Title: Why's the Rum Gone?

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece nor do I make any money from this.

Pairings: ShanksxSanji

Summary: Sanji and Shanks get drunk together and well damn there goes the neighborhood. AU / ShanksxSanji / Yaoi-ish flavored / Oneshot

Warnings: Naughty language, yaoi-ish flavored.

A/N's: For anyone that does not like my warnings don't read I guess …it's not like I'm forcing you to.

Beta by the ever amazing StarkBlack

Thank you so much Stark-swan! *swoons with hearts in her eyes*

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Dedicated to Psycho Chibbi

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

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Sanji stood at the stove in the kitchen of his home. He shared the place with two roommates to cover the cost. Living in one of the Grand Line Bungalows was a great, but it was a bit pricy. Still the neighborhood made up for it. No crime, quiet, a park across the street, and it was kept clean, no trash in sight.

The blond went on using a wooden spoon to stir the mixture he had in the saucepan before him: marshmallows, chocolate chips, and butter. The mixture was slowly starting to get smooth like the recipe called for. He smiled, ever so pleased with himself, as he worked the wooden spoon in the pan. One of his feet slipped out from the house-shoes he wore, and lifted to scratch at the back of his other leg's calf as he worked. He started to hum a little tune to himself. The girls were going to just love this!

The other day he had been shopping in the city with his two beauties, Nami and Robin, when they happened to by chance come across a gourmet candy shop. They had gone in and tried a few samples, but everything had been so pricy that they left with only some chocolate covered coffee beans for Robin.

That night when he got home it had bugged Sanji terribly. He kept recalling the looks of disappoint on the girls' angel-like faces. So when morning came, Sanji got out all of his cook books and hunted down candy recipes. He had ended up settling for what he was working on now. Chocolate Rum Candies.

Whatever those shitty candy markers at the shop made, he could make ten thousand times better, he assured himself as he lowered his foot down to slip back in his house-shoe. His humming came to a stop as he heard the telephone ring from the other room. He listened as it kept ringing. Sanji's irritation grew. Surely someone else would get it, everyone was home so …

No one did. The telephone kept ringing. Sanji's right curled brow twitched in annoyance. Trying to get someone to answer the phone he called out over his shoulder, "Can someone get that!"

His one visible blue eye stared through the kitchen doorway. He could see clearly to the dining room and living room, but he neither saw nor heard any signs of actions to someone taking up his request. Grumbling he looked back down at the pan he was working with and lifted it off the burner. His other hand twisted the knob on the stove to turn off the heat. Sanji then sat the pan on the back burner and stomped out of the kitchen to go answer the damn phone.

No sooner had Sanji left the kitchen then the back door opened. Luffy stuck his head in from the garden and said, "Hey, Sanji were you just calling for …" but his question died there. He blinked, and looked around seeing no one. He shrugged, and was about to head off when the sweet smell lingering in the air caught his attention.

Luffy slipped in and shut the door behind him as he headed over to the stove following the smell, his nose leading the way. His eyes lighted up at the mixture he saw in the pan, and at once with out even washing his hands, he stuck a finger in the creamy substance only to yank it right back out, due to it still being hot. To nurse the chocolate covered wound he stuck his finger in his mouth, and all thoughts of the pain melted away at the sweet taste exploding on his tongue.

Wanting more, he then used the wooden spoon to help dish the tasty treat into his mouth, and kept dishing it out till there was nothing left to dish out.

"You shitty Marimo, could you not hear the phone ring! Nami could have been in dire need of me!"

"Then you should have answered it right away freak-brow!"

"Oh that's it! I'm kicking your ass! …. Ah! I'm so sorry Nami, my dear, I didn't mean to yell in your delicate ear!"

Luffy froze at hearing Sanji in the other room. He looked to the empty pan. This was not good. Sanji, would be super pissed … but it had all been so good! Luffy scratched the side of his head, he would feel guilty if he just walked away … besides Sanji would known it was him … he always figured it out somehow. His brown eyes then fell on the open cook book on the counter, and all the ingredients still out.

That was it! He could just make more!

