This is my first attempt in doing an actual fic. I already posted a poem
here but it's not the same. Hope you all like it read on.
Disclaimer: It breaks my heart to say this, but none of these characters are mine. They belong to the talented people who created them. Yada, yada, yada.
Now, on with the story.
Title: No Matter What
Everything was quiet and still in and around the Masaki residence. It always was at this time of the night. There was only one soul awake at this late hour, one lonely soul.
Ryoko lay sprawled on the roof. Her eyes were focused on the dark blanket covered with stars up above in the sky. The moon shone brightly over the mountains making her surroundings look almost magical in the night. Like a fairy tale. But she knew better than to believe that. It would all be too easy if everything were to be that way.
She had tried to sleep that night, but she found no rest. Her troubled mind and soul wouldn't allow her any peace. She could hear her heart screaming for a relief, for the incredible weight it held to be lifted and taken away. Before, she could cope with it, it wasn't that bad. She could hold it. She was a strong person. But now, it was becoming so difficult for her not to scream her head off and fly away. Away from everything that troubled her. From all her problems, all her fears, all her weaknesses. The thought of flying away from it all became more appealing to her with each passing day. Going back to the stars, who where watching over her at this moment. She always felt safe up there with them. That was where she belonged. In space, free, without a care in the universe. She always felt better and comforted when she was up there with them. She always felt as if they knew everything about her, as if they knew what she was going threw.
"You guys were always there for me. As you're here for me now" she said softly to the stars. 'My friends' she thought.
"It's been quite a long time since the last time we met up close. I really miss being up there with you. You always made me feel better. Even in my worst times" And it had. She had gone up there last two years ago. She had felt trapped and alone so she took Ryo-oki and flew away. She had never intended to leave. She just wanted be alone for a while. 'Just a few hours' she had thought. But when she returned to earth that day everyone had been happy and relieved to see me back. 'They had actually thought that I had left for good' she thought bitterly. Even Ayeka had looked a little relieved to see that I wasn't gone.
"Ah. Jackpot. Fear number one: Ayeka" she said to the sky, "Why do I fear her? Well, I'm not really scared of her. I'm more scared of what she might take away from me. I know you understand what I mean. I try not to think about it. I tell myself that I have as good of a chance as she does with him. But deep down in my heart, I know I'm lying to myself. And it hurts me to know that I keep on living everyday believing in a lie that I keep telling myself to believe. The worst part is that I don't really blame her. How could I? It's not her fault that I am the way I am. He always tells me to be more serene and gentle. More like her. But I can't be like that. That's not me, that's not the way I am. If I were to be like her, like Ayeka, then I wouldn't be me, Ryoko. And I want him to love me as Ryoko. Maybe that's why I never stood a chance with him. I just wasn't what he wanted. But still, I let that flame of hope burn instead of turn it off. So this is my entire fault. So how can I blame her? I could never do that. I can only hope that she gives him what he needs and what he wants. I just want him to be happy with his choice."
She phased away from where she was laying and appeared on the other side of the roof, next to Tenchi's room window. She took a look inside a watch him. He looked so peaceful. 'Probably dreaming about his princess' she thought bitterly. She turned and sat on the roof a few feet away from his window. At few tears escaped her eyes as she thought about him.
"Oh Tenchi. My dear Tenchi. If you only knew. You tell me to go away and not bother you. You're always scolding me and telling me off. You always ask me to leave you alone. But how could I? I wish you could understand. That you could feel the pain I feel when I'm not with you. Can't you see that I love you, that I care for you, that I worry about you? But you always push me away. You're the only reason I have to stay here, and yet, you're the reason why I want to leave. I don't want your rejection. It kills me every time that you push me away. Every time you look at me that way that makes me stop dead in my tracks and wish I were dead, you rip a part of my already useless heart off. The only thing that could heal it is your love, and yet you refuse to give me what I need. How can I keep on leaving knowing that you despise me? You don't seem to realize how much I gave up for you. I had the universe at my feet. I could be anywhere I would want to be right now; yet, I'm here, sitting a few feet from your window, longing to be up there and not doing it." She said to night, her voice rising in volume, her heart filled with melancholy and anger.
"How can you be so cruel as to make me stay here to rot and suffer because of you rejection!? Can't you see that you're hurting me? You say you love us all the same; yet you treat me the worst! You say you don't want to hurt anyone; yet you do it by not voicing your feelings! And then you expect me to act as if nothing is wrong! You call me selfish for wanting you for myself; well I call you selfish for not thinking about how much you hurt my feelings by not saying yours. And sometimes, when you act as if nothing is going on, as if a soul isn't been crushed by your refusal to love, it makes me wish I could hate you! Oh how I wish I could hate you! Hate you with all my being! At least that way I would be able to leave! I would be able to go away and be on my own without wishing that I were here to be able to see your face and hear your voice!" her voice dropped in volume. She wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her dress, but that wasn't of much help so she let the salty, wet tears find their own way.
