Title: A Trip, A Nice Fall

Pairings/Characters: Gabriel/Ruby/Sam, Lilith, Raphael, Lucifer, Adam, Michael

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: crack, and lots of it; angel grace/demon essence/human soul sex? IDK; some swear words; de-aged!Gabriel for a bit; established threesome ménage à trois relationship; references to 5x08, Elijah Wood, Doctor Who, Star Trek, soap operas; set in some kind of weird post-5x22 limbo world (with occasional forays into Hell, Earth, TV Land)

Summary: Gabriel likes to take them places, without really asking them first.

A/N: idk, this is very odd. I can't believe my first completed Supernatural fic is a Gabriel/Ruby/Sam threesome .

"I think we should go visit Wellington," Gabriel says one day.

Sam looks up from his laptop where he's researching those monsters they'd encountered recently (actually, he's just cruising around, but it's good to keep the ole research muscles in shape). He rolls his eyes, exchanging a glance with Ruby that says all he thinks on the subject. "What, a trip down memory lane? Don't you remember what happened the last time you made us do that?"

Gabriel shudders, probably for effect more than anything else since, from what Sam remembers of that ordeal, Gabriel had enjoyed himself immensely. "Nah, I don't mean that Wellington." He grins and holds up a hand. Sam opens his mouth. "I mean this one."

And with a snap of his fingers, they're no longer in the motel room. They're standing beside a fountain, on a street surrounded by shops, although nothing that looks familiar to Sam. Gabriel is consulting some kind of book.

"This is the Bucket Fountain," he tells Sam and Ruby, gesturing at the fountain they're standing beside. "According to the guidebook, Elijah Wood peed in this fountain while he was here filming Lord of the Rings."

Ruby wrinkles her nose. "What kind of guidebook is that?"

Gabriel grins, waggling his eyebrows. "A fun one." He flips through the guidebook and then throws it away, sighing petulantly. "Okay, this is boring. Let's go somewhere else." Before either Sam or Ruby can say a word (just like always), he snaps his fingers again.

Sam almost gets hit by a car. Ruby manages to pull him out of the way just in time. "Shit, Gabriel, I almost died!" Sam bends over, tries to get his breath back. He jumps half a mile into the air when Gabriel smacks his ass.

"Pfft," Gabriel says, grinning at Sam's bitchface. "Must be Tuesday." He slaps his forehead. "Oops, wrong brother." Sam glares at him.

"Gabriel," Ruby says, looking around them. "People are looking at us." Lucifer's projections are always hostile toward them, even though she'd totally sacrificed herself to help him escape the ultimate jail cell. Boo, you whore, she thinks at the nearest projection. It looks shocked.

Gabriel glances around, seeming surprised at their surroundings. "Oh, damn. Wrong place."

He snaps his fingers, ignoring Sam's, "No, wait—"

Now it's Ruby's turn to almost get bowled over, but this time by a whirlwind of blonde hair, baby powder and soft pink skin. "Ruby!" Lilith cries into her shoulder. "Get me out of here!" She hates her punishment – turns out kids really like her, no matter what she does. Resilient little fuckers. It doesn't help that she, like, has no phenomenal cosmic powers anymore.

Ruby turns woeful eyes onto Gabriel, who shakes his head. "Nah-ah," he says. "Can't do that. It's against the rules."

"Rules suck," Ruby whines, giving Lilith a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "I hate rules."

"You and me both, babe," Gabriel tells her. He attempts to pull Lilith away from her, but it's like Lilith glued herself to Ruby with some kind of Ultra Mega Super Glue. He manages to pry her away eventually, though (Ruby's blouse will never be the same), and snaps his fingers.

Ruby looks around. "Where's Sam?"

Gabriel looks around as well, seems surprised at Sam's absence and snaps his fingers a second time. Sam appears, covered in red marks and what looks uncomfortably like vomit. He has this adorable puppy dog look on his face, bottom lip pushed out in a pout. His shoulders are slumped, and he just looks so dejected Gabriel wants to give him a hug. So does Ruby, by the look of her.

"You look like you need a hug," Ruby says, holding out her arms. Sam steps forward, only to look crushed when Ruby wrinkles her nose and steps away.

"Maybe we should get rid of the vomit first," Gabriel suggests. He waves his hand, because the fingers need a bit of a rest, and lo, Sam is clean. Gabriel manages to get there before Ruby and he smirks at her from Sam's arms.