At once the young raven-haired man set to work on replacing what he had eaten, of course sneaking a few more bits and pieces of the chocolate and marshmallows now and then as he went. Luffy stirred together the marshmallows, chocolate chips, and butter over the warm burner, and then looked at the cook book to see what was next. "1 and 1/2 teaspoons rum extract," whispered Luffy, as he read out loud. Huh this stuff had rum in it? Luffy had not even been able to taste it! Well he would just have to help Sanji out!

Looking around, he didn't see the rum anywhere, so went to the cabinet and found it. He then headed back over to the stove and poured in a bit. Humm maybe a bit more. He tipped the bottle and poured larger shot in.

"Don't you ever do that again when I'm on the phone with Nami you perverted bastard!"

Luffy jumped at the sound of the voice coming from the living room and fumble the rum bottle. More of the rich liquid guzzled into the mixture. When Luffy finally got a hold on the bottle he found it empty.

Luffy's eyes widened in alarm, and he looked around for something to use to scoop out the liquor, but then heard footsteps coming, so he did the only thing he could … own up to what he did? Not even close! Luffy stirred in the liquor a few quick times, then stuffed the empty rum bottle back in the cabinet and ran out the back door.

Sanji came back into the kitchen then, and back over to the stove. He was about to reach for the pan when he noticed it was back on the front burner, and the burner was turned on! Crap! He could have sworn he had turned it off! At once the cook set to work fussing about over the mixture, working to get it to smooth out, and then went on to finish the project up, so he could go jump in the shower. The girls would be over in about two hours and he wanted to look nice for them.

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Later that day, a little past 10p.m.…

Sanji sat on the park bench across the street from the perfectly lined bungalows, and sighed broken heartedly. He looked into the large plastic container on his lap that held the candies he had made earlier that day.

The girls had come over like they said they would, and he had at once proudly presented them with the candies he had made them, but … they had refused! They had claimed to have had an ice cream binge last night, to make up for not being able to buy candies at the store yesterday. Now they were on a diet, and didn't want any more sweets. They were already having a hard time trying to avoid the chocolate covered coffee beans Robin still had. The guys then had offered to eat the candies, but like hell he would let those shitty bastards eat what he had made for his angels!

So the day had gone on and he had cooked dinner for them all, and after playing some cards, the girls had left. Sanji took a walk, making sure to bring his candies with him so those bastards would not eat them while he was out. He had overheard Usopp plotting with Luffy.

Sanji now stared at the plastic container and sighed yet again.

"Hey there, Sanji."

The blond's head rose up, and looked to the smiling face that was now greeting him. It was Shanks, his landlord. He was an older man, but was still very attractive, even with his handicap. The red head was missing his left arm, and the story behind that was unclear to Sanji, but there were just some things you didn't ask a person.

"Hey, Shanks," Sanji replied back with a forced smile.

Shanks' smile faded a tad at the corners of his mouth, as he took noticed the strain of the cook's smile. "Is everything ok? Toilet not plugged up again is it?"

With a single breath of a chuckle, a true smile came to Sanji's face. He shook his head. "It's just been a long day," he summed up generically.

"I see," Shanks replied. He could see how the kid could maybe use a friend right now, so with his one arm he motioned to the extra room on the bench. "Mind if I join you?"

At the topic change, Sanji scooted over at once to one side and nodded, "Yeah sure."

Shanks took a seat, and crossed an ankle over a knee, as he got himself comfortable on the wooden bench. Figuring he would work the kid into talking he tried an opener he knew Sanji never shut up about.

"So what do you have there? Another of your masterpieces you brought home from work?" Shanks asked.

Sanji frowned and looked down at the plastic container yet again. "No, this is just something I made at home today." His frown deepened as he added. "Some candy."

Shank's smile never left the cook as he realized he had found what was bugging the kid already. "Mind if I try one?" he asked.

Sanji looked up at Shanks in surprise, but then looked back down to the container and nodded, "Sure." It would have been rude to say no to his landlord. He pulled off the lid and held out the large tub, offering Shanks to pick out a piece.

Shanks eyed the treats before him. He raised a hand and let a finger wave about, as he tried to make up his mind on which piece he would settle for. Seeing as how Sanji was letting him try one the candies, he knew the food would be good so he went with rather big piece.

It looked fine, smelled fine … Shanks bit into the piece, and at once was overwhelmed with a sweet, alcoholic flavor. His dark eyes lit up.

