Wednesday, 9:50 p.m.

Sweat trickled down my face, but I payed it no mind. I just kept going. 50 minutes, 500 calories, but I wasn't finished.

"Hey, kid, gym's closed now." the man paused, "Are you of age to be here?" he added as an afterthought. I sighed, exasperated, and showed him my badge. He nodded an okay and led me out the door.

Fuck my life. I'm down 100 calories.

Thursday, 11:12 a.m.

I was sitting on the roof with Naruto, but the tensity between us was astounding. Things had been like that for a would guzzle down a sandwhich, offer me half, and then storm down the roof stairs in anger when I refused. He said I was starving myself, but didn't he know I was doing it for him? I wanted him to like me, that's how this whole diet started.

I lost half a pound this morning. Now if I don't lose 1.5 pounds by tomorrow, I'll never get to my goal weight in time. I try so hard, why is losing it all such a difficult task?

"Want some?" He asked. I saw his angered features getting ready to bounce forth with my usual, "no", but instead, I said yes. I'dhave to work more to burn it off, but if it makes him happy, I'll do it, even if it hurts so bad...

Thursday, 4:00 p.m.

75 minutes, 750 calories. I arrived on time today, right after school, so nothing would stop me. I needed to burn the 297 from half of that burger, PLUS the 1.5 lbs. I needed to get rid of by tomorrow. I need to burn 5250 calories more than I ate today to lose what I want... Heck... Maybe I'll lose more than a pound and a half... after all, a sedentary person burns 1500-2000 calories a day doing nothing...

I smirk. I have enough time... I can do this.

Thursday, 10:15 p.m.

I just got back home and I'm so FRUSTRATED! How could I have been so stupid as to beleive that I had enough time to burn 5250 calories at the gym? Am I mentally challenged or something?

Urgh... well at least I burned 3600 calories... that's a whole pound right there... I feel faint, but that's good, because it means I've done my job. It means I've worked hard for today.

Just not hard enough.

I'm 96 pounds, I want to be 83 by the end of the month. I have three weeks left to go, this better be worth it!

Friday, 3:00 a.m.

I can't sleep; my room is too cold, but I dare not turn the heat up, because it's the shivering that helps me burn calories. If I'd met my goal for today, then I might let myself put it up a notch or two...

I rise from my bed, goosebumps littering my skin, and I walk into the bathroom to step onto the scale.

95 pounds. My face is crestfallen, but then I remember...

I sit on the toilet for a minute, and when I come back, the scale says 94.5 pounds, so I turn the heater up.

Friday, 10:50 a.m.

Naruto quickly gets to work with one half of his burger. When he gets close to the end of that half, I excuse myself to the bathroom.

"Hey, wait, don't you want half?"

"Maybe when I get back."

There are 55 minutes of lunch left, I never came back.

Friday, 2:42 p.m.

I'm on my way walking to the gym, and inspecting my blue-ish nails the whole way. I don't want to look gay, so I don't paint them obnoxious colors, but it seems as if the nude coloring has wore off...

I don't make it far down the block when a hand startled me out of my musings. It's Naruto, and I'm turned around to see his seriously furious face. I instantly feel guilty about what happened during lunch...

"What was that for you asshole? Why did you leave me there at lunch! I waited for you the whole time!" I just look at him, the grip on my arm hurts, and what's worse is that his hand doesn't reach much father around my arm than once. The forefinger and thumb barely pass each other up in his tight grip.

I feel guilty thinking about weight at a time like this, though...

"I got distracted... I'm sorry, forgive me?" I look at him sincerely. His glare doesn't let up, and his hand tightens around my arm, and then I hear a snap, and pain. Oh god, pain. Both of our eyes widen, and he immediately lets go as I slump to the ground, holding my hand protectively near my arm, but not quite touching it...

"Sasuke..." he kneals down, too, " Sasuke, Sasuke... Oh god, I didn't mean to! I... I was barely touching you! How did...?" He tries to help, but I growl at him. Whatever I may have done at lunch, he had no right to break my arm for.

