I'm a little insane, just in case no one has noticed yet. I'm not sure who or what to blame for this little oneshot, but here it is none-the-less. It's a bit odd, and I know technically it's relating to a toy for the wrong gender, but I couldn't help myself playing with the play-on-words.

As always the idea was mine (sorry) and the characters belong to square enix (I love them so much) and I hope you enjoy.

Last chance to turn back. It's not explicit or offensive (I hope) but is rated M for a reason people, remember that.

Rabbit

Cloud wasn't the most talkative of people, hell, sometimes he barley said a word even when ordered too. But right now, he really couldn't find the breath to speak, let alone give a decent response. Even if he'd know what to say.

Big blue eyes clearly revealed the young cadet's shock of the situation, bright pink cheeks showing the embarrassment he was quickly developing at what had been presented. Yet still, even with the mounting tension forming within him the cute blonde couldn't find his voice to speak. Not even to stammer out the questions which now ran wildly through his head.

"Well?" Zack asked, his handsome face practically split in two by the grin currently plastered on it. "What do you think?"

Cloud blinked slowly once, then twice, and then looked back down at the box in his hands. The contents no longer a surprise, or at least no longer unknown, but still raising all manor of questions within him.

"What … is it?" The cadet asked, his voice barley a whisper as he forced the question out.

"It's a rabbit silly." The soldier beamed joyfully, his wondrous violet eyes virtually a light source of their own as they began to shine brightly.

There was no denying the awkward twitch which worked its way through the blonde's body at that response, a single blonde eyebrow quirking up in uncertainty of the answer even as pale pink kissable lips drew out into a forced polite but clearly confused small smile.

"A … rabbit?" Cloud repeated nervously, that soft voice of his obviously hesitant to get confirmation of what he'd already heard only a moment ago.

"Yep. A Rampant Rabbit." Zack stated proudly, with way more cheer than the cadet was comfortable with.

Once again crystal clear, and thoroughly confused, sapphire orbs looked down at the contents within the box currently being held and tried to work out if anything of what was being said made sense. Clearly the item in the box was not a rabbit, at least not one that Cloud was familiar with. For a start, it wasn't cute and fluffy like a bunny was supposed to be. It didn't have a small pink nose, although it was technically pink, and there most certainly wasn't a little white cotton bob tail at the end. And ok, so it did have ears, sort of, but there was no way they were rabbit ones. No way.

Thoughts then of the soldier's sense of humour came to mind, memories of teasing and playful games about such things adding themselves to the whirlwind of thoughts within his head. Maybe this was Zack's idea of a joke, a comical twist of some kind, like his story about touch-me-frogs. Because seriously, there was no way a frog could do that to you. Or could it? After all, Gongaga was a strange place. No stranger than Nibelheim mind you, the cadet mused, but still frogs that could do that were …

"Do you like it?"

The question instantly snapped Cloud's wandering thoughts out of his side tracking and back into their original spin again because, well, he just didn't know how to answer. He couldn't be rude and say he hated it, even if it was starting to freak him out, because then Zack would be sad. Also his mother had taught him to never be rude when someone gave you a gift. After all, it was the thought that counted right? And Gaia, what had Zack been thinking when he got this? Anyway, that was beside the point. It didn't matter if you didn't like what you were given, you were polite and always said thank you. Even if you had every intention of getting rid of it the moment you could. Gifts were rare, or, at least, they were for him. And each one was to be cherished for the feelings behind it being given, whatever it was, or so his mother had always said.

And maybe that was the problem here, that the feelings behind this particular gift were anything but innocent. And why the hell was Zack now looking positively beside himself with joy at how things were going?

"It's … uummm … it's …" Cloud began to stutter self-consciously, his voice notably cracking as he tried to find the right thing to say. His face warming to an unbearable level as those vibrant lavender spheres continued to watch him fidget on the spot.

"It's …" The soldier probed encouragingly, his broad smile breaking into a dazzling grin as he took in the sight of rose petal coloured features darkening even more. The colour already spread over every visible bit of previously pale skin and undoubtedly extending its reach far below the cadet's adorable blue uniform as well.