"Would you miss me Tenchi? Would you miss me if I ever left? You wish upon the stars every night for me to come back so that you would be able to see my face, to hear my voice, to feel my presence; like I would if I ever left? Would you cry yourself to sleep every night feeling lonely and deceived; like I would? Would you ever miss me at all? Of course you won't. You will have your princess to fill in the void. You will have the woman you love at your side. You'll be too busy loving her to even remember that I'm gone. And I, I will have nothing. Nothing but a shattered heart, a lonely soul and a dead spirit." She shivered at her own words and at the realization that she, indeed, had nothing, no one to go to. She hugged her knees to her chest, feeling completely alone and vulnerable. She lowered her head and sobbed, a small, soft sob that held tons of anguish and pain. It had felt so good to let that one little sob out that she didn't try to fight the wave that followed.
"But no matter what you do or how much I want to hate you" she said, her sobs subsiding, but the tears still coming, "I just can't. I'll never be able to hate you. You mean to mucho to me. And even if you do choose someone else, and even if you did left me alone in the world, I will never hate you. Even though I will be alone, I'll still have my memories of you, and of everything you gave me. You showed me what it was to love. And I will always be eternally grateful to you for that. I will always love you, Tenchi." She said standing up and levitating off the roof.
"No matter what" And with that said, she flew down, on to the soft grass in front of the house and looked up one more time to the stars. She somehow felt better. Her heart felt lighter and her soul less troubled. 'At least it's better than before' she thought giving a mental laugh. A shooting star crossed her field of vision and she smiled knowing that her faithful friends would always be there for her.
"Thanks for listening" she whispered to the night and went inside the house to rest on her rafter.
What she didn't see was the tear streaked face looking out the window that was a few feet from where she had sat a few moments ago, nor she heard the sob that escaped from the person that had been watching her and that had heard her vocalize her feelings. She person silently closed his window and went back to bed. At that moment, a shooting star flew by his window and out into the vast see of darkness of the night sky.
The End (Or is it?)
What did ya think? This was king of a "spur of the moment thing" so please don't flame me. I hoped you liked it. I'm not sure if I should make another chapter or not so please tell me what do you think.
Bye. XOXO
Disclaimer: It breaks my heart to say this, but none of these characters are mine. They belong to the talented people who created them. Yada, yada, yada.
Now, on with the story.
Title: No Matter What
Everything was quiet and still in and around the Masaki residence. It always was at this time of the night. There was only one soul awake at this late hour, one lonely soul.
Ryoko lay sprawled on the roof. Her eyes were focused on the dark blanket covered with stars up above in the sky. The moon shone brightly over the mountains making her surroundings look almost magical in the night. Like a fairy tale. But she knew better than to believe that. It would all be too easy if everything were to be that way.
She had tried to sleep that night, but she found no rest. Her troubled mind and soul wouldn't allow her any peace. She could hear her heart screaming for a relief, for the incredible weight it held to be lifted and taken away. Before, she could cope with it, it wasn't that bad. She could hold it. She was a strong person. But now, it was becoming so difficult for her not to scream her head off and fly away. Away from everything that troubled her. From all her problems, all her fears, all her weaknesses. The thought of flying away from it all became more appealing to her with each passing day. Going back to the stars, who where watching over her at this moment. She always felt safe up there with them. That was where she belonged. In space, free, without a care in the universe. She always felt better and comforted when she was up there with them. She always felt as if they knew everything about her, as if they knew what she was going threw.
"You guys were always there for me. As you're here for me now" she said softly to the stars. 'My friends' she thought.
"It's been quite a long time since the last time we met up close. I really miss being up there with you. You always made me feel better. Even in my worst times" And it had. She had gone up there last two years ago. She had felt trapped and alone so she took Ryo-oki and flew away. She had never intended to leave. She just wanted be alone for a while. 'Just a few hours' she had thought. But when she returned to earth that day everyone had been happy and relieved to see me back. 'They had actually thought that I had left for good' she thought bitterly. Even Ayeka had looked a little relieved to see that I wasn't gone.
