"… did the baby just Imprint on Dear Old Shubby?" came Lucifer's chuckling voice, cracking every so often under the presence, one suspected, of popped corn and mayhem.

Michael carried the Doctor; Castiel carried Dean.

And Lucifer, grinning like the fallen angel he was, wiped his cheesy fingers on Dean's ass and went to pick up Sam.

"So, Dino," Lucifer yawned, ruffling the head of the family's new pet, a small black kitten with octopus legs, when do I get my golden letter opener back? I need it to… you know… stir sea monkeys and curse strange dragon children named Haku."

"Heh," Dean choked, laughing weakly in Castiel's harried grasp, "maybe when Hell freezes over. It'll look great next to my LARPing trophy."

"Didn't you steal that from that redheaded chickie?" Gabriel quirked, slapping Lucifer on the ass.

"Uhhh…" the Doctor groaned weakly, his broken ribs straining against Michael's strength before sighing and settling back again after a careful exhale, "…Lucifer… thought you were… gonna play Auntie?"

"PROVE IT DICKBAG!" Dean screamed at Gabriel, only to find himself dumped face-down in a pile of dirty diapers.

Castiel stood over Dean, staring disapprovingly.

"Dean, the baby is awake now! Don't do that!"

It was at this point that a dirty diaper sailed through the air at Cas's head.

"Dean Winchester!" he admonished loudly from behind a partially bandaged head, protected by two walls, a force field, and a corner of the TARDIS, "That, that is unsanitary!"

Castiel sighed, then looked over at the Doctor and said, "So what did you name her?"

"Bebedora. Like that adorable harbinger of the apocalypse from Arc the Lad 2, not the Spanish town."

"I… am afraid I did not play that one, Uncle Metatron."

"Ah, well. Why don't you come with me to the TARDIS? I have a copy, and the best library in the universe, if you don't want that. Tons more peace and quiet, besides. And Jack, he's probably worried sick, waiting to see his daughter. And me. Although, we can always just watch the match between Dean and Michael in the console room…"

The Doctor picked up his baby, and Castiel helped him to the TARDIS. And the kitten-squid jumped down from Lucifer's arms to follow.

"BOYS!" griped the Doctor from outside before walking into the TARDIS with Cas, "the least you could do is aim them at Michael first. We wouldn't want to play favorites."

The archangel gaped, his mouth hanging there, just so, like a suffering ellipse.

A pause quickly filled with stinky diaper.

"FIGHT! FIGHT!" Dean cried, hiding behind his shrinking pile of disgusting ammo.

"Michael," Lucifer purred, "I do believe you're full of shit."

END