"It's … I'm … surprised." The blonde managed at last, a quick breath being drawn in to fill his oxygen starved lungs and in some way help with the light-headedness now consuming him.

"You said you wanted a rabbit, didn't you?"

Cloud had to swallow hard before he could speak again, his next breath having caught in his throat somewhere as the words were processed by his endlessly spinning mind. Yes he'd said he wanted a rabbit, but as a pet not … this. Also, it had been a rhetorical answer to an earlier question, one which wasn't supposed to be acted upon. After all, who would have thought the soldier was being serious when they'd had that discussion. Or that he'd actually act on it in some way. They were in the army for Gaia's sake. When someone casually asked you if you ever had a pet, or wanted one, you generally answered it without having to worry about what would happen afterwards. And you certainly shouldn't have to worry about the person you admitted your childhood wish too acting on it in such a … perverted way. Bunnies were cute and cuddly damn it, not … like this.

"Yes, but …" The cadet tried to explain, his thoughts once again spiralling out of control and panic taking over as he saw those loving amethyst eyes begin to fill with worry. "I … I didn't …"

Gaia, how was he supposed to justify his feelings about this? What was he suppose to say so that it wouldn't upset Zack? Where the hell was he going to put this so that no one else saw it … ever?

"You don't like it." The solider sighed. And spirits above, it was such a hurt sound. One filled with disappointment and regret. "Sorry. I didn't realise it would upset you this much. I guess I should have known better."

"No it's .." Cloud was quick to interrupt, that was until words failed him again.

For a moment neither spoke as one waited patiently for what was to follow and the other shifted restlessly on the spot trying to dig the very words needed from the ground with the toe of one brown boot covered foot.

"It's … not … what I … expected."

This time it was Zack's turn to find himself unsure what to say, the clearly uncertain blonde in front of him still blushing from root to tip, and probably right down to his toes, as they spoke. The sight quickly letting the soldier know that the gift really hadn't gone over as well as he'd hoped. The joking play on words he'd been inspired by, and possible fun to come from it later, clearly not about to happen anytime soon. But Gaia he would be lying if he said that seeing the cadet looking all flushed like that wasn't making something inside him feel all warm and fuzzy, and a little inappropriate given where they were currently standing, though he knew now was definitely not the time to act on it with either words or actions.

"It's ok." Zack reassured gently, his strong calloused hand already reaching up to cup a dipped chin and lift emotion filled sky blue eyes to meet his own concerned ones once more. "I should have remembered how sensitive you are about this kind of thing. It was a bad joke and I'm sorry."

"It's not really a rabbit? Is it?" Cloud mumbled hesitantly, a genuinely curious expression now visible on his angelic features.

"According to Ann Summers it is." The soldier tried to tease to lighten the mood. His effort falling flat as those beautiful blue eyes closed in what appeared to be humiliation of it all.

"Spiky? Cloud?" Zack called lightly, his sword calloused hands now running up and down along the cadet's arms in an attempt to sooth frayed nerves and undo the damage which had been done. "Talk to me. Please."

"I think…" The blonde began nervously, his words taking a pregnant pause as a row of small white teeth bit down uncertainly on a soft pink bottom lip.

"You think…" The soldier encouraged gently, his heart skipping a beat as those previously storm filled sapphire eyes opened to look at him once more and show the determination now being felt within.

"I think Ann Summers needs her eyes tested, because it doesn't look anything like a rabbit to me." Cloud stated simply, much to Zack's surprise. The cadet's somewhat naïve and innocent response, with its odd mix of knowing and now understanding, being the last thing the soldier was expecting to hear. Especially after the array of emotions he'd just witnessed pass through his young lover, none of which had showed any positive sign of the gift being accepted in this way.

"I'll be sure to let her know." Zack choked out, unable to hold back an amused and slightly relieved chuckle as he spoke.

"You do that." Cloud managed semi-seriously as he closed the box again, the blonde now showing a tiny shy smile himself as they turned and headed towards home together. Their new, and rather unconventional, pet tucked safely and securely under his arm as they walked. The intention to get rid of it still there in the back of his mind, but the curiosity of what it might be like to play with their unusual rabbit slowly growing within him with every step they took.