"Holly hell these are fantastic!" he cried out. It was the best thing he had ever had in his life! It was like rum—but candy! It was just too amazing for words! Shanks stuffed the rest of the piece in his mouth, fully enjoying it.

Sanji's visible blue eye widened at the enthusiasm and watched Shanks scarf down the rest of the piece of candy.

Not even finished chewing, his mouth still full, Shanks turned to the blond and asked. "Can I have another?"

Sanji nodded. "Have as many as you like." He went on to watch Shanks take a few at a time and proceeded to eat them like they were going out of style. Watching the man got him curious, he had not even tasted them himself yet. So Sanji reached down and picked one up, tried it, and nearly choked. Man that was a strong alcoholic flavor! A real kick!

Shanks laughed,. "Don't tell me this is your first time trying them … you made them after all, right?"

Sanji straightened himself in his seat. "Well, yes, I made them … but I didn't try them. I was kinda too much in a hurry to give them away to Nami and Robin."

"Eh! Oh man! I'm sorry, I'm eating their food!" Shanks exclaimed, wondering if he should put the rest of the handful he had back.

Sanji waved a hand. "It's fine, they didn't want them," he said as casually as he could, but the hurt in his voice was still clear.

Shanks smiled, now seeing the full problem, "Well then, they don't know what they're missing! 'Cause these are amazing!" His smile widened and he ate another piece.

Sanji smiled back at the man and put the rest of the candy he had picked up in his mouth. He ate it, strong alcohol flavor and all. Yeah, he boasted to himself, they were pretty good.

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One hour later …

"HAHAHA! You're so right, Shanks! I can totally see Zoro wearing that!" cackled the blond.

Sanji was feeling tons better now. He had not felt this great since last New Years Eve when he had one to many glasses of champagne. Not that he was drunk now or anything, which would be silly. Maybe just drunk on life, and the good mood Shanks seemed to set.

"Ahh Shanks is so great!" he said out loud, meaning to only think it.

"Eh? You really think so?" Shanks asked with a bright smile.

Sanji blinked, realizing he had just said that out loud, but oh well. "Yeah!" he cheered.

"All right!" Shanks cheered right back laughing, as he punched his one fist in the air. He had not felt this good since … well last night when he got hammered with Mihawk.

"Hey!" Shanks turned to the young blond and pointed at the candy. "What's this stuff called anyways?"

Sanji had to pause for a moment and think about it. His head being rather fuzzy in the thought process area at this time. "AH! Chocolate Rum Candies!" he remembered.

"Ha-ah! I thought I tasted a dash of run in there!" laughed Shanks.

Sanji blinked with wide eyes, as amazement shined over his face. Shanks really had a knack for picking out flavors in food! Not like his shitty roommates, or some other friends who just crammed their mouths with whatever he made and didn't take the time to taste it.

Shanks wiggled in his seat finding it hard now to sit still. "Rum, rum, rum in my tum, tum, tum," he started to sing as he picked up another of the few remaining candies. "Woah! They are almost gone!" he cried out in alarm.

Sanji gasped, looking into the large tub. "Mmm so they are," he hiccupped, with a silly smile on his face. "Don't worry I can make more ... I'm going to be the world's greatest chief you know!"

"Ha-ha! I believe it!" Shanks paused for a moment trying to figure out why that saying sounded familiar, but shrugged it off, and went on to praise the kid. "With food like this, you'll be such in no time!"

Sanji swooned from the compassionate praise, and wiggled in his seat as he picked up another candy. "Ahhh Shanks, is so kind!"

"Ha-ha you really think so?" Shanks asked.

"Of course! Everyone with good hair is kind!" Sanji replied, matter of fact as he munched on the candy that was currently making his cheeks puff up out.

"Woah … you're right! I never even thought of that, but it's like the hair's shininess is a reflection of it," replied Shanks, ever so mystified by this grand and ever so wide insight.

Sanji, with a candy in hand, pointed to Shanks' hair. "And as you can see yours is very shiny like mine!" he waved his hand. But for some odd reason his aim was off, and he ended up getting the candy all in Shank's hair. "Woopsie! Hehehe," the blond giggled.