"Ah. Jackpot. Fear number one: Ayeka" she said to the sky, "Why do I fear her? Well, I'm not really scared of her. I'm more scared of what she might take away from me. I know you understand what I mean. I try not to think about it. I tell myself that I have as good of a chance as she does with him. But deep down in my heart, I know I'm lying to myself. And it hurts me to know that I keep on living everyday believing in a lie that I keep telling myself to believe. The worst part is that I don't really blame her. How could I? It's not her fault that I am the way I am. He always tells me to be more serene and gentle. More like her. But I can't be like that. That's not me, that's not the way I am. If I were to be like her, like Ayeka, then I wouldn't be me, Ryoko. And I want him to love me as Ryoko. Maybe that's why I never stood a chance with him. I just wasn't what he wanted. But still, I let that flame of hope burn instead of turn it off. So this is my entire fault. So how can I blame her? I could never do that. I can only hope that she gives him what he needs and what he wants. I just want him to be happy with his choice."
She phased away from where she was laying and appeared on the other side of the roof, next to Tenchi's room window. She took a look inside a watch him. He looked so peaceful. 'Probably dreaming about his princess' she thought bitterly. She turned and sat on the roof a few feet away from his window. At few tears escaped her eyes as she thought about him.
"Oh Tenchi. My dear Tenchi. If you only knew. You tell me to go away and not bother you. You're always scolding me and telling me off. You always ask me to leave you alone. But how could I? I wish you could understand. That you could feel the pain I feel when I'm not with you. Can't you see that I love you, that I care for you, that I worry about you? But you always push me away. You're the only reason I have to stay here, and yet, you're the reason why I want to leave. I don't want your rejection. It kills me every time that you push me away. Every time you look at me that way that makes me stop dead in my tracks and wish I were dead, you rip a part of my already useless heart off. The only thing that could heal it is your love, and yet you refuse to give me what I need. How can I keep on leaving knowing that you despise me? You don't seem to realize how much I gave up for you. I had the universe at my feet. I could be anywhere I would want to be right now; yet, I'm here, sitting a few feet from your window, longing to be up there and not doing it." She said to night, her voice rising in volume, her heart filled with melancholy and anger.
"How can you be so cruel as to make me stay here to rot and suffer because of you rejection!? Can't you see that you're hurting me? You say you love us all the same; yet you treat me the worst! You say you don't want to hurt anyone; yet you do it by not voicing your feelings! And then you expect me to act as if nothing is wrong! You call me selfish for wanting you for myself; well I call you selfish for not thinking about how much you hurt my feelings by not saying yours. And sometimes, when you act as if nothing is going on, as if a soul isn't been crushed by your refusal to love, it makes me wish I could hate you! Oh how I wish I could hate you! Hate you with all my being! At least that way I would be able to leave! I would be able to go away and be on my own without wishing that I were here to be able to see your face and hear your voice!" her voice dropped in volume. She wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her dress, but that wasn't of much help so she let the salty, wet tears find their own way.
"Would you miss me Tenchi? Would you miss me if I ever left? You wish upon the stars every night for me to come back so that you would be able to see my face, to hear my voice, to feel my presence; like I would if I ever left? Would you cry yourself to sleep every night feeling lonely and deceived; like I would? Would you ever miss me at all? Of course you won't. You will have your princess to fill in the void. You will have the woman you love at your side. You'll be too busy loving her to even remember that I'm gone. And I, I will have nothing. Nothing but a shattered heart, a lonely soul and a dead spirit." She shivered at her own words and at the realization that she, indeed, had nothing, no one to go to. She hugged her knees to her chest, feeling completely alone and vulnerable. She lowered her head and sobbed, a small, soft sob that held tons of anguish and pain. It had felt so good to let that one little sob out that she didn't try to fight the wave that followed.
"But no matter what you do or how much I want to hate you" she said, her sobs subsiding, but the tears still coming, "I just can't. I'll never be able to hate you. You mean to mucho to me. And even if you do choose someone else, and even if you did left me alone in the world, I will never hate you. Even though I will be alone, I'll still have my memories of you, and of everything you gave me. You showed me what it was to love. And I will always be eternally grateful to you for that. I will always love you, Tenchi." She said standing up and levitating off the roof.
"No matter what" And with that said, she flew down, on to the soft grass in front of the house and looked up one more time to the stars. She somehow felt better. Her heart felt lighter and her soul less troubled. 'At least it's better than before' she thought giving a mental laugh. A shooting star crossed her field of vision and she smiled knowing that her faithful friends would always be there for her.
"Thanks for listening" she whispered to the night and went inside the house to rest on her rafter.
What she didn't see was the tear streaked face looking out the window that was a few feet from where she had sat a few moments ago, nor she heard the sob that escaped from the person that had been watching her and that had heard her vocalize her feelings. She person silently closed his window and went back to bed. At that moment, a shooting star flew by his window and out into the vast see of darkness of the night sky.
The End (Or is it?)
What did ya think? This was king of a "spur of the moment thing" so please don't flame me. I hoped you liked it. I'm not sure if I should make another chapter or not so please tell me what do you think.
Bye. XOXO