Danger from home

Disclaimer : I don't own Criminal Minds and make no money writing. Last chapter, people! I hope you enjoyed it, and I would appreciate your general feedback on the story/constructive criticism/advices and so on. Thank you for your reading!

Chapter 13: No regrets, no secrets

Emily Prentiss stretched her aching legs and leaned back into the comfortable cushions of her sofa. She hadn't enjoyed the tranquility and coziness of her apartment in a very long time, she noted to herself, sipping the fresh beer she had just gotten out of her fridge. Ever since she had bought the place, three years before, she had not spent much quality time in it. Sometimes, after a long case, she wasn't even fit enough to walk up the stairs, falling instead onto her sofa for a short coma. And apart from brewing her morning coffee or warming up a rest of junk food, she had never properly used her kitchen. Maybe this short – and forced – vacation would be the occasion for Emily to finally discover her surroundings, take long hot baths and sleep in a proper bed. As she was taking another sip at her beer, Emily's cell phone vibrated and she paused for a second, staring at the device like it was some alien visitor. The brunette didn't have to look to know who was calling her at this indecent hour.

"Prentiss." She answered with her imperturbable tone, already raising her bottle for another mouthful of beer.

"Emily, it's Hotch."

"I know that." She said a little harshly, repressing a comment about the fact that she had this little revolution that was named 'caller ID'. "It's the middle of the night."

The voice on the other end of the line paused, then added in a soft tone. "And yet you answer on the third ring."

"What do you want?"

"You almost ran away from us earlier. Can we talk?"

Emily closed her eyes in disbelief at her own tactlessness, for which she was paying now. Indeed, Reid had been the one to push the idea of a team night, and everyone had been quite enthusiastic, except Hotch – who never really was enthusiastic about these things but would gladly come along – and Emily. And, instead of giving a stupid excuse or making up plans she already had for the evening, the brunette had simply paled and walked away while the others were talking. Stupid, really. Stupid and incomprehensible to herself as well as to her colleagues. How was she supposed to explain that she had felt suffocating all at once? How could she tell them about her regular panic attacks, which caught her by surprise at many different occasions, be it an elevator ride with fellow agents or a team night in a packed bar of Quantico?

"Emily?" When Hotch called out her name for the third time, his voice becoming more and more shriek with worry, the brunette realized that she had not given an answer yet.

"Sorry. Yeah, I know it was a little weird. I just didn't feel like going out, that's all." She hoped her voice wouldn't give away too much of her emotions, although it was highly probable that Hotch could read through the lines.

"I know it's late. But since you are not sleeping… I'm parked outside your building. I'd like to come up if that's okay with you."

She was so caught by surprise that she almost choked the last sip of beer. Straightening her body on the couch with a frown – the pain in her ribs and chest had still not disappeared completely – Emily breathed in deeply.

"Okay, I'll leave the door open." And she hung up without even waiting for an answer.

Xxx

"Hotch, seriously?" She greeted him with wide eyes when Hotch had finally climbed the four floors to her apartment and had arrived at her slightly open door.

"I'm sorry to intrude this late." He said, looking at the tip of his shoes, with his usual gentlemanly voice. It was hard to believe that Aaron Hotchner would come to knock at his agent's door at three thirty in the morning.

"Come in." She called out, already making her way back to the sofa. A little hesitant, Hotch looked around and finally took the invitation, coming to sit next to Emily on the large couch.

"What do you want?"

"I think we need to talk." He was leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees without looking at her. For a second, Emily feared that he was maybe here to announce a bad news, because the seriousness of his face would have fit.

"Am I going to lose my job?" She blurted out, her eyes boring holes into Hotch's face. When he turned and smirked, Emily's eyes widened at the strange reaction.

"Rossi and Reid are doing a very good job keeping Strauss from biting your head off. For both of us, actually." He added, after a pause.

"Oh." Emily leaned forward, grimacing at the soreness in her back, to put the empty bottle onto the coffee table. "It's just… You had such a serious face."

It was Aaron's time to let his eyes express his surprise. Since when was he not wearing a serious face? He suppressed the comment, observing the bottle which came to join his baby sister on the table.

