Disclaimer: I don't own anything but this little one shot.

AN: So how many freaking kids does the emperor have with 108 flipping consorts?

PS: Look up "Large Ham" on tv tropes . org :) Norio Wakamoto (The emperor) gets a special mention

Family Matters

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life - Robert Byrne

::

Being emperor, Charles di Britannia has explained countless times, means doing a lot of important emperor-like things. And while he is doing these emperor-like things, which are all dreadfully important, he does not like to be interrupted. This is, of course, forgetting the fact that most 'emperor-like things' involve sitting in a room and daydreaming about bigger and better things while your advisers squabble about the mundane. Nonetheless, by interrupting his work, you were dooming the future of Britannia, destroying everything you knew, and giving him a massive migraine, and did you really want to do that?

Most of his children didn't. But apparently Lelouch, resident rebel, did.

"Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaather!" Clovis (that was Clovis, right? Susan's kid?) burst into the throne room, large violet eyes filled up with faux tears. He clenched his little fists, shaking his head and looking down as though the trauma was too much for him. Unfortunately, the emperor's general 'hamminess' seemed to be hereditary. Curse his stage talent! His second most over-the-top child pointed an accusatory finger out the door, trembling with rage. "Lelouch t-took my crown!"

Damn. He should have never let the wives take the kids out for burgers. Each one came back with a cardboard crown and the impression that they were destined to rule the empire someday. He hadn't gotten around the given them the empire talk, and he doubted it would go well. 'Give up all your dreams now, because daddy's going to become immortal and stay emperor forever!' That wasn't a bridge he was ready to cross just yet.

"No I didn't!" Lelouch gasped out in surprise, eyes equally as wide. When Charles had first held each of his children in his arms (weeks after their birth, he didn't like those puny newborn things) he liked the fact that just about each one of them had his eyes. But now, as they both tried to feign innocence, he hated it. "He's just mad 'cuz I beat him at chess!" He stuck his tongue out at the blond, making matters only fifty times worse.

This wasn't looking good. Charles' guests were starting to mumble under their breaths, the meeting had just gone straight to hell.

"You cheated!" Clovis said. "And you stole it!"

"Lelouch, stop lying," Schneizel piped up, deciding to insert himself into the conflict. Cornelia nodded her support, "We all know you took it, liar!" Leave it to the older ones to be mature.

"I believe I told you to talk to Odysseus when you have issues," Charles boomed. The oldest of all of his children, and perhaps the sanest one in the whole damned family. Maybe Alice (number twenty-five) was right, maybe he should have stopped at fifteen.

"Odysseus is with Carline, she was yelling at Nunnally again," someone else in the room mumbled. Was it another kid? One of his advisers? He couldn't even tell anymore. Charles felt a vein throb out in his neck - he was getting too old for this shit. He was supposed to be plotting the rise of a new world, not solving the mystery of a two-dollar cardboard crown.

"Me? A liar?" Lelouch sounded as though it were the most shocking and horrendous thing he'd ever heard. Charles's face met the palm of his hand. Even if he had, who cared? Clovis hated wearing things on his head, he claimed that they messed up his hair. Why couldn't they go bother their uncle? "Your own brother, your own flesh and blood! What of me? What of the family?"

Schneizel snorted. "Come off it." For once, the emperor agreed. Though, he was somewhat amused to see Lelouch's theatrics. Someone had been paying attention to Charles' speeches.

"I believe Lulu!" Euphemia chirped from where she stood behind Cornelia. A sharp look from her older sister silenced her quickly, however.

Well, Charles could forget about Akasha today. He could already see the look on Marianne's face when he came to her with the complete lack of progress. Ha, if he thought he was suffering now, just wait until Marianne got angry.

"Lelouch," Charles thundered impatiently. He had been there too long, even his own voice was beginning to give him a headache. "Did you take Clovis's crown?"

"No!" The little prince yelled back. It was significantly less impressive than his father's voice, but echoed in the same way. If Charles hadn't felt as though someone was pounding his brain with a sledgehammer, he would have been mildly impressed. Mildly.

"Father he's lying!" Cornelia spat. The squabbling presumed. It was no wonder V.V. didn't have any children. (Could he have children?)

"What's going on in here?" A relatively calm voice asked. Charles could have jumped for joy as Odysseus entered the throne room, looking at all of the chaos before him. Thank the gods for giving him one normal child, he would remember that while he was destroying them.

"Lelouch took my crown!" Clovis pouted.

Odysseus only blinked. "No he didn't. It's in the art room."

"Oh." Clovis said flatly.

Oh. Oh? Oh?

"Told you," Lelouch sneered. "Asshole."

"Watch your language!"

And they were off again. Luckily for their father, Odysseus herded them out of his throne room before Charles could become homicidal.

"Lelouch," Charles stopped his son, rubbing his temples. Lelouch turned to look at him with huge, innocent eyes. The emperor wasn't fooled. "You put it in the art room, didn't you?"

A toothy grin. "Noooo I didn't."

Evil little thing.

::

Seventeen Years Later

"Liar."

"Schneizel you bastard!"

"You killed Clovis!"

Was it too late to set them all up for adoption?

End Note: Hah, hopefully someone out there enjoyed wasting their time with this :) It wouldn't leave me alone when I saw something about the 108 consorts on TV Tropes - my addiction XD