Yeah I don't own Hetalia, story plot comes from my crazy mind.
So I rewrote some of the story. Got's me a beta too.
Out of all the emotions in the world, pain and anger were the hardest to read on the Italian's face. No one could see the pain forming deep within Romano's heart. Not even Spain, who spends the most time with him, could see the damage the country had inflicted on himself over time. Years have gone by without anyone catching on. Italy was the only person who knew about Romano's self-inflicted mutilations. Every day he would place a new cut on his arm. His self-harm became worse over time, even to the point where he found himself passing out while visiting his brother during the afternoon. After an hour of being knocked out, he woke up with surprise as his brother began to examine his scars.
"Lovino, look at what you're doing!" his younger Italian brother screamed in shock.
Italy grabbed the craved arm and forced his brother to look at what he had done wrong. "I know you're hurting, but this is not the way to express how you feel."
Romano pulled his arm away while trying to change the subject, "What am I doing? What about you? You're hanging around with that potato bastard all the time!" the man began to scream at his brother. Deep down Romano knew his brother was right. He hated seeing his brother worry about him. He's the oldest. HE should be the one worrying about Italy and not the other way around.
The easy going Italian who would never start a fight began to argue with his brother. "This is about you, not me! All I want to do is give you a helping hand!" he trailed on before pulling out a green book, which looked like some sort of journal, from his bag and giving it to his brother. "You can express yourself in this. Lovino, I don't want to lose you," Italy whimpered. "I don't know what I would do if I lost the only blood I have left. You and I promised that we would take of each other. How can you do that when you're hurting yourself? What is it that has caused you to do this?" he cried out as he re-examined the cuts on his brother's arm.
Romano began to scream. "Being alone! Have you ever known what it's like to be alone? Wait… you don't! You're loved by everyone! You can draw, paint, clean, and you do what you're told while I wait for someone to at least acknowledge me! Everyone could see Grandpa Rome loved you more. He loved you so much he made me promise that I would give up my life for you. A no good selfish little crybaby. No one gives a rat's ass about me, not even you!"
That statement began to hurt Italy. "You're my older brother. I always look up to you even if you are a total dick," Italy sobbed while insulting his brother in a casual manner. "And what about Spain? He's always been there for you!"
"Stop," Romano pleaded.
"He stills lets you live with him!"
"Stop," he asked again.
"He put his life in danger to save you from Turkey!"
"DAMN IT! I SAID STOP!" Romano screeched in rage as he slapped his brother across the face. He watched as Italy's eyes widened from the sudden impact. "DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT HIM! NEVER AGAIN!"
"Lovino," Italy rubbed his face. He was on the verge of tears again. "Why?"
Romano rolled over, trying to hide his shame. "I love him so much. It hurts to love someone who doesn't notice me. Why must I hurt so much? It's not fair!"
Italy sat next to his brother and burrowed his face into his brother's back. "You don't need this. We have each other. That's all we need Lovino. No one else…just us!"
Romano was happy that someone still cared about him. Turning around, Romano kissed his brother's forehead. "Feliciano…Thank you."
A smile spread across Italy's face.
…
These events in Romano's life had occurred during the Second World War. Many things had changed from then. Romano stopped cutting for his brother's sake and started to write in his journal, but still his life got overwhelming like the night before. Italy finally told Romano that he and Germany were dating behind his back for five years. He was mad at first, blind with rage and what one might have called jealousy toward his cheery brother and the happiness he and his boyfriend were sharing, but as the day went on he became more afraid. He was worried that the only person in the world who knew his pain was abandoning him and leaving him for the man who he had always loathed.
Spain had bought Romano a new blade as a present. The strange choice in the gift was probably due to Spain's rather adventurous and laid back nature that caused him to share stories and objects about his former Conquistador past with the Italian, yet Romano had pushed such thoughts aside and focused instead on the sharpened edge of the blade now resting in his hands.
Come on you can do this. A deep enough cut will stop all your pain!
His internal struggle began to increase before climaxing with Romano sweeping the blade across the first few layers of his flesh. The cuts slowly became deeper along with the time.
No more suffering…
He began to whimper as the pain got unbearable.
Stop being so weak. You can do this!
The blood began to pour out faster.
Come on you're almost there!
"AGH, MERDA!" Romano screamed while catching Spain's voice of his ex-owner made the Italian stop in his tracks,
"Are you alright in there?" Spain asked while knocking on his bedroom door. "I heard you scream from down the hall!"
"I'm fine," Romano dropped what he was doing. "I was just making my bed and I fell."
Damn, why did he have to come now?
The Spaniard shrugged as if it were normal for Romano to do such a thing. "Ok then…oh! Hey Lovino? Do you want to pick some Tomatoes with me? They look like they are ready to pick. I know you don't have to do what I say anymore, but I still would love it if you came outside with me. It's a very nice day!" he exclaimed. Spain would do anything to get Romano to be with him. He grew to love the little Italian over the years, but he thought Romano hated him, so he never tried to push the relationship with him.
If I say no he'll know something is up.
Looking at his arms he ran to the sink and started to wash the blood off. "I'll be down in five." Romano wrapped the bleeding wounds up making sure he covered his arms before he walked outside. Romano was happy since this was a chance for him and Spain to spend time together. Lately Spain would go to Prussia's house for many hours. He started to get the feeling that they were going out. He tried to get over his crush but with no avail.
Spain was already picking the ripped fruit when Romano got there. Romano adored how gentle he was with the delicate tomatoes.
He's so kind with everything he does.
"I hear that Ludwig and your brother are going out." Spain blurted out.
Good feeling gone.
"So?" Romano grabbed one of the tomatoes and ate it in an angry fashion.
"Aren't you happy?"
"NO! It's just more trouble for me if they break up. If that potato bastard hurts him I'll hear never ending crying."
"Oh, I see," Spain said before he tossed a tomato to Romano. "This one looks like the sweetest of the bunch. You can have it." He turned back to the bush picking some more tasty treats. "Did you know that Canada and Prussia are going to get married?"
That's good to hear.
"We are going to have a party for them next week. You can help me if you want."
The Italian didn't answer, leaving Spain to look at him with worry. "I'm sorry," he started. "I forget sometimes that you don't work for me."
He still didn't answer.
"Lovino, did you hear me?" Spain asked before he turned to a fallen Romano. "Lovi!" Spain dropped the basket of tomatoes and ran over to the sick man. He felt his forehead that was hot to the touch. "My little Lovi…why didn't you tell me that you were sick?" He cooed and took Romano back to his room, tucking him in his bed. Spain left to make him something to sooth what he though was a cold.
Romano later woke up to see Spain leaving a bowl of soup for him. Spain didn't sense that he was awake. The Spaniard left without a word. Looking around, he notices that he was in Spain's bed.
Why must he make me feel this way? Why most you torment me?
He rolled over trying to block out his loneliness.
"You're up! I made you some soup," Spain came back with a glass of juice. "If you want I can run to the store to buy you some cold med…"
"Go away you bastard! I don't need you to care for me!" Romano yelled.
"Ah…si!" Spain smiled over Romano's recurring insult. "If you need me just call!" he said before he walked out of his room.
Why must he be so kind to me? All I want is to say that I love you!
Romano began to cry himself to sleep.
In the other side of his house Spain finished making his make shift bed on the couch. "I wish you knew how much I love you, my little Lovi." He whispered to himself with a smile on his face despite the sudden depression that overcame him. There was not much more he could do during this time, so he decided to fall back onto the hardness of the sofa and waited for the sweet embrace of sleep.
I wanted to start anew. I'll have a new chapter out soon!