of Voyager," Neelix began cautiously. "He looks on women as something of a commodity."

Kathryn gritted her teeth. Of course he did. This entire planet was insane. Why would their trade contact be any different? Thankfully, they'd almost reached their destination by now, which shielded them from any more curious glances. If she saw one more person raise his monocle, she just might stuff it down his throat. She was really, really sick of this planet and its patriarchal customs, not to mention her ridiculous outfit. Now, at the prospect of being reduced to goods, she was quickly reaching the end of her rope.

Great, Kathryn thought as her hands fisted at her sides. Just what she needed, more insanity to deal with.

Stepping up a small stairway, Neelix came to a halt in front of an old wooden door with a brass handle and knocker. "Just play along, Captain," he beseeched her, his eyes pleading. "If everything goes smoothly, we'll be back on Voyager in no time." His words seemed to be as much for his benefit as they were for hers.

"Fine," she sighed and made a conscious effort to relax her posture. He was right. The sooner they got this over with, the better. Smoothing down her sorry excuse for a dress one last time, she gestured for him to announce their presence. "Well, go ahead and knock. I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

Neelix nodded, but it was a reluctant movement. His eyes were still worried, and she couldn't really blame him for the doubt she saw in them, either. It wasn't exactly in her nature to keep quiet any more than it was for her to submit. To be forced to do both at the same time would really put her patience to the test, and they both knew it.

When he continued to just stand there, she raised her brows in silent question. He gave her a quick nod, then plastered a cheerful smile on his face and knocked. The door opened almost immediately, making way for yet another stairway, at the bottom of which their contact was waiting. Standing at two meters tall, he flapped his large hairless hands, bidding them enter.

Kathryn's first impression upon entering was that the wallpaper was making her nauseated.

Closing her eyes quickly, she briefly wondered who in their right mind would cover their walls in such a hideous shade of pink, and with an intricate pattern of what looked like tiny, tiny tulips woven into the fabric, at that. It certainly was an unusual choice of decoration for a place of business. She reluctantly pried her eyes open. But then, from the looks of it, she thought Tae'k didn't exactly qualify as normal. Not that "odd" was an apt description, either.

His attire alone was a sight to behold, or it would have been if his long, velvety bright red coat and pants hadn't been clashing so badly with the pink walls. And to make matter worse, both colors glinted off of his bald head. Kathryn had to avert her eyes when he picked up his pace to great them, lest she humiliate herself by throwing up.

"Neelix, my friend, it's been way too long!" he exclaimed and enveloped the much smaller Talaxian in a bear hug which left the latter gasping for air. Then Tae'k's beady little eyes lit on Kathryn. "My, my, whom do we have here?" he asked excitedly and stepped closer to inspect Kathryn from all possible angles.

When he made a move to actually touch her, she bared her teeth in a gesture which only a fool would have mistaken for a smile.

He snapped his hand back but didn't lose his good humor. "Feisty little thing. Is she for me?"

Kathryn's eyes narrowed to mere slits. To hell with keeping quiet. "The 'feisty little thing' is going to break that hand if you don't back off right now," she snapped before Neelix could intervene.

Blinking mutely at her, he took an involuntary step backwards. His long coat fluttered with the movement, and her stomach rolled once more. "She speaks," he whispered at last, disbelief clearly evident in his voice. He gave Neelix a suspicious look. "You brought me defective merchandise?"

Her glare went up a notch or two, but Tae'k seemed wholly unimpressed by the full force of her lividity. He was muttering to himself as his narrowed gaze traveled her from head to toes as if he was looking for any more "defects". When he once again reached out to touch her, Kathryn went with instinct. Her right arm shot out before the command to sock him had fully registered in her brain. There was a satisfying crunching noise as her fist connected with the bridge of his nose. "How's that for defective merchandise?" she asked in a dangerously low voice and flexed her throbbing hand to get the sting out.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, rationality reared its ugly head and reminded her that they kind of needed him in an agreeable mood, not to mention alive. Sighing gustily, she briefly wondered where the hell this voice of reason had been only moments before when she had actually needed it.

Slowly, the sound of someone whimpering registered in her mind, but Kathryn couldn't tell whether it was coming from Tae'k nursing his broken nose or Neelix, whose spots had become a stark contrast in his otherwise pale face.

The worst part, however, was that she didn't even feel any better. If anything, the throbbing in her hand was much worse now, and upon closer inspection, she found her knuckles swollen and bloody. "Great," she muttered to herself. "Just great. Should have aimed for the solar plexus."

"I think I would have preferred that, too," Tae'k wheezed in a nasal tone. He paused as a coughing fit brought up both blood and a couple of teeth. "You pack quite a punch."

"Thank you." What else was there to say to that, really?

Tae'k picked himself up off the floor and stood on wobbly legs. Then he grabbed Neelix by the lapels of his leather jacket and lifted him clear off the ground. "What the hell is going on?"

