Somewhere in black & white cartoon land, on a ship on the ocean, Popeye the Sailor Man was just arriving on Cap'n Bluto's boat to take him down and rescue his fair maiden Olive Oyl. He hopped up from the bow and walked oddly around the ship until he saw Cap'n Bluto slide down from a rope, leaving Olive up in the crow's nest.

"Welcome to the ship, old nemesis of mine!" Bluto heartily said as he unsheathed his sword. "Any last words before I gut ya?"

Popeye thought for a second, then raised his oddly shaped arms. "I yam what I yam, ya bastard!"

"Them's fightin' words!"

Bluto swung his sword with all his might, but Popeye stepped out of the way and laughed at his slowness, that was until Bluto punched him and sent Popeye rolling into a barrel of fish. Then suddenly, Popeye's arm reached out and in it...A CAN OF SPINACH! He squeezed it open and poured it down his emerging pipe.

"Awww...shit..." Bluto muttered, realizing damn well what was going to happen.

Popeye leapt up from the barrel and blew fire out of his pipe. He ran as fast as he could towards Bluto...

But Iron Man landed between them and quickly blasted Bluto away himself. "I am Iron Man, and-" WHACK! Iron Man was sent flying through a door via Popeye instead. "Oh hell no..." Iron Man said as he sat up. "Jarvis."

"Yes, sir?" Jarvis asked.

"Emergency beer me." A can of beer popped up from a shoulder hatch where usually a missile would be. Iron Man took it and squeezed it open himself. The beer shot up, and Iron Man opened his face mask and swallowed it all in one shot, then lowered the mask back down. "It's go time." He flexed his muscles, which grew cartoonly large as he did, then back to normal.

Iron Man flew towards Popeye and the two began to...slap each other like little girls rather than have an epic battle. Eventually the two ran out of energy and they retreated back to their corners like boxers. That fat hamburger dude fed Popeye some more spinach in his corner, and Fred Fredburger poured alcohol down Tony's throat in his corner. A bell rang out of nowhere and the two resumed sissy slapping.

After another minute of that Iron Man stepped away. "Wait...what am I doing." He blasted Popeye into the sky and laughed. "Should've thought of that paragraphs ago! And why?"

Iron Man started to do a little jig on the deck, and the other pirates joined in slowly.

I am Iron Man,

I am Iron Man.

I'm strong 'till the finish,

But I don't eat fuckin' spinich

I am Iron-Beer-Drinking Man!

Iron Man let out two quick belches as the song finished and then pulled a giant bomb out of nowhere. "Bye fools!" He grabbed Fred and flew off into the distance as the ship kersploded.

"YES!"