DISCLAIMER: I've written this purely for my own and my readers' entertainment. I make no money whatsoever and I don't own anything (apart from the plot and my student debts, and you're more than welcome to take the latter if you so wish).

A/N: My thanks to Gaia caecilia who not only gave me the embryonic versions of the jokes used (go to her if you want good ideas), but also kindly beta'd my story.

A/N 2: No flames, if you please – they would singe my cat's whiskers!

TANGLED WEBS

What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.

CHAPTER 1 – A DAY OF COLOUR & DISASTER

It was early morning and the peace of Imladris was suddenly shattered by a strangled cry that, oddly or indeed, worryingly, came from the rooms of the twice-born Balrog-slayer. Glorfindel was not known for his timidity.

Elrond – still clad in his nightshirt and dressing gown – rushed to his friend's aid, convinced that lives were at stake. He was followed closely by his chief-councillor.

The two black haired Elves burst into Glorfindel's room only to stop dead in their tracks. Glorfindel was standing in the middle of the room, naked as the day he was born, staring in utter shock and horror at his arms, which were, like the rest of his body, a bright primrose-yellow.

The relief, combined with the sight in front of them, sent both Elrond and Erestor into peals of laughter. Naturally, Glorfindel was not in the same frame of mind. He flushed to the points of his ears, the colour of which only deepened when he noticed the gaggle of giggling maids gathered in the doorway. He hastened to cover his nakedness with a convenient pillow from the sofa while Elrond took pity on his friend and closed the door firmly.

"What have you done to yourself, my friend?" he asked in an amazingly composed tone.

"Done? Done? I haven't done anything; I simply took my bath, only to get out and find that I was... yellow." The last word was whispered, as if Glorfindel was still in shock – which wasn't surprising, given the circumstances. Glorfindel was also not known for being lax where his appearance was concerned.

An awkward silence followed, broken eventually by Glorfindel himself.

"I'm going to have a bath." Then, with as much dignity as he could muster, Glorfindel strode into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

"Who could have done such a thing?" Erestor asked as he and Elrond made their way back to their own rooms, corridors now mercifully empty. Elrond didn't answer as he was thinking the exact same thing.

A little while later, Glorfindel's loud cry sounded out again, yet again drawing Elrond. Elrond was almost scared of what he would find this time. He found Glorfindel in the bathroom.

"Look at me! Just look at me!" Glorfindel spluttered. There was no wondering at Glorfindel's tone for the yellow colour of his skin had deepened as though a second 'layer' had been added. "How is this happening?"

Elrond considered the bath; it had not been emptied and was still full of bubbly foam, as was Glorfindel's habit. Elrond rolled up his sleeve and gingerly separated the foam from the water. He was confronted with a dark yellow colour. He then looked at the bottle of bath oil and tipped some on to his finger tips. The oil was its usual lemon-yellow colour, but a little rub of his fingers and thumb revealed the truth.

"Your bath oil has been dyed, Glorfindel," he stated simply. "You can use some of mine, if you like."

XXX

Glorfindel didn't turn up for breakfast; neither was he around to begin the daily training of the Imladris Guard. Elrond, now really quite worried for Glorfindel never missed a training session if he could help it, made his way to Glorfindel's rooms and knocked. There was no answer, so Elrond knocked again, only to get the same response.

"Glorfindel? It's Elrond – may I come in?" Elrond tried the door, but it was locked. "Glorfindel, I know you're in there. If you don't let me in, I'll just make use of the secret passage which leads to your bathroom." Elrond smiled when he heard a sigh of resignation and then the door was unlocked; he slipped inside.

Elrond could see immediately why Glorfindel had not yet emerged – all the skin which was not covered by Glorfindel's dressing gown still bore a distinctly yellow tint and it was rather... wrinkled – Glorfindel had evidently lain in the bath to within an inch of his skin's defences.

"It just won't wash off, Elrond, I've tried everything." The tone of Glorfindel's voice helped Elrond to compose himself.

"You can't hide in here forever, Glorfindel. Besides, you look far better than you did earlier and well... Thranduil is expected to arrive today and you know it's tradition for the Captain of the Guard to greet such a party."

"Can't Megíldur, my second-in-command do it?" Glorfindel's voice had taken on a distinctly elfling-like whine and Elrond had had enough of that bringing up his children; he raised an eyebrow. With a certain tone of finality to his voice he answered,

"No, apparently Megíldur's wife went into labour this morning." Seeing Glorfindel's face, Elrond added, "There's no one else, Glorfindel."