Neelix had only just recovered enough to stop wringing his hands. Now, with his feet dangling in the air and faced with the wrath of someone who topped his height by at least a head, he slid right back into a fully fledged panic. "Eek!"

Rolling her eyes, Kathryn stepped in between the two men before their host could inflict permanent damage on the Talaxian. "Enough!" she snapped, coming nose to broad chest with Tae'k. She was forced to crane her neck way up, but that didn't put a dent in her confidence. "I haven't come here to lose what little sanity I've got left after going through all this trouble. And if you don't want to know what kind of damage I can do with my feet, I suggest you take your hands off of him. Right now."

Tae'k considered her for a moment, his eyes thoughtful. Then he let go of Neelix. The latter hit the floor with a squeak. Neither Kathryn nor Tae'k paid him any mind.

"What the hell is going on?" Tae'k asked once more, clearly confused. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager."

"You're the Captain?" he blurted. Frowning, he eyed her from head to toe. "I thought you'd be taller."

She grinned in spite of herself. "I get that a lot."

"I think I could start to like you," he replied, grinning back toothily. "If you stopped hitting me, that is."

Kathryn did get that a lot, too, but wisely kept the thought to herself. "Provided you keep your hands to yourself? That can be arranged," she replied instead and gave him a lopsided smile, ignoring the prominently displayed gaps in his teeth. "Now about those neural fibers..."

Kathryn stood outside the Delta Flyer. Her hand hovered in midair, almost activating the door's opening mechanism. Almost, but not quite.

"This could still end well," Neelix ventured after several long moments, when her indecision became blatantly obvious even to the slow of mind.

"I don't see how," she admitted forlornly.

He shifted the weight in his arms. "If we killed ourselves now."

Sadly, this almost struck her as sensible advice. Knowing her First Officer, he'd already be pacing a hole into the Flyer's carpets since they were just a little late. Okay, so they were a lot late, but it hadn't been their fault at all. There had been ... complications. Not that he could have known that. In fact, she wondered why Chakotay hadn't tried to raise them yet. Whatever the reason, she had a feeling he'd not be pleased with them.

And he hadn't even seen them yet.

"Could we please just get it over with, Captain?" Neelix asked eventually, his voice strained from carrying their trading goods all the way back to the Flyer. "I'd prefer to die by Commander Chakotay's hand, or go with option number one, rather than freeze to death."

Kathryn raised her chin at a defiant angle. "There will be no more bloodshed today, Neelix," she told him resolutely and fervently hoped she wouldn't be proven a liar. "The Commander will just have to deal."

Neelix shot her a quick, hard look, which spoke volumes about his thoughts on her mental health. She let it slide, this once, what with the trying day they'd both had. Besides, it was cold. Goosebumps had risen along her exposed skin which, given her skimpy outfit, meant they covered her all over.

Bracing herself, she opened the Flyer's doors. It was utterly dark inside.

"Chakotay?" she called, confused, and cautiously stepped inside. There was no response. But then, she hadn't truly expected any. Chakotay wasn't in the habit of going to sleep in the middle of a mission, and she doubted he'd dwell in the dark for the sake of ambience. Calling for lights, she nearly retreated back outside as the computer immediately bathed the Flyer in brightness.

She was still blinking rapidly to clear the tears from her eyes when Neelix peeked in from behind her back. "Well, this gives us a fighting chance," he said, relieved, and passed her by to dump his load, none too gently, in the rear section of the shuttlecraft. "If we work quickly, we can be back to normal before the Commander returns."

His words almost made sense, were almost rational. For just a moment, Kathryn's mind clung to them as a viable option before common sense returned. As much as she dreaded Chakotay's reaction to her new look, concern for his well-being made her stride over to the communications console and open a channel. "Delta Flyer to Chakotay. Where are you?"

"Right behind you, Captain."

True enough, when she swiveled around in surprise, she found him standing in the open doorway. His face was carefully blank as his head ping-ponged between her and Neelix. His dark eyes settled on hers at last, giving her the full force of his attention. She stared right back, her spine straight and her chin held high. Her hands fisted at her sides unconsciously. Out of the corner of her eyes, she caught Neelix seizing the opportunity to slink away out of sight, but her gaze remained fixed on Chakotay. She'd deal with her traitorous Morale Officer later.

"Well?" she broke the stretched silence, gritting her teeth.

Chakotay closed the distance and circled her for a full view. As he came to a stop in front of her, he grinned. "Not altogether unbecoming."

Kathryn blinked. "Excuse me?"

His grin was unrepentant as he let his fingers slide along her bald head. "It's an unusual look for you, but it rather suits your outfit."

The fight went right out of Kathryn and she let her head drop to his chest. She didn't object when he hugged her close. "It's not going to be permanent," she mumbled into his uniform. "Neither is the outfit."

She felt his rumbling laughter all the way down to her toes. "Too bad. I could get used to this new dress code."

"Not in a million years. As soon as I've changed, this outfit will be sacrificed in a ritual burning."