He says his apologies redundantly, until I just learn to ignore him altogethor, but I still won't let him near my arm. It hurts so much...

"I-I'll call an ambulance-"

"NO!" I yell out, "No... I'm fine. We'll get a homemade sling, that should be enough..." I don't want to go to a hospital. They'll insist on tube-feeding me. I don't need that, it will only make things worse.

"Sasuke, you need to, you arm-"

"Is not broken!" I yell in denial, and that was the end of that.

Wednesday, 10:59 a.m.

It's been four months since that incident. Naruto forced me to go to the hospital where I was diagnosed with osteoperosis. I need more calcium, they said, my bones are that of a 65 year old woman.

So now I take plenty of perscribed calcium supplements and milk... skim milk of course.

I was unable to do much at the gym, but on the ellyptical I found I could just hold onto the still bars. So I did that, and cycling. Plenty of cardio. My arm is fully healed now, and despite my delayed date, I'm now down to 79 pounds. I might be lower if Naruto hadn't broken my arm, but as all friends do, I forgave him, and now the whole incident is forgotten. It still hurts a bit to move my arm, but I'm doing great. I can finally exercise to full potential, and during the whole time I'm proud to say that there hasn't been a single day where I've gone over 200 calories. 180 is my limit, but I royally fucked up one time, so that's great! 20 cals. overboard on ONE day is a great accomplishment... Plus, I've successfully finished my fasts...

Speaking of which, another one is coming up on Sunday. It'll last seven days, and only water is allowed. I quit taking my calcium supplements and skim milk once my arm was healed; my bones were adding weight on my scale.

Right now I'm watching Naruto finish his full sandwhich. He stopped asking me when I told him my osteoperosis wouldn't allow it, which wasn't true, but he bought it. We fight all the time about how I'm starving myself, to which I reply, "It's not starving if the doctor prescribes it!" which implies that I was limited certain foods by the doctor, which is entirely false, but it shuts him up every time.

I realize now that I'm not losing weight for Naruto anymore. I don't quite know why I'm losing weight now, but it's like an addiction, sort of. I want out, but at the same time, 65 pounds sounds so delicious... I'll stop when I get to 65.

"Sasuke..." I hear Naruto choke. I look up, and he's crying, "Please stop this... Please eat something... You're killing yourself, and I can't stand to watch anymore..." He continues to cry, and I don't know how to comfort him, but he's not done talking, "God... you look like a walking skeleton! feel like if I touch you, you'll break; you're so fragile! Do you know what people say about you? They say they wish they could help the little anorexic boy. They're talking about you sasuke, your illness is way out of control, and you needto fix it, god damnit!" he ended his rant in anger, and by the things he said, I'm pretty angry too.

"Do you think I'm anorexic?" I ask.

"Do I think - HELL YES I think so you nitwit!" he yells, "You're skin and bones, you refuse to eat anything, you're like a fucking twig! You're always cold in the classrooms, well maybe if you put some meat on your bones you'd be a little warmer! Have you ever thought about that?" he panting now, and I'm just glaring at him.

I don't say anything, but as he's walking away he says, "If you EVER want me to talk to you again, you're going to have to get some help!" and then I cry. I feel like a pussy, but I'm crying, and at the same time I'm thinking that he's just jealous. He's trying to make ME gain weight so he can be the better looking one!

Well you know what? If he was my friend, he wouldn't hav stooped so low, so I decide that from then on, we weren't friends anymore.

Monday, 2:00 a.m.

I haven't slept in weeks, and it's been a requirement that I wear make-up to school so that the bags under my eyes don't show. If they did, they'd think I'd gotten into a fight.

Speaking of fights, it's been 12 weeks since me and Naruto have talked. I currently weigh 68 pounds. Standing is difficult to do, but if it means being this, I would gladly give away my legs.

Today I've decided that I could burn more calories if I exercised from noon until 10:00 p.m. every night. I have my own equipment now because the gym's kicked me out. They said I was too unwell to exercise, and they didn't want to be held liable for helping sick people get sicker.

But who the fuck do they think they are? I am NOT sick!