"You shouldn't be drinking." He remarked, trying not to sound too paternalist. The brunette merely snorted in return, tearing her eyes away from him and looking out of the window instead, to the magical lights of Washington.

"Help yourself." She muttered, making herself comfortable by folding one leg under her. Hotch didn't say anything for a moment. He wanted her to open up, not the opposite. And pushing for answers wasn't the way to do it.

"Actually, I think I will." Unexpectedly, Aaron stood up and went into the kitchen, opening the fridge only to note its emptiness. A few beers, a couple of apples and a bottle of milk to go with the morning coffee.

Emily took the opportunity to observe her visitor a little more closely. She only remembered a couple of times when she had seen Aaron Hotchner out of his suit and without a tie. As a matter of fact, jokes about him being born in his costume were frequent in the BAU.

"So, did you go?" She heard herself ask when Hotch approached the sofa from behind. He looked puzzled for a second, before understanding that she was referring to the team night.

"Keeping eager women away from Morgan and slowing down Rossi's insane alcohol consumption is not something that quite makes my evening." He answered with a smirk. "Although I can see that there's someone else whose alcohol consumption I should keep an eye on."

"I only had a couple." Emily whined, frowning at the vulnerability of her words. Why was she letting her boss come into her apartment and order her around?

"Right, but where are those strong painkillers they gave you?" By they, he obviously meant the bunch of hard-headed doctors who had taken Emily's case in the ER and had insisted on her taking at least a week leave.

"They're fogging my mind." She said defensively, because it was clear from her regular grimaces that she had been out of medication for a while now.

"They're helping with the pain and soreness." Hotch answered without flinching. Emily did not hold his gaze very long but went to the window instead. She wasn't fit enough for verbal jousts. After a moment, the man joined her at the large window bay. I won't leave you alone tonight, his face was screaming, as he looked on the nightly landscape of the capital city.

"So when am I allowed to come back?" She asked, a little uneasy with the silence that felt like a ton of bricks on her shoulders.

"What did the doctors say?" Hotch answered in perfect synchrony. He had awaited this question.

"Come on, Hotch…" She pleaded, turning to face him and give him a convincing pout, which did not seem to work a bit.

"Emily, you need to rest. I already was on your side when it came to get you out of the hospital, and I won't say anything either for the pain meds, but that's all you'll get from me." The dark look he sent her way was far more convincing than the words themselves, and Emily repressed the wish to throw him out of her apartment with violence.

"Fine."

"So, you want to tell me why you ran away earlier?"

"I told you."

Without saying a word, Hotch stared at the brunette, trying to read behind her glassy eyes. He didn't like the vulnerability he saw in them – a vulnerability that had rarely come to light before the events with Dean.

"Prentiss…" The voice was dangerously back to professional, and Hotch mentally kicked himself for giving her his bossy voice, at three thirty in the morning and in her apartment. He was surprised though that the brunette did not immediately fight back or make a nasty comment. Hell, she could have told him to leave twenty minutes before, but had accepted him on her private ground without so much as a comment.

"I needed some air." She simply said, fighting the tears welling up in her eyes. As Hotch took a step closer, Emily almost threw her hands out to make some distance between them, but she reminded herself that he was still her boss. "I'm having panic attacks." She breathed out, feeling a knot grow in her throat from all the pent-up emotions. "But I guess that's not a thing to say to the man who decides whether to put me back in the field or not."

The dark-haired man pursed his lips. He hated it that Emily thought of him only as the snappy and almighty boss. Without even realizing, he reached out for both her forearms, instantly feeling the shaking that was going through her exhausted body.

"Emily, I need you to open up to me. It's a traumatizing experience you went through."

"Don't psychoanalyze me, Hotch." She spat, although the tremolo in her voice gave away all the sadness overwhelming her. The man paused and lowered his head to lock with Emily's eyes, not loosening his grasp.

"You're talking to the man who would rather die in the line of duty than go and see a shrink." The seriousness of his words took Emily a little aback, and she raised her head to stare at him.

