If You Knew...
Adventures of Ana and Owen Solo
Book 5
By obi's girl
Summary: First Obi-Wan/Padmé/Anakin fic. From reading other fanfics centering on the relationship between three, I thought I'd jut in my thoughts or rather Qui-Gon's thoughts as he reveals what he already knew what was to happen and the consequences because of past events....
Spoiler: Episode 3, when Qui-Gon appears before Obi-Wan, after he loses Anakin to the dark side.
Disclaimer: I think we all know anything that comes from the Star Wars universe belongs to George Lucas alone.
The dark memory clouded Obi-Wan's mind. In the past 24 years since the Battle of Naboo and after Qui-Gon's demise, the Jedi Master became quick close friends with Padmé Naberrie, who was consequently, Queen Amidala in disguise. He had the deepest respect for the Queen, but he also felt something deeper, elusive, as he would say.
Love.
He loved Queen Amidala, but so did Anakin. Only now, he was gone. Obi-Wan was there for her when she needed to let off steam or needed a shoulder to cry on. Of course, there were small instances where they came close to sharing a first kiss but drew apart because of the circumstances. Why Force, did he have to fall in the love with the same women his Padawan loved since the first day he met her in Watto's junk shop? It wasn't fair! He looked up at the door in front of him. Obi-Wan had come to talk to the Queen. The Jedi needed to and he knew, so did she. Those times they came close to being more than friends scared her because she didn't want to hurt Anakin. But now, it didn't matter. Anakin was gone.
He huffed as he pressed his thumb on the COM pad, alerting the Queen of his presence. There was silence for a minute and then the Queen answered. "Hello."
Though her voice was soft, there was some hint of sadness. She had been crying and he knew why. Amidala had been crying, wrestling with the idea of loving her husband's former Master.
Obi-Wan hesitated, and then went on. "Amidala, it's me. We have to talk."
The Queen was quiet, recollecting her thoughts then answered in a soft voice, almost a whisper, "Come in."
**
Queen Amidala sat at her desk in silence, going over papers, jotting down notes, as if nothing bothered her. Obi-Wan half-smiled. The papers probably weren't that important but it was the only thing she could do to keep her mind off her feelings. Finally, she stopped what she was doing and looked up at the Jedi Master, sitting in front of her. "Obi-Wan, we've been friends a good long while. I've always trusted you..." she paused.
Obi-Wan caught glance of her brown eyes, letting her know she could go on. "And..."
"It's been a year, Obi-Wan, since the incident. And in that time frame, the grief of losing Anakin isn't as big as it used to be because you were there. I never thanked you for that. Thank you."
Now, it was Obi-Wan's turn to look down. This wasn't going the way he pictured it would. He expected that they'd talk about their feelings, explore what that meant. Instead of saying what he felt, he simply smiled. "You did the same for me when Qui-Gon passed on. It seemed only fair that I..." and before he knew it, Amidala stood up, walked to his side, tilted his head and kissed him.
Every bone in Obi-Wan's body ached. He hadn't expected that Queen would be the one to make the first move. It didn't matter. He always wanted her to kiss him since that day that they realized they were more than friends. She backed away then removed the necklace Anakin gave her when he was only 10 and placed it on her desk. In a way, that necklace was like an engagement ring, a symbol of what was to come between the couple.
Amidala looked back at Obi-Wan and smiled. "You know, I remember when I first met you, I had the biggest crush on you."
Obi-Wan smiled. "Do you ever regret that you fell for Anakin first instead of me?"
Amidala frowned slightly. "I did. While Anakin was courting me, I had feelings for you also, which made my decision hard. If you mean to ask me, do I regret marrying Anakin instead of you? Obi-Wan, everyone has regrets but they're regrets. No one can turn back time, even if just for a moment." She paused, "There's something I should have said to you a long time ago, but was scared to because of Anakin though you were probably feeling the same way... I love you."
The Jedi stood up. "I have to go. I'll see you later. There's someone I have to talk to."
The Queen gasped then nodded okay, smiling at him as he left her quarters. She closed her eyes, hoping her heart wouldn't be broken for a second time. Amidala pleaded with herself, Please, let him be the One. The Queen turned back to her table and returned to her work; going over the documents she was looking at before.
