romance of an unusual sort.

katniss & peeta & gale & madge

( utter fluff and pure ridiculousness )

:: dedicated to BlackTypeOnAPage & BandiniNordstorm, because they are epic and they make my parodies epic. ::

disclaimer: not mine.

Katniss turned over in her sleep. Peeta smiled as he heard her sigh contentedly. He reached out and played with the small ring on her left hand. Katniss stirred and opened her eyes sleepily.

"Hey," Peeta said, leaning down to give her a peck on the lips.

"Hi," Katniss replied, smiling as she closed her eyes again and sank further into the pillows. Peeta settled back down next to her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Everything was peaceful and happy, until...

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Katniss and Peeta sat bolt upright in bed.

"What was that?" Katniss asked, jumping out of bed and walking to the door.

"I don't know," Peeta said, following suit. They rushed to the front door and opened it to find -

"Gale?" Katniss asked incredulously.

Peeta snickered.

Gale looked up at the couple. His eyes were red and swollen from crying, and it looked as though he had put on a few pounds since Katniss had seen him last. "K-Katniss?"

"What are you doing here?" Katniss asked.

He looked at her. He opened his mouth and wailed, "Why didn't you choose me?"

Katniss looked at Peeta, who looked as though he was trying not to roll around the floor with laughter.

"Because I love Peeta, not you," Katniss said simply.

"But why?" Gale screamed.

"Because you're a loser," Peeta snorted.

Gale cried harder.

"Peeta!" Katniss chided.

Peeta shrugged. "I was just telling the truth. I can't be nice all the time, you know..."

Katniss looked back at Gale. "Gale, I'm married now... you should find somebody else. How about Madge?"

Gale cried even harder. "No!"

"Why?" Katniss asked him, kneeling down next to him. She spoke to him like she would an upset child. Which was exactly how Gale was acting, currently.

"Because she doesn't smell like you!"

"Wait a minute... what does Katniss smell like?" Peeta asked, stepping forward and kneeling next to Katniss.

"Katniss smells like water and Cheez Its!"

"Wait... I smell like what?" Katniss questioned.

Gale ignored her, still sobbing. "And Madge smells like... like... fruitcake! And that stuff is disgusting!"

Peeta snorted. Katniss sent him another hard look. "What?" he asked. "It is."

Katniss rolled her eyes and looked back at Gale. "Gale, try to see sense-"

Katniss was cut off by a loud booming. She and Peeta stood up abruptly, forgetting for a moment about the blubbering Gale still sitting on their doorstep. The booming continued. It sounded like an array of large bass drums and trumpets.

Katniss narrowed her eyes, searching the tree line. Peeta put his hand on her shoulder. Gale sniffled.

Then, they were there...

The vampires.

Katniss gasped. Peeta gasped. Gale gasped.

"Wait a second..." Peeta said. "What are they doing here? They belong in crappy books! With sappy and unrealistic romance!"

Katniss nodded. "They've come to..." she shuddered. "Change us."

Gale sank to his knees, the tears coming again. "No!"

Madge appeared from nowhere. "C'mon! We have to fight!" Peeta walked over, put his face close to Madge's, and inhaled.

"I don't think you smell like fruitcake."

"What?" Madge asked.

"Never mind, we have to kill these vampires!" Katniss said. "Quick! What do we kill them with?"

Peeta put a hand to his chin. "I'm thinking..."

Gale looked up from the floor. His face was still tear-strained, but now there was a determined look in his eyes. "I say we use To Kill a Mockingbird."

Peeta laughed out loud.

Katniss raised a hand to shush him. "Why, Gale?"

"Oh, please," Peeta said. "Don't tell me you're actually considering this."

Madge stamped her foot. "Can we hurry?" She pulled out a massive battle axe. "I'm gonna go try this. Catch up with me whenever you're ready. KEEEYAAAHH!" She yelled as she raced away, swinging the axe above her head.

Katniss turned back to Gale.

"Well," he said quietly. "I think that since they are used to being exposed to horrible literature... that an actual good book might kill them."

"That's stupid!" Peeta exclaimed. "I say we use Justin Beiber music."

"No!" Gale shouted.

"Yes!"

"Boys, boys!" Katniss yelled. She sighed. Guys can be such idiots.

Peeta was thinking, Girls can be such idiots.

Gale was thinking, Fruitcakes were invented by idiots.

"Look," Katniss said, "we can try both of your ideas. Now, I am going to do something totally out of character, and make a solid decision." She drew a large breath. "We are going try Peeta's idea first and -" She held up her hand as Gale was about to protest. "-After, if it doesn't work out, we can try Gale's idea."

She looked at the two faces. Both seemed content.

"Okay."

Just then, the house behind them blew up. The explosion tore up their clothes perfectly, to look ragged, but not too ragged. The flames from the explosion shot unrealistically into the sky, turning bright orange. Katniss stood in front of the two boys, gave a dangerous look to an imaginary camera, and said "Let's go."

Then she stomped off the porch, looking all dirty and yet heroic at the same time.