The "What IF's" of Life

Sesshy's Mistress

Summary: Usagi and Light have a "heart to heart"…

Disclaimer: I do not own either animes! Nor their characters! This was inspired by a SilentReaper! It's not the same, though…

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Honestly, she had no idea how she got stuck with the weird ones!

First, there was Mamoru Chiba, a guy who was a total jerk at first, a sweet Prince Charming in disguise, a brainwashed man-whore of Queen Beryl, an amnesic, return to jerkhood guy who let Ann hit on him, sweet boyfriend soon turned into cruel ex, sweet boyfriend, sugar daddy to a pink haired spore, kidnapped boyfriend, kidnapped fiancé, and the list goes on …

…aka Tuxedo Kamen a rose throwing side kick who constantly saved her from harm in a tuxedo, but was also the interest of several female villains. All of whom kidnapped, brainwashed, kissed, and possibly more! UGH…

…aka Prince Endymion, the only half sane one of all his alter egos…

…aka Moonlight Knight the memory of Tuxedo Kamen who enjoyed torturing her broken heart by not answering inquiries about his true identity…

…aka Neo-King Endymion, a man who had too much free time on his hands while running around future Crystal Tokyo as a 'ghost' and spent that time sending crazy dreams to his past self. Thus, causing his past self to hurt and endanger his wife's past self …

Then there was Ail, an obsessed, flute playing, two-timing alien man from outer space. He just could not understand that she did not like him. His girlfriend and pretend sister, Ann, could not understand that Mamoru was not hers but Usagi's!

Prince Demando, a guy that made Ail look like a perfect gentleman in the stalking and obsessed department. He was a Prince who attacked the future and then the past in attempts to try and change the future. When he saw her, he kidnapped her and tried to turn her into his Queen….

Usagi shivered at that thought. He still gave her nightmares.

Seiya, a Sailor Soldier from another Galaxy that came to earth in disguised as a man, was the only one she could put up with, but, still, some of the stunts he pulled were borderline stalker as well…

The only normal person she could add to that list was Umino. Thank Selene that was only a phase, and he moved on to marry Naru…

Lately, as if her past lives and the men in them were not enough, Usagi had acquired a couple new additions to the weird list she affectionately called, "The Psychotic Men Who Stalk/Obsess About Me". It wasn't catchy and it was rather long, but it summed it all up!

First, there was Light Yagami who had recently come in contact with a Death Note and the Shinigami of whom it belonged to. Since finding the Death Note, Light managed to kill a lot of evil and dangerous men, but it drew the attention of many, including her. She had sensed the energy and light essence of Saturn surrounding the book. When her blue eyes landed on the Shinigami, well, some thing's still managed to scare her even after all this time.

The other new addition was a mysterious type. He liked to be referred to as either 'L' or Ryuuzaki. Usagi preferred to call him (ta)nuki-kun! He had not necessarily weaseled his way into her life voluntarily. No, he inadvertently became a part of her life because Light Yagami forced his way there first.

She still could not understand why Ryuuk would run his mouth about her when he wouldn't about the Death Note. Really! What had she done to piss him off? Okay, so maybe attacking him without questioning him first was a bad idea…

Who knew Shinigami were so breakable when attacked by a Goddess?

Not her!

"Usagi, what are you doing?" Light questioned as he walked inside the room. His keen eyes quickly fell upon her form which was laid out upon the plush carpet. Her petite frame was surrounded by many abandoned school books and notebooks. Since learning of her identities, he had blackmailed her into staying close enough to where he could keep an eye on her. School was one of the places he made sure she attended in order to keep her in line.

He could not afford to let her escape. She was his trump card.

"Nothing," Usagi shrugged while toying with a stray strand of blond hair. Before her lay Light's Death Note, she had previously been reading the names of whom he had most recently written down. Her eyes briefly flickered to a nearby clock; it wouldn't be long before Misa got here now that Light had returned.

Why did the peace and quiet have to end so soon?

Light walked over and leaned down to retrieve his Death Note. Though she was against using it, he didn't trust her not to use it against him. The only time he allowed her to have possession of it was so that it could stay properly hidden and safe.

She didn't try to stop him from retrieving his precious book, but she did have a special question for him.

"I was just wondering…" Usagi abandoned the piece of hair she had toyed with in exchange for pushing herself up from the floor. Brushing off some imaginary lint from her outfit, she turned her full attention on Light. She could tell that he was in a bad mood and her question would no doubt make that mood worse. Oh well…

"You pulled Misa into this because of her Death Note," Usagi started while ignoring the glare Light sent her. Though they were not under security watch like in the past, he still did not like to take the chance. Usagi, however, always seemed to know the right time and place to discuss things concerning his ideals and how to achieve them. That didn't mean she agreed with them or fully cooperated.

Nevertheless, Light nodded. Usagi nodded in return and seemed to be thinking of something deeply. Light was intrigued when he noted that concentrated look on her face. He was also curious.

"What if Misa hadn't found the Death Note and someone else had?" Usagi questioned while fiddling with her nails. She pretended to be inspecting them while throwing casual glances at Light.

"It would not matter who had the other notebook, the situation would stay the same regardless," Light informed her while cocking an eyebrow in a silent order for her to tell him why she was asking this.

