Disclaimer: Bioware owns Joker, and I don't. Unfortunately.

Prologue

This was probably the worst night of his life. His hands covered his face in frustration and exhaustion. Under his watch, the crew had been taken by the Collectors... on top of that, when Shepard approached him to see if he was alright, he snapped at her! He apologized afterwards of course, but the look on her face was…

"AH! Godammit!" Frustration was overcoming him.

On days like this, space looked empty, boring… cold. Space meant nothing to him on days like this. It reminded him of the two years after…

A shudder escaped him as memories poured into his head.

He knew the crew was missing and he knew the Collectors would pay, Shepard would make them pay and that made him feel better. But there was a growing feeling at the pit of his stomach, one that had been bothering him for a while ever since he saw that face as she walked away from him… it was the same face she had when she came back from Horizon, somber, pained...

He heard steps approaching the cockpit, light and heeled…

"Hey Miranda what's goin' on?" He asked, without looking back, discarding his thoughts.

"How long before we reach the relay?" She asked, looking forward.

"Still a few hours to go. Why?"

"So I can report to Shepard. She asked if I could come, said you were upset so she didn't want to bother you." She replied curtly.

So she sends you to bother me instead? Great! "Why couldn't she come herself?" He asked as his chair turned to face her, annoyance rang clear in his tone.

"Do I look like a mind reader to you Joker?" She snapped in her accented voice. "I don't know… I'm just doing my job, now if you'll excuse me." Nodding, she turned and walked away.

"Bitch." He mumbled under his breath.

He went back to his panels and his thoughts, furious with himself. When she died, he realized what he had lost, he knew that. He lost his commander, and a good friend, and it pained him to lose her. But he had lost people before, so what made her so special? Those two years she had been gone were hell for him… her death haunted his dreams. Why?

He sighed exasperatingly, removing his hat to scratch his head and then put it back on.

Random memories of his journey after Saren with Shepard and the old crew seemed to cheer him up some. The times she came by the bridge, just wanting to talk, he would snap at her as well, but it didn't bother him then, so why now? Was he treating her nicer because he felt guilty about her death? No. Shepard would have laid her life down to protect any one of them, that was for sure… it could have been anybody on that bridge.

Then why in the hell couldn't he get that face out of his mind! Why the fuck would he care how she was feeling because of him!

"GAH! THIS is why I prefer ships rather than people!" His hands fell to his side in a flustered movement. "Ships can't talk, laugh, cry, or get angry!"

"Jeff." EDI spoke up.

"Of course I get the one with a mouth! Just my luck!" He whined. "What is it EDI?"

"If something is bothering you, I suggest talking it over with someone." The blue orb lit up as the monotone voice spoke to him.

"EDI, the one thing I don't need right now is advice from an AI pretending to be my mother. I'll be fine, I just- time, gimme some time, alright?"

The panels in front of him suddenly shut down.

"What the hell! EDI, come on! This is ridiculous…" he crossed his arms and pouted.

"Logging you out." The orb disappeared.

He growled angrily as he stood up. "You stupid AI! I swear! If I didn't know any better, I would overload you back to whatever hell you came from!"

EDI did not respond. Luckily, the CIC was empty, otherwise, that would have been very embarrassing… he looked around. He would have much rather been embarrassed…

He sighed. "Sorry EDI. I didn't- I mean… aw hell! Just, don't crash the ship while I'm gone, alright?"

"Affirmative."

His feet unwillingly dragged the insecure helmsman to the elevator…

The holographic picture on her desk stared at her as she typed her last mission reports to Miranda. Legion had been functioning successfully after the last mission. It was at peace with the fact that the heretics had now been "repurposed", and had renewed its determination to help Shepard on her final mission.

She tried to ignore Kaidan's knowing stare… his serious gaze meeting hers. Her brow furrowed, remembering their words on Horizon… and then that message! The nerve!

"'Maybe', he says. Maybe!" She seethed, feeling her anger rising.

In a swift movement, she grabbed the picture and stood up to walk toward the door. Talk about bad timing…

The door opened, revealing a stunned, speechless Jeff Moreau.

"Joker! What are you doing here? " The hand with the picture was held up, aiming for the trash can beside the door. She noticed him staring at it and her arm lowered. Awkward… "I thought…"

His confused face turned into a scowl. God EDI, I hate you… "I should just go then." He said irritably, turning his back to her. Could this situation get any worse?

She frowned. "You haven't answered my question, what are you doing here? I thought you said you needed some time."

He stopped and turned around again while scratching the back of his neck. He did owe her that much…

"I… wanted to apologize again for the way I acted. I didn't mean to snap at you like that and I didn't mean what I said, none of it." He explained.