**
Once Obi-Wan reached his quarters, his Master was already there. He felt his spirit in the room and knew why he had come. His feelings for Amidala were not to last. The end was near and no matter what; someone was going to be hurt. He nodded his head, not looking at his former Master. "I can't tell her."
You have to, Obi-Wan. If you remain with Amidala, it will only cause more pain than she has already suffered.
A tear rolled down Obi-Wan's cheek. It was not easy for a Jedi find a mate. Man or women. No matter what, one of them was going to be hurt and it was usually wiser to break things off before they got serious. But Obi-Wan loved the Queen. How could he turn his back on someone he cared about so deeply? "I will not leave her. Anakin hurt her, scarred her. I refuse to do the same!" Anger rose in his voice as he leaned against a table.
Obi-Wan, her destiny has already been decided. She will give birth to Anakin's twins and once that happens, you can never see her again.
Obi-Wan gasped, choking back a cry of desperation. "I love her so much. I can't abandon her when she needs me the most. I made a promise to her a long time ago, after Anakin turned, that I would never leave her under any circumstances." He turned to Master finally. "I never go back on my word, you know that."
The Jedi Master sat down on Obi-Wan's coach. Obi-Wan, this has to be the greatest trial you'll face in your life. But you cannot deny destiny. If she stays with you, she'll only be hurt and it will reflect on you. Can you handle that burden? He nodded no.
"I thought I couldn't handle it when you died. You had been my father since I was thirteen. You were my friend and teacher. I cannot bear to lose another friend."
Qui-Gon realized that Obi-Wan was no longer talking about losing Amidala, but the grief of losing Anakin to the Dark Side. The Jedi Master knew what that felt like. When he lost Xanotos, he felt his world crumble and could not take on another Padawan after him. Then Obi-Wan came along. His determination, confidence and loyalty were stronger than that of Xanotos. Though he was 13, Qui-Gon could feel the overwhelming energy from the boy to be his Padawan because he respected him, greater than any Jedi Master.
Anakin.
"If things had ended up differently and you did live and I went on to face the Trials, would he still have fallen?"
Probably yes. Obi-Wan, there are many traits about me that could be considered dangerous. My ego for one. My persistence to help what the Council would call, "worthless causes". That always got me into trouble and relying on fate. I never considered the consequences of my actions and how they reflected on others, not until Anakin. He smiled. You were actually lucky enough not to pick up those traits.
Obi-Wan changed the subject back to his love. "What about Amidala? What's to become of her?"
Qui-Gon gasped. She is to go back to living a normal life, before she got involved in politics and before she became Queen. Or, in her case, she might stay in politics but her children are another story.
The younger Jedi Master was calm now. He now knew Qui-Gon was right. Obi-Wan couldn't stay with Amidala. A plan had to be set, not only for her but the unborn children inside of her that she didn't know about. "We're no longer safe here are we? Anakin, he'll come looking for us. We have to leave, evacuate before he moves drastically."
Jinn nodded yes. Obi-Wan, you must do what you think is right. The decision is up to you. And he disappeared, leaving Obi-Wan to his thoughts.
**
After an half an hour of working an sorting through papers, Amidala stopped what she was doing and undressed out of her Imperial garb into a simple less than extravagant dress she used to wear when she was younger. She had it altered to her fit size. Now out of the Queen's garb, Padmé looked at herself in the mirror. No make-up, no dress, no elaborate hair pieces just she, Amidala Naberrie self.
Padmé stared at herself for about 30 minutes until Sabé; her closest friend called to let her know Kenobi was there to talk to her. For once, Padmé smiled at herself then went to answer. Obi-Wan stood before the Queen with a passive face, eyes deep and unknowing. Judging from the way he carried himself, she knew what he was going to say wasn't good news. "What is it?"
Obi-Wan met her brown eyes, noticing for the first time since he entered her room that she wasn't dressed as Queen. She looked like she had when he first met her as Padmé Naberrie. He dismissed the distraction and said what he had been preparing in his head for the last hour. "Ami, we can't do this." Fear and sadness washed over Amidala as Obi-Wan continued, "I know it seems right but if we stay together, we'll both be hurt. I could never do that to you."
