Realization

Sometimes a near-fatal accident will make you realize a lot about yourself.

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Disclaimer; I do not own KHR. If I did, everyone would be gay.

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"Yamamoto . . . He was attacked . . ."

I remember speaking those words. My voice was shaking, though I still hadn't quite realized just how horrible the extent of his injuries were.

I also remember the scream that came from Tsuna as he was shuffled out of the emergency room by the doctors. It made my heart stop.

And then I remember sitting in the waiting room, waiting for the news on the operation. I couldn't think clearly; every thought that managed to cross my stunned mind was cloudy and incoherent. My heart felt like a lead weight in the pit of my chest and my stomach was rolling over nervously in fear.

The calm only lasted a brief few seconds before my memory turned into one blur of excitement; Ryohei explaining what happened, me yelling, Reborn coming in, the Shimon family leaving, Reborn telling us about the clue and about "Sin".

And then there was a bit more calm and I could clearly remember hearing the doctor saying the operation had gone fine, but that Yamamoto may never walk again. That made my stomach quiver nervously. He granted us permission to see him and Tsuna went in first, along with Reborn. His father had arrived by then and he went in after them. One by one our group went to see how he was. I was the only who hadn't, sitting with hands dug into my hair and staring hard at the ground.

Tsuna turned to me. "You're the only one who hasn't gone to see him, Gokudera . . ." I looked up at him, noting that it was obvious he'd been crying.

"Yea," was my lame response.

"Are you going to go see him . . . ?" I looked back up at Tsuna and gave a noncommittal shrug, but stood up and headed into the room quietly.

Yamamoto, surprisingly, looked fairly normal, if not for a little bit more pale and the fact that he was practically drowning in a sea of wires. I walked over to the hospital bed slowly, but froze when something hot and wet dripped down my cheek. My hand shot up to it and wiped it away, only to have more fall.

I couldn't believe it; I was crying. And over the baseball freak. The fuckin' baseball freak, of all people! I leaned over him, tears dripping on the blankets shielding his ruined body.

"You idiot," I managed. "What the hell were you thinking, letting your guard down? You're lucky you're not dead . . . !"

Dead.

My heart flip-flopped as that word echoed in my head and I almost, almost buckled and collapsed right there. I gripped the edge of the bed with one hand, my other one finding his. I could feel the could metal of his Vongola Guardian ring against my flesh, but his tan skin was surprisingly warm.

Something forced it's way out of me and I realized it to be a broken sob. I leaned over him, tucking my head into the crook of his neck, sobbing hard.

I stayed like that for a good ten minutes, too afraid to move back and let go of him in case he would just suddenly drift away. Finally, I managed to pull myself back, but I kept a firm grip on his hand. I rubbed furiously at my eyes, not wanting everyone else to know I had been crying. There was a long silence, penetrated only by the steady beep of the heart monitor.

"You're so stupid," I muttered. "I swear to God, Yamamoto . . . You better fuckin' hold on and don't die because if you do I will resurrect you just to personally kill you . . . !"

Suddenly, I realized something had changed about him. There was smile tugging at the corners of that ridiculous mouth of his. My heart fluttered and I leaned against the bed. "Can you hear me . . . ?" The smile only widened slightly. For a second I was insanely happy, but then I realized he'd probably heard me crying like a little bitch. "Ah, shit," I muttered, rubbing my eyes again. "You idiot, if you tell anyone, even Tenth, that you heard me cry I will blow you sky high, injured or not!"

The smile turned smug slightly and I growled, squeezing his hand tightly, reflexively reaching for a stick of dynamite. Immediately, the smile dropped off his face and turned into a faint frown. My heart sunk. "No no no, don't do that . . . !" I whispered frantically, leaning over him again. The frown was replaced by his smile and I relaxed a bit.

More silence, aside from the annoying beeping. A strange feeling had surfaced and was now plaguing me almost violently. I had stepped back, trying to figure out what it was and why, exactly, was I feeling it?

I could remember the first time I felt this was when Yamamoto and I had first encountered Gamma and we had that stupid fight.

Ever since then, the feeling remained, surfacing only when he was around though. I wondered for a while if had done something to me or maybe he cursed me (yes, preposterous, I know).

When we returned from the future, the feeling seemed to have subsided. I attributed it to all the excitement and drama and then promptly forgot about it. But now it had returned tenfold; it made my heart ache a bit and my head flutter, something I'd never felt before.

I looked up at Yamamoto when suddenly - "Oh shit."

I really did collapse then, flopping into a chair. My eyes remained fixed on Yamamoto's face when a small, serene smile surfaced on it. My hand that was still holding his was suddenly squeezed and I almost started bawling again.

Keyword there: almost. I stared at Yamamoto and knew, I just knew, that in the end everything would be okay. It had to be.

Quietly I stood and, hesitating, I turned to him and placed a kiss on his cheek. Then I turned and left, a small smile on my face.

"There you are!" Tsuna gasped, looking at me. I nodded, the smile falling off my face. "You were in there a really long time," the Tenth Vongola Boss continued.

"Eh, really? What time is it?"

"6:30," Ryohei spoke up.

Shit. "I was in there almost a whole fucking hour?" I yelled, earning a dissaproving look from a passing nurse. Tsuna made a hush motion and I looked away sheepishly. There was a drawn out silence before Tsuna spoke again.

"Your eyes are red . . . Were you crying?"

I looked at him, twitching in shock. "What? No! Why on earth would I cry over that idiot?" As soon as I said that I knew I had tried too hard to cover it up. Tsuna stared at me for a few seconds before smiling.

"You know, for a while I was worried you two would never get along . . . I'm glad that things seemed to have relaxed a bit between you."

"Ah, yea . . . Me too."

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Ehhh.

This one was hard.

So it's short and crappy. xD

However, I will be writing a follow up afterwards, after Yamamoto is healed.

Which may or may not be for a while.

We'll see.

And yes, I am a HUGE 8059 fan. They're probably my favorite (and most obvious) yaoi pairing in Reborn!

Well, anyways, until next time~