Ruby looks at them for a moment. Then she shrugs and wraps her arms around them both.

"Okay," Gabriel says, gripping Sam's shoulder tightly, "as much as I love this whole hug thing, I want to show you both something." He snaps his fingers, grinning at Sam's I-can't-be-assed-making-the-bitchface face, and then suddenly he's staring up at Sam's knees.

Oh shit. That's not supposed to happen. He frowns. He can imagine Raphael laughing his ass off somewhere. This is just like him, way back when they still talked (he concedes that Raphael does need to get his kicks somehow, other than twiddling his thumbs in that circle of holy fire – Dad damnit, he should have helped him out).

Sam stares down at him, eyes wide and mouth open, before bursting out laughing. Ruby, on the other hand, looks utterly charmed by his baby self and even feels the need to pick him up and coo at him in the disgusting baby talk everyone seems to pick up around babies.

"Who's a cute little angel baby?" she croons, rocking him gently. He glares at her. "Yes, you are! You are, snookums, yes!"

"Ruby," he warns, holding up a finger. "Stop that this insta—I WANNA COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE-" He closes his mouth, slapping a hand over it just in case. Off to the side, Sam roars with laughter.

Gabriel turns his head, attempting to ignore Ruby who doesn't seem to have caught the memo about ceasing the baby talk (at least she's not pinching his cheeks, thank Dad), and something in him cracks at the sight of Sam bent over laughing, tears in his eyes. He reaches out his chubby baby arms and yells, "WANNA PUPPY, PUPPY, I WANNA PUPPY!" The part of him not wholly taken over by baby smirks at the sight of Sam, frozen and bug-eyed, and at the half-choked off noise he makes.

"I guess he wants you, Sam," Ruby says, holding him out for Sam to take a hold of. Sam takes him, almost on auto pilot.

"You did not just call me a puppy," Sam tells him.

Gabriel pokes his tongue out at him. "Puppy," he says smugly, reaching up to tug at Sam's hair.

"Do you think this might wear off soon?" Sam asks the world at large.

"The fuck do I know, this place is weird," Gabriel says absently, his attention focused on Sam's hair and how much he can grab with his tiny baby hands. Sam chokes at the expletive while Ruby sniggers and reaches out to – oh no, she did not just do that – pinch his cheek.

"We should totally have sex again," Ruby says.

Sam looks horrified. "He's a baby," he reminds her, as though she's not pinching his fucking cheek right this second.

Ruby shrugs. "Whatever. I'm a demon, what'd you expect?"

Managing to snap himself out of the almost comatose state he'd been in as he'd tried to grasp the fact that Ruby was daring to pinch an archangel's cheek, Gabriel pushes her hand away and says, snidely, "You just like being touched by an angel."

"Painful," Ruby says immediately. She shudders.

Gabriel snorts. It is a very odd sound to hear a baby make, especially in that kind of tone.

She shakes herself. "Come on, guys," she whines, fluttering her eyelashes. "Gabriel's grace, my demon essence, Sam's soul...it'd be awesome." She pauses. "It was awesome."

"True," Gabriel concedes.

Ruby holds her breath.

And then, suddenly, Sam is no longer holding a baby, but a full grown Gabriel, who throws his arms around Sam's neck and whispers breathily, "Oh, my handsome prince."

Sam pulls out a random bitchface and promptly drops him, smirking at the sound of Gabriel's undignified squawk.

Gabriel takes the whole dropping him thing in stride, though (he'll get him back later), and scrambles to his feet. He rubs his hands together, looking wicked and devious and lots of other adjectives Ruby never thought she'd use to describe an archangel.

He holds up a hand and snaps his fingers. They're back in that motel room, except the bed is larger and prettier and looks a whole lot more comfortable than it did (really, Sam is such a spoilsport). Joan Jett, one of Ruby's favourite singers, starts singing in the background. Ruby squeals and jumps on the bed, bouncing up and down on the mattress for a bit before she turns back to Sam and Gabriel, who are both sporting similar expressions. They say, she is such a child, but what can you do?

She grins, opens her mouth and lets her true self out. Black, oily smoke pours from her vessel until she feels it slump back against the pillows. Gabriel watches her swirl across the ceiling, moving around and getting her grip on the tenuous reality of this place; it's not solid like the middle ground, or hot and grimy like below, or – she assumes, since she's never visited – light and airy like above. You have to keep a tight grip or risk disappearing, off to somewhere far less agreeable.