Amidala buried her face in her hands. "So we're finished before we even started because of our destinies? Because of the will of the Force?" she cried. "Obi-Wan, I've been hurt before. I can't stand to have my heart broken again."
Obi-Wan dropped to his knees before Amidala. "I don't want to hurt you, Padmé. I love you so much that I'm willing to let you go because..." he laid his left hand on her stomach and realization hit Amidala.
"I'm pregnant."
He nodded yes. "They're Anakin's children. That's why I have to let you go. I can't allow them and you to get hurt."
She looked down at the Jedi and her stomach. The Queen stroked his hair then kissed him passionately. The kiss was deeper than the one she shared with Anakin. Obi-Wan felt her burn to be with him. If she was not going to see him every again, she wanted to be with him one last time. Tears fled from Padmé's face as she kissed the Jedi.
Padmé was sad to admit it but the years that she was married to Anakin she wanted nothing but to be close to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ironically, there was a small pause between them as both, Amidala and Obi-Wan regained their breath. They looked into each other's eyes as if seeing each other's souls.
Amidala brought up her hand and began to stroke his brown beard. At first, she thought the beard took away from his good looks but now, Amidala thought it made him look sexier. She loved him and would always love him. Being away from each other and time could never change that. The Jedi kissed her brow then lowered his mouth to meet hers. Padmé laughed lightly. Obi-Wan's arm reached around her waist. He kissed her neck.
Though they wouldn't see each other for a long time, they were happy that they were together. In Obi-Wan's mind, the next step was going to be hard for both of them.
**
In the following months, Amidala's pregnancy became more and more obvious. There were even rumors going around that the Queen's children were not Anakin's but Obi-Wan's. Obi-Wan laughed when the Queen told him about the rumor and assured her that the children were Anakin's. Though deep down, he wished they were his so he could keep her in his arms forever.
One day, close to the delivery, Obi-Wan came to Amidala with a plan. The Queen, Captain Typho, Sabé and Bail Organa, Senator to Alderaan, met in the Queen's chambers to discuss Amidala's fate as well as that of Naboo. Obi-Wan dreaded this day. After the meeting, the plans they made would fall through and he'd never see the Queen again.
Sabé, the Queen's closest friend stood close to her highness, whom was no longer, dressed in her Royal garb like she normally was. Her features could be easily seen. She had a pale face, flowing brown hair and brown eyes. When she dressed as Queen, no one could never tell what the Queen really looked like without her make-up or how she felt. And in all honesty, she hadn't changed a bit. True, she was older but she still looked the same.
The handmaiden was very protective of the Queen because she was like an older sister. It had been Sabé that acted as Queen when Amidala disguised herself as Padmé Naberrie on Tatooine several years ago. It was also then that the Queen's fate was decided. When Qui-Gon, Jar Jar and Padmé walked into one of the local dealer shops on Tatooine, the handmaiden met a 9-year-old Anakin Skywalker, her future husband. She was 14 years old then. Sabé was 16, only two years old but very fearless like her counterpart. The Jedi didn't know of this deception until Padmé revealed it to the Gungans, to plead for their help. Qui-Gon, his Master, suspected otherwise that the argumentative handmaiden was not whom she claimed to be.
Obi-Wan Kenobi called in Senator Bail Organa, past nominee for the position of Supreme Chancellor, for a favor. For what? Bail didn't know but he had some idea as to what was going to happen. Obi-Wan was the first to speak. "I've decided and Yoda has agreed, that once the children are born, they will be separated." Obi-Wan stated.
Amidala flinched. "Separated? Absolutely not!" The Queen stood defiantly, facing the window and silently cried, "I don't want to be alone." Obi-Wan stood up and went to stand next to Amidala.
"If they stay together, both their lives and yours will be in danger. The point of this plan is to ensure their safety and yours."
The Queen nodded okay then looked back at her friends. "What's the plan?"
Bail Organa stood up next to Kenobi. "The first child born will be given to Senator Organa and the second will stay with my brother and his wife on Tatooine." Padmé and Sabé exchanged glances then the Queen looked to her trusted protector, Captain Typho.
"Captain, you'll watch over them? Watch over my child?"
Typho nodded yes as Sabé stepped forward. "I'll be there too."
Once again, Amidala looked solemnly at Obi-Wan. "Your brother will watch over the second child?" He nodded yes. "I'll be there to make sure he/she stays away from Imperial intrigue and that he/she will never know of their heritage."
