The Sound of Life and Death

Title: The Sound of Life and Death
Rating: PG-14
Fandom: iCarly with minor Criminal Minds
Characters/Pairing: Hints of Creddie and Seddie, Spam friendship
Genre: Drama/Suspense
Summary: Sam is kidnapped by a serial kidnapper and killer that targets blonde girls through their own web shows. When bodies of other missing girls start to show up near Carly and Freddie, the FBI is called to assist the local PD on the case. They soon realise there can be a deeper connection that Sam has with the kidnapper than everyone else would like to believe.
Warnings: Mature subject matter.

Disclaimer: I own neither iCarly nor Criminal Minds. However, I do own the plot of the story proudly.

Author's Note: Okay. This is going to sound stupid. I realized that in Chapter 17 I named Lily's husband "Trevor", but in Chapter 18, her husband's name is clearly "Jonah". From now on, I'm sticking with Johan, and just to be clear, Trevor and Jonah are the SAME person. I apologize for any confusion… But in other news, new chapter is up :) Accomplishment!

Chapter Nineteen (Spencer)

"When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses."

~ Joyce Brothers

The general chaos of the hospital soon seems to become somewhat of a blur to him as he drifted down the halls aimlessly, much like Freddie had done earlier. After Freddie had returned to Pam's room sans JJ, Spencer decided that he was going to leave and take a walk around, and try to look for a vending machine so he could get everyone some snacks.

"Get me a Kit-Kat," Carly had told him as he left the room. He returned her request with a nod.

Now, as he makes yet another turn in the maze-like halls of the hospital (Geez, they should really put up signs in this place), he notices a redheaded woman standing with a five-year-old boy. The boy doesn't seem even remotely happy.

"But Mommy!" the young boy cries with a whine, drawing out the vowels in his words. "I don't wanna go get a shot!"

"No buts, Joey." the woman isn't giving up. Spencer can tell that despite her cold and harsh tones, she really loves her little boy and nothing is going to change that. The twinkle in her eyes give her away. "You said you wanted to go to camp, and you are not allowed to go if you're not vaccinated."

The boy - Joey - pouted, sticking out his lower lip in a super-adorable fashion. "What does that even mean?" he mutters, looking up at his mother.

"It means that you have to be protected against all the bad bacteria out there," Spencer answers before he realizes, remembering himself having the same conversation with Carly just years back.

The mother and son both look up at Spencer, startled. The mother being alarmed and the child being mildly curious.

"I'm sorry," Spencer immediately apologizes, not wanting to freak the mother out. Or at this rate, freak the mother out ever more. He understands how guarded this mother is, and because everything that has happened, Spencer has noticed that he's become more guarded as well. He's never been this alert at anything before.

Then again, his little sister's best friend hasn't been missing before.

Noticing the mother and son still watching him, Spencer's attention turns back to the two of them, a small (hopefully professional) smile plasters on his face. He bends down so he can meet the boy's eyes.

"That's alright," the mother's tone sounds calm, but the way she is eyeing Spencer betrays her calmness. Swinging an arm over her son's shoulders, she ushers Joey towards the elevators and towards where the paediatrician is located in the hospital. Spencer wonders briefly what they are doing on his floor, but decides not to look too much into it.

He'd seen the way the mother looked at him with uncertainty. He would be lying if he says that it doesn't hurt his feelings at all.

Spencer's never been one that kids' parents pointed out as a neighbourhood child molester of pervert (God, these words feels so dirty, even in his mind.) He's a lot weird, sure, and some would even say that there are some serious problems with the way his mind works. But no one, no one, even considers him as someone who posts a threat against another person.

Well, apparently no one expect this mother.

Spencer sighs. Is he really this out of it lately, that his sheer appearance would scare off a mother? Has he really changed that much after Sam's disappearance?

Does he really look like a predator to strangers now?

Spencer isn't even sure he's ready to hear these answers.

Sighing, the artist watches at the mother sends him a slightly dirty look as the door to the elevator closes in front of her and her young son. Spencer can remember when he was that age; so young, so careless, so free. Free from the responsibilities that comes with age. Free from the need to take care of and support both himself and his family.

Free from the demons that enters into his life with adulthood.

