PROLOGUE

Early mornings in the beautiful kingdom of Kurtopia were usually pleasantly calm and quiet. There was the cheerful chipper of the birds, the warm caresses of the newly awaken sun and the divine scents of blossoming flowers. This morning was different from the others.

"Bring me Pool Boy!" a furious voice echoed through the white halls of Fort Hummel. Instantly the humble servants of the Ice Queen set off in a panic, knowing that when their ruler used that tone,people could lose their heads. Literally. The Ice Queen was only 16, but did have a fiery temper when something did not go as planned in Kurtopia. Especially when it was inside the castle.

The doors to the Throne Room flung open as two men marched in, dragging a third by the arms. It was a muscular boy with a face which could have been pleasant to watch if it was not for the great defiance in his eyes. The Ice Queen grimaced – Pool Boy did have the most outrageous hairdo. How it had managed to go unnoticed within the castle, the Ice Queen did not know. It should be punishable by death. The two guards let go of Pool Boy and hurried to their emperor's side to kiss his outstretched hands.

"Karofsky, Azimio…" Queen Kurt smiled politely and watched their bowed heads with accomplishment in his eyes. Even the dumbest of Neanderthals followed a great leader. With an indifferent expression, he waved them off to deal with the thug before him.

"Pool Boy, bow to your sovereign, Queen Kurt the Fabulous!"

The Royal Announcer, Artie, had once been a fine officer of Kurtopia's armies, though through a tragic accident with a malfunctioning carriage, he lost the use of his legs. The kind Ice Queen took pity of his dreadful situation and offered him a post closer to home. Though, the lustful glances he shot Lady Tina did not go Kurt by unnoticed. He would see to their marriage arrangements as soon as possible. The criminal before him made a half-hearted bow. Kurt's eyes narrowed. He was one of those, huh? Maybe he should just throw him to the dogs and they could do what they saw fit for such a lowlife.

"Pool Boy, do you have even the slightest clue of what you are doing here?" he asked in a nonchalant drawl, studying his manicured fingernails with a lack of interest. They were perfect, as always. Pool Boy just shook his head, one eyebrow reaching towards his hairline. Or well, lack of hairline. His head was entirely shaved, except for a long stripe in the middle, going from his forehead all the way to his neck. Kurt had to fight his gag reflex if he watched it for too long.

"Then I shall tell you", Kurt continued and adjusted the absolutely divine fabric of his dress. He almost forgot what he was going to say as he studied the material fondly. The silver and metallic tones complimented his skin perfectly. No one had taste quite like Queen Kurt.

"It has come to my attention that you, Pool Boy, have entertained yourself with fornicating and impregnating my maids and the ladies of my court."

He made a pause to glance around the throne room. At his right sat Artie, bashfully glancing at Lady Tina on Kurt's left side. Next to her stood Lady Mercedes who really should have known better, Lady Quinn with her hands upon her belly, Lady Santana who he never really expected any better of, Lady Brittany who did not know better and… euw, Rachel the milk maid. What was she wearing? Everyone, except for Tina, watched their feet, heads bowed in shame and disgrace, though he expected that Brittany just followed Santana's example. She was a bit slow, the poor girl. They had all somehow been involved with the punk. His eyes finally landed upon the boy before him. Kurt had expected him to be in a similar state as his girls, that he might even fall to his knees and beg for mercy, but no such thing happened. Instead Pool Boy stood up straight, chest puffed out in pride. He wore a smirk which Kurt wanted to rip off his face with his bare hands… though, he would leave it to Karofsky and Azimio, since he did not want to ruin his nails.

"Is this true?" the Queen wondered softly, but everyone knew it was just the calm before the storm broke loose.

"Hell yeah."

Kurt nearly choked at his own breath by the confident demeanour the offender put on. Many started to shift uncomfortably where they stood, when he came to his feet with a grace no one else possessed.

"So you admit to it?"

"Course, Your Majesty. They've all taken a ride on the Puckosaurus."

Startled laughs and giggles reached his ears. Lady Tina came to the Queen's aid when he faltered for a second or two, shocked and appalled by Pool Boy's words and attitude. Oh Gaga, please give me the strength acquired to sort this out. A silent prayer to his Goddess was all it took.

"I will not accept such lewd and distasteful behaviour in my kingdom!"

His shrill voice echoed through the throne room, making the windows and several servants tremble in fear. Pool Boy did not move an inch, which aggravated the Queen. Even so, his voice was softer when he spoke again.

"I want to send you to a gruesome death, Pool Boy. A gruesome death, preferably involving the discarding of your…" a wicked grin spread across his face when he noticed how Pool Boy put two and two together, flinching at the realization. "… while you're still alive."

He swirled around, a beautiful cascade of silver, metallic and jewels, and relished in the look of sheer horror upon his face. Once again, he sat down in his throne, utterly pleased with himself. He had successfully located his weak spot, his Achilles' heal.

"Though, I am not heartless."

The immediate hope Pool Boy expressed was pathetic and laughable.

"No child shall live without the loving care of two parents, if I can help it", he reasoned and threw a glance towards Lady Quinn and her growing belly. "No matter how despicable the father might be. Therefore, I sentence you…" a theatrical pause. "… to nine months in celibacy. You will wear a chastity belt and I myself, Kurt the Fabulous, shall carry the key to it. You will neither fornicate nor impregnate during this time and if you need to please yourself with some other disgraceful method… tough luck."

He could tell just by looking at him, that he had made a lasting impression. This boy would learn not to disrespect his emperor again. Pool Boy took a leap forward, hurled to the ground before him, fingers clinging onto the hem of Kurt's dress as he cried and begged for mercy.

"Your Majesty, I beg you! I am a sex shark; if I stop moving, I'll die!"

"So be it. No one will miss your company anyway", a nonchalant movement of his hand and Karofsky and Azimio immediately came to drag away Pool Boy from their beloved Queen. He tried to fight them, but was unsuccessful. You really had to admire his spirit.

"Your Fabulousness, please!"

"That is my verdict, Pool Boy, and you shall accept it whether you like it or not! You will be taken to the dungeons and there you will wait for the verdict to be executed. Now, Karofsky and Azimio, please take this sorry excuse for a man out of my sight. His presence is giving me a headache."

His two servants only nodded and forced the vigorously fighting Pool Boy out of the throne room. Kurt slumped in his throne, waving his hand lazily in an attempt to fan himself. That had been tiring.

"Berry!"

The milk maid squeaked in horror, but came running anyway. She curtsied before him, though, she did not have the guts to look him in the eye. Kurt smiled pleasantly.

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Where's my breakfast?"

Author's note: This I wrote purely for my own amusement. I hope you will be just as amused when you read it. I'd really appreciate some reviews!