Amidala gasped. "When? When will this exchange take place?"
"You'll be taken to a distance planet in the Outer Rim, Dagobah. It's swampy, and very inconspicuous. The Empire has no claim there. No one will know."
**
The next day, Amidala, Sabé, Senator Organa and Captain Typho met at the landing platform to board the first shuttle. Obi-Wan would follow later in a separate cruiser to avoid suspicion. Amidala stated that they were on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan and could not tell when they would return. The four were dismissed and boarded the shuttle without a question.
**
A half an hour later, Obi-Wan arrived and boarded a smaller cruiser and left. In orbit, over Naboo, his coordinates read Coruscant. He would converse with Yoda, the only remaining Jedi Master beside himself. Hiding Amidala wasn't his only concern; he had to hide Yoda's existence as well.
Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice speak to him. Be safe, Obi-Wan. Everything will turn out okay. His Master said. Obi-Wan smiled to himself, hoping Qui-Gon was right.
**
A week later, Obi-Wan arrived over Coruscant. He surpassed the city patrol and landed on a designated platform, to the former structure of the Jedi Temple. Along with the extinction of the Jedi, the glorious Jedi Temple was destroyed. Palpatine didn't want any remembrance of the Jedi left in the city. As far as he was concerned, the Jedi were weak and unstable which was why they were an easy kill.
However, over the former resting place of the Jedi Temple, stood Palpatine's statue. He wanted the whole republic to know that defiance was not to be tolerated and resistance meant betraying the Republic. Obi-Wan shook his head and exited the shuttle, looking around for the diminutive Jedi Master.
The Jedi frowned. Never once did he consider that he was a pawn in the destruction of the Jedi. The Jedi Order was his family and now they were gone. Finally, Yoda walked towards him with a small wooden cane. His once vibrant green skin wasn't as bright as it used to be and his Jedi tunic was worn; the fabric dying of its natural color.
He looked up at Obi-Wan, then nodded. "Go, we must. Time must not be wasted." Yoda walked passed Obi-Wan and boarded the ship.
The younger Master gasped, then followed Yoda. Right then, he could feel from Yoda's uneasiness that the trip ahead was going to be spent in utter silence and deep tension.
**
As Amidala watched the stars pass over, she couldn't stop thinking about Obi-Wan. Initially, after they were "together" that one time they decided that it would be better to not continue with their public relationship. In simple terms, they broke up but still remained friends.
Friends?
She couldn't believe that was what they were reduced to - two people that could never be lovers or stay in love without being hurt. It was hard at first not to have Obi-Wan's arms around her, be there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. Somehow, they distanced themselves from being anything but "close friends" where as they could easily slip back to being lovers.
Honestly, after that one night, Amidala didn't know what Obi-Wan's feelings were towards her. Did he still feel the same way? Did he see her as a friend? Was it a quick fling? She nodded her head no. Obi-Wan wasn't like that. Jedi were not like that or were they? Amidala didn't know.
For all she knew, she could have been just been an infatuation. No, that wasn't right either because Obi-Wan wasn't an 18 year old boy. No more doubts, she told herself. Obi-Wan did love her. If he didn't feel one shred of what she still felt for him, he wouldn't be risking his life for her and her children.
Sabé, the Queen's handmaiden entered the room. She knocked door. Amidala looked up and smiled thoughtfully at Sabé. "We're nearing Dagobah. Jedi Kenobi called. He's on his way with Master Yoda." The handmaiden noticed her friends' disposition and frowned. "You haven't told him, have you?"
Amidala smiled sadly. "I have and I haven't."
The handmaiden was confused. In the years that Sabé had been friends with the Queen, she sometimes could not understand her cryptic meanings that usually meant something very simply. She would have asked, "What do you mean?" but thought it might sound stupid.
"After we were together, I know I meant something to him. I loved him, still do. But now that we're apart, I haven't been able to express my feelings, thus he doesn't know that I still love him."
Sabé smiled. "You know it would have been easier to say that you still love him but haven't bothered to admit it."
Padmé rolled her eyes. "Sorry. It's the Royal side of me to make my explanations more than 10 words." She paused, "but before I don't see him again, I have to tell him because if I don't, I'll die of heartbreak." Amidala looked down again, staring at her pregnant stomach.