Sure, being an adult is fun at times. But Spencer would've given anything to just be able to turn back time, and live life from a five-year-old's point of view. He doesn't want to be surrounded by the emptiness that is once occupied by Sam.

Spencer spots a vending machine at his next turn and hears his stomach growl angrily; he almost smirks. Trust his sense of huger to strike the second his eyes land on food.

He makes his way towards the machine, taking in all of the choices that is present behind that glass door. There is the usual chocolate bars like Mars, and Snickers. But there are a few that Spencer finds unfamiliar. There's a candy bar (or at least, it looks like one) that is wrapped in a greenish-yellow wrapper. Remembering Carly's request for a Kit-Kat bar, Spencer glances over the choices in the vending machine.

Frowning, he discovers that there isn't any Kit-Kat inside the machine. Spencer wonders what his sister would want other than a Kit-Kat. Thinking that she wouldn't mind eating a Mars bar instead, he places his money into the machine and pushes the code for the chocolate bar.

The machine beeps once, makes an weak attempt to push the Mars bar out, and stops suddenly. Spencer freezes, staring at the machine and curses inwardly.

Why is everything against him lately?

First Sam, then Carly, then Mrs. Puckett, and now this stupid freaking vending machine.

What the hell is wrong with his world lately?

Spencer realizes he's punching the machine when he hears a loud bang. The machine shakes, but the candy doesn't make anymore attempts to be pushed out of it. He knows that it isn't fair, taking out all of his anger and frustrations on a vending machine.

It doesn't deserve to be punished for his internal pain.

It's ironic, Spencer thinks. The candy that's stuck in the freaking machine is one of the few things that can make Spencer feel a little bit better, and he can't even touch it; not to mention eat it.

"Damn it," he finally curses, slamming both his fists onto the glass door of the machine. Spencer winces as he hears the contact being make, both from the sudden pain he feels in his hands and the sharp sound that pierces his ears.

He immediately withdraws his hands.

He hisses at the expected pain.

Spencer almost wonders why he's acting so stupidly.

"Sometimes things just doesn't turn out the way you want them to, huh?" Someone - a feminine voice - says behind him, causing him to turn. Spencer sees a redheaded woman in a nurse uniform standing casually with her back leaned against the wall.

Spencer frowns, not missing the double meaning (weather is intentional or not from her) of her words.

Yes, she's absolutely right. Sometimes things just doesn't go the way you want them to.

"Well," Spencer reacts fact, eyeing the woman. The past events has caused him to be more cautious of his surroundings. "It's kinda normal for a vending machine to eat your dollar."

The woman - who's name tag reads "Kate" - smiles. Almost sadly, Spencer muses. "Who said I was talking about the candy bar?"

Okay. So is this woman some psychiatrist that works with the hospital or something? What is up with her puzzling words?

Spencer seriously isn't in the mood for something like this right now. Normally he would, sure. Normally he would find this nurse/shrink intriguing, and not to mention hot. Normally he would be up to having a conversation with her.

Normally he would be happy.

The thought startles him, but he can't seem to let it go.

Spencer's usual, almost obscure, cheerfulness and childishness is nowhere to be found today. It has been missing for quite a while now.

It has been missing ever since Sam has been missing.

The thought pains him, but he has to admit that it is a devastatingly true thought.

But Spencer's the happy-go-lucky big brother of the group. He has to be the rock of the group as well. He's always been The Rock (yes, capitalized. That's how extremely important this is) of the group.

He isn't about to stop now.

The nurse - Kate - is staring at him with a curious eye. Spencer's own eyes wanders back to her. Giving her a small and apologetic smile for blanking out, he makes his way past her sans the candy.

For some reason, Spencer just doesn't feel like talking to anyone anymore.

He turns down the now-familiar hallway of the hospital. He doesn't make it far before he spots JJ talking on her Blackberry to someone who he guesses must be one of her team members. She sounds almost agitated, but her professionalism still present in her tone.

"No," JJ says, raising her voice just a little bit. "I don't have any information for you right now regarding the case, McNeal." There is a pause, before JJ speaks up again. This time, her tone is definitely forceful. "You can't use that information for the news tonight. It has not been confirmed yet." Another pause. "Well, you want to use that information for the news, fine. But there are still girls out there that can still be alive. There are still chances for them to have futures. There are still families that misses them dearly. You want to risk that, fine. You want them to wind up dead, because of your mislead information, fine. But keep in mind that it's the girls' young lives you're messing with, McNeal." At that, JJ hangs up the phone with a powerful push of the button on her phone.