He chuckled at that. "Before you go and appease some deity, let me see if I can help with your other problem," he replied and gave her shoulders one last squeeze.

Curious, she let him steer her towards the pilot's seat. Once she was seated, she watched as he went to the replicator and punched in a command. He returned with a cylindrical object in his hand, and everything clicked into place. "A follicle stimulator," she laughed. "Good thinking. My brain was beginning to freeze."

"I have my uses," he replied cheerfully and crouched in front of her. Activating the gadget, he set out to regrow her auburn hair. "This will take a moment. Meanwhile you can tell me what happened. I was getting worried when you didn't return, so I went looking for you."

She felt a pang at his words. "Sorry about that," she said quietly. "In between knocking Tae'k on his ass and getting my hair shaved off, I didn't get a chance to give you an update."

Chakotay stopped for a moment to regard her thoughtfully. "Do I want to know why you felt the need to hit him?"

"Probably not," she told him, grinning sheepishly. "Anyway, we just couldn't agree on payment for the neural fibers. Tae'k didn't want any local money, nor anything else we were prepared to offer. We'd already been locked in painstaking negotiations for the better part of an hour when I got sick of the shawl I had to wear to cover my hair. It kept obscuring my vision."

He didn't look up from his task, but the curl of his lips told her that he could easily picture this. "So you took it off."

"So I took it off," she agreed. "Little did I know that the sight of my hair would send him into a frenzy."

He did look up then, eyeing her dubiously from beneath the thick layer of his lashes. "I'm almost too afraid to ask."

Kathryn ignored him. "As it turned out, he's a little obsessed with hair, probably because he doesn't have any. Genetic defect, I'm told." The gentle hum of the follicle stimulator was lulling her into a state of relaxation and she paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. "Anyway, he's already got this huge collection, but apparently my hair is special. Something about the color, I think, but I'm not too sure on that. He got a little incoherent at that point."

"Somehow I can't picture him having the same reaction to Neelix's hair, though."

"He didn't. I insisted," Kathryn clarified with a gleam in her eye. "Told him it would be all or nothing."

"The lengths you go to are occasionally astounding," he told her, flashing his dimples. "Luckily, it wasn't me accompanying you."

She smiled down at him. "Oh, I don't know. I think I would have liked to see your tattoo in its entirety again."

"See? You're a fearsome woman." Chakotay deactivated the stimulator then and leaned back to examine his handiwork. His eyes grew infinitesimally larger. "Uhm..."

Kathryn's hands went up to her head of their own volition. Judging by his expression, she fully expected to find some leftover bald spots, but all her fingers came away with were long strands of evenly grown auburn hair.

Lots and lots of long, long strands.

Her brows shot up and her eyes met his. "Went a little overboard, did you?"

"Marginally," he admitted sheepishly. Catching a strand of her hair between his fingers, he rolled it back and forth. "You might want to resurrect the bun of steel."

Looking down her front, Kathryn took in the sheer length he'd grown her hair to and thought he might be right. She hadn't worn her hair this long since the first year of their journey home. She thought it strange that she hadn't noticed its heavy weight before now, seeing as she was no longer accustomed to it. But then, she had been slightly distracted. The sensation wasn't an altogether unpleasant one, though. Experimentally, she plucked at the curtain of her hair and found, much to her surprise, that it also covered her way better than her current outfit did. Small feat that, but still.

Glancing back at Chakotay, she found his brows drawn together in concentration, his gaze still fixed on her front. He wore such a dreamy expression that she had to bite her lip hard to keep from laughing. Maybe she would keep the hair, and possibly the outfit too, just a little bit longer...

For now, though, all she really wanted was to get off this planet and back to her ship, which unfortunately meant that she needed him a little more alert than he currently was. She waved a hand in front of his face to get his attention and his eyes cleared slowly. "Do you think we can go home now?"

"We can do that," he replied easily, eyes shining with residual warmth, and stood in one fluid motion. Grasping her hand, he gently pulled her out of the pilot's seat. Handing her the follicle stimulator, he sat down. His hands flew over the panel as he went through pre-flight checkup. "We can be off as soon as Neelix stops hiding."

"I'll make sure he's onboard," she called over her shoulder as she strode, hair flying, towards the replicator rather than the open doorway. There was still the small matter of punishing her Morale Officer for deserting her so easily. Putting the follicle stimulator inside the replicator's slot, she keyed in her command and watched, with no small amount of satisfaction, as the helpful little gadget disintegrated. She felt rather than saw Chakotay's confused stare and turned back to him.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" he asked, frowning. "What about Neelix's hair?"

She grinned. "I'm afraid he'll have to go without it just a little longer. The replicator is broken."

His eyes darted to her left, then back to her. "Looks fine to me."

"It's broken," Kathryn repeated, voice flat, and her hand shot out to smack the panel dead-on. Sparks went flying and, with one last furious sputtering of energy, the replicator died a quick and sudden death.

Chakotay stared at her. "Broken it is."

END