...Thinking about that whole incident just sets me off, so as I was saying, exercising from noon until 10:00 p.m. every night will help me burn off so much more so much faster, so I've officially dropped out of school starting today.

It wasn't just a quikc, impulsive decision though... When Naruto and I were friends, I never really noticed anyone but him around me. When he left my life, I started noticing the scrutinizing stares, even some looks of disgust.

I can't help but think that it's because the fat behind my knees is too bulging, or that my now somewhat-deformed arm makes them want to gag. At first it gave me inspiration to try to lose weight, but when the stares got worse, I would start crying. It was as if the longer I stayed fat, the longer people would hate me, but nothing, to them, would be enough. Weight-loss is so difficult at the 60's-90's, and I haven't heard of a single person who's made it to the 50's and lived.

I realize I'm unhealthy. I realize I have a problem, but I refuse to stop. Something inside of me is so terrified to quit and gain weight... there's like this little voice in my head that's told me countless times to take it to extremes. I use multiple laxatives every night to get rid of access weight, but I still don't feel satisfied, so I purge up all the food I eat now, and my throat is screaming...

There have even been times where I've just had this unsatiable hunger... I couldn't stop eating... and eating, and eating... I felt terrible afterwards, so I threw it all up, but it took hours to do. I counted up the calories online, and I'd eaten over 8000 calories of food!

So I've taken it upon myself to rid the house of all food more than 20 calories. That way, if I binge, I'll only have binged 450 calories, which is still about a week's worth, but it's better than 8,000 calories...

I've got my meal and exercise plan thought out, and right now, I'm about to go get rid of the nail polish on my fingers. Now that I'm not in school, I don't need to hide so much anymore...

Tuesday, 3:00 p.m.

It's been two months since I've dropped out of school. I weigh 61 pounds, and I'm scared.

I'm FUCKING scared, god I'm so scared... I don't want to die... but if I keep purging and restricting, I will... What have I become? I'm such a monster...

Thursday, 1:50 p.m.

School ends at 2:40 p.m., and I'm getting ready to see Naruto. t's been two weeks since I've admitted that I am royally fucked up, and I weigh 58 pounds. I want to ask him for help, but I'm afraid he still doesn't want to talk to me. If he turns me down, I'll leave.

Thursday, 3:30 p.m.

I'm crying right now because everything was a royal disaster. While I was walking down the street, people stared and pointed and whispered to each other. It took a great effort to make it to Naruto's house, and when I go there, I was nearly onthe verge of tears.

I ring the doorbell because knocking hurts my knuckles, and hwen he answers, he looks all bright and cheerful... until he sees that it's me, and he immediately slams the door in my face.

I can't walk into a hospital without freaking out and turning around. I need someone, like Naruto who would push me through the door and drag me through to the treatment center.

I wanted help, but now I guess I'm doomed.

Thursday, 2:55 p.m.

I'm laying on my uncomfortable bed, and I want to die. Walking takes everything out of me, and sitting up is just as bad. It makes me berserk to know that I can't exercise like I want to, but at the same time, I haven't eaten in three days, because I've found that eating is a poor excuse to waste energy. It's been a week since Naruto basically let me down, and one hour ago I weighed 54 pounds.

I'm dying. But there's no going back now.

Thursday, 5:15 p.m.

I hear the ring of my doorbell startle me out of my pointless musings, and it takes all the strength in my body to get up. My heart is pounding, my lungs are heaving, but then my evil side, the side that started all of this, thinks, "Others have died trying to get where you are. You are a very accomplished person... Don't let them down. Burn calories by walking to that door. Every calorie counts..."

So I walk, and all I do is unlock it and say, "It's open." because I can't find the strength to open the door, but the person who walks in makes me wish I had the strength to slam it shut.

"Sasuke..." he looks on the verge of tears, "Sasuke, please... get. help..." he is crying now. My anger flares, but a monotone voice is all that comes out because I lack the energy to yell and rant.

"I tried." I told him, and he looked up, "I could care less at this point now. I've tried stopping on my own, but I don't have the strength for that, so this is how my life is destined to be. If this is how it is every day of my life, then I could care less what happens to me now..." he cries and hugs me very loosely.