"Emily, I need to know… Did he rape you?" Now it was Hotch's turn to fight the fear off his voice. He was almost sure that his voice had broken by the end of the sentence, although he could not be certain because of the strong pounding in his head. He had rarely felt this nervous.

"He didn't." She said, horrified that Hotch might have gotten this idea. "It was close though."

Xxx

Emily walked back into the police station, feeling all eyes on her. The bullpen was now much more crowded than it had been when she had left it a few hours before. But despite the number of occupants, all life seemed to have stopped on the premises. The officers were wearing a heavy face, and the only sounds disrupting the awful silence were hushed conversations and the heartbreaking cries of Jane Samuels' parents. Emily's eyes went straight to the conference room, in which she could see the rest of her team. JJ had offered to assist the local officer in charge of breaking the news to the parents, but the others had retreated to these safe quarters. When the brunette came nearer, she noticed Reid's additional absence, but didn't say a word until she was inside the room and out of ear shot.

"When did they find her?"

Hotch had turned a curious glance in her direction – hesitating between worry and disapproval at the blunt question. He had not had the heart to tell her about the last victim. Not in the undercover apartment, not in the ambulance as he had rid with her, not in the ER waiting room as he had talked Emily into staying put until the doctors had examined her. But it was now the next day, and Hotch knew that he couldn't hide the context of Jennings' arrest to Emily any longer. So he had agreed when Emily discharged herself against medical advice, and had driven her to the police station for debriefing.

Xxx

Hotch exhaled a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. He resisted dragging Emily into a tight embrace, knowing that she would probably fear the close contact. Although he had tried hard not to – intrateam profiling rule oblige – Hotch had noticed how Emily had avoided all physical contact with her colleagues in the last days, on the rare occasions when she had come to visit the team. Two days before, she had almost spilt her cup of coffee because Derek had reached out a little too abruptly. And the day before, she had distinctly flinched when JJ had patted on her shoulder to get her attention. And yet, no sign of fear or uneasiness when Hotch himself made the contact. She trusted him with all her heart. She trusted him with her life. That's why only he could bounce unannounced into her apartment in the middle of the night, and demand explanations…

"You have nothing to be afraid of. Dean Johnson is probably somewhere between his psychic eval' and the bus to Washington State Prison." He said softly.

"I know, Hotch. I'm not scared because of this prick…" Her voice conveyed so much disgust that it made Hotch raise an eyebrow.

"I just feel so weak… We failed in our mission."

"It happens." He answered after a pause, knowing that she was referring to Jane Samuels. The parents had not exactly been grateful to the FBI for their work. They couldn't possibly know that Hotch's team had brought the police on the trace of Jennings. All they would remember was that they had arrived too late for their daughter.

"Well we might have saved her if you hadn't had to come to my rescue." Emily said matter-of-factly, lowering her gaze unconsciously.

"We wouldn't have, Emily. Get that out of your head." Hotch's voice had become as dark as his expression, as he observed the tears streaming down Emily's cheeks. "It's the job, Prentiss. Sometimes we save them, and sometimes we come too late."

Before she realized it, Emily extended her arms and wrapped them around Hotch's waist, burying her tear-stained face into his polo. The man seemed to hesitate a moment, his hands frozen in mid-air as he pondered whether it would be appropriate to hug his coworker in return. But, after all, there was nothing appropriate about what he had done or thought in the past hours, so he relaxed and wrapped his own arms against the shivering form of Emily. Strangely, he found that the embrace calmed him down as well. He wasn't much of a hugger, but maybe this was exactly what he needed at the moment. The proximity; the warmth of another body against his; the certainty that he could do this job and still feel and fear like a human being.

"Does that mean I can come back to work tomorrow?"

The light tone of her voice made Hotch chuckle silently. Whatever happened on or off the job, Emily Prentiss would always be this smart and funny woman who could make the most dramatic situation light-hearted with a single joke.

"Only if you keep it to yourself that I sometimes wear something else than a suit and that I'm not that bad of a hugger…" He muttered against her hair as he tightened the embrace. It was his lifeline, the only thing that could still help him keep his own sanity.

THE END