"Eh! … HA! I'm a reflection of Rum Candy! Helz yeah!" cheered Shanks, only to pause and blink. "Hey what are you doing?" he asked as Sanji started to climb into his lap.

Sanji paused and looked down at the red head, who now had a large wad of candy stuck in his hair from Sanji's attempts to fix it. "I'm going to eat it so it does not go to waste," he explained, as if it was the most reasonable thing in the world.

"Oh … alright then carry on!" Shanks smiled. "Can't be having that good stuff going to waste, now can we!"

Sanji smiled, and swung a leg over to straddle Shanks' lap. He really was so amazing, understanding the deep importance of food! "Mrgh mmhp …" mumbled Sanji with a big chunk of Shanks' hair in his mouth, trying to tell Shanks it still tasted good.

With the blond so much in Shanks lap, all he was able to see was Sanji's light baby blue button up shirt. Not really having anywhere to put his hand he reached up, thinking it an amusing idea, and poked a button that was coming updone on the shirt. His finger however slipped off course, in-between the shirt's small opening, and he ended up pressing the finger right against Sanji's bare chest.

The redhead blinked a few times, then wiggles his finger over that chiseled silk-like surface.

Sanji giggled, and looked down at Shanks as the man's hair stringed from his mouth. The blond frowned wondering what reason Shanks has for undoing his shirt, but soon enough he got his answer, as his shirt was fully opened and wide. Shanks put his face to Sanji's chest and rubbed against it. Some of Shanks' facial stubble causing friction over one of the blond's sensitive pink nipples.

Sanji bit down on his bottom lip, as his cheeks tinted and he tried to fight back a moan but lost rather pathetically.

"Mmm… sooo smooth! You're like a baby's ass!" applauded Shanks.

Sanji could only whimper in reply as his nipple was abused more. The blond shifted in Shanks' lap, trying to shift his body some, but this was only making him grind into the man's lap now.

"Eh, is something wrong, Sanji?" Shanks asked.

Sanji blushed deeper. "You're just making things hard … to eat the candy from your hair," he quickly added. He started to lick at the red hair before him, very enthusiastically, putting his whole head into it as his tongue drew out the actions, making the silky strands wet. They lifted up into the air, only to fall back in place until they would get picked up again by that talented tongue.

"Hehehe, well you making it hard too." Shanks rubbed his face more into that warm, soft skin before him. "You feel so good." Even though he was enjoying this feel of Sanji's body, another desire was tugging more at him. He wanted to feel the kid's lips on his own. Taste that tongue he kept feeling in his hair. Being the man of action he was, he lifted his hand and pulled on Sanji's shoulder to get the blond to look down at him.

Sanji pulled his face back from the hair and blinked in confusion, only to have it cleared up right away. That look in the man's dark eyes spoke in volumes of what he was thinking about, and it made Sanji's hips shift to be trapped in that intense gaze. Slowly, he felt himself bending to the older man's will and leaning his head down as a cool night's breeze blew over him. His shirt slid down off one pale shoulder.

Shanks slipped his hand down the blond's arm, and then up the back of the kid's shirt. His hungry mouth opened as the blond's came closer to his. He was able to smell the sweet candies on the kid's breath, making him want those tempting lips all the more. Slowly he ran his short nails up along Sanji's spin, and then down, pushing his fingers under the waistband of the black slacks Sanji had on.

Sanji held tightly to the older man's shoulders as he inched his head down slower, closer, having to pause a few times due to the gasps pulled out of him by the feel of Shanks' teasing hand on his back. Still, even with all the pauses, he finally got his lips just an inch from Shanks'. So close now that even though their lips were not touching it felt like they were anyways.

Suddenly a bright light shined down on them, "Hey what do you two think your doing!" barked out a gruff voice.

Shanks' eyes widened, and he jerked his head to the side to see a cop car had pulled up to the curb of the street. The local cop that patrolled the area at night had gotten out of his car and was now walking towards them shinning a flashlight.

Sanji looked back over a bare shoulder and smiled. "Hey, Officer Smoker! How is Ace?" he cried out ever so cheerfully, his mind seeming to just now skip over many things.

Smoker frowned at the loud greeting, and chose not to answer. Instead, he growled. "Are you drunk?"

