miikka-xx: AUGH 416. THANKS KUBO, FOR RIPPING OUT MY HEART AND STOMPING ON IT.

title: off limits
rating: T
summary: It is a well-known fact that Matsumoto Rangiku is the most wanted woman in Soul Society. But what Soul Society realizes too late is that she's already taken. GinRan, a non-angsty tribute to 416. Pre-series, no spoilers.
disclaimer: IF I DID, THIS WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING.
warning(s): light and cheery! (i know, shocking.) cussing, short, weirdly written (totally not my style. it's quite choppy and quick).

off limits

Strawberry blonde hair, plump lips, baby blue eyes, thin waist, heaving breasts, long legs...

The list could go on, but it was safe to say that the current resident beauty of Soul Society was definitely Matsumoto Rangiku. And also the object of everyone's affections. Especially the male population.

"I'd tap that."

"Everyone would tap that, moron, even chicks."

"I'm just saying, I'd tap that if I ever got the chance."

"Yeah, because you're totally in her league."

"I'm working on it," retorted Renji, glaring at Iba as they sipped from his sake bottle. The other men listened to the back and forth banter with rising amusement. Matsumoto was usually the first person to come up when it came to good looks, or females in general.

"Isn't she already taken?" commented Ikkaku, taking a shot of the alcohol. All the men quickly swiveled their heads in his direction, expressions of both dread and shock. He shrugged, "I mean, those rumours right? Her and, uh, the new guy."

"Ichimaru-taichou," piped Shuuhei.

"Yeah, him," said Ikkaku, nodding vigorously.

"That's bullshit," replied Yumichika, primping his hair, "why would anyone look at Ichimaru-taichou like that? The man's creepy. And so not beautiful."

"I have to agree with Yumi there," said Iba, passing the sake bottle around the make-shift circle, "fucker's always smiling."

"If I had her, why the hell would I stop smiling?" remarked Renji, scratching his head absently.

"Good point," relented Iba. There was a pause, everyone thinking of the creepy new captain. He broke it swiftly, "you think Kira could get that?"

The group broke into low chuckles and guffaws. They sobered up and once again comtemplative silence came upon them.

"He is Ichimaru-taichou's fukutaicho," pointed out Shuuhei, "he has a better shot than any of us."

Iba shot him a dirty look, then sighed. "Probably. Maybe. I think Zaraki-taichou could definitely get her."

"Definitely," replied Yumichika with confidence, "who could resist Zaraki-taichou?"

Renji gave him a long, pointed look. "You're joking. Is he joking? He better be joking."

Ikkaky shrugged, "Taichou does have a lot of bed partners. I wouldn't be particularly surprised."

Shuuhei choked, "you mean Zaraki-taichou's getting her and we're not? What does that say about us?"

"Well, you, Shuuhei, my friend," started Iba slowly, "have a sex position written on your face."

Shuuhei lunged and punched him in the face. During the struggle, two women had flitted over, pausing as they watched the men wrestling on the grass.

"Iba-fukutaicho," cut in Nanao icily, "what are you doing?"

"Obviously, they're getting it on, Nanao-chan," drawled Rangiku as Iba went from straddling Shuuhei to sitting fifteen away from him.

Nanao's face went red. "M-Matsumoto-fukutaicho! Is that a-appropriate?"

Rangiku shrugged, "I think Gin does that to Kira sometimes. Poor kid."

Gin. She said Gin.

Shuuhei visibly paled, Iba choked on his sake, Renji stopped breathing, Yumichika winced as he tried to picture it and Ikkaku went on unaffected. He was probably too drunk to notice.

"Gin, like, Ichimaru-taichou?" he slurred slightly. Rangiku shrugged carelessly.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, Ichimaru-taichou has questionable relations with his fukutaicho."

"That is so wrong," mumbled Renji.

"I know, right!" agreed Matsumoto loudly, "I would totally think that too!"

"Would?" repeated Yumichika delicately.

"U-Um," stumbled Rangiku, turning red.

"You're really dating Ichimaru-taichou, aren't you?" Iba sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

Nanao hit him over the head with her book, and grabbed his sake bottle.

"I'll be taking this to Shunsui-taichou," she told him, "now sober up. Why would someone like Matsumoto-fukutaicho be with... him."

That was what the general consensus had been anyway.

"Actually," started Rangiku, an embarassed smile on her face, "Gin's not that bad of a guy."

Nanao stared at her flatly, "no."

Matsumoto bristled, "yes! Look, I didn't sleep with him to get higher in the ranks, if that's what you're thinking!"

Nanao shook her head frantically, "of course not, Rangiku-chan! We know you better than that!"

More like, you kicked enough ass that we know you're qualified.

She deflated in relief, "thanks, seriously. And it's not like we're together or anything. We're just friends, really good friends."

As if.

"Well, I have Iba-fukutaicho's alcohol for taichou," said Nanao, "goodbye then, boys." She flitted away, leaving Rangiku in the company of five men who looked like they had just watched their favourite pet die.

"Can I join you for some drinks, then?" asked the girl brightly. They nodded automatically, unsure of how to react.

They were interrupted.

"Ran-chan, this is where you went?" Gin smiled, his white cloak fluttering behind him from his quick flitting.

"Yeah, I'm just getting a drink," she grinned back, letting his arm slip around her waist, his free hand hovering over his hip where his sword hung.

And that's when the five men knew, from the sharpening grin of the man standing before them that Matsumoto Rangiku was definitely off limits.

They swallowed, Gin retreated his hand from his sword handle and and whisked away the prize beauty of Soul Society.

No one saw it coming. In hindsight, they really should have.

They blamed it on the sake.

a/n: i needed something light and cheery instead of this UTTER ANGST AND DOOM chapter 416 provided us. Editted Aug 21, 2010 - thanks YukiNoSamurai for pointing my mistakes out!

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