Spencer shudders unexpectedly. He can totally see why the FBI handpicked JJ to be with their BAU as an media liaison. He now realizes that she is - well, was - speaking on the phone with another one of those media sharks.

JJ sighs, getting her breathing even. She turns around, and sees Spencer watching her. She offers him a small, sheepish smile.

"Media?" Spencer decides to speak up first.

JJ nods while she pockets her phone. "Yeah. We can't let the news outlets use any of the information that can potentially harm the girls."

Spencer notices that JJ is deliberately using "girls" instead of "victims". He's thankful for that.

He just can't bring himself to think of Sam as a victim.

Sam's always been the golden girl. She's funny, outgoing and so full of energy. No one can ever get Sam to use her energy on her school work, though many have tried. But that's what makes Sam, Sam. That's what makes her different from all those other blonde girls in her school.

And damn if Spencer isn't hurt that she just might slip away like that.

"We'll find her," JJ says softly. Spencer realizes that he is staring into the blank again, and offers JJ a small smile.

"Will you find her alive?"

The question escapes from him before he even has a chance to run it through his brain. Spencer's never been a negative thinker. His father, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. Mr. Shay has always been a negative thinker. Spencer vowed to himself that he would never want to become someone like his father.

But now, Spencer curses himself, he's seeing his father in him. He doesn't want that. He wants to be carefree again.

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Spencer sighs, and JJ places a hand on top of his shoulder.

"She's only been gone for two days," JJ states. Only? Spencer thinks. It feels like it's been forever. "The statistics of finding her looks good."

Spencer sighs again heavily, taking in the comfort from JJ's hand. "Yeah, I hope so."

He really, really do.

Because Sam is like family. Sam is family.

And no one, no freaking one messes with his family and lives to tell the tale.

"JJ?" the elevator door opens, and Agent Prentiss makes her way towards the two of them. JJ gives her co-worker a nod of acknowledgement before walking towards her, Spencer on her trail.

"Hey, Emily." JJ smiles. "You here to speak to Pam?"

"Yeah," Agent Prentiss replies. "Hotch told me to see if I can get through to her, since Lily has already left the hospital."

"Wait," this is news to Spencer. "Lily left the hospital?"

The two FBI agents share a look before Agent Prentiss allows a smile. Before she can say anything, a light bulb goes off in Spencer's head.

"You think Lily might be related to this?"

The question brings both agents to a halt, confirming Spencer's thoughts. Lily, Pam's older sister, might actually have something to do with this.

God, can this world be more messed up?

"We're just following up a lead for now, Mr. Shay." Agent Prentiss says kindly, but her use of Spencer's last name makes him wince.

"Spencer." he corrects automatically. "It's Spencer. Mr. Shay's my father."

Agent Prentiss nods in understanding, offering another one of her trademark smiles and turns to JJ.

"Which room is Mrs. Puckett in?" she asks, already on the move.

As JJ leads the other agent towards Pam's room, Spencer leans his back against the wall. He feels exhausted, and he isn't sure why. Spencer's always been an energetic person, but lately, he's feeling that all of his energy has been drained from him.

He doesn't even have enough energy to make statues anymore, and that's saying something.

He doesn't even feel the inspiration for his art anymore.

Sam's situation has left a hole in everyone one of them, and that hole has been expanding with every minute that she's been missing.

Life isn't fair, Spencer remembers his father saying. But we all just have to pick up from where we left off and continue on. Life isn't about where you fall, Spencer. Life is about how you get back up after you fall.

Spencer laughs bitterly as his father's words rings in his mind like a broken record; his mind focused on Sam.

He wonders if she can get back up and make a strong comeback like she always do.

He wonders what will happen after she gets back up.

He wonders if Carly and Freddie and even himself can handle the fallout that will result in this.

For better or for worse, Spencer thinks, they're going to get through this together.

Because they a family.

Geez, fanfiction is really pissing me off lately. This was supposed to be up yesterday, but appearently this site just doesn't want it up... Well, it's up now. So enjoy and review! :)

XO - Spring