Oh crap, not this again. The last time this kid had gotten drunk at some New Years Eve party, it had taken him, Ace, Luffy and Hina to get him off the roof. Not for something emotional suicide jump attempt or anything mind you, but for trying to install a toilet up there as he sang out show tunes.

"Ha-ha! It's Smoker!" the redhead finally figuring out why the face looked familiar. "Humm Smmmoooookeerrrr," he said, playing with the name.

This got Sanji laughing wildly, and he lay his head to Shank's shoulder. He felt like his sides were going to pop.

Smoker's right eye gave a bit of an involuntary twitch. "Right, that's it, you both are going to have to come with me." There was no way he could let this slide: drunk in public and practically screwing on a park bench.

Shanks face went serious then. "You're taking us in?"

"Of course I am!" fumed Smoker.

With out warning, Shanks got up, still holding Sanji to him. "Then you will have to catch us first, copper!" he laughed, all seriousness vanishing, as if it had never been there before.

As Shanks took off running Smoker hurried after the man, grumbling in frustration that he should have seen that coming from Shanks.

"Wait, wait!" Sanji cried in alarm. "The candies! We can't leave them!" Of all the things he could have said to Shanks to be worried about, that reached the top of his list.

"Oh damn your right!" Shanks skidded in the green grass and bumped into a trash bin. He knocked the bin over, spilling trash all over the place, and went running back towards the bench. However this lead them right into Officer Smoker with crashing results.

They all ended up on the ground seeing stars.

It was Shanks who was the first be out of the daze from the fall, and he laughed out wildly.

"Smmmoooookeerrrr … ha-ha smoke her! Get it!"

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The next morning …

Luffy sat at the kitchen table shoveling cereal to his mouth. His brother, Ace, had come over for breakfast. Sundays were always a big breakfast day, with Sanji whipping up home made stuff from scratch, but the blond had been missing this morning. Neither Zoro nor Luffy could remember him coming back from his walk last night.

Zoro shuffled into the kitchen yawning, got himself a coffee cup, and poured himself some of the freshly made, black brew. He could not do many things in the kitchen, but it was easy to get a pot of coffee going. He then went over to the cabinet and got out the rum to add a little kick to his coffee. But as he took the bottle from the cabinet he found it empty. "What the hell!"

Ace then came running into the kitchen. "Guys there is a voice mail on your answering machine of Smoker saying he picked Sanji up last night for being drunk!"

Luffy froze, his mouth wide open having been just about to take another large spoonful of cereal. Crap! Sanji had taken those candies with him and he was such a lightweight drinker anyways. Given there had been a whole bottle of rum dumped in there that, surly could make anyone drunk … well maybe not Zoro, but still.

With Ace's statement and the way Luffy froze up, Zoro grew suspicious. He jiggled the empty bottle of rum. "Luffy …" he said in a stern tone. "Why's the rum gone?"

Luffy eyes widened, and booked it from the table. If they were going to pin this on him, they were going to have to catch him first!

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A/N's: To make up for this being a day late you should all go read some of Psycho Chibbi's stories and review them cause they are amazing just like her!

Lolly: So yeah it probably would not really work out like this if you poured in a bottle of rum into the recipe, but for this AU it did hehe.

Stark: Actually, you have to cook something for a good three hours to eradicate virtually all traces of alcohol. And some cooking methods are less effective at removing alcohol than just letting it stand out uncovered overnight. When alcohol is added to a simmering or boiling sauce and then taken off the heat, 85% of the alcohol is retained. Hm… can you tell I'm a cook? :D

Lolly: Good fact to know! Thanks once again Stark-swan! *swoons*

For anyone wishing to make the candy Sanji (tried) to make, here is the recipe.

~ Chocolate Rum Candies ~

Ingredients:

~ 3 cups miniature marshmallows

~ 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

~ 1/3 cup butter

~ 2 cups quick oats

~ 1 1/2 teaspoons rum extract

~ 1/4 cup finely chopped pecans

Preparation:

In a saucepan over low heat, melt marshmallows, chocolate chips, and butter together, stirring frequently until smooth. Stir in oats and rum extract. Spread in a buttered 8-inch square pan. Sprinkle with chopped nuts. Chill to set; cut into squares. Store in a covered container in a cool, dry place.