I don't own Maximum Ride

K this is my first attempt at MR so plez b nice

Max POV

Four fucking years! One, two, three, four! That is how many years it has been since I last laid eyes on Fang. Exactly four years ago today was the day that Fang left without and warning or even a goodbye. I had spent the first year after he left moping around, barley eating or sleeping; Iggy referred to it as my 'zombie' faze. Although after I saw how it was scaring the flock I leaned to keep it to myself and began to try alternative methods to deal with the pain.

To this day I couldn't decide whether I wanted to kill Fang or beg him to come back. I mean he just up and left us without so much as an explanation, but despite that fact I couldn't deny that I missed him more than anything. I wasn't until after he left that I realized that I truly loved him and to this day that fact has remained unchanged. I often would picture in my mind exactly what would happen when Fang came back, but over the years that when had turned into an if, and that if into a never.

I tried to maintain as much balance in the flock as possible. Itex had been strangely quiet these past few years and I have a feeling that Fang may have something to do with it. After much begging from Nudge and Angel we decided to settle down. I gave them the choice of living like we did growing up away from civilization or moving into a city; to my surprise and happiness they all wanted to live in a more secluded area. I think that everyone wanted to remember some of the better tomes in our life.

The house we decided on was nice and big, with more than enough space from everyone. It was also close enough to a small town that we could get groceries from. The flock seemed happy and if they were happy then I would try to be happy too. I put on fake smiles to hide my inner pain; much to my shame I had stated cutting two years after Fang left just to escape the emotional pain. I tried to eat more and participate in the little kid's lives as much as I could, but it was hard.

Iggy was probably the one person that kept me going and sane. I knew that he could see the pain I was in despite the fact that he was blind. He could always tell when I was having one of my bad days and would help me in any way possible; I honestly don't know what I would do without him, honestly I probably would have killed myself.

I hated the depression that I had fallen into, but I just couldn't seem to shake it. I desperately wanted to be normal again, or at least as normal as I get.

Sighing I decided that it was time for me to stop mopping and get out of bed. Some days I wish the world would just freeze and give me a chance to collect my thoughts.

As I changed into my clothing I couldn't help but look at my arms; on them were a collection of cuts overlapping one another. They served as a constant reminder of what I had lost and also a way for me to feel again. They were my own personal secret. I knew that Iggy had his suspicions that I was doing something, but so far he hadn't mentioned anything.

As I entered the kitchen I let out a sigh as I stared at the table which had two empty seats; one for me and one for Fang. The rest of the flock sat eating their breakfast. I couldn't help but think that the only thing missing from the picture was Fang. I knew deep down that every single one of us still clung to a tiny shred of hope that one day Fang would come back. That he would just simply come walking through the front door and everything would be ok; if only that were true, but still we clung to that hope. We had a bedroom for him too; it was much easier to live in denial.

Iggy POV

As soon as I woke up I knew that today was going to be one of Max's bad days. Today would mark the forth anniversary of the day that Fang left. That would mean that I would most likely be responsible for the kids and Max would attempt to hold herself together.

Out of all of us Max had taken Fang leaving the worst. The first year was defiantly the worst; she just walked around like a zombie not knowing what to do. Over the years she gave the illusion of getting better, but I know that it was more for the kids than anything. Her laughs were no longer genuine, she barley ate enough to survive and I would often hear her toss and turn at night with reoccurring nightmares. I also had a suspicion that she was hiding something else, but I let it go for now.

I made my way down to the kitchen to stat breakfast and on my way though about Fang. After he left I had been very mad, but as the years went by the anger vanished and I simply wanted him to come back. He was like a brother to me and I would give anything to have the old Max back.

Slowly as breakfast was cooking the others stated to trickle into the kitchen. They all mumbled greeting to me as they sat down.

"I take it you know what today is?" I asked

"Yeah, have you talked to Max yet?" asked Nudge

"No, but I have a feeling this isn't going to be one of her better days" I explained

"Do you think he will ever come back?" asked Gazzy cautiously, "don't lie please"

I debated my answer for a minute before replying...

"I, personally, am never going to stop believing that one day he will" I told him honestly

"Did he not like us?" asked Angel sadly

"No sweetie" I reassured, "he loved having us as a family, he just had something that he had to do"

"What about Max?" she asked, "I want the old Max back"

I was just about to answer when heard max walk into the kitchen. It was at times like this where I would kill to be able to see; I couldn't tell what she was feeling because I couldn't see her face. Sighing I went back to getting breakfast onto plates and silently wishing that the old Max would come back.

Ok so plez review and tell me what you though this is my very first attempt at a Maximum Ride fanfiction and I might have some of the details wrong. Umm... this story is going to be FAX and will hopefully have fang in ch 2 if I get positive feedback from this ch if people do like it I am hoping to make it semi long story

Umm... other than that any ideas or criticism are welcome and yeah thanks for reading.