The Expendables

Nine years ago...

Jackson ran towards the bunker, the ammunition straps over his shirt flopping up and down. "Eat hot bullet, anti-American communist terrorists!" he yelled as he shot his bazooka at the enemies.

"Atta boy!" yelled Justin, who then pulled the pick out of his grenade with his teeth, and threw it at a terrorist tank. The machine was then swallowed in a ball of fire.

"Yeeeeeaaaaah!" screamed Cody as he fired a semi-automatic shot gun at the bunker.

Suddenly, an enemy helicopter flew over the area, and dropped a bomb on the soldiers.

The Americans gasped.

Ten years later...

A bald twenty-something neeled in front of a burning hot cauldron, and put his hands on each side of it, preparing to officially become a member of the Burning Panda tribe.

"Jackson Stewart," greeted General Thunder.

"Yeah," replied the bald young man.

"Your country needs you once again," informed the general.

"...My people need me," replied Jackson. "Sorry, general."

"Did I mention there was money involved?" added Thunder.

Jackson stared wide-eyed at the general.

The two left after two minutes, and boarded a flying tank headed for America.

Five hours later, the tank arrived in New York City at a modern art museum. Robin Williams stood on the stage, telling filthy jokes while Justin, Cody, and Zak waited for Jackson.

"We're he-er!" called General Thunder, who then began to mumble incoherent gibberish.

"Hey guys," greeted Jackson, flipping his long, flowing hair. "You look good. You guys lose weight?"

"Any weight we lost you gained back," replied Justin.

"That's not what your girlfriend says," shot back Jackson.

"Uw," exclaimed the gang and Thunder, who then began mumbling again.

"Oh yeah, well yo so fat, you sit on the t.v. and eat the couch," Zak shot back.

"Uw!" replied the gang and Thunder, who then began mumbling again.

"You're so fat, peoples on the phone hang up," shot back Cody.

"Uw!" exclaimed the gang and Thunder, who then began mumbling again.

Robin continued to tell jokes on stage, and acted as if the audience was responding to them.

"You guys rock," said Jackson.

"Hey, it's the international terrorists of Zur-En-Arrh!" screamed Robin Williams.

Fifty men wearing black spy outfits lowered into the museum on ropes.

"I know what I have to do," said Jackson, who then punched a hole in a Van Gough painting.

"Do it," replied Justin, confidently.

Jackson pulled the pick out of a grenade in his pocket, which then hit Robin Williams, and killed him. The grenade exploded, consuming the entire building in a ball of fire.

"Today, a terrorist attack was thwarted by the brave men known as the Expendables," said a female reporter.

A man stood in a cemetery, looking down at the Expendable's grave as the clouds above him blew in the wind.

The Living End?