Light bursts through Gabriel's vessel, from his back and spreading, shining out of his eyes and mouth and every strand of hair until there's nothing left but a large, moving ball of golden light, wisps of lighter yellow spreading around the edges. Ruby knows she's only seeing what she physically can – her mind, even if (or maybe because) it's all twisted and demonic, couldn't handle the truth.

They both look at Sam, who always has the easiest time of it. He just seems to shrug his body off and neither Gabriel nor Ruby can stop themselves from rushing at him, the sight of a pure human soul making them go a little nuts. They surround him, touching him inside and out, sensing and embracing the darkness and light within. He's like a mixture of them; they like taking care of him first before turning to each other.

Sam likes watching them and both of them know it. They take their time, tendrils of light interweaving through the smoke. Ruby likes wrapping herself around the entirety of him until she's covered every particle of light and he likes pushing through the dense black smoke, rays of light bursting forth and covering the walls of the motel room, touching Sam sitting in front of them. It hurts so good; it's the only kind of pain she can handle, and she knows – can feel – that he takes pleasure in hurting her, like it's somehow in keeping with the whole archangel thing. And, Sam, he likes watching them hurt each other - he's always liked the sound of her screams, and the feel of Gabriel's light against his soul.

"What'd I tell you?" Ruby says later, once she's back in her vessel. "Awesome."

"Yup," Gabriel says tiredly, lying next to her. He wraps an arm around her and pulls her against his side. She snuggles in, pressing her nose to his shoulder. He can't help adding, smugly, "Of course it was awesome. I was involved."

Sam groans beside them, turns slowly onto his side and throws an arm over them both. "Shut up, Gabriel," he murmurs into Gabriel's hair. "It was awesome because I was there."

"Pfft," Gabriel says, "It so wasn't."

"Was."

"Wasn't."

"Was."

"Guys," Ruby interrupts. "Everyone knows it was awesome because of me. Now shut up and go to sleep."

A long moment of silence follows, long enough that Ruby thinks they've followed her advice. She smiles and snuggles in for a good night's sleep.

"Wasn't," Gabriel whispers once he knows she's asleep.

"Was," Sam replies.

"Wasn't."

"Was."

"Okay, we'll rock, paper, scissors for it," Gabriel says.

Sam lifts his head so that Gabriel can see him raise an eyebrow. "No cheating?"

"No cheating," Gabriel agrees.

Gabriel cheats anyway.

"It's because I'm awesome," Gabriel tells him.

"No, it's because you're an asshole," Sam says. We're totally visiting Lucifer tomorrow, he thinks.

"So's your face," Gabriel replies and touches Sam's forehead, sending him instantly off to dream land.

"I'm awesome," he tells the dark room.

It doesn't reply. He takes that as agreement.

The next day, they visit Hell and he gets a lecture from Lucifer, who informs him that it doesn't end well when you cheat on rock, paper, scissors while playing a Winchester – all the while, cracking his knuckles and looking as threatening as possible, which is quite a bit when you have the fires of Hell on your side, not to mention the Hellhounds. He and Sam have grown close since their time in the ultimate jail cell with Adam and Michael, who are off playing with said Hellhounds (Michael has adopted one and insists on calling it Luci; Lucifer appears to take this in stride – he's grown as a person in recent months).

Gabriel glares at Sam throughout the lecture. He seethes and plans his revenge. Just you wait, Sam Winchester. Just you wait.

Later, Gabriel turns Sam into a Dalek and makes him do a jig. It has him in stitches for hours, especially when Sam cries, "EXTERMINATE," and finds that he cannot.

Ruby sniggers and makes Gabriel turn him into a Klingon, which she then proceeds to chase around the room, her phaser set to stun and her sonic screwdriver set to awesome (Gabriel's idea). This gets boring very quickly so he snaps his fingers and puts Ruby in the middle of an overly dramatic soap opera storyline. He turns Sam back into his original, very nice human form and they watch Ruby have immense fun screwing with the other characters.

"You're still an asshole," Sam says as Ruby poisons her best friend's boyfriend, who'd been cheating on her with Ruby's mother, before having sex with her best friend while pretending to be his boyfriend (and wasn't that a feat to pull off).

Gabriel nods. "So's your face," he says amiably, pointing the sonic screwdriver at Sam.

Sam the puppy barks at him.

"I'll make it up to you later," he promises, pulling Sam into his lap.

He totally will.

Because he's awesome.