"Well, you remember when you and Tanuki-kun were chained together," Usagi questioned. At his nod, she continued. "Well you two never got along that well, and I was thinking about that today. What if it had been Tanuki-kun who had found the Death Note instead of Misa?"

"I highly doubt that Ryuuzaki would use –"

"That's not the point I'm trying to make," Usagi shook her head and waved her hand at him in a dismissing motion. "You said that it would not matter who had the Death Note because the situation Misa's in would be the same for some one else. So, would it be if Tanuki-kun had found it? Would you seduce him?"

Light's eyes widened considerably and a light blush covered the tips of his cheeks. The stunned and slightly mortified look that crossed his facial features was more than enough to have Usagi chuckling and snapping a picture on her camera phone.

"I mean, that's what you're doing to Misa, seducing her to help you and to keep her in line," Usagi said in a sing song voice. "So, one can't help but to wonder if you would go to the same…extremes if it had been Takuni-kun that had found and used the Death Note."

"…Usagi…"

"Yes, Light?" Usagi smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes in Light's direction. She did this because she knew how much he hated when she did so. Before Light could yell at her, Misa slammed the door open and ran straight for Light. She clung to him tightly and began to profess how much she missed and loved the brunette.

Usagi chuckled and mouthed, 'Tanuki-kun', while pointing at Misa. Light's face turned red with anger and he immediately pushed Misa away while reaching another hand out to strangle Usagi.

Usagi just cackled and twirled out of his reach, giving Misa enough time to reattach herself to Light. Usagi just laughed and started mouthing her pet name for Ryuuzaki over and over towards Light.

"What's wrong, Light?" Usagi teasingly questioned, making Misa pull back and look at the brunette. When she could find nothing overly out of the ordinary, Misa turned a questioning gaze towards Usagi.

Light's eyes widened in horror again and he tried to quiet the mischievous blond with a glare.

"Oh, I was just talking to him about the possibility of Tanuki-kun and him in a relationship," Usagi shrugged. "I mean, what if it had been Tanuki-kun who had found your Death Note, Misa? What if it was him that was obsessed with your dear Light-kun," Usagi smirked at Light as Misa's face turned to panic.

"I knew he was a pervert!" Misa exclaimed while clinging to Light with every ounce of strength she had. "But I never knew he was ….he was after Light! He can't have him. Light is mine!"

Suddenly, a knock came to the door and Usagi volunteered to see who it was. When she opened it, she found her favorite tanuki standing on the other side. When he saw her, he spared her a smile. She noted how his eyes ran down her bare legs which were left uncovered in the very short, shorts she was wearing.

"Tanuki-kun!" Usagi exclaimed while grabbing him by the shirt and yanking him through the doorway. She quickly kicked the door shut with her foot and proceeded to push L into the living room where Misa and Light were. "We were just talking about you!"

"YOU PERVERT!" Misa screeched while launching herself at L. Usagi wisely moved away from him before his form was knocked to the floor. Misa's body lay atop his for a moment before she realized their position and stood up. She yelled at him some more while bending down to slam her fists at him.

Apparently, they didn't hurt him as he stood and ignored her ranting.

"What is going on here?" L questioned while his eyes moved from Usagi to Light and then to Misa.

"You're trying to steal Light from me," Misa accused. "You pervert! All this time I thought it was me you were trying to get a look at but it was my sweet, innocent, and perfect Light!"

"Sweet and Innocent?" L parroted. "Wait! Steal him? From you? As in-"

"Yes, you want him for yourself, you sick pervert!"

"I'm in no way interested in Light Yagami in that sense. Also, I'm no pervert. I'm a sexual behaviorist, there is a difference," L stated while peeling Misa's body away from his.

"Not really," Usagi shrugged.

L sent her a scathing look while turning his gaze back towards the still fuming Misa, "Where did you get the idea that I wanted Light?"

Misa turned to where Usagi had been, but found her to no longer be there. L and Light both began to look around in wonder, trying to figure out where the mysterious blond had disappeared to. They were not able to find her.

She did not return until later that night. By that time, Light and L had managed to calm Misa down, but Usagi would have none of that. Once she had Misa alone, she provided the 'proof' to the L wanting Light accusation.

Misa's scream of horror was heard throughout Japan as her eyes landed on the photo of L and Light in a compromising condition. Their lips were just inches apart and it looked as if Light was the one who instigated the entire thing. Little did she know, Usagi had been spending her time working on her Photoshop skills lately.

But, Misa didn't need to know that….

While Misa ran off to chew L out and demand answers, Usagi spent her time burning away the evidence of her photo tinkering…

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Fin

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This was inspired by SilentReaper. She has a flash of Light asking girls to marry him, then killing them off with the Death Note. When L gets suspicious, Light asks L what he thinks of Marriage. Hehe…XD Oh Tanuki means Raccoon, just so you know...

Sesshy

PS: I'd love some love for this story, but I don't really think it deserves any. I think it's a crazy crack fic with no hope, but you might think differently. Either way, I got this out of my head and now I'm going to work on My Promise. I hate that it only had 4 reviews, but oh well.