Nothing but deep affection for Elrond could make Glorfindel agree to such a scheme. Accordingly, a very dignified looking Glorfindel could be seen walking over to the stables. It was only the clench of his jaw and the steely glint in his eye that made people hold in their giggles.

Unfortunately, the party from Mirkwood wasn't quite so polite and Glorfindel had to endure many sniggers on the ride back towards the Last Homely House, especially after comments about him now truly being a 'golden lord' began to circulate. At least Thranduil had the decency to keep his amusement to himself – unless you counted the twinkle in his eye and mischievous quirk to his lips.

Thranduil and his party had arrived in time for the afternoon meal so Elrond led his guests to the dining hall. On the way, the group was confronted by a most extraordinary sight: a group of maids determinedly mopping a large blue stain upon the peach coloured floor. The two colours clashed horribly. The maid nearest to them looked up and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry for this, My Lords, but I was cleaning the floor as usual when it started to turn blue. I mopped harder, but the stain only increased. So I went to change the water only to come back and find that the stain had... well... dried. And now it's proving rather difficult to remove."

Elrond gave an exasperated sigh.

"Very well; follow me, everyone." And he led them to the dining hall using the slightly longer route.

Fortunately, this way also afforded some particularly spectacular views of the gardens and Elrond hoped this, combined with the Wood Elves' love of nature, would sufficiently distract his visitors from the problems occurring with the House and its inhabitants.

The plan worked – at least until one of the Mirkwood Elves decided to have some water instead of wine. It came out from the silver jug an especially interesting shade of...

"Orange?" exclaimed the Elf, causing everyone in the vicinity to stare at him momentarily before turning their attention full upon the unfortunate Lord of Imladris. Elrond closed his eyes with an inward sigh of 'why me?' Thranduil, sensing his distress, said lightly,

"That's certainly a remarkable shade of orange, Elrond, but we in Mirkwood prefer water of the clear variety." He then passed the water jug in front of him down the table.

However, the contents of that jug also proved to be similarly coloured, as did all the water jugs at the table.

"Who could be doing this?" Elrond whispered in Glorfindel's ear as he signalled for the jugs to be changed. Glorfindel merely shrugged. "Well, I hope nothing else turns up a different colour to what it's supposed to be."

The Valar, however, didn't seem to be smiling upon the hapless Elf-lord for when Erestor produced his parchment box for taking notes during the afternoon's meeting with Thranduil and his councillors and opened it, the normally quiet and collected advisor gave an unmistakable gasp of horror. When Elrond looked, he saw that every single leaf of parchment had been dyed, and the original beige colour of the parchment evidently hadn't mixed all too well with the dye for it had taken on a dirty sludge-green hue. Erestor was one of the most fastidious Elves Elrond had ever met so he was not in the least surprised when Erestor closed the box with a snap and hissed,

"If I ever find out who's responsible for this, I swear I'm going to ram my qui..." Luckily Erestor noticed that everyone was now staring at him in undisguised fascination and didn't finish venting his spleen. Instead, he pursed his lips and said, quite calmly,

"If you'll excuse me, My Lord, I'll just go and get some fresh parchment." He swept out of the council chamber.

Now if it had been a normal day, Elrond could have laughed it off, but when a fellow ruler came on an important visit, Elrond found himself wishing the ground would swallow him up. At least none of the Wood Elves were around to witness the commotion in the washing room. Someone had managed to sneak in and dye the entire contents of a tub, which just happened to include Elrond's nightshirts, a stinging scarlet colour. Not only that, they had also managed to dye another tub's contents, this time including bed sheets and pillow cases, a very bright shade of purple. Elrond could only accept it resignedly; at any rate, it would generally only himself and Celebrían who would see the former and the latter could easily be kept away from the guest quarters, and both would wash out... eventually... he hoped.

XXX

Maybe the Valar were smiling upon Elrond after all for, after the washing room incident, nothing else turned up an embarrassing or inconvenient colour.

Elrond found that he could actually laugh over the day's events, especially when nursing a goblet of wine with Glorfindel in his study. And the amusement over the original victim of the dying campaign had yet to fully subside.

"I wonder who the perpetrator was," said Glorfindel. "Of course, with so many incidents, it could have been more than one."

"Well, whoever it was, it can't be denied that was certainly a day of colour."

Glorfindel snorted.

"More like a day of disaster, if you ask me." Elrond smiled slightly as his friend studied his yellow-tinted skin. "I'm going to have a bath."

"What another one?"

Elrond didn't get a response.

TBC.