*A/N* This episode directly parodies book #1

Remember, please, I used to be a huge fan of the Animorphs, and I wrote this at that time. I was merely in a silly mood and there seemed a lot that I could parody!

The Kitchenmorphs #1 --- "The Invasion (We think)"

My name is Jack. I can't tell you more than that. If I did, the Jerks would come and tickle me.

It all started when my best friend Marcus and I were hanging out at the coffee shop. We were having a competition to see who could eat the most fries before throwing up. My cousin Rochelle and her hot babe of a best friend Casey were watching us and laughing their heads off.

We began to walk home together, because coincidentally we all lived pretty close to one another. On the way we bumped into Toby, a wimp I had rescued from a bunch of bullies when they were threatening to pull his pants down at school. Naturally, being the macho leader type that I am, I couldn't let the poor guy suffer, so I calmly and casually beat the crap out of his offenders.

We decided that night to cut through the abandoned donut place, something we may always regret.

Toby was walking along, gazing at the sky, when he ran into a pole. As he recovered, he pointed above him and went into hysterical giggles. A purple and pink polka dotted spaceship was landing not far away. A huge blue cow with seven eyes and a sword growing out of his forehead came out.

He fell to the ground laughing. Casey, who was a huge nature nut, ran to him.

"He's hurt!" she cried, and being the morbid and highly curious teenagers that we all are, we decided to crowd around and look.

{You can't help me. I've been tickled by the Jerks.}

"He's talking in my head!" yelled Toby.

{Quiet, Toby. The Jerks are almost here. They are frog-like creatures that climb into the throat of a living thing and control everything except its eating habits.}

"How horrible! What can we do? How do we kill those filthy frogs?" She demanded. Rochelle had always been a little bloodthirsty.

{I am from a race called the Analise. We fight the Jerks. Someday my people will come to Earth...My name is Fang Roar. I have a tool that will be useful to you. Go into my spaceship and bring out the purple running shoe.} Fang Roar directed that last part at me.

I ran into the spaceship and found the shoe. The fumes radiating from it were nothing short of nasty.

{Now, everyone smell it,} Fang Roar directed, holding up the shoe.

"What, are you nuts?" Marcus demanded. "I'm not smelling THAT!"

"Just do what he says," I said, in a no-nonsense voice. Marcus gave me a dirty look but stopped arguing. We all gathered around, inhaled deeply, then staggered backward, gagging.

{Now you have the power to morph anything in a kitchen. Never stay in morph longer than two seconds or you will be stuck until the first of July. Hurry, hide! Spitter 27 is coming!}

We left Fang Roar and hid behind a bush. Toby stayed behind for a moment, and Fang Roar touched his head gently. Toby went flying and landed on his butt beside Rochelle.

"Ouch," he whispered.

A green spaceship shaped like an eggbeater landed, and an Analise stepped out.

{Ha! Prince Fang Roar Sirnanial Shimatal! I, Spitter 27, have the pleasure of now turning into an oven and roasting you alive!}

Spitter 27 did his dirty work, and we all watched in horror. Toby was rolling around on the ground sobbing hysterically. Rochelle smacked him and he calmed down.

A weird looking thing, resembling a slot machine of wheels with two blades coming out of its screen, approached our bush.

"Fang Roar told me that those are the Fork-Unclear," Toby whispered.

"Shh," I said.

The Fork-Unclear came very close. We all stood and ran as fast as we could, and we were way too fast for the stupid slot machine.

The next day I woke late, and hoped it was all a dream, until Toby came into my room.

"It's not a dream, Jack," he said, and he turned into a toaster. {Jack, you have to try this, it's amazing!}

"All right...I've always wanted to be a microwave," I mumbled, still not believing.

{Go to your kitchen and acquire the microwave. You just have to touch it,} Toby explained.

When I returned to my room, Toby was sitting on the floor wearing a long frilly pink nightgown.

"This happens after a morph," he explained. "Your normal clothes disappear and you're left with this. It's a bit of a disadvantage."

I then concentrated hard, and turned into my microwave. As soon as I was in morph I morphed back, remembering Fang Roar's warning about only staying in morph for two seconds.

"How can we do anything if we're only able to stay in morph for two seconds?" I asked Toby.