"Have you tried a treatment facility-?"

"Yes. I walked out immediately. I'm terrified of gaining weight." and then I started crying, "I said, 'I'll try asking a friend, and if this doesn't work, then I give up', and that friend turned me away, so Naruto, leave me to die in peace. Nothing will change..."

"Yes it will! Look, I'm sorry I turned you away last week, that was such a bonehead move, but you're still alive! You're standing - shakily, I might add, but you're standing! I wasn't here last week, but I'm here now, please... let me help. If you die... I'll... I'll hurt myself... I just love you so..." he sobs again, "much..." My eyes widen at the confession, and I nod agreeingly.

Thursday, 6:00 p.m.

We've arrived at the treatment facility, and Naruto's grip on my arm is the only thing stopping me from running out. Taking a look at everyone in the waiting room, they're all around 85-105 pounds. My mind applauds me for beating them to their goals, but the other side says that my mind is the reason I need help in the first place, because those patient's mothers are all staring at me, glad that their child didn't get so far into it...

We reach the front desk, and the nurse nealry gasps in shock.

"Please... help him RIGHT NOW... he needs it... this is an emergency..." she nods, and immediately I am rushed into a single hospital room, all the while, Naruto watches, expressionless.

Saturday, 11:25 a.m.

It's been three years since that incident, and after many failures and tries, I've finally been able to happily maintain a weight of 113 pounds. I still fall back a little once in a while, and my bones are growing stronger every day with th eproper nutrients. My heart stopped twice while I was in intensive care, and I had to be in-patient before I did anything. I had a heart attack once, and I am taking so many supplements to keep my heart healthy at the moment, but it's getting better, and soon enough I won't need to take as many pills as I am now, but there are still some pills that I can never stop taking for the rest of my life.

It's my senior year in school now, too. Did I mention that? Yes, I've rejoined school. They marked my claim to drop out as me being too unfit and unwell to make my own decisions.

Me and Naruto have been togethor since my second stay at a treatment facility. At first it was just kisses and sweet words, since I was too unwell to really go very far anyway, but just recently in Junior year, when I was finally deamed as totally healthy, we had sex. It was the greatest thing I'd ever done, and I've been hooked ever since. I live with him now, just so that he can keep an eye on me, he says, so sex still really isn't too hard to come by... In fact, I'd say it happens just about every other day or so.

I still can't stand to eat condiments such as ketchup, mayonaise... I've grown to be okay with mustard because of the fewer calories, but everything else such as salt (sodiu) or even 0 cal. soy sauce (sodium) takes a ton of effort to enjoy, so I just don't bother. I eat entirely healthy now, and I don't restrict, so I don't ever really lose weight anymore. I sort of stay the same...

At the same time, I met a friend at the treatment center. Her name was Julia, and she weighed 66 pounds, and had been entered intothe facility after she's been put into cardiac arrest. She knew all the tricks in the book and, just like me at her weight, she didn't want to gain weight or get help. She kept on losing weight, and eventually, when she reached 59 pounds, she got a heart attack and died. I mourn for her because I was so much lower. I could've died too, I realize, but I'm glad I got the second chance.

I've edited this once already (after strenuous research on how recovery works), and I can now officially say that I'm proud of this fic. :)

The reason I changed the ending was because of one review in particular, and I respect what she wrote about the ending. The whole way I went about describing recovery was absoluely wrong, and she/he had a lot to be angry about, but there is something I would like to clear up:

Sasuke is a PERFECTIONIST. He strives to take contrl of his life, and he aims to do pefectly (in the canon) as a ninja, and to defeat his brother. CONTROL is a KEY FACTOR of anorexia, and the perfectionist attitute keeps them from being satisfied how they are. If this doesn't remind you of Sasuke, then I have nothing else to say...

Other than that, the revie has been deleted. It was an anonymous one, and any scathing remarks get deleted if I can't properly respond to them...

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE...

REVIEWREVIEWREVIEW! :)

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