All characters belong to the great JRRT, unfortunately.
The Very Secret Diary of Lord Celeborn
Day 1
Fellowship arrived, minus Gandalf. Shame, as I much desired to speak with him.
Day 2
Hate hobbits. Galadriel gone all gooey over Frodo character. Don't know what she sees in him. Must be the curly hair.
Day 3
In bathroom. Have infiltrated Frodo's room and stolen his curlers. Am putting them in as special present for Galadriel.
Later
Oh fylnmena and otmenae! Curlers certainly worked – hair resembles a small dead yellow sheep. Cannot fit through bathroom door.
Day 4
Uuugh….. Have just witnessed hobbit bathing fest. What the hell were they doing with the Carrot? Frodo seemed to think that I was some kind of giant loofah plant and kept yanking out bits of my hair to wash with.
Now have three bald patches.
Will never be as gorgeous as Legolas.
On plus side, can now fit through door.
Day 5
Sent Haldir to GAP of Rohan to but me a wig. He wondered off in completely the wrong direction, muttering something like 'Just because I have more lines than you.'
Hate Haldir.
OK, who's had my heated hair tongs?
Day 6
Have taken to wearing woolly hat in public. I think Legolas suspects something. However that might just be due to his recent carrot face-mask binge.
Day 8
Have found soul mate in Gimli. Ha. Don't need Galadriel.
That beard braiding is strangely alluring…..
Day 9
Gimli offered to plait my hair to hide the bald patches. I said no, Haldir would be coming back with my wig soon.
Day 10
Haldir plus minions came back from GAP of Rohan. Handed me suspiciously small package then ran off giggling like wood elves.
Opened parcel to discover it contained pink and green mohican wig.
Cornered Haldir later, he said I hadn't actually specified what sort of wig, and anyway it would bring out the colour of my eyes.
Hate Haldir.
Day 11
Have decided to take Gimli up on that braiding offer.
Day 12
Went on picnic with Gimli in woods. Gimli plaited my hair and put in some nice little glass beads.
Unfortunately he managed to braid his beard together with my hair. He suggested we cut my hair out, after all, a little more wouldn't show…
Day 13
Still tied to Gimli. Strangely un-annoyed.
Several hours later, Gimli suggested we play a few games to pass the time.
Said no, obviously. What do you think I am, pervy dwarf-fancier or something?
later
OK, OK, I was very bored. And those braids are so seductive…
Shame hobbits had to burst in in the middle of Delving in the Mines, but they didn't seem to mind as they were having a marathon cuddle-fest.
Yuck, so that's where my heated tongs went….
Day 15
Gimli is helping me write a lament for Gandalf. Unfortuately, all we could come up with was:
Gandalf's fallen into shadow
Not that I care, what a saddo!
Seems like that Balrog was still angry
About the lack of Hanky-Panky….
May need to enlist someone else.
Day 16
Cannot believe Frodo fell for the whole 'look in my mirror' crap. Hobbits so gullible. Quite adorable really.
Day 17
Fellowship left again. Was most sad to see Gimli go. Galadriel has gone slighly mad, and is now insisting that her hand-maidens wear curly wigs and walk around on their knees. Never mind, she'll get over it.
Day 19
Am V. pissed off.
Turns out Gandalf not dead at all, just having 'relationship talks' with Balrog. Has now become Gandalf the White. Asked him if he wanted killing again, to see if he became even more powerful.
No reply.
The Very Secret Diary of Lord Celeborn
Day 1
Fellowship arrived, minus Gandalf. Shame, as I much desired to speak with him.
Day 2
Hate hobbits. Galadriel gone all gooey over Frodo character. Don't know what she sees in him. Must be the curly hair.
Day 3
In bathroom. Have infiltrated Frodo's room and stolen his curlers. Am putting them in as special present for Galadriel.
Later
Oh fylnmena and otmenae! Curlers certainly worked – hair resembles a small dead yellow sheep. Cannot fit through bathroom door.
Day 4
Uuugh….. Have just witnessed hobbit bathing fest. What the hell were they doing with the Carrot? Frodo seemed to think that I was some kind of giant loofah plant and kept yanking out bits of my hair to wash with.
Now have three bald patches.
Will never be as gorgeous as Legolas.
On plus side, can now fit through door.
Day 5
Sent Haldir to GAP of Rohan to but me a wig. He wondered off in completely the wrong direction, muttering something like 'Just because I have more lines than you.'
Hate Haldir.
OK, who's had my heated hair tongs?
Day 6
Have taken to wearing woolly hat in public. I think Legolas suspects something. However that might just be due to his recent carrot face-mask binge.
Day 8
Have found soul mate in Gimli. Ha. Don't need Galadriel.
That beard braiding is strangely alluring…..
Day 9
Gimli offered to plait my hair to hide the bald patches. I said no, Haldir would be coming back with my wig soon.
Day 10
Haldir plus minions came back from GAP of Rohan. Handed me suspiciously small package then ran off giggling like wood elves.
Opened parcel to discover it contained pink and green mohican wig.
Cornered Haldir later, he said I hadn't actually specified what sort of wig, and anyway it would bring out the colour of my eyes.
Hate Haldir.
Day 11
Have decided to take Gimli up on that braiding offer.
Day 12
Went on picnic with Gimli in woods. Gimli plaited my hair and put in some nice little glass beads.
Unfortunately he managed to braid his beard together with my hair. He suggested we cut my hair out, after all, a little more wouldn't show…
Day 13
Still tied to Gimli. Strangely un-annoyed.
Several hours later, Gimli suggested we play a few games to pass the time.
Said no, obviously. What do you think I am, pervy dwarf-fancier or something?
later
OK, OK, I was very bored. And those braids are so seductive…
Shame hobbits had to burst in in the middle of Delving in the Mines, but they didn't seem to mind as they were having a marathon cuddle-fest.
Yuck, so that's where my heated tongs went….
Day 15
Gimli is helping me write a lament for Gandalf. Unfortuately, all we could come up with was:
Gandalf's fallen into shadow
Not that I care, what a saddo!
Seems like that Balrog was still angry
About the lack of Hanky-Panky….
May need to enlist someone else.
Day 16
Cannot believe Frodo fell for the whole 'look in my mirror' crap. Hobbits so gullible. Quite adorable really.
Day 17
Fellowship left again. Was most sad to see Gimli go. Galadriel has gone slighly mad, and is now insisting that her hand-maidens wear curly wigs and walk around on their knees. Never mind, she'll get over it.
Day 19
Am V. pissed off.
Turns out Gandalf not dead at all, just having 'relationship talks' with Balrog. Has now become Gandalf the White. Asked him if he wanted killing again, to see if he became even more powerful.
No reply.