"Fang Roar told me he'd made a mistake. We can only stay in morph two days. On the first of July we come unstuck for two and a half hours...Then we're stuck again." Toby frowned. "Fang Roar told me some other stuff two...can you arrange a meeting? You're our leader, you know."

I smiled. Me, leader? That sounded about right. "We'll go to Casey's restaurant."

One hour later all of us were in a secluded spot of Casey's restaurant, and Toby was telling us all of what Fang Roar had told him.

"The Jerks' strongest weapon sis something called tickling. They hit you with a gun called a Racon Screem and you laugh until you burst. The Jerks have one weakness. They need to go to the Jerk Jacuzzi every thirty days to soak up Kantdrowna drops. The Kantdrowna is like a cloud that rains on them."

"How do we find the Jerk Jacuzzi?" Rochelle asked.

"We spy. Tomorrow I morph blender, and I'll stay in the school's cafeteria kitchen," I said. Everyone agreed. We all went home.

The next day, I seriously regretted my choice. Blenders are not pleasant things to be. They are used constantly, and are very loud. I was literally giving myself a headache (well I would have if I'd had a head to ache) when two women came in and started talking.

"Spitter 27 says that tomorrow the Kantdrowna will be ready. It's supposed to be under this cafeteria," the first woman said.

"Where's the entrance?" asked the second woman. The first woman went to the closet, opened it and cleared it, and there was a secret door hidden in behind.

Those Jerks! I could have kissed them! They had just shown me exactly what I wanted to know.

That night, we all me outside the school.

"We can call ourselves the Kitchenmorphs," Marcus said.

I tried the word out. Kitchenmorphs. It sounded stupid, but for lack of a better title, it would have to do.

Toby was already morphed into a can opener. I had a very bad feeling, but blamed it on the bean burrito I'd had for lunch.

We were down in the cave, which held the Jerk Jacuzzi, and arguing over what to do next, when I noticed that Casey was missing.

"Where's Casey?" I whispered.

"She said she had to go to the bathroom," Rochelle replied.

I then saw a man leading Casey to the Jacuzzi by the elbow.

"Crap!" I announced. "Everyone to the bar! Morph something useful, then we go and rescue Casey!"

Rochelle morphed a pot of boiling water, Marcus became an electric mixer, Toby stayed the can opener, and I became a steak knife.

We found that we could fly around in morph, so we did just that. I was cutting the guy who had Casey when I saw IT. My brother Tim, and principal Slapband, directing people around the Jerk Jacuzzi.

{NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!} I wailed. I would have gone over, but I had to finish saving Casey first.

She went somewhere safe and morphed into a frying pan.

I desperately tried to save Tim, and everyone helped. Rochelle poured boiling water in people's faces, Casey hit people, and Toby and Marcus cut people. I chopped continuously, but it was no use.

Spitter 27 then decided it was a good time to make an appearance. I began to loathe that guy's timing.

{So, some Analise escaped! Well, not for long. I picked up this morph on a kitchen planet called Soupy. Do you like it?}

Spitter 27 morphed into what looked like an over sized microwave with a large spout growing out of the side. Fire shot from that spout.

He thinks we're Analise, I thought numbly.

{We have to run!} yelled Casey.

{But Tiiiiiiim!} I yelled back.

{Someday we'll help Tim, but right now we have to leave!} Rochelle said, and they all dragged me away.

We flew to a safe place and demorphed. Only then did we realize that Toby was missing. We walked up and down the streets, risking being seen in our frilly pink nightgowns, and called his name. (Please, do NOT try and get a mental image right now) He wasn't anywhere to be found. A sense of dread crept through my mind as we went slowly home.

Three days later, there was a loud bang at my window. I almost messed my pants until I went to it and discovered Toby the can opener floating outside.

{Hi, Jack.}

"Toby! You're okay. You can morph back now, you're safe!" Even as I said it, I knew.

{I can't, Jack. I've tried.}

I looked at the can opener that was now my friend Toby. "No," I whispered, and I began to cry. I cried for forty minutes.

{Jack,} Toby said. {Please stop bawling. It's not so bad...}

"You're a can opener!"

{Jack, there's nothing we can do. On the first of July I'll be human for two and a half hours...at least that's something.}

I nodded, wiped the tears from my eyes, and blew my nose on my sleeve.

That's how five semi-normal teenagers became the Kitchenmorphs. So now you know. Remember, together we can kick the slimy Jerks' butts.

The Jerks are among us.