It wouldn't be long until the twins would be born and she'd lose three of the most important to her in the Galaxy. She quieted her voice. "Sabé, you've been a dear friend to me, my best friend. You've never judged me and I, you. You always wanted the best for me and I want to thank you for being there. Thank you." The girl smiled.
"You trusted me since the beginning, your highness. It wouldn't be fair if I disapproved of your relationship, because I never did. You deserve happiness where you can get it."
The women fell silent. So much had happened that affected them greatly. Now, all they could do was run away from what once was. The hierarchy on Naboo had diminished, the Gungans were killed and the Republic was no longer a source of positive power.
The rise of Palpatine forced many senators go into hiding because they sought freedom from Palpatine's hold. The project was called, "A New Hope" and the freedom fighters, The Rebels, gave the universe hope that one-day they would triumph over the Empire and restore Peace and Justice to the Galaxy.
**
Obi-Wan Kenobi paced back and forth as he waited for Captain Typho to give the okay, so he could see the Queen. For most of the trip, the Queen conserved her energy in her quarters. Almost no one saw her. She didn't come out to talk to anybody and since there was a food dispenser in the room, she took her meals in there. This worried Obi-Wan. She was acting withdrawn, the beginning signs of deep depression. That was dangerous. He frowned, hoping her depression wasn't taking a huge toll on the children.
Sabé walked up to Obi-Wan as she came from the cockpit, obviously talking with Typho. "The Queen will see you now." She said, somberly.
Before Obi-Wan went in, he felt the same depression emanating from Sabé. He knew the Queen and Sabé were close friends but was it possible they switched places in duration of the trip to leave her quarters without being prodded?
The handmaiden nodded no. "I'm not her, Obi-Wan. I have not switched places with her at all, during the trip. She's kept herself inside her quarters for the most part. I only talked to her once and that was all."
He half-smiled, feeling stupid then added, "Is she all right?"
"She's strong, physically and mentally. You should talk to her." She paused, "When I went in to see her, she told me something very important. She told me that even though you're not with her, she still loves you and always will. That might be the one thing that can keep her alive, if you felt the same."
Obi-Wan's brow furrowed. "I do. I never stopped loving her in the first place." And went inside.
**
The Jedi was surprised to find that the Queen was meditating in the middle of the room, much like a Jedi would when he/she was troubled. He smiled. A long time ago, he remembered teaching her certain meditation and fighting techniques to calm her spirit. Obi-Wan did not know if she remembered his teachings but judging from the aura surrounding her, she obviously did.
The Queen looked so peaceful and at ease. Since she left Naboo, she was worried, and fatigued.
"Hello, Obi-Wan." She said softly, still entranced. "I was beginning to think you'd let me walk down this road alone."
He nodded no. "I wouldn't be a good friend if I did." Obi-Wan let out a soft breathe and continued, "How did you know it was me?"
The Queen smiled. "I know how your walk. Your alga rhythms are very soft-paced. You're never in a rush so you walk slowly, but with great dignity. A Jedi Master needs these characteristics, in order to be taken seriously, am I not correct?" Finally, Amidala opened her eyes and faced the Jedi Master she still loved. "Obi-Wan, there's something I have to tell you but you have to promise not to tell another soul. Do you promise?"
He nodded okay in agreement and Amidala smiled. "I always believed in destiny, Jedi Kenobi. I never questioned fate because I felt if I did, there would be disastrous consequences. I learned this when I had to choose between you and Anakin." Padmé stood up gracefully. "I love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi, more than I ever loved Anakin. I wanted you to be at the Parade of Naboo, to be beside me because I knew and believed, deep down my fate was entwined with yours."
"Falling in love is a chance. You can't control whom you love but you learn to not let love consume you because if it does, you'll only worry about losing that person. If you do, you love a part of yourself - that part of yourself can never be mended." She stepped closer to Obi-Wan, only an inch away from him. "You can't truly fall in love until you've suffered through the hard times of love. Being with Anakin taught me that and being with you, raised my spirit which I hope continues to be raised, even as I ascend to the heavens."
