After some time Kensi sat back up eyes blood shot red. Nate looked at her and a soft, comforting smile came over his face. Kensi smiled back.

"You yelled at me." Kensi said.

Nate looked guilty, "I'm sorry, I-"

Kensi smiled, "Thanks." Nate returned the smile. "So what now Nate?" Kensi asked trying to regain her composure.

"Well, that depends on how you're feeling." Nate replied.

"I feel like someone reached into my chest and ripped out my heart then threw it on the ground and spat on it." Kensi replied standing up and walking back over to Nate's window. She turned to look at him across the room. "My soul is tired."

"I'm curious Kensi," Nate began, "how have you been coping all these years? I mean, what happened after the op went bad several years ago?"

"Nothing. I just moved on." Kensi replied.

"The department didn't-"

"They didn't know Nate." Kensi cut him off.

"You never told them?"

"No."

"Kensi," Nate said in a pitiful manner, "You've been carrying this by yourself for three years without telling anyone?"

"Who was I going to tell? If I told my chief he'd never send me out in the field again. I would have been deemed as psychologically unfit and put behind a desk. I didn't want that. You know I can't sit at a desk. Look how disorganized I am, can you imagine what my desk would look like if I was there all the time?"

Nate nodded his head and smirked a little. She had a point.

Kensi changed the subject, "What you said earlier, about me mistaking violence for love, is that why I ended up in an abusive relationship several years ago?"

Nate was surprised at Kensi's confession, and again concerned. "I didn't know you were in an abusive relationship."

"Yeah"

"You wanna talk about it?." Nate said answering Kensi's question.

"Not really." Kensi replied. "Does this mean I'll never have a normal, healthy relationship with a man?"

"No, but it will take some work. Our thoughts and actions have enormous impact on our brain, even if only for a second. The brain can be very fragile, especially during a trauma. It takes time to reverse the things that happen to it." Nate said gently. "When some of us experience trauma, our brain goes into protective mode. Its a natural reaction to push aside the pain in the moment for something less painful to survive."

"Like when a trauma victim can't remember what happened?" Kensi said.

"Right." Nate said. "After the initial pain is gone we have to go back in and retrain our brain to come out of protective mode so we can go on living without having to relive it."

Kensi nodded indicating she understood what Nate was saying, but he knew it wasn't the answer she wanted to hear.

"Did this incident change your outlook on life at all?" Nate asked.

"I never really gave it much thought," Kensi said walking casually around the room. "I lost both my parents when I was younger and lost my fiancé several years back. I guess I just pushed through it."

"How?" Nate said with real curiosity.

"You go through enough crap in your life you figure out that you can survive anything. Even being raped." Kensi said, still cringing as the word came out of her mouth. It was the first time she admitted she had been raped and finally the last layer of her hard shell had fallen away.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Nate said in a half daze. Kensi understood that to mean that even the great Nate Getz, with all this psychological skills, wasn't immune to the tragedies of living. "Can you survive this?" He asked. Kensi nodded her head. "Do you want to survive this?"

Kensi hesitated for a moment, then shrugged her shoulders looking back out Nate's window. "Some days yes, other days I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear." There was a long silence. Kensi fidgeted with her nails, then glanced over at Nate who was leaning against his desk with his chin in his hand thinking.

Kensi turned to him, "What do I do now?"

He exhaled, "Well, I think we order lunch, unless you want me to take you home?"

Kensi shook her head, "I think I should stay, don't you?"

Nate nodded in complete agreement, "Yeah I do."

"Nate, I'm scared." Kensi continued. Nate walked over and gave Kensi a huge bear-hug. He tightly held her in his arms and she allowed him to comfort her. Nate was never one for hugging, especially when he was counseling someone, but Kensi was his friend, someone he cared about more than just another coworker or client. It was all he could do from not breaking down himself when he looked into her sad eyes.

As he held her, he began talking softly, "I admire your strength Kensi Blye. I don't know many women who would still be standing after everything you've been through. There's a lot to be said for your will to survive, your strength to pull through, and your determination to succeed. You will survive this, you will pull through and you will succeed; 99 and three quarters percent guaranteed." Quoting Dr. Seuss made her giggle and brought a smile to both their faces.

The two of them talked for several more hours. The tone of their conversations picked up as the day went on and by the end Kensi was smiling, laughing and built back up enough to where Nate felt comfortable sending her home and where Kensi felt comfortable leaving. As she walked out a sadness came over his face. He knew she couldn't return to undercover work yet and he knew that today was only the tip of the iceberg. Getting Kensi to confess what happened was a start, but dealing with it would be a lot harder. He figured she was bottling up all the uncomfortable feelings she encountered every time she was on an op and that made Kensi a big liability to the agency. Nate feared for what the next week had in store for Kensi.

Another long night for another one of his agents. Tomorrow was Saturday, their day off. He only prayed that all of them were strong enough not to do anything stupid this weekend and return to him Monday morning in one piece.

After everyone had gone home, Nate was left walking the halls as he did at the end of every day compartmentalizing the day's events before returning home. As usual, he ran into Hetty.

"Nate, you're still here?" Hetty asked.

"Just processing, getting ready to head out." Nate replied somewhat tired.

"How did it go today?" She asked.

Nate looked at Hetty quizzically, "How did you know?"

Hetty hesitated, wondering if she should share with Nate. She saw how red his eyes were, probably from crying half the day. That was what she loved about Nate, how empathic he was when it came to the people he tried to help. Watching Nate go through someone else's emotions was incredible, it was the reason Hetty trusted him so much. Knowing Nate truly cared about her answer and would not hurt her or betray her confidence, she decided to tell him the truth. "I've been in the undercover business long enough to know what can happen to a woman first hand out there. They're the kind of wounds you can't see, unless you have them too."

Nate then realized what Hetty was saying. He put on his psychologist face, wondering if this was going to be another confession, one he absolutely didn't want to hear from his boss. "I'm so sorry Hetty. I had no idea." Nate had been trained to know that he couldn't always control when or who someone decided to open up to. What he could always count on was that it would happen when he was tired, emotionally drained and not expecting it.

"I thank you for your genuine empathy Mr. Getz, in fact it's why I hired you. I'm fine, I dealt with my trauma a long time ago." Hetty replied noticing Nate was going into psychologist mode and yet she found comfort and strength in the tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

"Doesn't mean it went away Hetty." Nate could feel more tears coming on. To hear such stories from two strong women whom he admired hurt him inside. He truly felt for them and their pain.

Hetty looked sad, almost as if she was going to cry, but she looked back up at Nate with only watery eyes and said, "No, it never goes away." Hetty cleared her throat and continued, "These kinds memories are like shards of glass in one's foot. If one walks on the foot never taking the piece of glass out, then the foot gets infected and the wound hurts worse. If one takes the piece of glass out, then the wound can heal. Eventually all that's left is a scar, and sometimes a dull sympathy pain." Nate looked down at Hetty as if he was doing a puzzle. Hetty walked away from Nate concluding their conversation. He watched as her step, again, looked sad and solemn, but he understood what she was trying to tell him and in the end, he appreciated her honesty and euphemism.

It would be a hard weekend for everyone, even Nate, but come Monday morning it was time for him and Hetty to start building the team back up and putting them back together again. First round of interviews done, second round to begin only too soon.