"Oh… it's fine, don't worry about it." She shrugged it off. "I don't blame you."

"Yeah but-"

"It's fine… Joker, you can relax. I'll get the crew back."

"But-"

"But what?"

"But you looked so…" heartbroken? Miserable? Completely defeated? "Never mind." He finished.

Her eyes softened, and she laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Look, I know how you feel, but right now I need everyone at their best. This isn't going to be easy and I'm counting on you most of all to keep us all alive. The only thing I can do right now I promise you, that I WILL bring back the crew, even if it kills me…" He looked up at her, and as if she had read his mind, she rolled her eyes. "Again."

He sighed. This is so not going the way I planned… who am I kidding! I hadn't planned anything in the first place!

"Alright, Shepard… I-" He looked down at her hand, a hint of aggravation had hit a nerve in his head. "Why are you holding a picture of Alenko?"

She removed her hand from his shoulder and gasped. "Oh this… I was going to throw it out. Figured it was time to move on, you know? It has been two years after all… and it was probably not going anywhere. It was nice while it lasted, but, people change. Kaidan changed, and after all this crap… so did I." She finished with a weak smile and a shrug.

He raised an eyebrow. Throwing the picture in the garbage seemed too subtle for what that prick had said to her on Horizon, it seemed too… nice. That picture deserved a much, much harsher fate.

"Y'know what? I have a better idea." He said, an evil smirk on his lips.

The switch flipped with a click and the neon lights came on almost instantly, uncovering the cargo bay where the shuttle was kept. Silence reigned over the room, their relatively thundering steps interrupting the peace.

Joker was leading the way in, Shepard coming behind him holding the picture in one hand. His evil smirk had grown into a full-blown grin, thinking about what he had in store for that dick Kaidan Alenko. Symbolically, of course…

"I still can't believe you talked me into this." Shepard said between chuckles.

"Hey you're the one who said she wanted that picture gone, so if there's anyone at fault here, it's you." He said, pointing a finger at her.

He walked over to a small air-locked trash chute, opening up the hatch. The chute was empty, but it sure as hell didn't smell empty. The smell of burnt trash made his nose wrinkle as his head yanked back.

"Holy shit!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah, you got that right." Shepard said from behind him, covering her nose with a small smile.

"Says the one who's staying behind me."

"Again, you got that right."

"That's really unfair, I'm the cripple here." He pointed to himself and glared at her, then offered his hand to her. "Come on, time to put Kaidan to rest where he belongs."

She took his hand and stepped closer. Was she… giggling? No way. His eyes scanned her face as the sound left him stupefied. Her green eyes had lit up in a way he had never seen before and suddenly, he felt… flushed. Their hands were still touching…

"Alright, let's do this!" She said, delighted as she put the holograph in the chute and closed the hatch.

There were two red buttons next to the hatch. One read "INCINERATE" and the other "EJECT". She let go of his hand to press the second button, hesitating to look at the picture one last time through the glass. She thought that it would have been harder to let go… a lot harder. The picture in her mind of this moment was a lot different than what was actually happening. In her mind, it was painful, there were tears, there times when she wished she could hear his voice… especially at night.

Instead, she was filled with glee, content with the person she had become, pleased with the companions her mission had brought together and with her best friend no less! She couldn't think of a better place to be.

Shepard smiled, Joker noticed. "Bye Kaidan!"

Her hand pressed down and just like that, the picture was gone. She imagined it floating in deep space and suddenly, she frowned.

Turning back to smirking Joker, she sounded deeply concerned. "You think there's any chance someone might…"

As if he read her mind, he raised an eyebrow. "Naw." They both said in unison.

A few seconds of comfortable silence ensued as they lingered in their respective reflections, Joker being the first to break the silence.

"Well… I should head back before EDI decides she doesn't like humans anymore." He said.

She nodded in agreement sharply. "I'm counting on you to help me kick some Collector ass."

"Aye aye ma'am." He saluted and turned to hobble away.

"And Joker?"

"Yes Commander?"

"Thanks."

"Alright. See ya Commander." He said as he hobbled away, leaving her to her thoughts in the cargo bay.

The elevator ride back to the CIC was… interesting. Feeling his frustration had melted away, he now had this renewed vigor to get out there and just, do what he did best: fly. As he sat slowly back on his leather chair, he sighed, in a hell of a better mood. Shepard seemed so content, so blissful, and that made him happy. He grinned.

An imaginary record scratched in his head as his body stiffened.

Holy shit on a stick! I'm in love with her!