Padmé held Obi-Wan close to her and kissed him. The Jedi couldn't resist. During the months that Amidala was carrying, he wanted nothing but to be close to her but he was busy planning their escape. This time, he was the one to break down into tears. Even when they broke up, he still felt deeply for her. She let go and smiled. "I love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi and will always love you."
Obi-Wan frowned, realizing what she was doing. He grabbed her arms. "Amidala, you are not going to die. I won't allow it. You'll forget about the past and live a normal life."
Padmé nodded no. "The past is a part of us, Obi-Wan. If we forget it, we forget who we are." She paused, "I don't want to forget who we are and what we mean to each other."
Kenobi hugged the Queen. "I will never forget you. Never. You brought joy back to my heart where there used to be darkness and an empty void."
They stood there in silence, holding each other not wanting to let go for fear the other might crumble. Typho entered the room, calling the attention of the Queen. "We're here, your highness."
**
Dagobah consisted of swampy land, murky air and home to most unusual creatures. No one would find them there. The trees and atmosphere warded off outsiders that deemed the planet, a worthless existence. But in every essence, it was perfect.
The minute Amidala unboarded the ship; she immediately fell into deep pain. The contractions were very close together. She fell to the ground as Obi-Wan rushed to her side. Sabé and Typho followed the Jedi, kneeling beside the fallen Queen. Her palms were clammy and sweat covered her forehead. The Queen was ready to deliver. As Typho and Sabé began to move her, Obi-Wan gestured that they don't.
Sabé left the two men and went back inside the ship to gather a bowl of hot water and towels. Obi-Wan grasped her right hand, smiling. He kissed her hand gently, "You're going to be all right."
**
Obi-Wan buried his face in his robes. Only moments after Amidala gave birth to the twins, the elder a girl and younger, a boy, she died. The exhaustion was too much and the pain of the labor took all her strength. The Jedi's face was wet from crying. The love of his life was dead and all that remained of her life were hers' and Anakin's children.
Sabé held the girl close to her chest while Bail Organa held the boy. They were nameless. Amidala didn't even have the chance to name her own children. Obi-Wan sighed, brushing away the tears and calming himself with the Force. The Jedi held out his index finger to the girl. She stared at the lone finger then began to play with it. Obi-Wan turned his gaze to the boy. He had blonde hair like his father. Once again, the Jedi looked to Sabé.
"Did the Queen have any preferences for names?"
The handmaiden looked down at baby girl and glanced at her brother. "Leia. It was the name of her favorite aunt." She paused. "If you want to, you could name the boy,"
Obi-Wan had never named a child before. He wouldn't know what to call him. As he pondered this, Yoda joined the three. The wise Jedi Master did not come to witness the twins' birth. Kenobi glanced at his Master then looked back to Sabé. "A boy should be named after his father, to honor him though he'll never know him. Skywalker. Luke Skywalker."
Sabé looked to Yoda. "What is it Master Yoda?"
"I have decided. Stay here, I will. This place, my home will be. Obi-Wan, stay with Master Skywalker, you must." Yoda said, walking on with his miniature gaffe stick. He looked back to Obi-Wan, Organa and Sabé. "Watch over them, you will. Jedi, they must not be. When the time comes, come forth you will. Teach them."
Still holding Leia on her arms, Sabé stood up and walked back inside the shuttle, carrying the baby girl. Bail Organa, who had been silent the whole time, gave Obi-Wan, young Luke Skywalker. He nodded. "I'll take care of her, as you take care of Luke." Bail said, and then followed Sabé into the ship.
**
Present (Epilogue)
Ana Solo awoke from her vision with a start. She couldn't believe the dream she had or was it a dream? No, it was a vision of the past, a very detailed vision. She stood up from her bed and walked to her dresser. Ana wasn't sure but she could have sworn she witnessed the birth of her Great Uncle and Grandmother, Luke Skywalker and Leia Solo. The Jedi immediately opened her journal and began to write.
The dark memory clouded Obi-Wan's mind. In the past 18 years since the Battle of Naboo and after Qui-Gon's demise, the Jedi Master became quick close friends with Padmé Naberrie, who was consequently, Queen Amidala in disguise. He had the deepest respect for the Queen, but he also felt something deeper, elusive, as he would say. Love. He loved Queen Amidala, but so did Anakin. Only now...
The End